Now this was really funny

[graceanne]

Anyone who has ever dressed a child will love this one.....

Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten

students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want

to go on.

Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She

almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong

feet." She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling

the boots off than it was putting them on.

She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back

on --his time on the right feet.

He then announced, "These aren't my boots.." She bit her tongue rather

than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" And, once
again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little
feet. No sooner they got the boots off and he said, "They're my brother's
boots. My Mom made me wear'em." Now she didn't know if she should laugh or
cry. But, she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the
boots on his feet again.

Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?"

He said, "I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."

 

[Gil_T2]

I found this following a post in another thread on LIT.....

https://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=16215866&postcount=26186

 

[graceanne]

I found this following a post in another thread on LIT.....

https://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=16215866&postcount=26186

*gasp* ROFLMAO

 

[greenmands]

I found this following a post in another thread on LIT.....

https://forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=16215866&postcount=26186

I need a fire puter outer thingie

 

[Gil_T2]

*gasp* ROFLMAO

I hurt from laughing so hard, I just re read it when showing BANDIT

 

[Gil_T2]

I need a fire puter outer thingie

Yeah seeing he just had to pee just before all this.

 

[graceanne]

I hurt from laughing so hard, I just re read it when showing BANDIT

Yeah, me too. hehe

 

[greenmands]

Sir, you peeked.

 

[Xelebes]

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4615266676615092514&q=brokeback

Dammit, check this link.

 

[graceanne]

Dammit, check this link.

I can't - my sounds isn't working, and I haven't had the time to figure out why.

 

[Xelebes]

The sound isn't all that important, though it may add some to the comedic value.

However, have you checked out all your mute buttons, volume faders and plugs correctly?

 

[graceanne]

The sound isn't all that important, though it may add some to the comedic value.

However, have you checked out all your mute buttons, volume faders and plugs correctly?

Nope. Well I checked my mute button. I'll fight with the rest after the kids go to bed.

 

[graceanne]

Blonde's Year in Review:



January - Took new scarf back to store because it was too tight.

February - Fired from pharmacy job for failing to print labels....."duh"..bottles won't fit in typewriter!!!

March - Got excited.....finished jigsaw puzzle in 6 months.....box said "2-4 years!"

April - Trapped on escalator for hours.....power went out!!!

May - Tried to make Kool-Aid.....8 cups of water won't fit into those little packets!!!

June - Tried to go water skiing.....couldn't find a lake with a slope.

July - Lost breast stroke swimming competition.....learned later, other swimmers cheated, they used the! ir arms!!!

August - Got locked out of car in rain storm.....car swamped, because top was down.

September - The capital of California is "C".....isn't it???

October - Hate M &M's.....they are so hard to peel.

November - Baked turkey for 4 1/2 days.....instructions said 1 hour per pound and I weigh 108!!!

December - Couldn't call 911....."duh".....there's no "eleven" button on the phone!!!

 

[graceanne]

A big corporation recently hired several
cannibals.
"You are all part of our team now," said the HR
rep
during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the
usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria
for
something to eat, but please don't eat any of
the
other employees."

The cannibals promised they would not. Four
weeks
later their boss remarked, "You're all working
very
hard, and I'm satisfied with
you.

However, one of our secretaries has
disappeared. Do
any of you know
what happened to her?"

The cannibals all shook their heads NO.

After the boss had left, the leader of the
cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you
idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose
hesitantly,
to which the leader of the cannibals continued,
"You
fool!!! For four weeks we've been eating
Managers
and no one noticed anything,

but noooooo,you had to go and eat someone who
actually does something.

 

[graceanne]

New Tax from the IRS
Date: Tue, 14 Feb 2006 17:17:32 -0800

The only thing the IRS has not yet taxed is the penis.
This is due to the fact that:

40% of the time, -it is hanging around unemployed...
30% of the time, -it is hard up...
20% of the time, -it is pissed off... and
10% of the time, -it's in the hole...
It has two dependents,... but they're both nuts...

Effective January 1, 2006, penises will be taxed according to size.
The
brackets are as follows:

10"-12"... Luxury Tax
8"-10"... Pole Tax
5"-8"...Privilege Tax
4"-5" ...Nuisance Tax

Males exceeding 12" must file under Capital gains.
Anyone under 4" is eligible for a Refund.

PLEASE DO NOT ASK FOR AN EXTENSION!

Issues still under consideration by the IRS are as follows:

Are there penalties for early withdrawal?
Do multiple partners count as a Corporation?
Are condoms deductible as work clothes

 

[graceanne]

This is a true account recorded in the Police Log of Sarasota, Florida.

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon returning to her car, found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her voice, "I have a gun, and I know how to use it! Get out of the car!"

The four men didn't wait for a second invitation. They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the driver's seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. She tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why. For the same reason she did not understand why there was a football, a Frisbee and two 12 packs in the front seat.

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car and drove to the police station to report her mistake. The sergeant to whom she told the story couldn't stop laughing. He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly woman described as white, less than five feet tall, glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun. No charges were filed.


Moral of the story?

If you're going to have a Senior Moment, make it memorable!

 

[Kajira Callista]

Dear Consumas:

It has come ta our attention dat a cupola copies udda Windows XP New
Joisey Edition may have been shipped outsida Joisey. If youse got one a
dese, you may need some help unnerstanin da commands. Da Joisey edition
may be recognized by da unique openin' screen. It reads: "Windas XP",
wit a background pitcha a Hoboken. When youse start da program, instead a
da usual hary stringy like music, you hear a little Springsteen. It's
also
shipped wit a Sopranos screen sava.

Please also note:

Recycle bin is labeled "Newark";
My Computer is called "My Friggin' Computa";
The Inbox is referred to as "Da Trunk";
Deleted items are referred to as "Wacked", "Erased" or "Rubbed Out";
Control Panel is known as "Da Bosses";
Performing an "illegal operation" is known as "Enhancin' da Family
Business" and will actually maximize da program instead
a shuttin' it down;
Hard Drive is referred to as "Da Turnpike on Da Way to Da Shore";
Instead of an error message, "You Ain't Gonna Friggin' Believe Dis'"
pops up.

Changes in Terminology in Da Joisey Edition:
OK . . . . Sure ting
Cancel . . . . Fugetaboutit
Reset . . . . Start ova
Yes . . . . Yeah
No . . . . Nah
Find . . . . Put a Contract Out On
Browse . . . . Get a Looksee
Back . . . . U-Toin
Help . . . . Get Your Own Friggin' Ansa
Stop . . . . Knock it Off
Start . . . . Move it
Settings . . . . Here's da Rules


We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you mistakenly got a
copy of the Joisey Edition (not). You may return it to Microsoft for a
replacement version.
You gotta problem wit dat??

 

[kayte]

Dear Consumas:

It has come ta our attention dat a cupola copies udda Windows XP New
Joisey Edition may have been shipped outsida Joisey. If youse got one a
dese, you may need some help unnerstanin da commands. Da Joisey edition
may be recognized by da unique openin' screen. It reads: "Windas XP",
wit a background pitcha a Hoboken. When youse start da program, instead a
da usual hary stringy like music, you hear a little Springsteen. It's
also
shipped wit a Sopranos screen sava.

Please also note:

Recycle bin is labeled "Newark";
My Computer is called "My Friggin' Computa";
The Inbox is referred to as "Da Trunk";
Deleted items are referred to as "Wacked", "Erased" or "Rubbed Out";
Control Panel is known as "Da Bosses";
Performing an "illegal operation" is known as "Enhancin' da Family
Business" and will actually maximize da program instead
a shuttin' it down;
Hard Drive is referred to as "Da Turnpike on Da Way to Da Shore";
Instead of an error message, "You Ain't Gonna Friggin' Believe Dis'"
pops up.

Changes in Terminology in Da Joisey Edition:
OK . . . . Sure ting
Cancel . . . . Fugetaboutit
Reset . . . . Start ova
Yes . . . . Yeah
No . . . . Nah
Find . . . . Put a Contract Out On
Browse . . . . Get a Looksee
Back . . . . U-Toin
Help . . . . Get Your Own Friggin' Ansa
Stop . . . . Knock it Off
Start . . . . Move it
Settings . . . . Here's da Rules


We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you mistakenly got a
copy of the Joisey Edition (not). You may return it to Microsoft for a
replacement version.
You gotta problem wit dat??

Thank you so much KC ~ That is great!

 

[Gil_T2]

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces
attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.

For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with
rugged, masculine, features.

And when she is menstruating: She prefers a man doused in petrol,
set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye, & a cricket stump up his
arse.

 

[kayte]

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces
attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle.

For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with
rugged, masculine, features.

And when she is menstruating: She prefers a man doused in petrol,
set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye, & a cricket stump up his
arse.

Good evening {{{{{{{{Gil}}}}}}}}} So nice to see you.

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers darling. Congratulations on your success with the stop smoking. I do know how hard that is.

 

[Kajira Callista]

Thank you so much KC ~ That is great!

 

[TNRkitect2b]

Dear Consumas:

It has come ta our attention dat a cupola copies udda Windows XP New
Joisey Edition may have been shipped outsida Joisey. If youse got one a
dese, you may need some help unnerstanin da commands. Da Joisey edition
may be recognized by da unique openin' screen. It reads: "Windas XP",
wit a background pitcha a Hoboken. When youse start da program, instead a
da usual hary stringy like music, you hear a little Springsteen. It's
also
shipped wit a Sopranos screen sava.

Please also note:

Recycle bin is labeled "Newark";
My Computer is called "My Friggin' Computa";
The Inbox is referred to as "Da Trunk";
Deleted items are referred to as "Wacked", "Erased" or "Rubbed Out";
Control Panel is known as "Da Bosses";
Performing an "illegal operation" is known as "Enhancin' da Family
Business" and will actually maximize da program instead
a shuttin' it down;
Hard Drive is referred to as "Da Turnpike on Da Way to Da Shore";
Instead of an error message, "You Ain't Gonna Friggin' Believe Dis'"
pops up.

Changes in Terminology in Da Joisey Edition:
OK . . . . Sure ting
Cancel . . . . Fugetaboutit
Reset . . . . Start ova
Yes . . . . Yeah
No . . . . Nah
Find . . . . Put a Contract Out On
Browse . . . . Get a Looksee
Back . . . . U-Toin
Help . . . . Get Your Own Friggin' Ansa
Stop . . . . Knock it Off
Start . . . . Move it
Settings . . . . Here's da Rules


We regret any inconvenience it may have caused if you mistakenly got a
copy of the Joisey Edition (not). You may return it to Microsoft for a
replacement version.
You gotta problem wit dat??

For some reason, I can picture in my head, KC as the narrator of this.

 

[Kajira Callista]

For some reason, I can picture in my head, KC as the narrator of this.

HEYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY I dont sound like that....unless im pissed off

 

[Gil_T2]

I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even the most advanced programs from Norton, Trend or McAfee cannot take care of this one.
It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1965.

Symptoms:
1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. done that!

2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail ! that too!

3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person. yep!

4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you. who me?
5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment. well darn!

6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished. oh no - not again!

7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND." and I just hate that!

8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE."

Oh My!

IT IS CALLED THE "C-NILE VIRUS. "

 

[graceanne]

I thought you would want to know about this e-mail virus. Even the most advanced programs from Norton, Trend or McAfee cannot take care of this one.
It appears to affect those who were born prior to 1965.

Symptoms:
1. Causes you to send the same e-mail twice. done that!

2. Causes you to send a blank e-mail ! that too!

3. Causes you to send e-mail to the wrong person. yep!

4. Causes you to send it back to the person who sent it to you. who me?
5. Causes you to forget to attach the attachment. well darn!

6. Causes you to hit "SEND" before you've finished. oh no - not again!

7. Causes you to hit "DELETE" instead of "SEND." and I just hate that!

8. Causes you to hit "SEND" when you should "DELETE."

Oh My!

IT IS CALLED THE "C-NILE VIRUS. "

I'm too young to have the c-nile virus, and I do all those things.