SynnR_SainT
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Needing advice, please...
- Thread starter SynnR_SainT
- Start date
MissVianne
Experienced
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I just want to make sure that you are well aware that nobody can force you or push you into doing something you are not 100% sure you want to do Even if you're just a tiny bit unsure it is NEVER a good idea to jump into a situation when you're not ready. This is a big red flag to me because a good Dom ALWAYS makes sure that a sub is well prepared and emotionally ready for anything he's requiring of him/her.
When he said he wanted to discipline train you, did you tell him beforehand that you wished to do this? Did you consent to this?
Have you told him that you feel pushed? Did you tell him you're not ready?
3 days seems like an awful short time for someone to jump into any sort of training they're not even sure of. If you need more time tell him and don't let him try to convince you, otherwise he's most definitely not a good Dom and you might need to turn down his offer. IF he's a reasonable person he will understand your position and he will give you the time you need. You're not taking it wrong at all and it's a good thing that you're aware of your limits! Or your experience could turn out to be a disastrous one.
When he said he wanted to discipline train you, did you tell him beforehand that you wished to do this? Did you consent to this?
Have you told him that you feel pushed? Did you tell him you're not ready?
3 days seems like an awful short time for someone to jump into any sort of training they're not even sure of. If you need more time tell him and don't let him try to convince you, otherwise he's most definitely not a good Dom and you might need to turn down his offer. IF he's a reasonable person he will understand your position and he will give you the time you need. You're not taking it wrong at all and it's a good thing that you're aware of your limits! Or your experience could turn out to be a disastrous one.
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
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If you need the time, take it.
If he cannot give you that time that you need-- that just might be your answer. That shit is only cute in romcoms, and only because they end after a couple hours-- in real life it never ends.
I was just linked to this little essay, I'mma drop it here;
http://writingsbyepiphany.blogspot.com/2011/01/dominant-vs-domineering.html
If he cannot give you that time that you need-- that just might be your answer. That shit is only cute in romcoms, and only because they end after a couple hours-- in real life it never ends.
I was just linked to this little essay, I'mma drop it here;
http://writingsbyepiphany.blogspot.com/2011/01/dominant-vs-domineering.html
Lovetolisten
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If he won't give you time, RUN.
Your well-being should be the first thing on his mind... not what he happens to want.
Your well-being should be the first thing on his mind... not what he happens to want.
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
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Umm... You're talking about a dominant type, you know. They are all about doing what is best for them-- if you're lucky, and mostly people are, a dominant will feel that what is best for their property will also be best for them. But it ain't necessarily so, and it isn't always they wa
BDSM is not a Hallmark moment. It's a collection of desires and practices that the mainstream gives the stink eye to.
Which is why I say; "if you need the time YOU take it." Don't go assuming "Dominant" is supposed to mean "Prince Charming Husband!"
Lovetolisten
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Umm... You're talking about a dominant type, you know. They are all about doing what is best for them-- if you're lucky, and mostly people are, a dominant will feel that what is best for their property will also be best for them. But it ain't necessarily so, and it isn't always they wa
BDSM is not a Hallmark moment. It's a collection of desires and practices that the mainstream gives the stink eye to.
Which is why I say; "if you need the time YOU take it." Don't go assuming "Dominant" is supposed to mean "Prince Charming Husband!"
I understand that very well... just got out of a M/s that was totally the wrong place for me.
Stella_Omega
No Gentleman
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A
AQuietGentleman
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Felonious1
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Umm... You're talking about a dominant type, you know. They are all about doing what is best for them-- if you're lucky, and mostly people are, a dominant will feel that what is best for their property will also be best for them. But it ain't necessarily so, and it isn't always they wa
BDSM is not a Hallmark moment. It's a collection of desires and practices that the mainstream gives the stink eye to.
Which is why I say; "if you need the time YOU take it." Don't go assuming "Dominant" is supposed to mean "Prince Charming Husband!"
Accuse and stereotype all you want. But don't telling the truth, as it stings too bad.
Felonious1
Experienced
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Demands after 3 days? Seriously, that's coming off as needy and presumptuous IMO.
It's YOUR life, do with it as YOU wish. Fools rush in and pay the price. Don't put more of yourself into any relationship than you're willing to lose if the whole thing were to suddenly go down the drain. ( in your case, again )
JMO
desertslave
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Communication--so easily told to another, so difficult to do, at times.
You need to tell him exactly what you've said here...that you need time to reconnect to him before you take it any farther. If he can't respect that, you have your answer.
You need to tell him exactly what you've said here...that you need time to reconnect to him before you take it any farther. If he can't respect that, you have your answer.
subwannabe
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Sounds like a salesman trying to sell you a used car, not willing to give you the time to think about it. This should be about what you want, not what he wants. I say if you are already having apprehensions about it then you should run out the back door.
"he opened up to me on how I have always been the one he wanted". Sounds like a cheap pickup line to me to get the girls to swoon.
"he opened up to me on how I have always been the one he wanted". Sounds like a cheap pickup line to me to get the girls to swoon.
sereneone4u
quod nutrit me destruit
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Primalex
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I make demands within the first hours and I can do this, because I'm not needy. A needy person has to compromise, an independent person does not.
Presumptuous - "going beyond what is right or proper; excessively forward."
Considering the average sub who always rambles about pushing limits, I would suspect that this is basically a required character trait for a Dom these days.
*shrugs*
sereneone4u
quod nutrit me destruit
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Umm... You're talking about a dominant type, you know. They are all about doing what is best for them-- if you're lucky, and mostly people are, a dominant will feel that what is best for their property will also be best for them. But it ain't necessarily so, and it isn't always they wa
BDSM is not a Hallmark moment. It's a collection of desires and practices that the mainstream gives the stink eye to.
Which is why I say; "if you need the time YOU take it." Don't go assuming "Dominant" is supposed to mean "Prince Charming Husband!"
I have to say even with my limited experience this is true.
I have a Dominant at me, a real life one that is, he has said to me, "I will be your Dominant, not your boyfriend"
At least he has the decency to tell the truth an ftr, I am not interested.
SynnR_SainT
Really Experienced
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eastern sun
hungry little creature
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Don't do anything you don't want to do.
You've got to trust those messages from your gut.
Loverskitten
I bite
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I was going to say exactly this ^
MasterMix
Really Experienced
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I always think that get familiar with your partner and being friends first is a better strategy to develop deeper, reliable D/S relationship. His behavior may be offensive, unpleasant to you, may be not. Both of you have to try and adjust, figure out a better way to each other.
Let him know your need and pace, and ask him his. I don't think you would enjoy enforcement that much given your description.
Bramblethorn
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To me this sounds like attempted manipulation/reverse psychology - "you're too timid to be in a relationship with me". I don't have a lot of time for that stuff.
And "because you know him" isn't much of an argument. Plenty of people are abused by people they know really really well.
SynnR_SainT
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subwannabe
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I would run out the back door and find a real Dom, not an asshole.
TheLordWinter
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As a Dom, I hate to speak against my brothers, but I find myself in agreement with the majority here.
It doesn't matter how long you've known someone, or whether you've had one or a dozen relationships with them in the past. People change, and as a submissive, it is both your right and your responsibility to do due diligence on any prospective Dom.
The gift of a submissive's devotion is one of life's most precious things, and while we can write all the "romantic" stories that we want... about how a Dom takes his sub by force and have things all hunky-dory in the end, real life doesn't work like that.
If he can't be patient and wait for you to make your decision, then he is not... I repeat NOT, the one for you.
It doesn't matter how long you've known someone, or whether you've had one or a dozen relationships with them in the past. People change, and as a submissive, it is both your right and your responsibility to do due diligence on any prospective Dom.
The gift of a submissive's devotion is one of life's most precious things, and while we can write all the "romantic" stories that we want... about how a Dom takes his sub by force and have things all hunky-dory in the end, real life doesn't work like that.
If he can't be patient and wait for you to make your decision, then he is not... I repeat NOT, the one for you.
Stella_Omega
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Well said, sir
