Odd Orgasm

[CagedGirl]

I've looked through the blanket manual and didn't see this, so I hope it hasn't been posted before.

Whenever I masturbate and have an orgasm the orgasm doesn't feel pleasurable at all. It just feels like a muscle spasm. The build up to it feels good, but when I come, well I don't really look foreward to the vaginal spasms with no pleasure.

I've tried all different techniques, read web sites and books on masturbation, and try to be relaxed as possible while doing it, but its always the same.

Could there be something wrong with me? Has this happened with anyone else?

 

[Kpooh]

I would definitely discuss this with your Gyno. just in case.

 

[SweetErika]

I've looked through the blanket manual and didn't see this, so I hope it hasn't been posted before.

Whenever I masturbate and have an orgasm the orgasm doesn't feel pleasurable at all. It just feels like a muscle spasm. The build up to it feels good, but when I come, well I don't really look foreward to the vaginal spasms with no pleasure.

I've tried all different techniques, read web sites and books on masturbation, and try to be relaxed as possible while doing it, but its always the same.

Could there be something wrong with me? Has this happened with anyone else?

I probably wouldn't jump to the conclusion there's something wrong with you or you need to see a doctor right away for this (though I'm assuming you get your annual exams on-time, etc.). Talking to your doc and checking out the possibilty physical (including hormonal and brain chemistry) problems is definitely not a bad idea though...if nothing else, it may give you peace of mind and help you narrow any problem down.

Perhaps there's a difference in what you think it should feel like or what others feel, and what it feels like to you? Once in awhile I've gotten so caught up in what I was supposed to be feeling that I couldn't really tell and find the pleasure in what I was actually experiencing. Can you try playing around and NOT focusing on the contractions, instead just continuing to fantasize, letting it happen, and feeling the pleasure of the build-up continue through the release?

For me, the contractions aren't the most pleasureable thing...in fact, if I think of them alone, an orgasm wouldn't be that great. The pleasure for me (and I'm talking about masturbation to simplify here) mainly comes from (a) the release/relief/something happening after all of that tension, pleasure, time, and fantasizing; and (b) the release of pleasureable chemicals...the "high" that makes me feel euphoric, ultra-sensitive, relaxed, pain-free, satisfied, and an overall sense of wellbeing and happiness.

Now the level of intensity and resulting pleasure is highly dependent on how I got to the point of orgasm. Masturbating manually leads to quick, sharp-ish, singular orgasms where the contractions are very prominent and the pleasureable effects I spoke of are somewhat reduced. G-spot stimulation gives me slower, more gentle wave-like orgasms that are pleasureable, but the pleasure is far more subtle than that from clitoral or combo orgasms. Certain vibes induce amazingly powerful and pleasureable multiple O's, so those are usually my 'weapon' of choice. My point is that perhaps your body works somewhat like mine, and different means will give you more pleasureable results, so play around!

Did you discover this mainly through masturbation? Do you masturbate fairly often, and how long have you been doing so? I'm wondering because I find something new and my perception changes a bit each time I pleasure myself, so I'm guessing experience might have something-a lot to do with this. Fantasizing also increases my pleasure significantly, so that might be something for you to consider.

This stuff is tough to describe; I hope it makes sense. What a fantastic subject and question though, CagedGirl. Welcome to Lit and How To!

 

[Metal_Monkey]

I agree with SweetEricka - it may be time to change around what you use, and what you do, when you masturbate. It could be simply what you fantasize about. You may prefer to think or view different things to stimulate your most erogenous zone: your brain. Or you may want to change your hardware: try different vibrators or strokes, even a different position.

And by the way, a little piece of worthless information: studies show that people with higher IQs masturbate more than people with lower IQs!!!

 

[pplwatching]

I have noticed that orgasms with a partner are just better all around because there's an emotional connection. It's often the case for me that an orgasm without a partner to share it with is something of a let down, and I don't enjoy it nearly as much. Sometimes the emotional let-down keeps me from really enjoying it at all.

 

[asian_princess]

Hi CagedGirl,

Firstly...don't worry, k? As i'm sure, from going through the blank manual, you are now well versed in the motto: everyone's responses are different during sex.

Secondly, *shakes hand* join the club, I used to have the same..."response". It may be related to what you experience and it may not.

When i first started having sexual urges...just the feeling aroused used to be pleasurable in itself, i didn;'t really think of taking things any further.

But then I learnt about mastubation

For the first few months, i couldn't orgasm. From porn and stories or "the word on the street" everyone was having problems holding BACK their orgasms, so why didn't i come after a few hesitant cursory flicks of my clitoris?? So I bought a vibrator..and for months, I experienced exactly what you experienced. I used to rub the vibe right up against my clit and within a minute my clit would harden and my vagina would start spasming...physical signs of orgams...but other than that NO extra feeling or sensation whatsoever. and then after my clit would be tender and I couldn't even continue any stimulation.

What an anticlimax (pa-dumb-ching)

AND for the longest time...I just thought that is what an orgasm was. Kinda like my clit and vagina was saying"ok, you've had enough now".

But then i started changing the way I masturbated.

Firstly, i spent a lot of time "mentally" preparing, to the point before i began even touching down there, i was dripping wet.
My position also changed, instead of clamping the vibe between my legs, i rubbed the sides of my clit.
But the one change that made all the difference was...i took a long long time, slowly stroking or whatever your movement is, to build up the orgasm...so like Erika said, the orgasm felt like a release. Instead of trying to force my orgams, like racing to the finish line, i let it build slowly, then pulled back, until the orgasm had no choice but to wrack through your body. That way, your entire body is part of the orgasm...not an isolated muscle spasm. Also, you might find to maximise those spasm, some form of vagina intercourse might be added pleasure.

Sometimes even now, when i'm in a hurry but horny and I only have a few minutes, and my heart isn't really in it, the same thing will happen, and i'll lie there afterwards unsatisfied and grumpy LOL

I hope that you find something on Lit to help...
Good Luck

 

[CagedGirl]

Thanks everyone .

I think I do orgasm just like asian_princess and SweetErika.

One thing is that I just started orgasming just about a year and a half ago.I was 22 then(yeah REALLY late here). Also, I'm a virgin.

Perhaps there's a difference in what you think it should feel like or what others feel, and what it feels like to you? Once in awhile I've gotten so caught up in what I was supposed to be feeling that I couldn't really tell and find the pleasure in what I was actually experiencing. Can you try playing around and NOT focusing on the contractions, instead just continuing to fantasize, letting it happen, and feeling the pleasure of the build-up continue through the release?

This is absolutely correct. When I first started orgasming I had this idea that it was suppose to feel wonderful, so when all I had was spasms i was disappointed to say the least. haha. I've tried not concentrating on the O and just enjoying the pleasure feeling, but I still get the same thing. Maybe I've gotten to the point where I just subconsciously not look forward to coming?

I fantasize or watch porn to get me going and I use fingers or other objects like socks, water spray, etc, to stimulate myself. Maybe I should buy a vibrator. I had been thinking about it, but was reluctant to have intense orgasms if they would be like what i've been having.

I've also tried differeing the way I stimulate myself with my fingers. I've tried circular motion, tapping, rubbing, placing both fingers on the either side of the clitoris, and a mixture of those combined.

I have always masturbate, since i was about 11, but never orgasmed. I found out I had a hooded clit, which I discovered from reading this site. I'd never heard about it before then. So I have to pull that skin back in order to get to my clit, which can be distracting from my experience, like you guys said, since it's difficult to keep back when engourged with blood and wet.
Before I found my clitoris, I'd just rub the hood for that "good feeling" untill I became bored or tired of it.

I had the urge to masturbate alot, but like asian_princess, I'm was left frustrated, and after i do it i'm usualy thinking "why did i just waste my time doing that?". So recently I have cut back on it alot. I used to masturbate almost once or twice a day, but now I only do it once or twice every one or two weeks.

But the one change that made all the difference was...i took a long long time, slowly stroking or whatever your movement is, to build up the orgasm...so like Erika said, the orgasm felt like a release. Instead of trying to force my orgams, like racing to the finish line, i let it build slowly, then pulled back, until the orgasm had no choice but to wrack through your body. That way, your entire body is part of the orgasm..

This is dead on. I think when I first started to truely stimulate my clit and not my hood I was racing to orgasm. I'd go in perhaps 10 mins. The pleasure feeling was so much nicer than when I would stimulate my hood. So i was really going at it.
I have slowed that down. For the past year I have taken my time and just enjoyed the feeling I got. So now I take about 40 mins to an hour to have my orgasm, but it's still the same kind of orgasm .

 

[ickle_stace]

do you use lube or make sure your fingers are wet before you touch your clit?

when i first started, i used to rub over the hood without any lubrication, and i got the kind of orgasms you mention, these days if i add a tiny bit of lube onto my finger and rub it in, it feels so much better, and i have orgasms that feel great

 

[CagedGirl]

Oh yes, I am sure to use lube when I'm first starting out. Its down right unpleasant if i don't.

 

[cloakedlover]

OMG- I am 35 and have the exact same problem CG.... In addition, after reading the manual - I think I have the hooded clit issue as well. I, however, do own a couple of vibes but obviously am not using them right, as I never have a good over the edge encounter. Plus, my skin is hypersensitive to the latex/plastics (which means the really good ones make me itch - and not in a good way).

I must say my hubby has worked on me with the GSpot Orgasms and I can do those fairly well - but with lots of liquid it seems. Plus I'm a seriously uptight middle-aged chick. I've been collecting stress since around 1977 or so. I have never been successful with the big clit O. I wish I had known all this oh, about 18 years ago.

I will try everyone's suggestions as well and post the results. If any of you ladies has any other suggestions, let us poor girls know. Many thanks in advance.

 

[CagedGirl]

Hi and welcome cloakedlover!
There is such wonderful advice here, isn't it. I wish I had found this place earlier too.

I'm going to try today or tomorrow and see what happens. Definitly going to try harder not to focus on what I'm doing and just enjoy the feeling of it. Also, going to try to extend my sessions to two hrs.

Best of luck to both of us

 

[cloakedlover]

Great to be here CG. Thanks so much.

If only I could spare a whole two hours!! Man, what a delight.... Anyway, let me know how it goes. I'll be be cheering you on. Rah, Rah, Rah, you go girl!

Clinks glasses - here's to us.

 

[latebloomer124]

I've been troubled by something recently and this thread seems like the appropriate place to talk about it. I have always masturbated,but I never did it any way other than on my stomach, humping a balled up blanket or sheet. I began to wonder if something was wrong with me. My bf is amazingly skilled with his hands and surprised me by making me come by just using his hands early in our relationship. I tried to do this for myself and, with some practice, found I was able to achieve orgasm by masturbating on my back, with just my hands. I was very pleased and proud of myself that I was able to achieve this consistently by myself.

Then, suddenly, they stopped. I can masturbate for over an hour and get very frustrated, but NO ORGASM. Can't figure out what happened. Many times, I give up, turn over and do it the old way just to get it over with. But, until a few months ago, my bf was still able to make me cum with his hands. Now, sadly, I can't even cum when he does it. I have a great deal of anxiety about this and sometimes I fake it because I don't want him to think there's something wrong with me. This really troubles me. I want very badly to find out how to fix this problem. I can still have an orgasm with the balled up sheet, so I know I'm not completely broken, but what can I do about this?

Has anyone ever had a similar problem?

 

[SweetErika]

Then, suddenly, they stopped. I can masturbate for over an hour and get very frustrated, but NO ORGASM. Can't figure out what happened. Many times, I give up, turn over and do it the old way just to get it over with. But, until a few months ago, my bf was still able to make me cum with his hands. Now, sadly, I can't even cum when he does it. I have a great deal of anxiety about this and sometimes I fake it because I don't want him to think there's something wrong with me. This really troubles me. I want very badly to find out how to fix this problem. I can still have an orgasm with the balled up sheet, so I know I'm not completely broken, but what can I do about this?

Has anyone ever had a similar problem?

I'm guessing the bold parts are the problem...basically, you're so worried and frustrated that it gets the best of, and distracts, you. It's a horrible cycle -- one I know VERY well. I'd be happy to share the things that have helped me if you think you might be in the same boat.

What are you thinking about when you're masturbating or with your bf? Are you fantasizing? Do negative/frustrated thoughts invade?

 

[latebloomer124]

I'm guessing the bold parts are the problem...basically, you're so worried and frustrated that it gets the best of, and distracts, you. It's a horrible cycle -- one I know VERY well. I'd be happy to share the things that have helped me if you think you might be in the same boat.

What are you thinking about when you're masturbating or with your bf? Are you fantasizing? Do negative/frustrated thoughts invade?

When I'm alone, I do fantasize, but I admit, I'm also wondering if this is going to be another futile attempt. When I'm with my bf, while I enjoy it on one level, I must confress that I do stress over how long it's taking and worrying that he'll get frustrated with me.
Please...any secrets you can share would be most appreciated.

 

[tmtrouble2006]

When I'm alone, I do fantasize, but I admit, I'm also wondering if this is going to be another futile attempt. When I'm with my bf, while I enjoy it on one level, I must confress that I do stress over how long it's taking and worrying that he'll get frustrated with me.
Please...any secrets you can share would be most appreciated.

Relax lady. Sex is supposed to be about exploration and having a great time! The same thought processes go through some guy's minds and leaves them totally limp. It sounds like you are kinda having female performance anxiety. If you just let things flow, get into it, and don't worry about it, things will occure naturally.

Have fun Bloomer!!!

 

[cloakedlover]

Ok here's what I found. I was relaxed - I had acupuncture and chiropractor today so that's all good.

I took my time was totally hot and drenched. When I masturbate I am 95% of the time on my stomach. No difference today. And I rub my clit on the left outside the hood. Now I can get going pretty strong and even with a vibe in, my legs tense up feet, calves, thighs, ass..all of it, and then I get this quick sharp aw, ok that was nice BUT DEFINITELY NOT IT feeling!!!! Well, I hope that's not it, b/c that's not much.

I then tried to massage the clit itself, but that got be too sensitive and I couldn't continue. Any additional advice?

 

[SweetErika]

When I'm alone, I do fantasize, but I admit, I'm also wondering if this is going to be another futile attempt. When I'm with my bf, while I enjoy it on one level, I must confress that I do stress over how long it's taking and worrying that he'll get frustrated with me.
Please...any secrets you can share would be most appreciated.

Yeah, I know the routine and feeling, unfortunately.

At first I thought I couldn't orgasm without fantasizing, but the reality is my mind needs to be entrenched in a really good fantasy so other thoughts don't creep in and distract me. Anyway, here are some things that help:

1) Masturbating while, or just after, reading a highly arousing story. Get so involved in the story or fantasy that you can't think about anything else. Work on this alone first, and when you've got that down, move on to...

2) My fantasies are very different than the reality with my husband, and I felt guilty about fantasizing with him for that reason. However, I figured out I can have both by incorporating what he's doing into my fantasies. It's a lot easier to get distracted with a partner, but this helps. We started out slow, with me masturbating while he 'helped' in different ways. In time, my confidence built, and he got more involved. I still fantasize though, because I start having those negative thoughts and am guaranteed no orgasm if I don't (apart from g-spot stimulation...that's different).

3) Masturbating or with a partner, if I start getting distracted or having negative thoughts (e.g. 'I'm taking too long; He's getting tired; I can't come; I'm almost there, but what if I can't get over the edge?; I'm losing it...'), I STOP and take a break. This helps me re-focus and get back to fantasizing AND gives my body a break from the stimulation, which is very important because I get desensitized after a while, and everything feels much better when I start again after a short break.

4) I've stopped putting pressure on myself (most of the time...I still slip ). If it doesn't happen, I'll be fine and try again later or another time. My husband understands this too, and he's been clear he doesn't want me to rush, feel pressured, or fake it. I think faking it puts pressure on, and completely distracts, us, plus it hits our self-esteem on some level...none of that's conducive to orgasming, so don't cheat yourself by continuing.

5) I read, explore, and try new things A LOT. Breaking away from the familiar has helped me psychologically because it feels like a fresh start and a new chance as opposed to trying the same things that aren't working. In addition, it helps me stay positive..."I didn't orgasm, but I tried something new/learned, and that's never a loss." Each time is about the journey, NOT whether I get there or not. Through exploration, I've also found little tricks like combining or alternating g-spot with clitoral stimulation, and playing around with my PC muscles can get me there.

There are a few other things that are escaping me right now, but those are the main ones that have helped.

 

[SweetErika]

Ok here's what I found. I was relaxed - I had acupuncture and chiropractor today so that's all good.

I took my time was totally hot and drenched. When I masturbate I am 95% of the time on my stomach. No difference today. And I rub my clit on the left outside the hood. Now I can get going pretty strong and even with a vibe in, my legs tense up feet, calves, thighs, ass..all of it, and then I get this quick sharp aw, ok that was nice BUT DEFINITELY NOT IT feeling!!!! Well, I hope that's not it, b/c that's not much.

I then tried to massage the clit itself, but that got be too sensitive and I couldn't continue. Any additional advice?

You said you've got plenty of lube and have tried using the vibe on your clit, right? What happens when you're not on your stomach (Different strokes and all, but I'd imagine it's kind of hard to relax and maneuver in that position )?

Instead of massaging the clit, or just on one side, have you tried lightly rubbing the hood over it, circling it (you can lighten up the pressure on the more sensitive parts and vice versa) or rubbing the ridge on the top of it? How about kind of 'trapping' it vertically on the sides between your index and middle fingers, and moving up and down?

 

[cloakedlover]

Erika - I will try those techniques out and get back to you. Thanks for your help.

 

[latebloomer124]

Yeah, I know the routine and feeling, unfortunately.

At first I thought I couldn't orgasm without fantasizing, but the reality is my mind needs to be entrenched in a really good fantasy so other thoughts don't creep in and distract me. Anyway, here are some things that help:

1) Masturbating while, or just after, reading a highly arousing story. Get so involved in the story or fantasy that you can't think about anything else. Work on this alone first, and when you've got that down, move on to...

2) My fantasies are very different than the reality with my husband, and I felt guilty about fantasizing with him for that reason. However, I figured out I can have both by incorporating what he's doing into my fantasies. It's a lot easier to get distracted with a partner, but this helps. We started out slow, with me masturbating while he 'helped' in different ways. In time, my confidence built, and he got more involved. I still fantasize though, because I start having those negative thoughts and am guaranteed no orgasm if I don't (apart from g-spot stimulation...that's different).

3) Masturbating or with a partner, if I start getting distracted or having negative thoughts (e.g. 'I'm taking too long; He's getting tired; I can't come; I'm almost there, but what if I can't get over the edge?; I'm losing it...'), I STOP and take a break. This helps me re-focus and get back to fantasizing AND gives my body a break from the stimulation, which is very important because I get desensitized after a while, and everything feels much better when I start again after a short break.

4) I've stopped putting pressure on myself (most of the time...I still slip ). If it doesn't happen, I'll be fine and try again later or another time. My husband understands this too, and he's been clear he doesn't want me to rush, feel pressured, or fake it. I think faking it puts pressure on, and completely distracts, us, plus it hits our self-esteem on some level...none of that's conducive to orgasming, so don't cheat yourself by continuing.

5) I read, explore, and try new things A LOT. Breaking away from the familiar has helped me psychologically because it feels like a fresh start and a new chance as opposed to trying the same things that aren't working. In addition, it helps me stay positive..."I didn't orgasm, but I tried something new/learned, and that's never a loss." Each time is about the journey, NOT whether I get there or not. Through exploration, I've also found little tricks like combining or alternating g-spot with clitoral stimulation, and playing around with my PC muscles can get me there.

There are a few other things that are escaping me right now, but those are the main ones that have helped.

Wow. That's quite a bit of information. I'll try and use it, although I've never masturbated in front of my bf...not sure I'd feel comfortable doing that. And I haven't told him of my concerns yet. I guess I don't feel secure enough to do that.

And what's with the G spot thing? We tried it once and I felt NOTHING. I keep hearing how amazing it is. Does everyone feel something when the G spot is stimulated? Am I the only one missing out? Should I try again?

 

[CagedGirl]

Finally back in this thread.
I followed your advice SweetErika and asian_princess, and I am definitly feeling a difference .
I'm still not having the pleasure feeling, but the muscle spasm feeling is not as strong as it used to be and the build up is MUCH more intense and pleasurable.

One strange thing that I've started feeling is the urge to pee. Is that normal for clit stimulation???

 

[SweetErika]

Wow. That's quite a bit of information. I'll try and use it, although I've never masturbated in front of my bf...not sure I'd feel comfortable doing that. And I haven't told him of my concerns yet. I guess I don't feel secure enough to do that.

Definitely get comfortable on your own first. I understand the fears of talking and masturbating in front of your partner, but think it sounds more scary than it actually is (those aren't quite the right words, but hear me out). Picture this type of scenario:

The next few times you're together, enjoy yourself, but don't fake orgasm. After tell him how wonderful he is and good he makes you feel, so you don't know why you've been having trouble getting to orgasm lately, even by yourself. You might say there are a few things you think may help you work through it, and ask if he'd be willing to try them with you because you really want to get back to where you were.

So, one of the things that might help is going back to basics (mutual masturbation). After you really get going with some foreplay, lie side by side (or with him on his side facing you, and you on your back), and kiss and touch him with one hand while you masturbate and slip into a fantasy. The man's being pleasured by the woman he cares for...he's involved, not just watching you. If you like breast play, you can incorporate that into your fantasy, and ask him to do that (or another 'supporting activity') while you continue to masturbate. If you start to get distracted or have negative thoughts, stop for a few moments, maybe focus on pleasing him, and then go back to it. If you don't get there this time, no problem...you two have just had a very intimate, new experience, and there's always a next time. Tweak it to your tastes and try with him pleasuring you while you fantasize.

For me, that's definitely not the same as someone watching me masturbate because it's interactive, not about me 'putting on a show' like a live porno. It feels just as comfortable as our usual activities, and really isn't that different because we're both giving and receiving at the same time, just in a slightly different configuration/proportion.

And what's with the G spot thing? We tried it once and I felt NOTHING. I keep hearing how amazing it is. Does everyone feel something when the G spot is stimulated? Am I the only one missing out? Should I try again?

I would highly recommend reading up on it ( Mr. GGG's Try This and Report Back thread is fantastic, though you may need to vary the technique to suit your body) and trying many more times. G-spot stimulation can be a wonderful addition to your sex life and another route to orgasm. I would caution you to approach it as an experiment with no expectations though...doing otherwise can be a real problem. It's taken us quite awhile to figure out what works for me specifically, so be patient and keep trying.

The Hitachi Magic Wand w/ g-spot and straight attachments is the absolute best toy for clitoral, g-spot, male, and a bunch of other types of stimulation and orgasms, in my opinion (okay, millions of others think so too). My g-spot's farther in than most women's, but the hitachi and attachment reached and stimulated the heck out of it, no problem. And it's actually a great body massager and a bargain to boot. I'd be remiss if I didn't suggest it to you, Latebloomer.

 

[SweetErika]

Finally back in this thread.
I followed your advice SweetErika and asian_princess, and I am definitly feeling a difference .
I'm still not having the pleasure feeling, but the muscle spasm feeling is not as strong as it used to be and the build up is MUCH more intense and pleasurable.

One strange thing that I've started feeling is the urge to pee. Is that normal for clit stimulation???

Great! I bet it's just going to take some time and practice to kind of change your interpretation.

I can see where some of the feelings from clitoral stimulation could be interpreted at the urge to pee. I wonder if you're also clenching your PC muscle and/or getting some g-spot stimulation (even by the angle of your pelvis, or vaginal contraction), both of which can definitely produce that feeling. Everything is so closely related in that area, that mixed feelings (or those that can be interpreted differently) are kind of a given. As long as it doesn't produce anxiety (and if it does, just pee first so you know there won't be a problem), maybe you could start to view it as one of the feelings that means you're getting closer to finding more pleasure?

 

[jethrobodeen]

I have never been successful with the big clit O.

Does your SO know the polishing technique? My DW will try to get me go after her clitoris after several g-gasm waves. But the g-gasms tend to build in intensity and fuel a internal fire. She just gets pumped with desire and submission and melts with the right touches. I can see on her face, and her body tells me when she "needs" that one that sends her over the top. Like she keeps sucking me in... until I combine the massive g-wave with determined clitorial stimulation either direct or indirect depending on the moment. (Polishing technique is what I use for indirect).

EDIT: When I refer to indirect clitorial stimulation, it is the HOOD doing most of the work.

-JB