No more regrets....post them here!

[sangerin]

None

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[ydahecnot]

I would think you'd more regret being a Browns fan. Seriously, that's a tough choice for someone young. Too bad your heart was/is with an inflexible man.

 

[pkinginva32]

I was 1995 and I was about to graduate college. I wanted to get my Master's Degree immediately following undergrad to "get it out of the way." I was accepted into a prestigious music conservatory in NYC. The one I worked towards being accepted to, the one I practiced for months to audition for...
I was involved with a "man" who became my husband.

He wasn't moving to NYC and I chose love over my passion.

Not that I couldn't pursuit my passion but it was never the same and wasn't as attainable in my location which ironically is the same area I've lived 36 of my 42 years of life (give or take time at college).

I think about this decision that was truly life changing, a lot. I used to dwell on every negative aspect of it trying to build myself up. When in reality, I need to let it go. But I can't let it go. My life is not what I wanted and I'm not sure how to get where I want to be anymore. Just do it comes to mind but I'm chock full of excuses, fears and did I mention excuses?

I'm realizing that it's about finding new passions or replacing with realistic ones. More attainable. But my intelligent side still says it's giving up and I'm not a quitter. Maybe it's about finding a happy medium, too.


If you have your whole life ahead of you ENJOY IT AND DO NOT LET ANY PERSON, PLACE OR THING hold you back!

Dreaming is free but if you wait too long to chase those dreams you may keep running a long time.

Don't be in a rush for marriage and children. It's better to discover who YOU are when you are unattached than to be 40-50 something and still searching. It's only fair to you and to your loved ones.

This thread is dedicated to all you lovely readers that have a regret or not sure what step to take next. Feel free to comment or post--I'm not seeking advice this is more to vent in a safe place.

Regrets, I only have one in my life. Sure there are quite a few places I would love to do a do-over at, but only one true regret. I don't regret my marriage, that had to be done, and it gave me my beautiful daughter so I will never regret that. Joining the Marines was something I would do again as well even boot camp if it came to that. Nope. Losing a good friend over a stupid action was the only regret.

I've learned that time truly does heal all wounds, but some scars will never fade even over time. With that in mind. I would suggest that you realize 42 is not that old. Hell, I've just realized that I'm almost 50. Where did the time go. I'm not as thin as I used to be, not as fast, not as strong but I'm more financially stable and I have a decent little bit of a fun time now in my life. So I really think it's time for a jump or time for a decision to stay. Nobody can make that decision for you. We can all be selfish and hope you go in a direction we want.

 

[sangerin]

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[sangerin]

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[DarkSimian]

The worst two words in the English language are "What If?". I used to live my whole life dreaming about the What IFs that could happen, the What Ifs that didn't happen, the What Ifs that should have happen. It was slowly driving me crazy, and depression was eating away at me a little bit more each day. So I tried a different tack; I accepted the Many Worlds Theory of cosmology. In an infinite universe, there are an infinite possibility of choices, and each choice can and does happen. So somewhere out the is a universe where I married that girl, choose that job, finished college....and somewhere out there is a me that is truly happy.

Now I just need to find that dimension, and find a way to go there.....but that's a dream for another day

 

[Jamiegeo]

I regret a few things, although in comparison to many people mine are most probably mediocre and inconsequential.. My mission (should i ever decide to except) it is to vanquish these regrets from my psyche by excepting that, many things in life are to be treated as experiences to be learnt from rather than dwelled on and re run looking for reasons or excuses or 'could've beens'..
I read on here someone say: 'depression is living in the past, anxiety is living in the future,peace is living now'..(i think thats about right).

 

[sangerin]

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[Schwarzschild]

There was a dark time in my life that always feels not too long ago. I was struggling with depression, shame, guilt, remorse, and regret, and the worst part was that it was all deserved. I spent over a year hating myself and playing what ifs through my head wishing I could go back. I drove away my friends, my family, damaged my career, and myself. I eventually got help and was brought to a couple epiphanies that I've lived by ever since.

The first was that no matter what I do, I can't undo the past. No matter how big of a mistake one makes, it can always be made worse by letting it follow you and ruin your life further. Learn from it, and move on, adjust for the future, or you're just making things worse.

The second was that as terrible as what happened was, it could have been worse and there is no telling what would have happened had things not gone the way they did (think Butterfly Effect or Back to the Future). So if things could be worse, and they aren't, be thankful for that.

I can honestly say there are only two events in my life I would change if given the chance. I've made plenty of mistakes, but they've put me where I am and made me who I am, which isn't awful so I'll take it and run towards an even better tomorrow with new adventures and maybe new mistakes.

Anyways, that's my two cents.

 

[sangerin]

I regret a few things, although in comparison to many people mine are most probably mediocre and inconsequential.. My mission (should i ever decide to except) it is to vanquish these regrets from my psyche by excepting that, many things in life are to be treated as experiences to be learnt from rather than dwelled on and re run looking for reasons or excuses or 'could've beens'..
I read on here someone say: 'depression is living in the past, anxiety is living in the future,peace is living now'..(i think thats about right).

Your thoughts, your regrets are NOT mediocre or inconsequential. You matter the same as anyone else.

I agree, we need to accept and move on.


https://mypeacefulheart.files.wordpress.com/2013/07/if-you-are-at-peace-you-are-living-in-the-present-lao-tzu.jpg?w=510

 

[Jamiegeo]

"Learn from yesterday, Live for today, Hope for tomorrow"...
Another phrase i like to remember sometimes

 

[UrbanBohemian]

Years ago someone I was with was considering moving to California to live with a friend of hers. She said she didn't know what to do. She could move there and I could go with her, in which case she had enough cash to support us for a while and I could switch doctors, get better benefits and all that, stay in Vegas with me, or just go if I didn't want to continue our relationship. She gave me a way out. I did want to be with her but I didn't want to leave Vegas because that's where my family is and it's my home. She wanted to go to California because she was just getting sick of living in the desert, hated her job, and all that. But she said she'd stay and get another job if I wanted her to. At the time my health was going downhill and no matter what I did it seemed I couldn't stop that. So seeing how unhappy she seemed to be I told her to go and I would stay. I was honest with her, I didn't want to break up, but she just wasn't happy and I just didn't want to leave. With my health problems I thought it would be unfair to saddle her with all that and so we went our separate ways. I took the way out and as I saw it set her free or some bullshit like that.

With the benefit of hindsight I think it would have been better to tell her to stay and get a different job, we could have gotten an apartment in a better part of town with all the cash she had saved up, sold the tiny one bedroom condo where I was living at the time, (which ended up being sold anyway) and let the relationship go wherever it was going. I now realize I was being selfish when I thought it was the opposite. She knew about all my health issues and had my back through everything that had happened up to that point. So letting her make that choice and deciding for herself would have been the right thing to do but instead I more or less dumped her and took that part of it into my own hands.

When you have a lot of problems you tend to think it's better if you don't burden someone with all your shit but really all you're doing is getting wrapped up in your own problems and not giving the other person/persons enough credit to believe they can handle it. That's the selfish choice to make. Unfortunately I realized it after it was too late and she was gone. If I wanted to I could probably get her to come back to Vegas and if I wanted to move there with her she'd do that in a minute even to this day. But so much time has passed and we're both such different people now that I just don't want to move backward at this point.

Lots of relationships last a long time and people grow and change together so if we'd stayed together we might still be together today and we'd have entered different stages in our lives together and it might have worked. I don't know if it would have or not. But after so much time apart I just can't really picture how it would be now. We still talk sometimes and she's doing okay. Not great but okay. She's single and so am I but it just seems like too much time has passed at this point. I'm not saying we could never try again but at this point I just want to move forward and not back. But I should have taken the opportunity to let the thing play out and see what happened. She could have moved later if she wanted to.

Maybe we'll find our way back to one another again but I don't know. I do regret not seeing what would happen. Neither one of us wants to have kids and do the whole thing society tells us to do. Get married, start a family, all that shit. So that wasn't going to be an issue as far as I could tell. She's pretty hot too so the attraction part was and is there. And we're very compatible sexually as well. I think she still loves me based on our conversations, emails, etc. But I don't still feel the same way, time and all that. I might be able to again and to be honest part of me wants to try again but it just kind of feels wrong at this point in my life. It's hard to explain but it feels like that would be going backward right now. I don't know. Maybe I don't really understand how I feel. But that is definitely a regret.

 

[sangerin]

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[GiggLeGasm]

If what you miss is playing music, go play music. Go play your instrument at community events or become a part of Center for Arts Inspired Learning (formerly Young Audiences) - many of the performers who perform with them have other full time jobs. Hook up with a senior choreography student and get creative. You can regret the path - but don't give up the music

 

[LIVINRFANTASIES]

Denny---<-----that's me! The male half

Right or wrong, we married young and had our first child while we were still kids. We had a total of three of our own and adopted another.

We learned a lot about life during those times.

Somehow we still followed our perverted dreams and enjoyed life, between the hardships and bad health. Yes, we've lived for better and worse, through sickness and health.

The only regret we both have is getting old.

What's the other choice?

 

[sangerin]

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[sangerin]

..........:’

 

[sangerin]

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[GiggLeGasm]

I'm a singer, and yes, I know I can do it...I don't have to give it up. I'm scared! Do I still have it in me? Am I good enough? Will people like me? Does it matter???? NO...it's about me. Maybe it's time to be more self centered than please everyone else?

I haven't heard of the Center for Arts Inspired Learning but will check them out!
The knowledge and the talent has never died but it's stifled and needs to come out!

Thanks for the response!

awwww.. you don't have to be perfect. you just have to be present.
As young performers, we often spend a greta deal of time being critiqued in front of peers, tribunals, and those who are also competing for the open spot. As adults, we bring life and love to the music. Don't give your power to the critics.. they've gown old as well.

 

[tnman03]

Regret's? Yeah, kind of like in an old song "I've had a few" but have learned not to dwell on them. Now I tend to look at obstacles and difficulties I encountered, overcame and progressed through with a sense of surprise. The reality is we can't undo anything but we can certainly learn from the past while moving forward into the future.

 

[sangerin]

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[UrbanBohemian]

To me it sounds like her mind was made up even though she came to you with options. How is letting her go and be happy selfish?

You're right though, you don't want to wrap others up in your problems and 99 percent of the time it's difficult to find someone that will walk with you through those problems. Maybe that's my experience though since I have a wall the size of the Great Wall around me.....

She didn't have her mind made up. She wanted me to tell her to stay. She told me that a couple of years later and I kind of knew it at the time. She was unhappy with her current arrangement, not living in Vegas. She just wanted to go to California to live with her friend and get a different job. Her friend made her an offer for very cheap rent so that's why she went.

It's selfish because if someone wants to stay with you even with the struggles that come with that and you want that too you should let them make an informed choice. If it's not what you want that's one thing but since it was I was taking that option out of her hands. I don't know if she'd have been happy had she stayed and done what we'd talked about and stayed together but it's possible. What I did, though, was not give her enough credit to think she might be able to handle it and just did it my way and didn't consider that she may have actually wanted to stay despite all the things that would have come with that. It's essentially getting wrapped up in your own shit and putting yourself on the cross when you do that. It's a trap a lot of us fall into but it's not noble. It's the opposite.

 

[Mrtenant]

Sometimes, what you may see as a regret for a path not taken, was actually the only way you could have gone. That events, even years later, occur that offer a prrof of sorts that you and your skills were needed for this one particular thing or many things. Had you gone that other road? The outcome may not have ever been ideal pr as good as it turned out.

Don't underestimate the hand of destiny. You are meant to be qhere you are. If you are fortunate? You'll realize why, and that not any other path would do.

Best regards,

 

[Leigh81]

I have a couple of regrets from my past, one of which I had no control over. Now after battling 2 illnesses & coming out on top, no more regrets. I can now appreciate living in the moment. Like everyone I can reflect back to certain moments, days, times in your life & say, that was awesome. Now I see it while it's happening.
No "what if's" in my future. If I want something then I'll go after it & obtain it. I don't do anything half ass in real life anymore. You have to live each day to the fullest because you never know what the future holds. Cancer sucks, but it has made me better in every aspect of my/our lives.

L

 

[sangerin]

Don't underestimate the hand of destiny. You are meant to be qhere you are. If you are fortunate? You'll realize why, and that not any other path would do.

Best regards,

What is your definition of destiny? Do you believe everything is preplanned for us?