New dom, any advice?

[Xepter]

Hello. I'm rather new to the scene and was wondering if anyone could give me some tips on being a good dom. Maybe even someone willing to show me some things (Not to me, but maybe the "watch and learn" type of thing)

I know I'm young and there seems to be a thing against young doms but I'm hoping for a little help and with luck, and some people willing to try, I can get started.

 

[FurryFury]

The most important things IMO are:

1.) Communication with your partner or play person.

2.) Research

3.) Practice, on the sofa, yourself before on your partner / play person.

4.) Go to some local demos on things you feel unsure about but would like to do in the future. You can learn so much from those things even if they are not the exactly perfect example you expected.

5.) A good fit and/or negotiation with your partner or play person, which goes back to number one.

BTW, there are tons of young subs, thanks in part to the Internet who are NOT interested in older partners or play person(s), i.e. being young is not that big of a negative as you might think.

 

[myinnerslut]

everything furry said.

and more communication.

read. learn. research. the more you learn the better suited you will become for being a dom.

dont get machismo becuase your a dom, or try to dominate subs that arent yours.

and as for being a new dom on lit:

PYL= Pick Your Label (Master, Mistress, Top, Dom, Domme, etc)

pyl = pick your label (sub, slave, bottom, pet, etc)

 

[YourCaptor]

I was pretty young when I got into.

Advise:
Just do what comes natural.

Its usually not a great idea to try and improviser certain toys. Yes I learned that lesson for sure. Go down to the sex shop, they will have all your basics.

And of course, always pay attention to the well being of your partner, as well as recognize when she’s just not feeling it because its one of those days and when she’s just “not feeling it”.

 

[RJMasters]

Then there are days when she is just not feeling it and so you have swing a little harder.

 

[BiaTcHiNFiRe]

Then there are days when she is just not feeling it and so you have swing a little harder.

so true

 

[VelvetDarkness]

Hi Xepter

You might want to check out the BDSM Library, which has a lovely new Librarian who is adding regularly to the info there. The Blank Manual, which is based in the How To forum also has a lot of good stuff.

If you check out Amazon they have lots of kinky books that will arrive discreetly packaged.

My Master is 4 years my junior and there are quite a few younger posters here so I wouldn't get hung up about your age. Marquis, one of the moderators here, got into the lifestyle quite young and is now in his mid 20s already a very knowledgeable and experienced Dom. If you do a search and check some of his earlier threads you'll find them very interesting reading.

If you haven't found it yet, there's a BDSM Personals board on which you can advertise for a kinky lady (or boy) to date or play with in your area. You should do some homework before you take a sub's safety into your hands though.

Best of luck

 

[sexycaz22]

*nods* Agree with what everyone have said, especially VelvetDarkness' post. A very good post.

 

[LOVINGSUB7]

From a subs point of view

Hello. I'm rather new to the scene and was wondering if anyone could give me some tips on being a good dom. Maybe even someone willing to show me some things (Not to me, but maybe the "watch and learn" type of thing)

I know I'm young and there seems to be a thing against young doms but I'm hoping for a little help and with luck, and some people willing to try, I can get started.

When I got into it, my Dom was pretty young as was I. once we relaxed and stopped worry about it all became natural. At first, set a password that a sub could use when she feels overwhelmed. Eventually you won't need it. Go slow using the basic toys and then move on. Take it slow, it is more fun.

 

[myinnerslut]

just tacking my thoughts to the "dont worry about your age" line of thinking

im 20. ive been involved in a D/s relationship since i was 17. its not how old you are, but how you act that matters.

 

[FungiUg]

I can still remember being a new Dom. So here's some ideas from me.

1. Find a group of real people in-person that you can talk to about this stuff. Maybe attend munches and possibly play parties as a spectator with your local (or not so local) BDSM group. On-line is good (and you are most welcome here of course), but you lose a lot and add a lot of capacity for misunderstandings, so in person time is vital.
2. Read up and research. Read articles, how-to-guides, discussions and erotica. You can learn a surprising amount from this.
3. Be honest with potential partners. Don't try to be something you're not (see the thread on What is a fake Dominant? as an example.) If you are honest about what you can and can't do, you will find people happy to help out and help you learn.
4. I've never seen the value on practicing on furniture. It may help with you, it may not. Me, I'd rather practice on a live, willing participant and just know to pace myself as I learn.
5. Be prepared to handle rejection, being jerked around, lied to, stood-up, etc. It happens in every scene, and BDSM is no exception.
6. Ask questions! You've already made a good start.

 

[Xepter]

Thank you all for the wonderful advice. I'll have to try and find a group thats around my area. It might prove difficult as there doesn't seem to be much of anything near me. Not just as far as this goes but as far as anything goes. I'm sure I'll find one if I look hard enough though.

If there's anyone from Wisconsin that knows of anything going on, or is interested in helping me out please let me know.