Now this was really funny

Another Satisfied Customer

Dear Tide Company:

I'm writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it all through my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now that I am in my fifties, I find it even better!

In fact, about a month ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate and uncaring husband started to berate me about how clumsy I was, and generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another and somehow I ended up with a lot of his blood on my white blouse. I tried to get the stain out using a bargain detergent, but it just wouldn't come out.

After a quick trip to the supermarket, I purchased a bottle of liquid Tide with bleach alternative, and to my surprise and satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I would no longer be considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband. What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a murder suspect!

I thank you, once again, for having such a great product. Well, gotta go. I have to write a letter to the Hefty bag people, another wonderful product.

Sincerely, A Happy Consumer
 
Man of the House!

The husband had just finished reading the book, MAN OF THE HOUSE.

He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife.

Pointing a finger in her face, he said, From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law.

I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward.

Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?



His wife replied......... The fucking funeral director!
 
Meeting the neighbors

Meeting the neighbors
 
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A MINER EMERGES FROM THE HILLS, WALKS INTO A BAR, AND ORDERS A DRINK.
LOOKING AROUND, HE ASKS THE BARTENDER, "WHERE ARE ALL THE WOMEN AT?"
"THERE AREN'T ANY" SAYS THE BARTENDER.
"WHAT DO Y'ALL DO?" THE MINER ASKS.
"WE DO IT WITH THE ANIMALS" THE BARTENDER REPLIES.
DISGUSTED, THE MINER DEPARTS AND HEADS BACK TO THE HILLS.
MONTHS LATER THE MINER RETURNS, AND AFTER DOWNING MORE THAN A FEW WHISKEYS, HE ASKS THE BARTENDER, "Y'ALL REALLY DO IT WITH THE ANIMALS?"
"YEA, WE REALLY DO" SAYS THE BARTENDER.
THE DRUNK MINER LEAVES THE BAR, AND SEES A PIG RUN INTO AN ALLEY. HE CATCHES UP TO THE PIG, AND HE STARTS HAVING SEX WITH THE PIG WHICH SQUEALS LOUDLY.
MIDWAY THROUGH HE REALIZES THE WHOLE TOWN IS WATCHING IN HORROR.
"MY GOD MAN, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" THE BARTENDER YELLS.
"YOU TOLD ME Y'ALL DO IT WITH THE ANIMALS" THE MINER SAYS.
"YEAH", THE BARTENDER REPLIES, "BUT NO ONE FUCKS THE SHERIFF'S GIRL!"
 
AngelicAssassin said:
Never realized fingering condensation into shapes could be so difficult.

Click me.

:mad: HOLY SHIT! :mad: I think that fucking thing just scared at least 10 years off my life.
 
brioche said:
But it's so much more fun to blame you...
[ponitificate]Blame away, but penance starts from within my child.[/ponitificate]
graceanne said:
Hey! I'm not the one that posted the evil game. I'm still having heart palpitations.
i'm beginning to understand why you've put me in a different category. Imagine what would happen if i turned it on full ... http://img.villagephotos.com/p/2003-8/363868/angelic-smiley2.gif but then i reserve that for one and only one.
 
Morning Activities

John woke up one morning immensely aroused so he


turned over to his wife's side of the bed.


His wife, Heather, had already awakened though, and


she was downstairs preparing breakfast in the


kitchen.Afraid that he might spoil things by getting


up, John called his little boy into the room and asked


him to take this note to your beautiful Mommy."


The note read:


The Tent Pole Is Up,


The Canvas Is Spread,


The Hell With Breakfast,


Come Back To Bed.


Heather, grinning, answered the note and then asked


her son to take this to Daddy.


Her note read:


Take The Tent Pole Down,


Put The Canvas Away,


The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage,


No Circus Today.


John read the note and quickly scribbled a reply.


Then, he asked his son to take it back to "the lady in


the kitchen."


His note read:


The Tent Pole's Still Up,


And The Canvas Still Spread,


So Drop What You're Doing,


And Come Give Me Some Head.


Laughing, Heather answered the note and then asked her


son to take this to the poor dude upstairs."


Her note read:


I'm Sure That Your Pole's


The Best In The Land.


But I'm Busy Right Now,


Do It By Hand!​


Idiot, you should have done all three holes on the kitchen table after sending sonny boy out to play.
 
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