New story

[_JP_]

I have submitted a new story called “Gifted”

Please take a look if you have time and let me know what you think.

The category is “Loving Wives” and there is a link in my sig. Just click on Gifted and it will take you there.

Many thanks.

 

[damppanties]

It's a good story. I don't have any comments really. The PCs on your story made me laugh though.

 

[SimonBrooke]

Interesting piece, well written

I have submitted a new story called “Gifted”

Please take a look if you have time and let me know what you think.

The category is “Loving Wives” and there is a link in my sig. Just click on Gifted and it will take you there.

Many thanks.

H'mmm... You got into the spirit of your character, and wrote well and persuasively. As a piece of story telling it was great. But as a set of human relationships it was - for me, anyway - very challenging. Your voice character plays at being a slut, picks up a man and fucks him... for the pleasure of her husband. I can understand a man getting off on having the power to make a woman have sex with a stranger. I can definitely understand the woman enjoying playing the slut, enjoying having sex with the stranger - it's dirty and exciting.

What I'm having trouble with is the woman's attitude to her husband. He controls her, tells her what to do and where; he watches her. He seems cold, controlling, unpleasant; he doesn't seem to care for her. What does she feel for him? Does she go back to him because she's submissive to him, or because she has affection for him? If she has affection for him, why does she? You have not shown me that in this story - rather the opposite.

I thought this passage poignant:

I lift up my skirt and use his dick as a lever to push him back enough to put the head of his penis at my slit. I wedge it between my lips wetting him with my juices. He pushes forward attempting to enter me but I have a firm grip and I'm not quite ready to cross that line.

I remember the countless times Ron has begged me to fuck someone and now I am about to do it. This total stranger is going to stick his cock in me and I don't even want know his name. He's just a toy, a dildo of sorts not to be taken seriously.

My vulva caresses the unfamiliar penis at my entrance, I let it go and it plunges deep inside me causing me to moan in pleasure. I hold him still for a moment grieving or possibly savoring my loss of innocence, I am not sure which.

And it's this that gives me trouble accepting the woman's relationship with her husband as equal. She is giving up something which she feels strongly about, because he's told her to. It doesn't feel to me like a sacrifice made as a willing gift - despite the title of the piece.

But - excellent writing, excellent story telling.

 

[_JP_]

It's a good story. I don't have any comments really. The PCs on your story made me laugh though.

Yeah, the brethren were in rare form yesterday.

Thanks for taking the time to read and post.

JP

 

[_JP_]

Simon, thanks for the in-depth review of my work and your complements. I do fell I let you down to some extent though. The two stories in my sig are experiments in short and intense experiences. I let you down because I don’t see Ron as unpleasant and the only controlling factor would be that it was his fantasy; he was the director. The wife’s subdominant behavior is fleeting at best and I would have thought her own last statement would have shown that. Maybe it didn’t.

I hope you enjoyed the story to some degree because I really enjoyed your critique. I come away from it with wider view of my story.

I will give your work a look and see what I can provide you in return.

Thank you.

JP