NO orgasm with bf, PLEASE help...

[zerimar1231]

Up until Nov 2004 i was a virgin, the guy that i'm with is my 1st bf and we've been having sex but i have yet to orgasm. He's a great guy, very understanding and always trying to give me pleasure but lately i've been so frustrated and depressed that i just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so lonely bc i have no one to talk to or ask questions to. All i do is cry and i know that won't fix anything, please help, i feel so dysfunctional.

 

[Fleatopia]

Have you ever had an orgasm at all? From masturbation or from previous foreplay/makeout sessions?

 

[willingtotry]

Up until Nov 2004 i was a virgin, the guy that i'm with is my 1st bf and we've been having sex but i have yet to orgasm. He's a great guy, very understanding and always trying to give me pleasure but lately i've been so frustrated and depressed that i just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so lonely bc i have no one to talk to or ask questions to. All i do is cry and i know that won't fix anything, please help, i feel so dysfunctional.

Ahh, honey! I feel the same way. My gf and I had sex last weekend and she tried and tried but I couldn't orgasm. I have battled depression and now I'm on Prozac. It's hard to enjoy the moment when you're stressed out. I actually caught myself thinking about homework as we laid in bed having sex. You really have to be in the mood. I found that when I was depressed, I was never in the mood. Now that I'm taking medication, it's harder to orgasm but I have a much better sex drive. I see a psychiatrist and that helps a lot! Maybe give that a try.

Relax and it'll happen naturally. Don't worry.

 

[zerimar1231]

Have you ever had an orgasm at all? From masturbation or from previous foreplay/makeout sessions?

I have before from clitoral stimulation, nothing major, not a full body orgasm or anything like that. I don't own any toys or videos or anything like that. I do enjoy literature, but maybe i'm lacking fantasies? He's asked about anal sex, but i told him "not yet", if ever! He hasn't asked since.

 

[College_geek]

Up until Nov 2004 i was a virgin, the guy that i'm with is my 1st bf and we've been having sex but i have yet to orgasm. He's a great guy, very understanding and always trying to give me pleasure but lately i've been so frustrated and depressed that i just don't know what to do anymore. I feel so lonely bc i have no one to talk to or ask questions to. All i do is cry and i know that won't fix anything, please help, i feel so dysfunctional.

I love orgasms as much as the next person, but sometimes I think that we all focus on orgasming too much. Do you have lots of foreplay? Have you orgasmed by yourself? Do you just have intercourse or do you do oral or fingering or use toys? My biggest bit of advice would be relax, take a deep breath, and talk about it with your boyfriend. I can never say it enough, communication is key. Take the time to go slowly and discover yourself (whether by yourself or with your boyfriend) and what gives you pleasure. Try not to focus on the orgasm, just enjoying your time with each other. Good luck, dear.

 

[zerimar1231]

Do you have lots of foreplay?

we have foreplay, not too much, but it happens.

Have you orgasmed by yourself?

yes

Do you just have intercourse or do you do oral or fingering or use toys?

All 3, no toys. but i'm now considering it! any suggestions?

My biggest bit of advice would be relax, take a deep breath, and talk about it with your boyfriend. Take the time to go slowly and discover yourself (whether by yourself or with your boyfriend) and what gives you pleasure. Try not to focus on the orgasm, just enjoying your time with each other.

Thank you for your feedback every1, please keep them coming.

 

[College_geek]

we have foreplay, not too much, but it happens.

yes

All 3, no toys. but i'm now considering it! any suggestions?

Thank you for your feedback every1, please keep them coming.

Okay. Maybe more foreplay might help. Have a good long makeout session. Explore each other. Taste each other. Before diving right in. This may make you more aroused and able to orgasm through intercourse.

Since you're able to orgasm alone, that's not an issue.

Toys for couples can be fun. Lit has a toy website and www.mypleasure.com is a personal fave of mine. The two of you may want to browse together and see what you can find.

I was also just thinking...when you have sex, is it purely vaginal or does your clit get attention, too? Some women just aren't able to orgasm with only vaginal stimulation, or not with vaginal stimulation through sex.

 

[zerimar1231]

when you have sex, is it purely vaginal or does your clit get attention, too? Some women just aren't able to orgasm with only vaginal stimulation, or not with vaginal stimulation through sex.

I have tried touching the clit through sex but all the movement makes me loose control & stimulation. i think i'll try a full body massage, him going down on me (69), then touching the clit for stimulation, and finally when i'm really aroused i'll have him penetrate me. hope this works. also this weekend or next, i'll see if we can go shopping! toy shopping that is. I'm gonna check out that website!

 

[College_geek]

I have tried touching the clit through sex but all the movement makes me loose control & stimulation. i think i'll try a full body massage, him going down on me (69), then touching the clit for stimulation, and finally when i'm really aroused i'll have him penetrate me. hope this works. also this weekend or next, i'll see if we can go shopping! toy shopping that is. I'm gonna check out that website!

You might want to look into cock rings that have clitoral ticklers on them.

 

[Willing and Unsure]

here's a thought, and it's something I've heard around here quite a bit in the past.

Try playing with yourself when you're alone. Find out what you like, what places really stimulate you and what doesnt. Seriously explore yourself and enjoy it. Really explore too, see what your nipples, clit, vagina, etc. all like and dislike. It may help even to just close your eyes and let your mind relax completely so you're just feeling it all physically. However, don't go into the whole thing with the mindset of "I have to find out how to orgasm" just let it happen and enjoy the experience. If anything, it will help you then to be able to tell your boyfriend what you like and you can show him then.

I agree with the others as well about talking to your boyfriend. One thing that I think might have been left out, if it wasnt obvious, is when/if you do talk to him, do it when you are not in the bedroom setting.

 

[Willing and Unsure]

I also wanted to add here, after Mr. G just bumped it, look into the Try This & Report Back thread for a great time that you and your boyfriend may want to consider trying.

 

[College_geek]

I also wanted to add here, after Mr. G just bumped it, look into the Try This & Report Back thread for a great time that you and your boyfriend may want to consider trying.

She beat you to that, WU.

 

[LadyJeanne]

I have tried touching the clit through sex but all the movement makes me loose control & stimulation. i think i'll try a full body massage, him going down on me (69), then touching the clit for stimulation, and finally when i'm really aroused i'll have him penetrate me. hope this works. also this weekend or next, i'll see if we can go shopping! toy shopping that is. I'm gonna check out that website!

Except for the full body massage, this approach wouldn't really work for me. 69 is too distracting for me to really relax and focus on what he's doing to me. Stopping the clit stimulation totally in favor of penetration would immediately stop my build-up to a climax. I never come from penetration without clit stimulation, and even then it's really hard.

Has he ever tried giving you oral until you come? Maybe that full body massage with lots of fingering and teasing, leading to oral while you lie back and breath and just enjoy the sensations without doing anything else?

The other thing I'd suggest if you're up for it, is to masturbate yourself to orgasm while he watches you, and maybe strokes your skin while he's watching. That will give him a lot of information on how you like to be touched. You can also take his hand in yours and show him where and how you like it.

He can always penetrate after you've come - it feels just as good then.

If you're bound and determined to come while he's penetrating, a vibe that you or he can hold on your clit might help.

There is nothing wrong with you and you absolutely should not stress out about this. It takes a long time to truly know your body and all the ways you can be turned on.

Good luck and have fun experimenting!

 

[Willing and Unsure]

She beat you to that, WU.

*laughs* I didnt even look in the thread.

We've done that on occasion and it's just amazing. He's even found a way after a great bit of foreplay to go for extra stimulation with his penis right on the g-spot while in the doggy position.... I usually orgasm so hard that it almost hurts him or he gets spit out and my body just wont let him back in. Anyways, the title just reminded me about it and just wanted to make sure it was mentioned somewhere at least.

 

[zerimar1231]

Has he ever tried giving you oral until you come?

he has but it never gets anywhere, we usually start out with oral then with his finger he rolls the clit until i orgasm, usually takes an hr.

Maybe that full body massage with lots of fingering and teasing, leading to oral while you lie back and breath and just enjoy the sensations without doing anything else?

I gotta do this, it's hard though considering we both live with our parents! Now i know what hotels were made for.

is to masturbate yourself to orgasm while he watches you, and maybe strokes your skin while he's watching. That will give him a lot of information on how you like to be touched. You can also take his hand in yours and show him where and how you like it. He can always penetrate after you've come - it feels just as good then.

I have done this b4, i'll do it again so he refreshes his mind.

If you're bound and determined to come while he's penetrating, a vibe that you or he can hold on your clit might help.

I think this is a great idea, i just don't know how to introduce a toy into the bedroom without hurting his feelings or making him obsolete. That's obviously not my intent and i know he'll understand, i'll make sure it's something small, but he's not that type of guy that would get jealous or be mad about something like that.

 

[zerimar1231]

Mr. GGG's thread

We've done that on occasion and it's just amazing.

i'll try this soon, now if only i knew where the G-spot was! I have to buy myself a book on this stuff. Now when i look back, Sex Education was worthless! All they taught was abstinence, uhhh! *rolling eyes* Thank u 4 all ur help, keep the feedback coming.

 

[indianapwnes]

According to Dr Drew, the majority of women cannot orgasm from intercourse alone, *Ever.*

You're ahead of the game, at your age, because you've experienced orgasm by yourself.

Relax, and do what comes naturally. You are normal and don't let anyone make you feel inadaquate because you don't measure up to how they think your sexual experience should occur.

Also, keep in mind, a message board like this will select for highly sexual people, that will tint the kind of advice you'll get.

 

[Willing and Unsure]

Also, keep in mind, a message board like this will select for highly sexual people, that will tint the kind of advice you'll get.

you havent been around here long. I wouldnt recommend making generalizations like this when you really dont kow what type of advice that will be given. Most of the advice in this thread (if not all), as well as in most every other thread on the how to board is somewhat situation specific for each question that comes up but is also somewhat generalized so that it can be beneficial for many people.

 

[indianapwnes]

you havent been around here long. I wouldnt recommend making generalizations like this when you really dont kow what type of advice that will be given. Most of the advice in this thread (if not all), as well as in most every other thread on the how to board is somewhat situation specific for each question that comes up but is also somewhat generalized so that it can be beneficial for many people.

I was lurking before I registered my account in 2003... but I'll grant you I haven't been here forever.

I didn't say that the composition of the board being likely to have a correlation to the advice it gives was good or bad. The tone of your reply feels to me like maybe you thought that was where I was going. I may be mistaken.

That being said, you cannot say that a specific population, such as visitors to an internet sexual advice forum, will not select for certain qualities... that's just science. What those shared qualities may be, however are up to speculation.

We know certain things about the population of lit users... each is affluent enough to gain access to computers for example, be it through a friend, work, or library or school, or if they own their own. We will never get the perspective of person xyz who has ancient training in hedonistic pleasures, but lives in a cave and doesn't really communicate with people outside his or her social group. So therefore the responses a post here will recieve only take certain perspectives into account. The perspectives of people who visit the board and bother to post. That's a fact, not a value judgement.

That's general, this is specific:

Most of the advice in this thread (if not all), as well as in most every other thread on the how to board is somewhat situation specific for each question that comes up but is also somewhat generalized so that it can be beneficial for many people.

You're making my point for me. Much of the advice given so far in this thread assumes that she should be experiencing orgasm from penetrative sex, and if she's not, well, she just needs to hang in there and work on it, and explore it etc... that's all very good advice, make no mistake. I'm just saying that's not the only way to go, and not everyone will experience sex that way.

I think there are harmful generalisations throughout this thread, and people put too much BS pressure on women. I'm trying to free the OP from that.

 

[Mr.L.J.M]

It must be very frustrating..... it sounds so cliche, but just try and relax... dont put to much pressure on yourself, let it happen.... if your sepnding your spare time crying about it, your letting it get to you too much.

At least, on the positive side, you sound like you have an open mind and your very willing to try new and different things. thats where the fun comes in.

 

[indianapwnes]

I just want to make it clear to the original poster that she shouldn't feel pressure that she needs to experience sexuality and orgasm the way, say Cosmopolitan, or whatever outside influences suggest she should.

 

[Alsharlan]

Hi Zerimar

Get you and your bf to slow down and explore each other slowly... build up of sexual tension could start when you are first together after work..you could whisper "I love you, and want you" and a kiss and hug..... and set the scene for a romantic evening..

Perhaps over dinner, caressing over outer garments....

Nice music in the background always helps.

Set up the sexual tone that suits you.. and most ladies prefer a long build up.. I do, and I am not a lady!!

Hope this helps

Al

 

[mrtnmoon]

i'll try this soon, now if only i knew where the G-spot was! I have to buy myself a book on this stuff. Now when i look back, Sex Education was worthless! All they taught was abstinence, uhhh! *rolling eyes* Thank u 4 all ur help, keep the feedback coming.

I'm not saying you shouldn't educate yourself, zeri, but mr. ggg's technique makes it very easy to find the g-spot. not necessarily for you, but for your b/f.

I felt pretty clueless the first time I tried it on my friend but mr. ggg's directions were pretty simple for me to follow and they worked like a charm. she'd never had an orgasm before even tho she had had a lot of sexual experience.... more than me, actually, even tho I'm 20 years older than she is. anyway.... all it takes is a little patience and a willingness to please your partner....I'd have done anything for her. if your b/f fees the same way, print out mr. ggg's post and have him read it and then you can try it together. good luck.

 

[indianapwnes]

Hi Zerimar

Get you and your bf to slow down and explore each other slowly... build up of sexual tension could start when you are first together after work..you could whisper "I love you, and want you" and a kiss and hug..... and set the scene for a romantic evening..

Perhaps over dinner, caressing over outer garments....

Nice music in the background always helps.

Set up the sexual tone that suits you.. and most ladies prefer a long build up.. I do, and I am not a lady!!

Hope this helps

Al

very good advice... the longer you let the tension build, the better everything will feel. like waiting just a bit for your ice cream cone to start melting before you start on it.

 

[Daddy's Angel]

Just a personal note...I didn't have orgasms until I was around 30. I've had different partners, and was married during that time, but it just didn't happen. Then one day, after I was divorced, something unlocked with a lover...I don't know if it was just him, or me, or what, but THANK GOD. My point is that it may be your body, and it may take a while. I feel for you, but the more pressure you put on yourself, the longer it could take. Just enjoy your partner and yourself.