AngelicAssassin
Something Wicked
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2001
- Posts
- 10,945
i rolled when i read red below ...
Now this was really funny
- Thread starter Wizard
- Start date
AngelicAssassin
Something Wicked
- Joined
- Sep 19, 2001
- Posts
- 10,945
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,585
Thank you
I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your chain letters over the past two years. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
Because of your concern...
I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our troops.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer go to bars because someone will drug me and take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to 7 of my friends and make a wish within 5 minutes.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who has been dying for the past seven years.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I will now return the favor.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will fly over your head at 5:00 pm and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin, and he's a lawyer.
I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your chain letters over the past two years. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.
Because of your concern...
I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.
I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our troops.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda,Singapore, and Uzbekistan.
I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer go to bars because someone will drug me and take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.
Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to 7 of my friends and make a wish within 5 minutes.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who has been dying for the past seven years.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I will now return the favor.
If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will fly over your head at 5:00 pm and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your armpits. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's neighbor's cousin, and he's a lawyer.
TNRkitect2b
Sir Brian
- Joined
- Feb 2, 2003
- Posts
- 4,028
Bandit58
Sir's wonder woman
- Joined
- Sep 7, 2002
- Posts
- 8,121
Letter to the Master - A Cautionary Tale
my dear Master,
a girl is writing to report to You the results of the Burning You
ordered.
a girl is not sure how You will receive the news; perhaps, Sir, You
should be sitting down when You read this.
a girl lit the candles as You requested, Sir. there was a circle of
them, all white, and one red taper in the middle of the circle.
a girl was dressed as You commanded; naked under the long, red velvet
cloak. the cloak is a little singed, Sir, as a girl didn't measure the
bottom of the cloak, and didn't leave quite enough room to walk
between the candles.
a girl was able to smother the smoldering hem, Sir. it only needs a
new hem, though the cloak will be shorter.
a girl knelt before the red taper, and realized a girl had forgotten
the incense sticks. a girl rose and went back for them, accidentally
kicking over a candle.
a girl stopped and picked up the candle. fortunately, the melted wax
had extinguished the flame. unfortunately, there was a large puddle of
melted wax on the carpet.
a girl only found strawberry incense, Sir; a girl knows You specified
frankincense, but a girl had to supply purification incense for the
coven last night and forgot to buy more. a girl is sorry.
a girl entered the circle again, more carefully this time, and knelt
in the center. a girl lit the strawberry incense, and meditated on the
Burning, just as You said.
a girl took the incense stick, blowing on the tip, and held it; firmly
resolving to do the Master's bidding, a girl touched it to a girl's
right breast, and started to count slowly to three.
unfortunately, a girl was not prepared for how much it would hurt, and
jumped back, knocking over the red taper and kicking several of the
white candles over. a girl grabbed the cloak and jumped out of the
circle, pulling down the drapes to smother the flames.
a girl's neighbors looked into the open window, saw the flames and the
naked girl, and called the police and the fire department.
a girl has to replace the carpet and drapes, repaint the room, and has
been asked to move. a girl, however, has three offers from two
policeman and a fireman for a place to live.
thank You, Sir, for this opportunity to serve You.
Your obedient slave
my dear Master,
a girl is writing to report to You the results of the Burning You
ordered.
a girl is not sure how You will receive the news; perhaps, Sir, You
should be sitting down when You read this.
a girl lit the candles as You requested, Sir. there was a circle of
them, all white, and one red taper in the middle of the circle.
a girl was dressed as You commanded; naked under the long, red velvet
cloak. the cloak is a little singed, Sir, as a girl didn't measure the
bottom of the cloak, and didn't leave quite enough room to walk
between the candles.
a girl was able to smother the smoldering hem, Sir. it only needs a
new hem, though the cloak will be shorter.
a girl knelt before the red taper, and realized a girl had forgotten
the incense sticks. a girl rose and went back for them, accidentally
kicking over a candle.
a girl stopped and picked up the candle. fortunately, the melted wax
had extinguished the flame. unfortunately, there was a large puddle of
melted wax on the carpet.
a girl only found strawberry incense, Sir; a girl knows You specified
frankincense, but a girl had to supply purification incense for the
coven last night and forgot to buy more. a girl is sorry.
a girl entered the circle again, more carefully this time, and knelt
in the center. a girl lit the strawberry incense, and meditated on the
Burning, just as You said.
a girl took the incense stick, blowing on the tip, and held it; firmly
resolving to do the Master's bidding, a girl touched it to a girl's
right breast, and started to count slowly to three.
unfortunately, a girl was not prepared for how much it would hurt, and
jumped back, knocking over the red taper and kicking several of the
white candles over. a girl grabbed the cloak and jumped out of the
circle, pulling down the drapes to smother the flames.
a girl's neighbors looked into the open window, saw the flames and the
naked girl, and called the police and the fire department.
a girl has to replace the carpet and drapes, repaint the room, and has
been asked to move. a girl, however, has three offers from two
policeman and a fireman for a place to live.
thank You, Sir, for this opportunity to serve You.
Your obedient slave
BlueSugar
Faceted Sensualist
- Joined
- Jun 13, 2003
- Posts
- 7,608
not bdsm related but gamers would appreciate - apologies if this is a repeat post BUT
ok, I'm putting myself out there as a female gamer geek, I hope any fellow geeks appreciate this an I wont be laughed out of here. lol
250 things...
ok, I'm putting myself out there as a female gamer geek, I hope any fellow geeks appreciate this an I wont be laughed out of here. lol
250 things...
TNRkitect2b
Sir Brian
- Joined
- Feb 2, 2003
- Posts
- 4,028
Jim decided to propose to Sandy, but prior to her acceptance Sandy had to confess to her man about her childhood illness. She informed Jim that she suffered a disease that left her breasts at maturity of a 12 year old. He stated that it was OK because he loved her soooo much.
However, Jim felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he also had a deformity too.
Jim looked Sandy in the eyes and said.... "I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married."
She said, "Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size penis."
Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait for the Honeymoon. Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, holding one another...As Sandy put her hands in Jim's pants she began to scream and ran out of the room! Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong.
"You told me your penis was the size of an infant!", she said. "Yes it is..... 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!!"
However, Jim felt this was also the time for him to open up and admit that he also had a deformity too.
Jim looked Sandy in the eyes and said.... "I too have a problem. My penis is the same size as an infant and I hope you could deal with that once we are married."
She said, "Yes I will marry you and learn to live with your infant size penis."
Sandy and Jim got married and they could not wait for the Honeymoon. Jim whisked Sandy off to their hotel suite and they started touching, teasing, holding one another...As Sandy put her hands in Jim's pants she began to scream and ran out of the room! Jim ran after her to find out what was wrong.
"You told me your penis was the size of an infant!", she said. "Yes it is..... 8 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 inches long!!"
Last edited:
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2004
- Posts
- 14,027
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,585
The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers
to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting,
or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are this year's winners:
1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose
of getting laid.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
5. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the
person who doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running
late.
7. Hipatitis: Terminal coolness.
8. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease.
(This one got extra credit.)
9 . Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all
these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and
it's like, a serious bummer.
10 Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
12 .Dopeler effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem
smarter when they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into
your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a grub in
the fruit you're eating.
16. Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting,
or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are this year's winners:
1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows
little sign of breaking down in the near future.
2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose
of getting laid.
3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
4. Giraffiti
: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.5. Sarchasm
: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and theperson who doesn't get it.
6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running
late.
7. Hipatitis
: Terminal coolness.8. Osteopornosis
: A degenerate disease.(This one got extra credit.)
9 . Karmageddon
: It's like, when everybody is sending off allthese really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and
it's like, a serious bummer.
10 Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
consuming only things that are good for you.
11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
12 .Dopeler effect
: The tendency of stupid ideas to seemsmarter when they come at you rapidly.
13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into
your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
15. Caterpallor (n.): The colour you turn after finding half a grub in
the fruit you're eating.
16. Ignoranus
: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
wildfyre
Dear One
- Joined
- Jul 14, 2005
- Posts
- 4,127
m wisdom said:
I had to revive the beer.com girls on this thread......there are two versions now, the orig with one girl and virtual bartender 2 that has two hot chicks....I just got and e-mail today that links to all the commands you can use for them. Here's the list:
Virtual Bartender 2 Commands
Kiss the Camera
Kiss Each Other
Pour me a Beer
Show me Your Cans
Show me Your Jugs
Turn Into a Man
Turn Into Men
Eat a Banana
Tie a Cherry Stem
Salute the Troops
Strip Poker
Strip Tease
Dance
Tango
Imitate Ashlee Simpson
Blow Fire
Shake Your Butt
Show Your Butts
Cat fight
Laser Gun Fight
Star Wars Jedi Fight
Compare your Boobs
Rub your Boobs
Show me your Boobs
French Maids
Play Blackjack
Carribean Stud
Nurse / Maid
TV spoof - Benny Hill
TV spoof - COPS
TV spoof - South Park
TV spoof - Academy Awards
Play Guitar
Choke the Chicken
Virtual Bartender 1 Commands
Show Me your Boobs
Pour Me a Beer
Be a Man
Pillow Fight
Kissing Girl
Dance on bar
Rope Magic Trick
Spin
Shake It
Supermodel
Show Me your Butt
Cartwheel
Handstand
Push Up on Bar
Nap
Flex
Waves
Jumping Jacks
Bend Over
Spank Yourself
Laugh
Karate
Boob Squeeze
Robot Dance
Head Bang
Air Guitar
Real Guitar
Surfing
Downward Dog
Splits
Shadow Box
Pouting
Hair Flip
Guns a blazin’ Shoot out!
Pat head and rub stomach
Screw up pat head and rub stomach
cat fight
Stick out Tongue
Bow
Rapping
Lap Dance
Lick Breast
Flick Bic Lighter
Hummer
Jug of Beer
Show me your Jugs
Show me your Cans
Get Me A Pint
Give Me Head
Give Me Your Phone Number
Lollipop
Read Playboy
Cowboy
Tickle Fight
Hula Hoop
Kick in groin
Strip
Orgasm
Flick Bottle Cap
Eat Banana
Stud Message on Chalk Board
Kiss Camera
Sing
Do Math
Beer Head on Nose
Bad Juggling
Fight like a Jedi
Tap Dance
Pour Beer on Yourself
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2004
- Posts
- 14,027
Some weekend thoughts...
Interesting Unofficial Laws
But they're true... maybe
"The Law of Volunteering" If you dance with a grizzly bear, it's probably better to let him lead.
"The Law of Avoiding Oversell" When putting cheese in a mousetrap, leave room for the mouse.
"The Law of Self Sacrifice" When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
"Law of Probable Dispersal" Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
"Law of Cybernetic Entomology" There is always one more bug.
"Law of Drunkenness" You can't fall off the floor.
Interesting Unofficial Laws
But they're true... maybe
"The Law of Volunteering" If you dance with a grizzly bear, it's probably better to let him lead.
"The Law of Avoiding Oversell" When putting cheese in a mousetrap, leave room for the mouse.
"The Law of Self Sacrifice" When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.
"Law of Probable Dispersal" Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
"Law of Cybernetic Entomology" There is always one more bug.
"Law of Drunkenness" You can't fall off the floor.
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2004
- Posts
- 14,027
The teacher asked little Johnny if he knew his numbers.
"Yes," he said, "I do. My father taught me."
"Good. What comes after three?"
"Four," answers the boy.
"What comes after six?"
"Seven."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a fine job. What comes after ten?"
"Jack."
"Yes," he said, "I do. My father taught me."
"Good. What comes after three?"
"Four," answers the boy.
"What comes after six?"
"Seven."
"Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a fine job. What comes after ten?"
"Jack."
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2004
- Posts
- 14,027
"How long have you been driving without a tail light?" asked the policeman after pulling over a motorist. The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car and gave a long, painful groan.
He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit.
"Come on, now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. It isn't that serious."
"It isn't?" cried the motorist. "Then you know what happened to my boat and trailer?"
He seemed so upset that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit.
"Come on, now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. It isn't that serious."
"It isn't?" cried the motorist. "Then you know what happened to my boat and trailer?"
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2004
- Posts
- 14,027
Jones came into the office an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him.
"What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."
Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river -- look, my suit's still damp -- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes."
"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."
"What's the story this time, Jones?" he asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change."
Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river -- look, my suit's still damp -- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson's helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes."
"You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes."
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2004
- Posts
- 14,027
Rhonda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check. Oh, by the way don't worry about my bulldog. He won't bother you.
"But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot! I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"
When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!"
To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"
"But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot! I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!!!"
When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work.
The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid ugly bird!"
To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike!"
snowy ciara
Nerdalicious!
- Joined
- Jul 26, 2004
- Posts
- 6,403
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: I don't think I should have to answer that question. --George W. Bush
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road
had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
--Ralph Nader
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.
--Al Gore
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
--Pat Buchanan
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.
--Rush Limbaugh
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side. "That's what "they" call it - the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."
--Jerry Falwell
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To die. In the rain. Alone.
--Ernest Hemingway
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
--Martin Luther King Jr.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good
enough for us.
--Grandpa
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it overcame a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of "crossing the road"
--Barbara Walters
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
--John Lennon
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
--Aristotle
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: It was a historical inevitability.
--Karl Marx
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
--Saddam Hussein
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
--Captain James Tiberius Kirk
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
--Fox Mulder
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
--Freud
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook--- and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
--Bill Gates
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move
beneath the chicken?
--Albert Einstein
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What Do
you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?
--Bill Clinton
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: The road, you will see, represents the black man.
The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep
him down.
--LOUIS FARRAKHAN
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: I've been fooling with chickens for 30 years, and I never seen one crossing the road.
--Bo Pilgrim
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: I missed one?
--Colonel Sanders
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: I don't think I should have to answer that question. --George W. Bush
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road
had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
--Ralph Nader
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.
--Al Gore
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.
--Pat Buchanan
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: I don't know why the chicken crossed the road, but I'll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I'll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. Can you believe this? How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I'm talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.
--Rush Limbaugh
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Because the chicken was gay! Isn't it obvious? Can't you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the "other side. "That's what "they" call it - the "other side." Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like "the other side."
--Jerry Falwell
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To die. In the rain. Alone.
--Ernest Hemingway
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
--Martin Luther King Jr.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good
enough for us.
--Grandpa
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be
listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it overcame a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of "crossing the road"
--Barbara Walters
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
--John Lennon
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
--Aristotle
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: It was a historical inevitability.
--Karl Marx
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
--Saddam Hussein
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
--Captain James Tiberius Kirk
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes! How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?
--Fox Mulder
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
--Freud
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook--- and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
--Bill Gates
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move
beneath the chicken?
--Albert Einstein
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What Do
you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?
--Bill Clinton
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: The road, you will see, represents the black man.
The chicken crossed the "black man" in order to trample him and keep
him down.
--LOUIS FARRAKHAN
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: I've been fooling with chickens for 30 years, and I never seen one crossing the road.
--Bo Pilgrim
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: I missed one?
--Colonel Sanders
snowy ciara
Nerdalicious!
- Joined
- Jul 26, 2004
- Posts
- 6,403
FurryFury
Addict of Sensation
- Joined
- Apr 3, 2005
- Posts
- 29,460
snowy ciara said:Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? <snip> Cute and funny. Now here is my favorite joke about crossing the road.
Q: Why did (insert name of someone you don't like or who is a known animal perv here. For purposes of this fun we'll say, Rick.) cross the road?
Q: Why did Rick cross the road?
A: Cause he got his dick stuck in the chicken.
Fury
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raven2
"Quoth the Raven...."
- Joined
- Jun 28, 2005
- Posts
- 5,037
FurryFury said:snowy ciara said:Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? <snip> Cute and funny. Now here is my favorite joke about crossing the road.
Q: Why did (insert name of someone you don't like or who is a known animal perv here. For purposes of this fun well say, Rick.) cross the road?
Q: Why did Rick cross the road?
A: Cause he got his dick stuck in the chicken.
Fury
lol.
Sir_Winston54
Assume the position!
- Joined
- Jul 15, 2004
- Posts
- 14,027
Situation: Your parent has passed on and you need to withdraw the funds he/she had on deposit at the bank. What happens next? Find out here!
landcruisergal
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jul 5, 2003
- Posts
- 2,022
snowy ciara said:
TISM ( This is Serious Mum) are a great band, nothing is sacred and the are sure to offend. They wear full body lycra suits and balaclava style masks.
They have classic titles such as Defecate on my Face,
Been Caught Wankin',
Dazed and Confucious,
I Might be a Cunt, But I'm Not a Fucking Cunt,
We Are All of Us in The Gutter, But Some of Us are Looking at the Sewerage.
Charming little Australian offering to music.
snowy ciara
Nerdalicious!
- Joined
- Jul 26, 2004
- Posts
- 6,403
Thank you for the band name! I'm looking for them seriously...
