TNRkitect2b said:
I pushed the big red button - and got something in German? How on earth is that funny you devious man - if I cannot read it.
Now this was really funny
- Thread starter Wizard
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I pushed the big red button - and got something in German? How on earth is that funny you devious man - if I cannot read it.
AngelicAssassin
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Viagra Slogans
The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. When everyone was gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest.
The theme was Viagra advertising slogans. The only rule was that they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable.
Top Ten List.
With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone.The top ten were:
10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!
9. Viagra, The quicker pecker upper.
8. Viagra, Like a rock!
7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.
6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.
5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.
4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
3. Viagra, home of the whopper!
2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!
And the unanimous number one slogan:
1. This is your penis. This is your penis on drugs.
The boss of a Madison Avenue advertising agency called a spontaneous staff meeting in the middle of a particularly stressful week. When everyone was gathered, the boss, who understood the benefits of having fun, told the burnt out staff the purpose of the meeting was to have a quick contest.
The theme was Viagra advertising slogans. The only rule was that they had to use past ad slogans, originally written for other products that captured the essence of Viagra. Slight variations were acceptable.
Top Ten List.
With all the laughter and camaraderie, the rest of the week went very well for everyone.The top ten were:
10. Viagra, Whaazzzz up!
9. Viagra, The quicker pecker upper.
8. Viagra, Like a rock!
7. Viagra, When it absolutely, positively has to be there overnight.
6. Viagra, Be all that you can be.
5. Viagra, Reach out and touch someone.
4. Viagra, Strong enough for a man, but made for a woman.
3. Viagra, home of the whopper!
2. Viagra, We bring good things to Life!
And the unanimous number one slogan:
1. This is your penis. This is your penis on drugs.
snowy ciara
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AngelicAssassin said:
I admit it, I pushed the Third Button....
Sir_Winston54
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I'm not sure ...
... which of these is funnier... or even if either of them really is funny
Click me #1.
Click me #2.
... which of these is funnier... or even if either of them really is funny
Click me #1.
Click me #2.
Sir_Winston54 said:... which of these is funnier... or even if either of them really is funny
Click me #1.
Click me #2.
The first is kind of goofy - very tabloidish and therefore amusing
the second is really kind of sad, watchin' someone you love get old and have their body fail em, is a painful experience - the loss of diginity is not funny to me, but then again, i watched my father (medical researcher) watch his father die of alzeheimers and while it entailed some amusing events - like applesauce on hotdogs and a bowl of cheez-its covered with milk for breakfast one time - it also meant some sad days like the day they took away his driver's license or him losing his teeth. But i suppose you have to see the humor in old age or just bear the humiliation.
Sir_Winston54
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You're right... at 55, I've had a heart attack (at 48) and have suffered (and am suffering) through the early stages of that "old age" you mention. I prefer to try to see the humor in most of it, though it's not always easy... and the fact that my mind is still in its late teens or early 20s makes it even more difficult much of the time. <Sigh>SkylineBlue said:
Sir_Winston54 said:
i should take up smoking, let the cancer take me before my mind fails me. funny thing is, i'll never pick up a cigarette for fear i might enjoy it - but i've been thinking on my situation as a female in a male dominated field, maybe i need to learn to play golf and smoke cigars and drink scotch while looking hot and in charge... course, i'll have to work on the lookin hot part.
Sir_Winston54
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m wisdom
The sun is rising
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AngelicAssassin
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Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the bus.
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up."
So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy."
The blind man replies, "If you would've put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding the bus, so shut the hell up."
Sir_Winston54
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After getting all of the Pope's luggage loaded into the limo (and he doesn't travel light), the driver notices that the Pope is still standing on the curb. "Excuse me, Your Eminence," says the driver, "Would you please take your seat so we can leave?"
"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today."
"I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.
"There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope. Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Supreme Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.
"Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. "Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license," moans the driver. The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.
"So bust him," said the Chief.
"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.
Chief exclaimed........ "All the more reason!"
"No, I mean really important," said the cop.
The Chief then asked...... "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"
Cop:"Bigger."
Chief:"Governor?"
Cop:"Bigger."
"Well," said the Chief,"Who is it?"
Cop: "I think it's God!"
Chief:"What makes you think it's God?"
Cop:"He's got the Pope for a limo driver!"
"Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive today."
"I'm sorry but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my job! And what if something should happen?" protests the driver, wishing he'd never gone to work that morning.
"There might be something extra in it for you," says the Pope. Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision when, after exiting the airport, the Supreme Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 105 mph.
"Please slow down, Your Holiness!!!" pleads the worried driver, but the Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens. "Oh, dear God, I'm gonna lose my license," moans the driver. The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches, but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets on the radio.
"I need to talk to the Chief," he says to the dispatcher.
The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a limo going a hundred and five.
"So bust him," said the Chief.
"I don't think we want to do that, he's really important," said the cop.
Chief exclaimed........ "All the more reason!"
"No, I mean really important," said the cop.
The Chief then asked...... "Who ya got there, the Mayor?"
Cop:"Bigger."
Chief:"Governor?"
Cop:"Bigger."
"Well," said the Chief,"Who is it?"
Cop: "I think it's God!"
Chief:"What makes you think it's God?"
Cop:"He's got the Pope for a limo driver!"
Sir_Winston54
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A Letter to the Cats and/or Dogs of the Household
To ensure that you understand how we live here, my dear pets, I have posted these 'Rules' on our front door.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find it aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.
Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, bark, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered.
Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To ensure that you understand how we live here, my dear pets, I have posted these 'Rules' on our front door.
The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find it aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.
Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, bark, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered.
Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
Sir_Winston54
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Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Complain About Our Pets
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy and walks on all fours. Although they don't speak clearly, they communicate extremely well, especially cats.
5. Dogs and cats are better than kids ...they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called (this does not apply to cats), never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college. Also, if they get pregnant, you can sell the children!!!
1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy and walks on all fours. Although they don't speak clearly, they communicate extremely well, especially cats.
5. Dogs and cats are better than kids ...they eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called (this does not apply to cats), never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, and don't need a gazillion dollars for college. Also, if they get pregnant, you can sell the children!!!
Sir_Winston54
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There was a man who had worked all of his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die, I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me." And so he got his wife to promise him with all of her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him.
Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't foolish enough to put all that money in there with your husband."
The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm an honest woman; I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."
Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket, his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute!" She had a box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then the undertakers locked the casket down, and they rolled it away.
So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't foolish enough to put all that money in there with your husband."
The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm an honest woman; I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him."
"You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him!!!!?"
"I sure did," said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a check. If he can cash it, he can spend it."
AngelicAssassin
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AngelicAssassin
Something Wicked
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AngelicAssassin
Something Wicked
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Sir_Winston54
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Little Bird
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For those reading it and not speaking german: It only says that the requested image can not be found...SkylineBlue said:
Sir_Winston54
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A woman from the hills of Kentucky goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary for her recently deceased husband is written. The obit editor informs her that the fee for the obituary is a dollar per word. She pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, just let it read, 'Billy Bob died.'"
Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor says, "Sorry, ma'am - there is a seven word minimum on all obituaries." A little flustered, she thinks things over and replies, "In that case, let it read,
'Billy Bob died - Red truck for sale.'"
Amused at the woman's thrift, the editor says, "Sorry, ma'am - there is a seven word minimum on all obituaries." A little flustered, she thinks things over and replies, "In that case, let it read,
'Billy Bob died - Red truck for sale.'"
AngelicAssassin
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Mattel recently announced
the release of limited edition Barbie dolls for the South Florida market.
*Boca Raton** Barbie*: This princess Barbie is only sold at the Town Center Mall. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a longhaired foreign lap-dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter dream house with lawn service. Available with or without tummy tuck and face-lift. Workaholic ex-husband Ken comes with a Porsche.
*Coral Springs** Barbie*: This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar mini-van and matching gym suit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately. Can swear in English and Spanish. Available at Target.
*Riviera** Barbie*: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, bowie knife, a '78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be bought with cash, preferably small bills, unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.
*Palm Beach** Barbie*: This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card set, and country club membership. Also available are Shallow Ken and Spanish-speaking Nanny.
*Acreage** Barbie*: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a classic Metallica shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. Wants to major in NASCAR. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. Available at Big Lots & Dollar General Stores.
*Lake Worth** Barbie*: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Lake Worth Barbie's house (discontinued). Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip-gloss, and a see-through halter-top. Comes with Barbie's dream doublewide trailer. Available at Wal-Mart. Cheap.
*Fort Lauderdale** Barbie:* This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears leopard print Spandex and drinks cosmopolitans to new age music with friends at the martini bar. Comes with Percocet prescription and botox injections.
*Lantana** Barbie:* This Barbie now comes with a stroller, infant doll and bible. Optional accessories include a G.E.D. and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant. Available at any Christian bookstore.
*Delray Beach** Barbie*: Is pregnant, drives a new Ford Excursion, and is perfect in every way. Worships the sun by day and strolls down the Avenue by night. We don't know who Ken is because he's always in North Florida or Georgia hunting or on a business trip. Delray Beach Barbie aspires to become Boca Raton Barbie. Not cheap, but still very naive.
*North Miami** Barbie*: This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three babies in the back, without car seats. This is the only Barbie willing to do manual labor. Ken comes in a meat-packer's uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green cards are not yet available for the northern Miami Barbie or Ken.
*South Beach** Barbie/Ken*: This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the "snap-on" parts. Likes to experiment." Comes with bikini and club wear (sunglasses can be worn with both). Techno music collection and Glow sticks included. South Beach Rave Club sold separately for all night fun!
the release of limited edition Barbie dolls for the South Florida market.
*Boca Raton** Barbie*: This princess Barbie is only sold at the Town Center Mall. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a longhaired foreign lap-dog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter dream house with lawn service. Available with or without tummy tuck and face-lift. Workaholic ex-husband Ken comes with a Porsche.
*Coral Springs** Barbie*: This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar mini-van and matching gym suit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately. Can swear in English and Spanish. Available at Target.
*Riviera** Barbie*: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, bowie knife, a '78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be bought with cash, preferably small bills, unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.
*Palm Beach** Barbie*: This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card set, and country club membership. Also available are Shallow Ken and Spanish-speaking Nanny.
*Acreage** Barbie*: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a classic Metallica shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. Wants to major in NASCAR. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. Available at Big Lots & Dollar General Stores.
*Lake Worth** Barbie*: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Lake Worth Barbie's house (discontinued). Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, strawberry lip-gloss, and a see-through halter-top. Comes with Barbie's dream doublewide trailer. Available at Wal-Mart. Cheap.
*Fort Lauderdale** Barbie:* This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears leopard print Spandex and drinks cosmopolitans to new age music with friends at the martini bar. Comes with Percocet prescription and botox injections.
*Lantana** Barbie:* This Barbie now comes with a stroller, infant doll and bible. Optional accessories include a G.E.D. and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant. Available at any Christian bookstore.
*Delray Beach** Barbie*: Is pregnant, drives a new Ford Excursion, and is perfect in every way. Worships the sun by day and strolls down the Avenue by night. We don't know who Ken is because he's always in North Florida or Georgia hunting or on a business trip. Delray Beach Barbie aspires to become Boca Raton Barbie. Not cheap, but still very naive.
*North Miami** Barbie*: This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three babies in the back, without car seats. This is the only Barbie willing to do manual labor. Ken comes in a meat-packer's uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green cards are not yet available for the northern Miami Barbie or Ken.
*South Beach** Barbie/Ken*: This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the "snap-on" parts. Likes to experiment." Comes with bikini and club wear (sunglasses can be worn with both). Techno music collection and Glow sticks included. South Beach Rave Club sold separately for all night fun!
AngelicAssassin
Something Wicked
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- Sep 19, 2001
- Posts
- 10,945
Funny Bumper Stickers in America
Constipated People Don't Give A shit.
If You Drink, Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.
Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.
My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
Thank You For Pot Smoking.
To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.
If At First You Don't Succeed... Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".
If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
Horn Broken ... Watch For Finger.
It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.
If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.
You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
The Earth Is Full - Go Home
I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha
This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
Illiterate? Write For Help
Honk If Anything Falls Off
He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit
I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong ... Stop hyperventilating DVS, i didn't say i agreed
Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over... [Seen Upside Down On A Jeep]
Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.
If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
Necrophilia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.
Ax Me About Ebonics
Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
Boldly Going Nowhere
Cat: The Other White Meat
Caution - Driver Legally Blonde
Don't Be Sexist - Bitches Hate That
Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.
Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is lost?
If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.
Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch
Saw It ... Wanted It ... Had A Fit ... Got It!
My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.
GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A MAN.
All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them
So you're a feminist...Isn't that precious.
Constipated People Don't Give A shit.
If You Drink, Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.
Who Lit The Fuse On Your Tampon?
If You Don't Believe In Oral Sex, Keep Your Mouth Shut.
If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.
My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.
Thank You For Pot Smoking.
To All You Virgins: Thanks For Nothing.
If At First You Don't Succeed... Blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.
Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".
If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.
Horn Broken ... Watch For Finger.
It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.
If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My Ass.
You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me
The Earth Is Full - Go Home
I Have The Body Of A God ... Buddha
This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me
So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time
Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult
If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?
Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway
Illiterate? Write For Help
Honk If Anything Falls Off
He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost But Miles From The Next Exit
I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To
Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?
If Sex Is A Pain In The Ass, Then You're Doing It Wrong ... Stop hyperventilating DVS, i didn't say i agreed
Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over... [Seen Upside Down On A Jeep]
Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.
If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?
Necrophilia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.
Ax Me About Ebonics
Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel
Boldly Going Nowhere
Cat: The Other White Meat
Caution - Driver Legally Blonde
Don't Be Sexist - Bitches Hate That
Heart Attacks ... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends.
Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window
How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He is lost?
If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.
Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch
Saw It ... Wanted It ... Had A Fit ... Got It!
My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom.
GROW YOUR OWN DOPE --- PLANT A MAN.
All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them
So you're a feminist...Isn't that precious.
