Opinion on open relationship

[Nellie60]

Exactly like you said.
And if I do it I know he will only end up hurting himself.

Did he actually say so out with other men and have some fun but I will be there or did he say do as you please and you don't have to tell me anything?

 

[Nellie60]

Not good. This kind of dynamic is for people who are very comfortable with their sexual relationship(s). It’s for people who recognize the limitations of what they want and what they expect from a partner AND are both/all legitimately okay with it.

Air, Water, Food, Shelter, Sex…. these are foundational needs. Jealousy is different with these needs. Think about food…. If you're starving, the idea of sharing your lunch isn’t going to sit well with you. If your partner controls your lunch and keeps giving it to someone else when you’re starving, you're going to have problems. Sharing your lunch only works out fine when there’s enough of what you want and need so that you don’t feel compromised and your needs are still being met or exceeded.

I would be pissed if my wife was fucking other guys and I wasn’t getting any. And I’m sure she’d be pissed, too, if I was fucking a bunch of other women and I never wanted to touch her anymore. I guess, if she’s out fucking other guys but then still fucks me every which way I want to the point that I’m never left wanting…. maybe then…. because what is there to be jealous of at that point? I’m getting everything I need and want… so I’m glad she’s happy, too.

Going back to food - If you have a gourmet chef at home, going out to eat once in a while can be fun…. but it generally doesn’t measure up to what’s available in your own kitchen. HOWEVER… if your partner only knows how to make buttered noodles and then gives you permission to eat at other restaurants…. you’re not going to be happy with what’s served at home anymore. You’re going to come home full, reject your partner's cooking, and the few times you actually decide to eat it… you won’t enjoy it. And there wont be any secret about it.

People say they can go back…. I think that’s limited to only those who already have an excellent partner and fooling around on the side was a relatively substandard experience. I just can’t imagine going to back to a monogamous relationship once you’ve had better sex with better partners outside of it.

Honestly, what do those conversations look like? “Oh hey, Honey, remember those times you were enjoying meals at that 5 star French restaurant? Was it really better than my mac and cheese?…. It’s okay... you can tell me the truth... I won’t be jealous… I’m just asking because you don’t seem to be enjoying dinner. Should I try the white cheddar box tomorrow night?”

Alternatively, “Hey, Honey, going out to that restaurant was fun, but it was nothing compared to your beef short rib with that glaze you make, and nobody can match your asparagus… maybe next time we can go together and you can see for yourself?”

Nicely compared you are obviously a chef

You're right if she is really enjoying other guys both emotionally and physically but still coming home to sleep with him, he will will know and tell whether she is still into him and eventually it will come out the plain truth. But if she comes home and sex is better than ever..well it may last but only if excellent comms is still there.

 

[Britva415]

My opinion on open relationships is neutral. I'm in one. My opinion on your open relationship is that your husband isn't being honest with you about everything.

Maybe he's testing you and if you do have extramarital sex, he'll use it against you in the breakup. Or maybe he's already having an affair and wants to maneuver you into being the bad-guy here.

There's really something "off" about him checking up on you and acting suspicious about your male friends, while at the same time encouraging you to fuck them. This isn't normal and it doesn't stand up to his explanations.

What is he not telling you?

 

[NightL]

He thinks it could be liberating and wants me to feel free to explore and spend time with any man I want. He's all about freedom, love, and trust.

He mentioned that in such a dynamic, there would be no jealousy or possessiveness

but...

He is possessive. Whenever I go out with my male friends, he keeps calling and asking what I'm doing and where I am. He even checks my location.

Well, he gets possessive and asks me for details when I'm with those three male friends. He asks me where I am and if I'm going to their place.

He already does.

I am assuming the "He already does" is about checking your phone.
RUN!!! - You do not start this type of relationship from possessiveness and insecurity. Your relationship is already in trouble.

If you like the idea of it then find someone else who is emotionally mature and secure in themself to be the foundation of your casual partners. From your description this guy is already freaking out and likely to blame you if there is a breakdown in your relationship.

Perhaps this is based on his insecurities and fear you will end up being with someone else. By promoting this he is convincing himself that he has control and ownership of the situation - control over you?

RUN!!!

 

[swansong1]

In my case, when I expressed to him that I didn't want to share him, he reassured me that he also doesn't want that. He made it clear that he wants to be with me but also wants to give me the exclusive freedom to see other men if it makes me happy and fulfilled. At first, I was worried that he didn't want me in his life anymore, but he explained that his intentions were purely about my happiness and fulfillment, not about wanting someone else or breaking up. He just wants me to consider trying this new dynamic

Sounds more like it’s for him and his pleasure. If you don’t feel comfortable doing it, then don’t. It may work for you, and you may take to it like a duck to water, but then again, if it doesn’t then you can’t turn back the clock.

 

[swansong1]

He is possessive. Whenever I go out with my male friends, he keeps calling and asking what I'm doing and where I am. He even checks my location. That's why I wonder if he would be able to handle it if I actually slept with another man.

My good - sounds a control freak!

 

[swansong1]

He already does.

Trust me, I'm not easy. If any man gets me to ride his dick, I'll be his.

You’ve told him that? Maybe he has masochistic tendencies, or is self-destructive. It doesn’t sound right for you, not at this stage. Be careful!

 

[Keiiii]

Sounds more like it’s for him and his pleasure. If you don’t feel comfortable doing it, then don’t. It may work for you, and you may take to it like a duck to water, but then again, if it doesn’t then you can’t turn back the clock.

Im still considering the idea because it deviates from the norm and carries risks that could potentially harm the integrity of our relationship, especially if it were to become public knowledge. However, I acknowledge that it's an unconventional concept that could add more spice and excitement to our relationship, provided we can communicate openly and navigate it successfully. The idea of meeting and connecting with new people without feeling constrained by possessiveness is intriguing. If my partner genuinely derives pleasure from the idea of me being with other men, I'm willing to explore it.

Yet, it's uncharted territory for me, something I've only seen depicted in movies or series. The reality may differ significantly from what's portrayed on screen, and there's uncertainty about whether I would genuinely enjoy this lifestyle or if it could potentially lead to regrettable consequences.

 

[Keiiii]

My good - sounds a control freak!

He is little controlling but only if I'm out late.

You’ve told him that? Maybe he has masochistic tendencies, or is self-destructive. It doesn’t sound right for you, not at this stage. Be careful!

He's not that bad. Everyone is different; they have their own fantasies and kinks. I'm being careful with this. I don't want to mess anything up.

 

[Justfantasies]

I've always been monogamous. This is the first time I've been asked about this. Our family is very traditional, so I've never entertained this idea before. I don't want to jeopardize our relationship, but I'm open to experiencing new things. However, I'm also very scared because it might hurt him.

My first wife and I did this for a few years. I am not a very jealous person and I got turned on by her affairs and to tell you the truth my relationships were always a little poly. It took some getting used to that she as an attractive woman could easily find men, while it was more difficult for me as a man to find lovers. It was fun and I don't regret it, but it ended when she found someone she preferred to be with

 

[Nellie60]

My first wife and I did this for a few years. I am not a very jealous person and I got turned on by her affairs and to tell you the truth my relationships were always a little poly. It took some getting used to that she as an attractive woman could easily find men, while it was more difficult for me as a man to find lovers. It was fun and I don't regret it, but it ended when she found someone she preferred to be with

That's pretty much what would happen.

There is a high chance of exactly that happening, so tread carefully Keiiii. If its really him making a fantasy become real you need to be clear and honest with him that this could happen. And honest with yourself.

 

[Erodicus]

My partner brought up open relationships and polyandry in our chat the other day. He thinks it could be liberating and wants me to feel free to explore and spend time with any man I want. He's all about freedom, love, and trust.

How would you react if your partner brought this up? What do you think about open relationships and polyandry?

I would have been very keen to give it a try, but when I raised the idea my wife was aghast. I would have loved to be in an open relationship, but I couldn't see the point of pursuing it when she was so adamant. I didn't want to break up with her, so I had an affair instead. If I could have been in a polyamorous relationship with my wife and gf, it would have been the ideal arrangement as far as I was concerned. The problem is really finding an arrangement that suits all concerned.

 

[eaee]

Seems to me there are several possible explanations including: 1. He wants you to enjoy more sex than you presently have. 2. He'll get off watching or imagining you with a lover. 3. He hopes you will release him to have sex with other women or ASK you to do that. And there are undoubtedly others.
You might think about taking him at his word and dipping your toe into the water, so to speak, or let another dip something into you. Especially if he can give you some background for his motivation.
As a side note, I'd be delighted were my wife to have sex on the side. It would be NICE if she'd let me do the same but not neccessaryl

 

[frankl01]

I mentioned in another post that as my sex drive has dropped, hers has at least stayed the same, maybe increased. If it came to the point where she wasn't getting enough from me (maybe it's already reached that point), I would be ok with her finding more sex. I would make sure she always told me about it, possibly pucs/vids

 

[Nellie60]

Seems to me there are several possible explanations including: 1. He wants you to enjoy more sex than you presently have. 2. He'll get off watching or imagining you with a lover. 3. He hopes you will release him to have sex with other women or ASK you to do that. And there are undoubtedly others.
You might think about taking him at his word and dipping your toe into the water, so to speak, or let another dip something into you. Especially if he can give you some background for his motivation.
As a side note, I'd be delighted were my wife to have sex on the side. It would be NICE if she'd let me do the same but not neccessaryl

Most definitely explanations 2 and 3 and other possibilities?...he's already seeing someone else...

And ask your wife if you could do the same? Just join them...

 

[Nellie60]

I mentioned in another post that as my sex drive has dropped, hers has at least stayed the same, maybe increased. If it came to the point where she wasn't getting enough from me (maybe it's already reached that point), I would be ok with her finding more sex. I would make sure she always told me about it, possibly pucs/vids

You gotta at least ask for some evidence like you say!

 

[bestkeptsecret678]

but...






I am assuming the "He already does" is about checking your phone.
RUN!!! - You do not start this type of relationship from possessiveness and insecurity. Your relationship is already in trouble.

If you like the idea of it then find someone else who is emotionally mature and secure in themself to be the foundation of your casual partners. From your description this guy is already freaking out and likely to blame you if there is a breakdown in your relationship.

Perhaps this is based on his insecurities and fear you will end up being with someone else. By promoting this he is convincing himself that he has control and ownership of the situation - control over you?

RUN!!!

Agreed. And quick. Before it gets too difficult or feels impossible to you.

 

[inadequate]

I am a little jealous of couples who have open relationships. I get that it can be fraught with all sorts of stumbling blocks, but I have always felt drawn to it. It seems like a much more honest way to be.

 

[Britva415]

I am a little jealous of couples who have open relationships. I get that it can be fraught with all sorts of stumbling blocks, but I have always felt drawn to it. It seems like a much more honest way to be.

I'd prefer not to be in an open relationship, but if I weren't, I'd never have sex with anyone.

 

[gtnlynn]

I suggested that my wife have other partners. I knew she had sex with other guys when she was in college without impacting our relationship. I wondered if she missed the variety. Her reaction was to ask if I wanted to fuck other women. I told her that I had no inters in otter women. So she did have a few one-time sexual dates with other men before stopping. It worked for us, but maybe because I did not have sex with others..

 

[PapaRomantic]

I suggested that my wife have other partners. I knew she had sex with other guys when she was in college without impacting our relationship. I wondered if she missed the variety. Her reaction was to ask if I wanted to fuck other women. I told her that I had no inters in otter women. So she did have a few one-time sexual dates with other men before stopping. It worked for us, but maybe because I did not have sex with others..

So do you think if you would have expressed an interest in other women, she would have accepted that? I see many men who say that even though their wives enjoy sex outside of the marriage, they would be crushed if their husbands did it. Seems to be a double standard, but those men are like you and don't seem to want other women.

 

[gtnlynn]

So do you think if you would have expressed an interest in other women, she would have accepted that? I see many men who say that even though their wives enjoy sex outside of the marriage, they would be crushed if their husbands did it. Seems to be a double standard, but those men are like you and don't seem to want other women.

She would have felt threatened if I had suggested that I wanted to be free to have sex with other women.

 

[PapaRomantic]

She would have felt threatened if I had suggested that I wanted to be free to have sex with other women.

So then I assumed that the subject was never brought up between the two of you? Was there a point where you thought of the fun she was having and wanted your turn to experience the same fun with others? I think that's my thing - my wife can go out if she wants but I also want to experience the thrill she's having.

 

[gtnlynn]

So then I assumed that the subject was never brought up between the two of you? Was there a point where you thought of the fun she was having and wanted your turn to experience the same fun with others? I think that's my thing - my wife can go out if she wants but I also want to experience the thrill she's having.

No. Even when she was going out with other guys in college I did not feel any desire to date other girls. She was all I wanted.

 

[anniebaby10]

My partner brought up open relationships and polyandry in our chat the other day. He thinks it could be liberating and wants me to feel free to explore and spend time with any man I want. He's all about freedom, love, and trust.

How would you react if your partner brought this up? What do you think about open relationships and polyandry?

Only if he was involved. I would want an MMF with him and an MFF with him and another woman. Cannot see myself just randomly having sex with another guy without him. I have no problem with people that do but just worry about my safety alone with someone other than him