new to the scene

[myqueenmalia]

I have been with my wife Malia for fifteen years. Up to this point our sexual relations have been mostly standard. With an average amount of kink thrown in. About 2004 I expressed my desire to by dominated by her. We played around briefly with the idea.
Bought some toys together. She used a strapon once but she couldn't stop laughing.
That pretty ended our sub, dom adventures.

Six years later a couldn't want it more. I want to come home from work and have her use me for her carnal pleasure. I want to make her cum six times before she thinks about touching my cock.

Basically I want to be her sex slave. What can I do to make her aware of the power she has over me.

 

[satindesire]

I have been with my wife Malia for fifteen years. Up to this point our sexual relations have been mostly standard. With an average amount of kink thrown in. About 2004 I expressed my desire to by dominated by her. We played around briefly with the idea.
Bought some toys together. She used a strapon once but she couldn't stop laughing.
That pretty ended our sub, dom adventures.

Six years later a couldn't want it more. I want to come home from work and have her use me for her carnal pleasure. I want to make her cum six times before she thinks about touching my cock.

Basically I want to be her sex slave. What can I do to make her aware of the power she has over me.

Talk to her. First and foremost, communication is the key in building a relationship, with or without kink. Let her know that you're still interested in BDSM activities and that you'd like to try continuing where you left off.

Make a list of things you'd like to do and show it to her. Talk to her about the list and encourage her to fill one out for you. Agree upon a 'safeword' so that she doesn't have to feel like she might push you too hard, or hurt you. Safewords are critical in BDSM so that both the Top and Bottom have safely expressed limits, and she'll understand that "No no no!" might not necessarily mean 'stop!"

 

[switchbitch]

easy does it

I want to come home from work and have her use me for her carnal pleasure. I want to make her cum six times before she thinks about touching my cock.

Basically I want to be her sex slave.

tell her THAT it would work for me. (Start flicking my hand with a branding quirt)

if it doesn't work for her it may not be something that she really wants to do perhaps you could try asking her what she really wants to do. Trade-offs can be fun!

 

[myqueenmalia]

Satindesire thank you for taking the time to respond. I created as a way of sending her letters expressing how much I wish to worship her. I sent her a few of the stories from this site as well as a link to arenablaze.com. So she is aware of how I feel.
She says it does interest her but everytime we get intimate my Dom side comes out and she loves that. We are both type A personalities outside of the bedroom and want to give up control between the sheets. Which is fine with me because I love being a top as much as I want to explore what its like to be dominated. I know she has the potential it just needs to be unlocked.

 

[satindesire]

Satindesire thank you for taking the time to respond. I created [email edited out] as a way of sending her letters expressing how much I wish to worship her. I sent her a few of the stories from this site as well as a link to arenablaze.com. So she is aware of how I feel.
She says it does interest her but everytime we get intimate my Dom side comes out and she loves that. We are both type A personalities outside of the bedroom and want to give up control between the sheets. Which is fine with me because I love being a top as much as I want to explore what its like to be dominated. I know she has the potential it just needs to be unlocked.

I can understand that. There's been several times in my past where my previous desire to submit got 'overrun' if you will, by a sudden desire to be the 'aggressor' in the situation. Being a switch, you have a unique perspective when it comes to Topping and Bottoming, since you can do both equally and still feel satisfied.

I would say, if you want to make sure your submissive box gets ticked so you can have the pleasure of being the sub in a bedroom situation, make an effort to be submissive that entire day. Sometimes it helps to keep the mindset of bottoming going outside of the bedroom for a few hours, to make sure you're in the right headspace. You could try talking to her and asking her to help you by giving you chores or a list of things she'd like you to do to. That might help with establishing the correct submissive mindset before entering into a sexual situation.

By the way, I believe that posting email addresses and other such personal information isn't allowed on the forums, so you might want to edit out that email address in your post. I don't want you to get in trouble by the mods.

 

[myqueenmalia]

Satin- thank you for the advice.

 

[satindesire]

Satin- thank you for the advice.

My pleasure, MQ. My PMs are open so if you ever need anything, drop me a line.

 

[switchbitch]

switching

As the name suggests I am both Domme and sub and I am married to a darling subby boy. since we've been together he has occasionally topped for me and much to his surprised delight he finds fun to turn the tables. His sub experience giving him an advantage in eliciting exciting response. You dont have to choose ,switch.

 

[fuckmeat]

I'm making the assumption that your general alphaness means that when you're horny, you instigate sex and then wind up being the dom. If that's the case, you should maybe try a different approach.

Arrange a quiet night in and spend it pampering her, to get yourself into a submissive mindset. Run her a bath, cook for her, pour her wine, give her a massage with some fragrant oils and then spend some time feasting on her pussy. Once she sees how willing you are to serve her, she may get more of a liking for it. Tell her throughout the evening how much you enjoy serving her and leave the ball in her court sexually. If she's also alpha, it may take you withholding penetrative sex until she demands and takes it for her to get into being assertive and dominant.

 

[myqueenmalia]

I'm making the assumption that your general alphaness means that when you're horny, you instigate sex and then wind up being the dom. If that's the case, you should maybe try a different approach.

Arrange a quiet night in and spend it pampering her, to get yourself into a submissive mindset. Run her a bath, cook for her, pour her wine, give her a massage with some fragrant oils and then spend some time feasting on her pussy. Once she sees how willing you are to serve her, she may get more of a liking for it. Tell her throughout the evening how much you enjoy serving her and leave the ball in her court sexually. If she's also alpha, it may take you withholding penetrative sex until she demands and takes it for her to get into being assertive and dominant.

Thank you for your advice FM.

I have attempted that avenue before. It always leads to great sex. I do most of the cooking and enjoy giving massages and love feasting on her pussy. I feel that I am a sensitive lover and do a good job of setting the mood. Most of the time she will turn over and beg me to fuck her hard. She does like riding my cock and does a wonderful job but even when she's on top the dynamics don't change. One problem I see is she is not multi orgasmic. Once she cums she's a puddle of bliss. Her pussy becomes hyper-sensitive and wants no more. Is there a way to teach her to cum again or are people prewired to be one and done? As for myself with the right persuasion I could cum at least three times. But I am satisfied after one.

Again thanks for your time.

 

[LunachickXXX]

It seems your wife wants a Dom as well, and perhaps maybe she can't take herself seriously in the role? Some people -including myself- use a little laughter to help smooth over a situation where I'm nervous or uncomfortable. Seeing yourself wearing a strap-on can be empowering to some, and then appear dysmorphic or downright 'silly' to others.

Perhaps you can play a game? Flip a coin or play a hand of cards to determine who is the Dom and who is the sub that night... if you're the Dom, fully embrace the role. Set an example. Become someone else, it may excite and inspire her. If you become the sub, then try to work within her boundaries. Gradually build up momentum, positively reinforce her when she does something you enjoy greatly. Discuss it afterwards, not during. I always like to get a 'point of reference' where I try something in bed, then use it as a discussion point later. I.e. "I liked when you took the paddle and spanked me really hard...next time, perhaps you can add some verbal humiliation to that" "Remember what we did last week, lets try that again only I'd love it if you'd tie me up" and let her know what's going on inside your mind. If you have a fantasy in your mind, say things like: "I've been really stressed, looking for a release, I (read a story, heard about, saw a porn where...) and it reallly turned me on. Would that be something we could try?" I feel like putting things in context always works better than just saying them out of the blue. Let them know where the feelings come from.

 

[myqueenmalia]

Swithbitch- When you and your husband first got together what were the dynamics of the courting?
Was he submissive right of the bat or did you have to train him. As for yourself when/how did you realize you wanted a submissive partner?

Luna- You are absolutely right my wife wants me to dominate her in bed but outside of that she fights me tooth and nail about everything I say or do. That attitude is what makes me think there is a dominatrix in there somewhere. I love playing games, my wife not so much. She is very aware of my desires and fantasies. She is always up for discussing it but when the cards are on the table she doesn't go through with it.

 

[LunachickXXX]

I can relate to your wife. I play opposites in bed & real life. It may sound like a strange question, but what's her sign? I believe in astrological signs and it sometimes helps me understand their psychological approach to new frontiers. She sounds like my friend whom is a Leo. At her worst, she can be bossy at times, but usually she's just very adamant about doing things a certain way, her way. But in bed, she likes to have the man take charge. She doesn't describe herself as "submissive" b/c I think in her mind, she sees herself as having the ultimate control; not that the man taking charge is overpowering her in a D/s dynamic, but that the man taking charge is ultimately doing what she wants, and therefore, sort of abiding her will. This might smell a little like "topping from the bottom" but I think it's a bit different IMO, especially since you say she doesn't participate in the D/s play.

I definitely see how you are attracted to those qualities in her though and can compare them to that of a dominatrix. However, in bed...she seems to want to lose control rather than take it. Reversing what she ultimately wants to do in bed may be daunting, and some would question (as did posters earlier in the thread) if that is even possible or fair to do in general. As for the games; I'm a huge fan too, but some people don't mix sex with playtime. It's a shame...perhaps you can try to make the games and role playing as interesting and tempting as possible for her...consider her sexual interests, what makes her tick, perhaps something that might piss her off just enough to want to give you a little beating in the bedroom?

Also, if nothing else comes of this...perhaps you can try to take advantage of her demanding ways outside of the bedroom and shift your arousal towards that end of the spectrum. When she gives you orders about household things, imagine you're her servant and she is your Mistress. Letting her dominate you outside the bedroom, then take over complete control in the bedroom. When you are being the aggressor, just think that this is what you must do to please her will. She is your Dom, and imagine your Dom wants you to give it to her hard. It might excite her and the shift in your sexual behavior could be inspiring?

Also... are you into the "look" of things we associate with Doms (like leather, latex, boots etc) the behavior, or both? In my experience, even if women don't like to role play, they enjoy wearing things that make them feel sexy. Maybe you can at least have her dress up for you.

 

[myqueenmalia]

Luna,

My wife is a Capricorn and I am on the cusp of Scorpio and Sagittarius. We do enjoy role playing.
We have explored the stripper/wealthy client. Instigated by me. My wife's favorite is the repair man/Oh! I cant find my money, is there any other way I could pay for your services. One I keep going over in my head involves a hotel. I head to the room, she gets a few drinks at the bar. I get the room ready by scrubbing the tub, drawing a bath for her, candles, oils all the essentials. I strip down and wait on my knees at the foot of the bed... I could go on but I'm getting off the topic at hand.

I find most things associated with Doms highly erotic. Boots, gloves, corsets, leather,etc..
I go through periods where I cant get enough. My wife and I have gone shopping together but for the most part the stuff stays in her closet. I should disclose our lives are very busy and stressful. Which is why I want to lose control as much as she does. Anyway thanks for listening and all your input.

You say you play the opposites in bed & real life. Are you like my wife or are you docile in life but dominate in bed?

 

[LunachickXXX]

Ah, a Capricorn. Capricorns are often career oriented and somewhat perfectionists. They like to have the security and confidence of reliable proof and validity. Without it they aren't likely to be huge risk-takers or accepting of change. Scorpios have similar levels of ambition, this what you share with your wife. Like you said, both Type-A, powerful, career oriented individuals. Scorpios can have darker emotional depths, whereas Capricorns are more emotionally conservative or private. A Sagittarius is often eager to explore, so perhaps this is where your passions are sourcing. As a Scorpio-Capricorn pair you have natural compatibility, though that adventurous, spontaneous side may come out in you, it's likely your wife prefers more careful, controlled planning and gradual change. These things aren't downright prescriptions for your personality...but I use them as a guide to think about things and see things from others perspective. We all have natural tendencies, whether it has to do with the time we are born or some other factor, who knows...but if you think these are a good fit it can help you understand her personality dynamic better.

It's good to hear that you have role played. Perhaps you can try this a few more times, and incorporate your fantasy into the scenario. How about this... you send your wife up to the Hotel room and leave a package on the bed for her. Inside would be a very sexy outfit; a pair of boots, a corset, etc...mix and match things she has that you know will fit w/ some new pieces that she will be surprised to find. Write a simple letter that says something along the lines of "Put these on and I will be up to service you in a moment"...give her a little time to get ready, then have her punish you for being late and making her wait. It would be best to discuss it beforehand, but you can introduce the idea by saying "I'd like to go to a nice hotel for the weekend to spend some time alone." Throw in a spa treatment or massage for her, and maybe go out to eat as well so she feels like she's being treated to an experience. It will help relax her beforehand, and you can carry out your fantasy knowing when you get back to the room you'll be surrendering to her.

In my relationship, I tend to be the strong-minded one, making the tough financial decisions and generally speaking up in general decision making processes. I am fair and willing to compromise but I will often "call the shots" in the lack of a sound counter-argument or reasoning against what I think might be best. In bed, I prefer if my man makes the decisions because I like being surprised. I like when he initiates, though sometimes I will take control of him. I tied him up once to a chair and subjected him to some mild s&m play; it was exhilarating to have a man of his size and stature under my control, but he is not into pain, so for the most part it was about teasing and restraint and me being in control of his orgasm and positions. Whereas I will submit to him and enjoy being controlled in bed and getting spanked or roughed up. In that sense, I exhibit a lot of control over decision making in life, but I wish to surrender that control in the bedroom. Though as a switch I enjoy doing both.