Now this was really funny
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graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
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Susie Lee done fell in love;
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy 'bout it all
She told her pappy so.
Pappy told her, Susie gal,
You'll have to find another.
I'd just as soon yo' ma don't know,
But Joe is yo' half brother.
So Susie put aside her Joe
And planned to marry Will,
But after telling pappy this,
He said, "there's trouble still.
You can't marry Will, my gal,
And please don't tell yo' mother,
But Will and Joe, and several mo'
I know is yo' half brother.
But mama knew and said, my child,
Just do what makes yo' happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe.
You ain't no kin to pappy.
She planned to marry Joe.
She was so happy 'bout it all
She told her pappy so.
Pappy told her, Susie gal,
You'll have to find another.
I'd just as soon yo' ma don't know,
But Joe is yo' half brother.
So Susie put aside her Joe
And planned to marry Will,
But after telling pappy this,
He said, "there's trouble still.
You can't marry Will, my gal,
And please don't tell yo' mother,
But Will and Joe, and several mo'
I know is yo' half brother.
But mama knew and said, my child,
Just do what makes yo' happy.
Marry Will or marry Joe.
You ain't no kin to pappy.
RJMasters
workaholic
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- Aug 24, 2004
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- 4,298
Major spew alert
http://saoma.com/temp/bush/
Have to wait for the sound clip to load, so don't start reading until the sound starts playing and then follow along.
http://saoma.com/temp/bush/
Have to wait for the sound clip to load, so don't start reading until the sound starts playing and then follow along.
@}-}rebecca----
not enough discipline ...
- Joined
- Oct 31, 2005
- Posts
- 13,063
RJMasters said:
OMG
RJ thats EVIL.......lol ....funny as Hell but EVIL !!!!!!as far as "George B. : - Condi, you're starting to piss me off now, and it's not 'cause you're black neither. I need to know the name of the new leader of China. So why don't you get me the Secretary General of the United Nations on the phone.
HUGE EYEBROW RAISE
Kajira Callista
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Three men were sitting together, bragging about how they had given their new wives household duties.
The first man had married a woman from Indiana. He bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes
and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house, and the dishes were all washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Utah. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married a Brooklyn girl. He said that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry done, and have hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything. The second day he didn't see anything. But by the third day, most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye just enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and telephone a landscaper.
Gotta love them Brooklyn girls!
The first man had married a woman from Indiana. He bragged that he had told his wife she was going to do all the dishes
and house cleaning that needed done at their house. He said that it took a couple days, but on the third day he came home to a clean house, and the dishes were all washed and put away.
The second man had married a woman from Utah. He bragged that he had given his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes, and the cooking. He told them that the first day he didn't see any results, but the next day it was better. By the third day, his house was clean, the dishes were done, and he had a huge dinner on the table.
The third man had married a Brooklyn girl. He said that he told her that her duties were to keep the house cleaned, dishes washed, lawn mowed, laundry done, and have hot meals on the table for every meal. He said the first day he didn't see anything. The second day he didn't see anything. But by the third day, most of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye just enough to fix himself a bite to eat, load the dishwasher, and telephone a landscaper.
Gotta love them Brooklyn girls!
Kajira Callista
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16 THINGS THAT IT TOOK ME OVER 50 YEARS TO LEARN:
by Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race
has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word
would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8 The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to
make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep
down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice
person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.) TRUE!
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur
built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as
grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until
they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY There is more money being spent on breast
implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by
2030, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and
huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
by Dave Barry, Nationally Syndicated Columnist
1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
on the same night.
2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race
has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word
would be "meetings."
3. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them.
5. You should not confuse your career with your life.
6. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
7. Never lick a steak knife.
8 The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling
reason why we observe daylight savings time.
10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests
that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
from her at that moment.
11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to
make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep
down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice
person. (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.) TRUE!
14. Your friends love you anyway.
15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur
built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
16. Thought for the day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as
grapes, and it's up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until
they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
FINAL THOUGHT FOR THE DAY There is more money being spent on breast
implants and Viagra than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by
2030, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and
huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,585
My aunt is a HUGE Dave Berry fan. When the book that this one's in first came out (I believe it was either her 50'th birthday or close to it) she read it outloud to us. Several of us nearly had to be hospitalized we laughed so hard. Talk about ASTHMA attack. LOL But it was good to reread it.
Kajira Callista
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- Sep 10, 2003
- Posts
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Why Older Chicks Rule
by Andy Rooney from CBS "60 Minutes".
As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.
A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a hoot what you might think about her or what she's doing.
Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. A woman over 40 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 40 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. They always know.
A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpa rt.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.
by Andy Rooney from CBS "60 Minutes".
As I grow in age, I value women who are over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.
If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do. And, it's usually something more interesting.
A woman over 40 knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a hoot what you might think about her or what she's doing.
Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated. A woman over 40 has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends. A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Women over 40 couldn't care less if you're attracted to her friends because she knows her friends won't betray her.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40. They always know.
A woman over 40 looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women. Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpa rt.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one! You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of 40+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old waitress.
Kajira Callista
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- Sep 10, 2003
- Posts
- 19,348
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O. M. G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against ! a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond? )
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity.. well at least sometimes....)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
( I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
(Hardly seems worth it.)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O. M. G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against ! a wall uses 150 calories a hour
(Don't try this at home,maybe at work)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes..lucky pig! Can you imagine?)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond? )
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity.. well at least sometimes....)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(okay, so that would be a good thing)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
( I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
Kajira Callista
Empty
- Joined
- Sep 10, 2003
- Posts
- 19,348
*giggles*shy slave said:
leeroy jenkins
Just me
- Joined
- Feb 23, 2006
- Posts
- 5,058
Why chicks rule
KC the why chick rule post is just another example how woman are really the ones that rule the world not us silly men.
KC the why chick rule post is just another example how woman are really the ones that rule the world not us silly men.
graceanne
iteroticalay urugay
- Joined
- Jun 22, 2004
- Posts
- 27,585
A poem for girls...
I shave my legs,
I sit down to pee.
And I can justify
any shopping spree.
Don't go to a barber,
but a beauty salon.
I can get a massage
without getting a hard-on.
I can balance the checkbook,
I can pump my own gas.
Can talk to my friends
about the size of my a$$.
My beauty's a masterpiece
and yes, it takes long.
At least I can admit
to others when I'm wrong.
I don't drive in circles,
at any cost.
And I don't have a problem
admitting I'm lost.
I never forget an
important date.
You just gotta deal with it,
I'm usually late.
I don't watch movies
with lots of gore.
Don't need instant replay
to remember the score.
I won't lose my hair,
I won't get jock itch.
And just cause I'm assertive,
don't call me a b!tch!
Don't say to your friends,
Oh yeah, I can get her.
In your dreams, my dear,
cause I can do better!
Flowers are okay,
But jewelry's best.
Look at me you idiot...
Not at my chest !!!
I don't have a problem,
With expressing my feelings.
I know when you're lying,
You look at the ceiling.
DON'T call me a GIRL ,
a BABE or a CHICK .
I am a WOMAN.
Get it? you D!CK!?!
I shave my legs,
I sit down to pee.
And I can justify
any shopping spree.
Don't go to a barber,
but a beauty salon.
I can get a massage
without getting a hard-on.
I can balance the checkbook,
I can pump my own gas.
Can talk to my friends
about the size of my a$$.
My beauty's a masterpiece
and yes, it takes long.
At least I can admit
to others when I'm wrong.
I don't drive in circles,
at any cost.
And I don't have a problem
admitting I'm lost.
I never forget an
important date.
You just gotta deal with it,
I'm usually late.
I don't watch movies
with lots of gore.
Don't need instant replay
to remember the score.
I won't lose my hair,
I won't get jock itch.
And just cause I'm assertive,
don't call me a b!tch!
Don't say to your friends,
Oh yeah, I can get her.
In your dreams, my dear,
cause I can do better!
Flowers are okay,
But jewelry's best.
Look at me you idiot...
Not at my chest !!!
I don't have a problem,
With expressing my feelings.
I know when you're lying,
You look at the ceiling.
DON'T call me a GIRL ,
a BABE or a CHICK .
I am a WOMAN.
Get it? you D!CK!?!
babiesmiles
elfpet
- Joined
- Oct 12, 2004
- Posts
- 1,898
graceanne said:
Very nice one Gracie ! Tanks for posting it
