Non-Verbal Communication

[Little Girl]

Because I've developed the skills of non-verbal communcation for so long, mostly because it seemed I didn't have a voice, that I tend to pay more attention to what a person doesn't say than what they do. Though it served me well working in Law Enforcement and as a hostage negotiator, I find that in personal relationships, it's become a hinderance. I know the saying is 'Actions speak louder than words,' but how do you keep from making that the whole focus instead of just a sidebar to the communcation? Does anybody have any suggestions on how to stop focusing so much on the non-verbal that I miss a lot of the verbal?

I think that's my biggest problem with communication. And I realize in a D/s relationship, you have to be open to the non-verbal as well as the verbal. I was wondering if anyone else has had that problem, and if they've been able to get past it and how?

 

[Lancecastor]

Hi;

Perhaps there are two things going on in your question.

First, your people-reading skills would be far above average from working in law enforcement...red yellow green is second nature to you, right? Perhaps you need to find BDSM-interested people who also have high non-verbal capacities.

Second, if you're relatively new to skin to skin BDSM, you might be a bit shy about it or perhaps haven't met the right person/people to open up verbally with yet.

What do you think?



Lance

 

[Little Girl]

My Thoughts

Yes you are right on both counts, I have very well developed people reading skills, but my ability to vocalize is something I am working on to get better at. I have a tendancy to expect others to read my non-verbal the way I read theirs and that isn't fair to them or myself. I have not had a skin to skin D/s relationship to this point; however, it is something I am looking for and am starting to expand my knowledge base as well. I want to meet others and hopefully learn more about the lifestyle as well as myself and learn to vocalize more. I don't know if it is so much discomfort with verbalizing as much as it is a skill I shut down for so long.

Thanks for the input Lance and hopefully vocalizing is something that will get easier the more I practice it.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: My Thoughts

Yes you are right on both counts, I have very well developed people reading skills, but my ability to vocalize is something I am working on to get better at. I have a tendancy to expect others to read my non-verbal the way I read theirs and that isn't fair to them or myself. I have not had a skin to skin D/s relationship to this point; however, it is something I am looking for and am starting to expand my knowledge base as well. I want to meet others and hopefully learn more about the lifestyle as well as myself and learn to vocalize more. I don't know if it is so much discomfort with verbalizing as much as it is a skill I shut down for so long.

Thanks for the input Lance and hopefully vocalizing is something that will get easier the more I practice it.

One good thing about BDSM, is that you can someitmes use it to develop rituals and activities that will help one partner develop and hone skills that may be dormant.

Ebony