Needing advice, please...

[TheLordWinter]

Well said, sir

Thank you, Stella.

And besides, all this "take what you want" crap, on the part of so-called Doms, is just arrogance and hubris. Nobody gets to take what they want in this world... not without consequences. Try that shit with a real sub and she'll bolt as soon as she can find a safe place to hide. Doms like that never know the true LOVE of a submissive, they'll never know how sweet that surrender feels like, because they never give it a chance to happen. All they'll ever get is fear, resentment, and hate from the people they lord over.

And with a woman, taking what you want without consent is RAPE. It's VERY illegal, AND... it's one of the biggest reasons our entire lifestyle is on the verge of being legislated into extinction. BDSM aint pretty, and it damn sure isn't sexy to anyone except those at least curious about the lifestyle. Even then, most won't even try to experiment.

Another thing, being a Dom is not a station... nor is it a title to be aspired to. It is a state of mind... akin to being the Alpha male of a wolf-pack. It's about calmness and control. There is no greater feeling of serenity to be found for a Dom than when he's in the middle of a scene with his treasured pets. Also, whether physically, mentally, or both... he's the strongest among those around him, a natural leader. What he does with those talents is what defines him as either a man or a tyrant.

As I said before, being a Dominant is a state of mind, a need to control that is completely separate from BDSM itself. BDSM is a lifestyle. Dominants are not restricted to that lifestyle. They permeate our society to its core. They are our leaders, charismatic and proud. They are our generals, defending us with everything down to their very soul. Finally, they are our educators, organizing us and teaching us how to better ourselves.

Sorry, done with my rant now.

 

[lostinthemoment]

hmm...just had something similar happen to me...
let us know how you're getting on
good luck x

 

[SynnR_SainT]

...,...

 

[TheLordWinter]

You're quite welcome, SynnR. Glad I could help. If you ever want to talk, I'm only a PM away.

 

[satindesire]

Wow. Thank you so much @TheLordWinter for your input. It has really helped.


He considers himself a strict Dom which is fine but I just don't feel like he's putting any effort into getting to know me. I never thought about it before, 3 years ago, that this might be wrong. Although, we do not live in the same area let alone state, now with more experience I feel like he should be trying to know about, see what's changed, etc. I can ask him questions and he'll either go around it and answer one worded or not answer at all but later ask me a question and expect me to answer his. He will even hound me on it because I have ignored his question intentionally to see what he would do.

You KNEW him, 3 years ago. You don't KNOW him -now-.

A Dominant can only be your Dominant if you let him. You're not his submissive yet, so trying to control you by forcing the issue over and over again is not cool.

You have the right to take care of yourself. You are first and foremost your responsibility. Before submissiveness, before a relationship, before -everything-...you have to do what is right for YOU.

This whole situation stinks. He's pressuring you, hounding you, because he's got one hand on his dick the whole time and isn't thinking straight. You two need to have a serious talk about where you're both at right now. Prancing around the subject isn't going to get either one of you very far.

Talk to him. Not as a sub to a Dom, but as a person to another person.

 

[TheLordWinter]

You KNEW him, 3 years ago. You don't KNOW him -now-.

A Dominant can only be your Dominant if you let him. You're not his submissive yet, so trying to control you by forcing the issue over and over again is not cool.

You have the right to take care of yourself. You are first and foremost your responsibility. Before submissiveness, before a relationship, before -everything-...you have to do what is right for YOU.

This whole situation stinks. He's pressuring you, hounding you, because he's got one hand on his dick the whole time and isn't thinking straight. You two need to have a serious talk about where you're both at right now. Prancing around the subject isn't going to get either one of you very far.

Talk to him. Not as a sub to a Dom, but as a person to another person.

Amen sister.

 

[Oubliette123]

I hope everything turned out ok?

I would question deeply why he is in such a rush, I would say its because he needs an ego boost, and he is not wanting to wait for that power energy to kick in. Don't let him use you to bolster his own self esteem.

 

[Felonious1]

So, he resumes where he stopped the last time. That's not a red flag, sorry. He has to start somewhere and unless you tell him that you need to rewind the relationship, why would he start earlier?

This is one of those situations where the need to have this explained to you, assures that you'll not be able to grasp the concept......much less agree with it.

 

[Felonious1]

You KNEW him, 3 years ago. You don't KNOW him -now-.

A Dominant can only be your Dominant if you let him. You're not his submissive yet, so trying to control you by forcing the issue over and over again is not cool.

You have the right to take care of yourself. You are first and foremost your responsibility. Before submissiveness, before a relationship, before -everything-...you have to do what is right for YOU.

This whole situation stinks. He's pressuring you, hounding you, because he's got one hand on his dick the whole time and isn't thinking straight. You two need to have a serious talk about where you're both at right now. Prancing around the subject isn't going to get either one of you very far.

Talk to him. Not as a sub to a Dom, but as a person to another person.

Agreed.........except for the part where you suggested the OP talk to him. I see it as a huge waste of time. Nothing to gain there, as he comes across as an evasive, self-entitled bullshit artist. All and all.......classic, pseudo-wannabe self-proclaimed dominant type showing up again.

 

[JAMESBJOHNSON]

You clowns play roles and never get it that the reality is like pouring piss outta boot.

Gravity and the ground don't negotiate the interaction. It just is.

 

[satindesire]

Agreed.........except for the part where you suggested the OP talk to him. I see it as a huge waste of time. Nothing to gain there, as he comes across as an evasive, self-entitled bullshit artist. All and all.......classic, pseudo-wannabe self-proclaimed dominant type showing up again.

It's possible, but I don't think the OP feels that way about him or else she wouldn't be agonizing over this situation.

 

[SynnR_SainT]

........

 

[TheLordWinter]

Sorry it worked out like that, hon. Sad fact is, there's a LOT of "Dom's" out there that just don't give a rat's ass about truly taking care of a submissive. All they want is their needs met, and to hell with everything else.

At least now, you know.

 

[LallyH]

Sad fact is, there's a LOT of "Dom's" out there that just don't give a rat's ass about truly taking care of a submissive. All they want is their needs met, and to hell with everything else.

The sadder fact is that some think that attitude is actually part of being a Dom.

 

[TheLordWinter]

Too true, LallyH.

 

[Stella_Omega]

The sadder fact is that some think that attitude is actually part of being a Dom.

It certainly doesn't mean that such a person is not a Dom.

 

[LallyH]

It certainly doesn't mean that such a person is not a Dom.

No it doesn't. It's just their particular manifestation of dominance.

 

[TheLordWinter]

That's the thing, though. Nothing about that is a hallmark of Dominance. It's just shallow arrogance, hubris, and and oft overwhelming sense of self-entitlement.

 

[sweet_lusciousdesire]

..................

 

[Stella_Omega]

That's the thing, though. Nothing about that is a hallmark of Dominance. It's just shallow arrogance, hubris, and and oft overwhelming sense of self-entitlement.

I'm afraid you are trying to define the True Scotsman, my friend. Shallow arrogance etc are contributors to the need to dominate-- as well as other more laudable characteristics.

We can divide Dominants into "D's we like and approve of" and "ones we think are a pile of pig shit," but not into "real" and "fake" D's.

 

[TheLordWinter]

That's where we're just gonna have to agree to disagree, Stella.

 

[Stella_Omega]

That's where we're just gonna have to agree to disagree, Stella.

Good enough for me, bro.