New to BDSM

xJustBeLightx

Virgin
Joined
Jul 14, 2013
Posts
7
hey. I'm 26, female and in a distance relationship with another female. I'll be seeing her in September and again at Christmas. We have both expressed an interest in trying BDSM. She wants to be sub and this is fine coz I'd LOVE to be dom.

I just am looking for some advice for a first-time couple. Pretty much as soon as we got together, we established a safeword. How else can we prepare/proceed?

I have some sexual experience and she has none at all which worries me a bit. I mean, I'm scared I won't satisfy her ^^;

She is like 6 years younger and while I do NOT see age as a barrier, I'm just a bit worried we'll do stuff she isn't ready for.

I'd love some input
 
Usually when I'm addressing the idea of a new sub I want to get to know what their fantasies are and how they correlate to the kinks I have as well.

Simple example, if she's never been spanked, some light spanking to see how she'll react leading to further exploration after.

A lot of the first time has to do with conversation and figuring out what gets each other off. If you've had a relationship for awhile this aught to be pretty simple for you. Remember, its about fun and connection :)
 
A good start is to read the essay link in my signature. Have her read it too-- see if any of it rings bells for either one of you.

Don't make the mistake of thinking that she's some tender virginal flower yanno-- young girls are just as raunchy as young boys are. If she says she wants to try it, try it. :)
 
thanks for you messages DigitalJazz :)

Stella_Omega
A good start is to read the essay link in my signature
Thanks ^^ *reads*

Don't make the mistake of thinking that she's some tender virginal flower yanno
I think I already do that xD Always like "Are you okay? Are you SURE?" I need help to relax lol
 
Most of us here have a short list of books we recommend. Oddly enough, all of them are old-- from the 90's, basically;

The new Topping book
The New Bottoming Book
Screw the roses, Send me the thorns
BDSM 101
The loving Dominant
 
Have a nice discussion of what BDSM means to each of you (basically this is more of just what's in Stella's essay). Could mean that you're a sadist and she just wants to do domestic/sexual servitude, etc.

Good luck, have fun, and don't feel pressured to do things that are so stereotypically BDSMy :]
 
The important thing is to communicate, have an open and honest discussion before you tie her down and tease her mercilessly. Take small steps, if she likes bondage, start with silk scarves and move from there. If she wants to be spanked start with your hand before moving onto paddles, floggers etc. If she is into humiliation, take her shopping, make sure she wears a skirt...and have her go use her panties to pull her hair back. She may like the control of you telling her what to wear, and you may want have her improve how she speaks, and remembering her manners. Just some ideas.
 
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