nothing exciting here, just looking for some advice

[Tony]

recently i saw a personal ad on AOL,that i liked and decided to respond to. so i added her to my buddy list,and when i saw that she was online,i started up a conversation.
it went well,,i sent her some pics of me,and she said that she liked them.
we chatted through IM's a few more times,then i asked her if she would like to meet sometime,she said sure ,and give me her number.
I called her the following evening,and we talked for about an hour and a half. we agreed to meet the next night at a resturant near her house,after she got off work.
she wasn't sure what time she would get home from work,but she thought it would be aruond 10:30,and should give her a call around then or she would give me a call when she got in.
around 9:30 i gave her a call and left a message on her machine,telling her that i was home and ready to go whenever she got in and was ready to leave.
at 11: 30 i still hadn't heard anything from her,so i decided to go do something else and get out of the house.
just as i was about to leave she calls and says she's home
and it will take her about thirty minutes to get ready.
i say fine i'll meet you there,it takes me 20 min to get to the resturant,and i sit at the bar another 30 min. waiting,having a few drinks, and thinking ive been stood up,
i dont even go to the restroom,cause im afraid i might miss
her. and again just when i start to give up and leave she comes walking trhough the door.
im thrilled to see her,im so happy that she really showed up,being late didn't matter a bit to me,she was there! she was beutifull! I couldn't believe it!

we talked and it was going good i thought ,i asked what she thought of me,and if she might want to get together for a real date. she said that yes she would like to see me again. and we continued talking and laughing.
she asked me why i kept looking at my watch,was i in a hurry to go somewhere else. no i was checking to see how much time i had with her,cause i knew when 2:00 came and the resturant closed we would part way's for the evening.
i really had a good time,and i told her that more than once

we said good night,and i told her i would call her later on. that was friday night.
i called her earlier today,to see if she would like to go rollerblading or maybe take in a movie. when she answered the phone it went like this;
her; hello
me; hi how you doing
her; im fine how are you
me; im good , so what are you doing today?
her; who is this?
me; its Tony
hre; oh how was your flight?
me; huh?
her; how was your flight?
me; uh youve got the wrong tony
her; oh i keep getting you mixed up
her: tony? oh! tony that i meet fri night?
me ;yes
so now i feel really special,and that i must have made a really memoriable first impression on her.
any way she says she has to work today ,so ask her if she wuold like to do something later in the week. she says yes.
and i say great i will call you then,and she says'shes looking forward to it.

so here's my problem; i feel like im at the very ass end of a very long line of guy's waiting to date this girl.
my self esteem isn't the best and i tend to think that she is just being nice to me to keep from hurting my feelings.
she admits to having an emotional "wall" from previuos relationships.
i really like this girl,but i feel she is out of my leauge,and that i don't have that much to offer her.
but i cant stop thinking of her, i would really like for something to develope with her, help!!!!!

 

[Siren]

 

[*Eve*]

Well, I don't want to sound harsh, but you did answer an ad on the net and so it's not unlikely that she has had other answers to her ad as well. I think you should just get to know this girl a little bit more before you begin to expect anything more from her. If things are meant to happen between you she will probably take that ad off the net. Just take thing slowly because if you appear too eager too fast you just may scare her off.

 

[Hullo_nurse]

Right on Eve!!

I agree with Eve... if you push too hard too fast she is gonna bolt for the door.

Take it slow... go on a few dates. See if there is a spark between the two of you. Be her friend and don't try to hump her on the first real date...


Be a gentleman... open doors, hold her hand, walk on the side of the sidewalk closest to the street, stand up when she gets up, pull her chair out for her at the table & scoot it in. Stuff guys just don't do anymore!!

 

[Tony]

thank you ladies for the help!
Eve ,I know she has had other replies to her ad.
In fact its hard to talk to her when she is online cause of all the other IM's she recieves.
and Nurse , trying to hump her on the first date is not what im thinking. i don't really care how long that part takes as long as i knew that she cared about me.
so here is my next question: how do i play it calm ,cool and collected,and not overly eager(btw. i may have already committed the too earger part) and yet still seem interested ? i want to stay fresh in her mind,so should i call her every day....every other day.....once a week.....the day before i want to go out?
How do i let her know im still here and not run her off?
thanks, Tony

 

[Guest]

Good advice

You've already have received a lot of very good advice. My advice to you is to really try and communicate with her. Ask her about her likes and dislikes. She told you that she keeps a wall up to protect her feelings and you should respect that. You should also keep a little wall of your own up for the same reason.

Good luck, Chal

 

[Hung_Like_Horsey]

Looking for something?

 

[Bodizefi]

Women get a monsterous amounts of replies from the net as well as first in person meetings and phone call's. No need to feel distressed. Just the fact that she met you and wanted to go on a date is a huge positive for you. Just be yourself and if she is really interested you will rise to the top of the list and be bangin this babe in no time!

 

[Whispersecret]

Just be yourself and if she is really interested you will rise to the top of the list and be bangin this babe in no time!

Hmmm. I sorta hoped Tony was looking for someone special, not some bang-ee.

 

[Bodizefi]

Well he just might be Whisper. However, whether he finds her to be very special or just sexually attractive the ultimate goal is to get her in the sack. If it's just for sex, that will be sooner.....If it's for romance then it will be later. Either way he will be bangin her. That's what I meant.

 

[Sonora]

"the ultimate goal is to get her in the sack."

Guess men and women DO have different priorities!

 

[Sammyjo]

Ummm...yeah...I've sort of been following this hoping that the banging part wasn't going to get brought up...yeesh.

It is unfortunate that banging is the ultimate goal here. What about getting to know someone, having a good time...not all dates or relationships wind you up in the sack.

I am concerned though about one thing...is she ditzy? because I placed a personals ad through yahoo, and had quite a few responses...but never once did I not know who I was talking to. It makes me nervous for you, but I wish you all the best.

 

[Svedish_Chef]

"the ultimate goal is to get her in the sack."

Guess men and women DO have different priorities!

I alway preferred a bed

makes me wish I had that sort of luck...

Slow and steady, tony. I hope it works out

da chef

 

[Tony]

well if anyone is interested,...Here's an update.
I did not talk to her on Monday,but i called her on tuesday to ask her if she would like to see a movie tonight.
I thought she would be at work when i called ,and i was planning on leaving her a messege. She answered the phone and sounded a little down,so i asked her what was wrong. She said nothing ,but i could tell that something was wrong. So i asked her if she was sure she was ok,and then she told me the story of her day. she said she had to go to court yesterday,and that her ex-boyfriend had a restraining order put on her for 2 years. She said that he had abused her while they were together,and she finaly had him arrested before they brokeup. when she was in court he was telling the judge alot of lies,and even had his mother there as a witness,also telling lies(according to her). When she told the judge of his arrest for dom.violence,he could find nothing on the courts computer about it.
I felt bad for her cause she was really down. I wanted to help cheer her up or take her mind off her problems,so i asked her if she wanted to go do something,or maybe i could cook her dinner. She thought about it and said to call her back in an hour, as she was waiting for a friend to call her who might be able to her out with the courts.
I called back in an hour.......busy
I called back in an hour1/2....busy
I called back in 2 hours.......busy
so finaly i give up and jump online. Well there her screen name is on my buddy list"she's online" so i say"i geuss the answer is no" and she types back " no for what " then i type and ask if her friend was able to help her and she said no. Well at this point im feeling a little " unloved " so ask her if i can tell her whats on my mind,she says sure, so i tell her that although i beleive she is a good and honest person, i dont beleive she is interested in me the way that i am interested in her, and that i beleive she is just playing nice so as not to hurt my feeling. She replies that she hasn't lied to me, and that she would like to see me again. Before i can send a reply to that she signs off,so i call her up. she still sounds down and she is sobbing so i ask her if i can come over and give her a shoulder to cry on. at that point she says that she thought i was out of town, NOW im confused and then have to remind her of who she is talking to. We talk some more and she is still sobbing about the days events. I then ask her again if i can come over there,i hate to hear someone crying . She agrees and says thats she is waiting for another friend to call her who might be able to help her,and that she will call me back and give me directions to her house in about 1/2 hr. Needless to say, she doesn't call,so i go to bed.
I call her this morning when i think she is awake,and ask her how she is today,she says she is a little better and that it will take some time to get over this, some more small talk i say that i just wanted to say hi....see how she was doing this morning and let her know that i was thinking of her and if she needed to talk ,just give me a call.then i said have a good day and take care. and we said bye.

well sports fans, thats it! I can't believe my pathetic life. why does finding someone special have to be this hard?
i don't know where to go from here, but i don't think im gonna call her for a while. i feel like a pest buzzin around her head but she just doesn't have the heart to sqaush me......................

 

[Angelique]

Tony, I'm not trying to sound accusatory here, but WTF??? Sounds to me like this gal isn't all together and you're best off without her. Any chance she's doing drugs?

Sorry if that sounds harsh, but you don't deserve that.

 

[Savage Kitten]

wow Tony...

you sound like a pretty nice guy but you also sound very very needy. I'm not trying to be cruel or anything and I'm sure I don't have the whole picture of it. But you have called that girl a whole lotta times. It sounds as if she's going through a really tough time right now.. and I'm sure if you already had an 'established' friendship with this girl it would be the right thing to do to offer to be there for her to cry on your shoulder. But, can you understand the position she's in? She must be really confused and somewhat overwhelmed right now.

When I put an ad in an online service I was really down and looking for some kind of attention. Even the slightest email from a man acknowledging I was alive made my day. The first few days I averaged 60-75 emails per day and after a week or so it slowed down to about 15 a day. I was able to be very picky about who I emailed and only a few did I add to my ICQ list but I didn't let people call me right away though. Eventually I deleted my ad and narrowed my list down to 1 guy, who ironically lives in orlando, we talked on the phone for several weeks before we actually met. We both were physically and menally stimualted by one another. We had planned on spending 5 days together but it turned out to be only 3. To make a longer story a lil shorter (haha) he was going through some stuff at the time and he couldn't think clearly with me consuming all his time and engery *chuckles* so we called it a lil short. We both agreed that things happened rather quickly and the timing wasn't right. So we both are still friends... just not as intense as before.

I guess my advice is, go a little slower. I'm sure she knows your interested. I think its time you sat back and let her make the next move. Try not to be pushy or you will just wind up pushing her away.

*hugz n kissez*
Best of luck Tony

SK~

 

[Tony]

SK~ you made some good points and ,and i may have over stepped my bounds,but she was crying and she sounded like she wanted to talk . i wanted to help but ,it probably was not my place to offer that.
i don't think im THAT needy, ive been single for a long time and im just getting tired of being alone. sometimes i get a little over anxious when i see something i want.
thank you for the huggs and the kisses! i needed that...... OH!DAMN i guess i am needy afterall.

 

[Blues]

Tony

You seem like a nice guy, maybe too nice.

Stay away from this girl!!!!!!

Spend your time on someone worth persuing, and who at least knows who you are and who she is talking too.

 

[Nogard]

I would suggest you give her your phone number, possibly on a card as was suggested (so she can identify you) and sit back and wait. If she's interested she'll call, if not at least you'll know where you stand and you can move on and find someone that has as much interest in you as you do in them.

 

[Tony]

well hey everybody:
this is the third and probably the last installment you will have to indure.
I called Monique this wednseday to set up a date this saturday. she said that was fine but it had to be an early date because she allways went to her freinds bar on sat. night. and said that i should call her today to firm up plans , I called her this mornibng and asked her if dinner and a movie was alright with her , she said that was fine and that she would be ready around 6 and that i should call her about 5. well i called her at 5
i called her at 5:30
i called her at 6:00
i called her at 6:30
o called her at 7:00
i called her at7:30 the phone was bnusy
i called her at 8:00 the phone was busy
i called her at 8:30 the phone was busy
i called her at 9;30 the phone wqs busy
i called her at 10:00 no answer
10;30 no answer
11;00

 

[SimplySouthern]

Tony~

No offense here buddy, (and ya'll don't get mad at me) but you are beginning to seem a little past needy here. I have to admit that if I were this chick (who doesn't seem altogether there either) I would be running for the hills by now. Although I am not like this and I like to tell it like it is, some women are "too nice" to tell a man they arent interested. Seems to me you hooked up with one of those. I have always beleived that actions speak louder than words. I think she has said all she needs to in the way she treats you.

In my opinion you should move on and find someone worthy of your amorous attentions. Perhaps place your own personal ad?

Best of Luck to you.

 

[Gingersnap]

Tony Tony Tony Honey you do not want to start a relationship with a person on the rebound. They often are so focused on their own pain they fail to see that they are the authors of anothers suffering. Try getting involved in something that will bring you into a crowd and have fun. The most attractive feature in people is their smile and when was the last time you could resist a person having fun.
There is an old saying in my neck of the woods. Never go to bed with someone who has more problems then you do...If you make it a focus to have fun you will meet people. There are so many folks around us that are lonely and longing for a loving relationship. I think you will be pleasantly surprized.

 

[Dudley]

Time to Move On...Quickly

Tony, my man, I have few words of advice for you. Run, don't walk, away from this woman. Forget her name, throw away her phone number and take her name off your "buddy list." Go do it now...I'll wait.

I may be new to this BBS, but I ain't new to life in the big city. Whatever her reasons, this woman is interested enough in you to keep you on the line but not interested enough to reel you in, and you really need to face up to that. Having made some of the same mistakes myself, I can tell you that trying to ingratiate yourself with someone by being their savior or their shoulder to cry on is going to lead you nowhere but heartbreak. This babe has so many red flags popping up on her that she must look like a porcupine in a May Day parade and a lifetime spent alone watching TV would be better than being with her.

Go find somebody who makes dates and keeps them, returns your phone calls and with whom the phrases "ex-boyfriend" and "restraining order" don't come up in conversation quite so much. Trust me, you'll be glad you did...