'Nilla people are 'deviant'!

[Johnny Mayberry]

Something of a response to the current 'anti-BDSM' threads....

I have realized over the last year or so that not only am I not interested in purely nilla sex, but I find that it feels 'wrong'. I also notice that people who are very 'plain-jane' sexually are rather warped sexually and emotionally. There are so many hang-ups with those folks, while the kinkier types are comfortable in their own skin, more open and honest about themselves and their desires.

Plus, it carries over to the rest of life. Looking back, the most fun people I know, and have ever known, are also sexually adventurous, and that includes various levels of BDSM activity. Those are the people who I like and respect, the ones I want to spend time with.

 

[Ebonyfire]

I said it once, and I will say it again

I have yet to meet a man who was not kinky. Sex is sex, it is what you make it.

Vanilla (non-D/s, not non kinky) is a nice place to visit, but I personally rather live with a male submissive, not a boyfreind and/or husband.

This is just My opinion about My life, YMMV.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

Something of a response to the current 'anti-BDSM' threads....

I have realized over the last year or so that not only am I not interested in purely nilla sex, but I find that it feels 'wrong'. I also notice that people who are very 'plain-jane' sexually are rather warped sexually and emotionally. There are so many hang-ups with those folks, while the kinkier types are comfortable in their own skin, more open and honest about themselves and their desires.

Plus, it carries over to the rest of life. Looking back, the most fun people I know, and have ever known, are also sexually adventurous, and that includes various levels of BDSM activity. Those are the people who I like and respect, the ones I want to spend time with.

I find it to be somewhat of a paradox Johnny. I find 'nilla people to be soothing in a way that kinksters aren't. The problem being that soothing ends up becoming boredom and the relationship is ultimately doomed from the start. It frustrates me to the core.

Ultimately, though, I have to agree with you. I'd rather live my fantasy out than hide it in secret places to fester...which is what I did when I was a " nilla person "

~Anelize

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I think it is the suppressing of natural urges that makes 'nilla folk deviant. Some, of course, are at their exact comfort level, but so many would like to be doing something different.

 

[Pure]

John,

Perhaps this is the solution to the puzzle

There are only two types:

The deviants who haven't 'come out'

The ones who have.

Naturally the former are going to be a bit more uptight since they're sitting on a volcanoe, as it were.

OTOH, the latter may be more worried about stigma, cops, job loss, excommunication, ostracism and the like.

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

John,

Perhaps this is the solution to the puzzle

There are only two types:

The deviants who haven't 'come out'

The ones who have.

Naturally the former are going to be a bit more uptight since they're sitting on a volcanoe, as it were.

OTOH, the latter may be more worried about stigma, cops, job loss, excommunication, ostracism and the like.

I knew you wouldn't miss this one Pure darlin'

*snicker*

~Anelize

 

[Ebonyfire]

Deviant World

I think it is the suppressing of natural urges that makes 'nilla folk deviant. Some, of course, are at their exact comfort level, but so many would like to be doing something different.

Well since this is a deviant world, might as well join in.

One mans/womans deviance is another mans/womans norm.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

I think that being repressed is worse than anything. If all you really like is 'boring' sex, then more power to you. If you need more, why aren't you getting more? What kind of screwed up person has needs that they let go unfulfilled?

 

[AnelizeDarkEyes]

I think that being repressed is worse than anything. If all you really like is 'boring' sex, then more power to you. If you need more, why aren't you getting more? What kind of screwed up person has needs that they let go unfulfilled?

Perhaps they are blind to the fact that they even HAVE needs Johnny? Going along through life as "sheeple" (thank you psiberzerker) until one day .... BAM .... something hits 'em. And they realize that something is missing.

And then it gets ugly.

LOL

~Anelize

 

[MissTaken]

Does it really matter what you call it?

Sex is sex.

Vanilla, BDSM, straight, kinky or whatever. IF it feels good, do it. Don't worry about the moniker!

To be blunt, if I don't want others to analyze my sexuality or judge me by it, I am sure as hell not going to judge theirs.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Does it really matter what you call it?

Sex is sex.

Vanilla, BDSM, straight, kinky or whatever. IF it feels good, do it. Don't worry about the moniker!

To be blunt, if I don't want others to analyze my sexuality or judge me by it, I am sure as hell not going to judge theirs.

No, I don't think we should judge others...but I do think that you can identify trends. The trend I've noticed is about some nilla folk.

 

[Johnny Mayberry]

Oh, and if you have a problem with me and my attitude, you'll just have to spank me...

 

[lark sparrow]

Something of a response to the current 'anti-BDSM' threads....

I have realized over the last year or so that not only am I not interested in purely nilla sex, but I find that it feels 'wrong'. I also notice that people who are very 'plain-jane' sexually are rather warped sexually and emotionally. There are so many hang-ups with those folks, while the kinkier types are comfortable in their own skin, more open and honest about themselves and their desires.

Plus, it carries over to the rest of life. Looking back, the most fun people I know, and have ever known, are also sexually adventurous, and that includes various levels of BDSM activity. Those are the people who I like and respect, the ones I want to spend time with.

I need my sexual, romantic partner to be into BDSM too - can't beat it!

However, my entire family (as far as I know) are utterly nilla and straight, and I have quite a few, though open-minded, 'plain jane' sexually friends who I have an incredible support network with, and if it weren't it in part for them, I could not be the freak loving deviant I am. What is for them, is not always for me - what is for me, is not always for them, and still we manage to have a great time and create alot of love.

It's only those who can't look past their own desires and needs and malignantly try to force them on everyone else who are warped in my opinion. Those are people who are so uncomfortable in their own skin they cannot peacably exist unless everyone reflects their own wishes for reality.

 

[Pure]

As Freud and others have pointed out, if you look at the dreams of the 'vanilla' folk, the 'plain Janes' you find all manner of illicit sexual material, some of it 'deviate'. Fantasies of sex with the neighbor, the friend of same sex, etc.

The difference is in who, as they say, "acts it out" and of course who manages to act it out without being anti-social, or, as LS put it, without malignantly forcing their desires on others.

J.

 

[lark sparrow]

Yes, it all comes full circle, no matter which point you start.

edited for off topic material

 

[MissTaken]

I think that being repressed is worse than anything. If all you really like is 'boring' sex, then more power to you. If you need more, why aren't you getting more? What kind of screwed up person has needs that they let go unfulfilled?

Vanilla is not boring to those who love it.

Are there those who may find over the comng years that they would like more kink in thier sundaes?

Sure...

but , even within BDSM, what I find exciting might be completely boring to any one of you.

Again...our sexuality is individualized and intimate and ....

individualized!

 

[Pure]

Miss T on the BDSM community
//Again...our sexuality is individualized and intimate and ....

individualized! //

In my opinion, in any community, or at large, "individuals" are pretty rare.

Around here, for instance, the teens assert themselves in dress, with black jackets and pants. Yet sometimes there's a whole subway full of these indistinguishable black-uniformed self-asserters!

Truth be told, evesdropping on 99% of all bedrooms is likely to be a pretty boring experience. (Witness the 24/7 webcam sites.)

How does one become an individual?

 

[lark sparrow]

How can one not be an individual? Seriously.

Community fosters the similarties - those things that link us to others, allowing for the differences (within limits - we need some sameness to relate, we need some differences to stimulate).

To look at a group of people who are dressed alike and assume they are all the same is limited perception. As you are having that thought, the person next to you may be having the thought that the girl on the right with the cute dimples is a stand out in the crowd. And as you look at the kids and think they are all the same, they look back at you with disinterest and think the same thing.

Look at the success of the amatuer picture board - regular people doing regular sex acts and inviting other's into their privacy for a highly erotic experience. Nothing boring about it to those participating even though for the most part nothing exceptionally different is happening aside from the connection sharing brings.

If your life (inner or outter) isn't simply boring and uniform, why would anyone else's be? If yours is, then that's probably where the limited perception of others comes from anyhow.

Even the kinky people here who don't believe in "BDSM", came to a BDSM board to create their own "city" to gather with "like minds" within the safety of the already present larger BDSM community.

my perception (which is of course, just as tainted as the next person's if not more so) is that we are all individuals wanted or not, and most of us seek community in one way or another to connect with other individuals and be a part of and connected to something larger than ourselves.

 

[Netzach]

I've had remarkably creative, passionate, and worthwhile relationships with people for whom conscious ongoing power exchange, painplay, bondage, roleplay, the SM I desire, is not part of the picture.

I value and miss these relationships. The people in them were anything but boring or limited, they just didn't want what I wanted and they just didn't need what I needed. In fact, our needs were diametrically opposed.

Why, I don't know. Sometimes I wish they weren't and I could still be happy in a relationship like that, ongoing, but it's not to be and I guess it's for the best -- I met someone who is much like my ex only WITH the SM and the genderfuck and the bisexuality and the non-monogamy I can't compromise on.

I certainly don't think that everyone has yet to be enlightened or the kink is for everyone. I don't think egalitarian straight sex is inevitably boring for everyone, some of us are just really subtle.

I'm not.

 

[Blazes B.]

My ex-wife was super-'nilla. She didn't like the title of The Vagina Monologues. "Why do they have to use that word." It was weird, 'cause when we married, she was quite fun. Maybe I bored her. Anyway, she earned the title "ex".

 

[MissTaken]

Miss T on the BDSM community
//Again...our sexuality is individualized and intimate and ....

individualized! //

In my opinion, in any community, or at large, "individuals" are pretty rare.

Around here, for instance, the teens assert themselves in dress, with black jackets and pants. Yet sometimes there's a whole subway full of these indistinguishable black-uniformed self-asserters!

Truth be told, evesdropping on 99% of all bedrooms is likely to be a pretty boring experience. (Witness the 24/7 webcam sites.)

How does one become an individual?

Thank you for making my point, Pure.

Peek in my bedroom and you are likely to find it terribly boring, but for me, it really works.

And upon peeking in my bedroom, if I see you roll your eyes and say something like, "Gosh, you just don't get it." You are likely to get slapped.

How I enjoy sex is how I enjoy sex.
As long as I enjoy it, who is anyone to make smart remarks or judge?

 

[FungiUg]

...I also notice that people who are very 'plain-jane' sexually are rather warped sexually and emotionally. There are so many hang-ups with those folks, while the kinkier types are comfortable in their own skin, more open and honest about themselves and their desires.

My own experience is people can be fucked up, irrespective of whether they are "kinksters" or "vanilla". I always expected BDSM people to be more open-minded, but sadly this is not always the case. However, from my experience with the gay scenes, the same applies there.

I think being "fucked up" is irrespective of your sexual proclivity.

 

[MissTaken]

My ex-wife was super-'nilla. She didn't like the title of The Vagina Monologues. "Why do they have to use that word." It was weird, 'cause when we married, she was quite fun. Maybe I bored her. Anyway, she earned the title "ex".

My ex was missionary style, once per month.

Seriously, he wasn't even into oral. It didn't seem to matter much when I was married, but since earning the title ex, I do find that there are a lot more fun things to do !

Sex wasn't the end all, be all to the relatinship, nor should it have been...regardless of how it rated on the creativity meter.

 

[Pixie Mischief]

I'm usualy affraid to hurt the morals or feelings of people with "simple" sex life..
Dont want to disturbe them.
you tend to have to be careful what to say.
or they think your really weird.

persoanlly I'd get bored of the same thing over and over.

 

[lancemanyon]

I think that being repressed is worse than anything. If all you really like is 'boring' sex, then more power to you.

If love and sex are connected, it is never boring.