Need some time away

[onlyerics]

This is going to be a strange post since I'm actually saying hello to say goodbye for awhile. It's been a month since my last post, but I have lurked and wondered if I should post anything or not. I have read threads here and there where I found myself identifying with the person who was molested or abused.
I decided that I am going to therapy. For a long time, I have denied to myself that I needed help.
Yesterday evening, I almost left the man I loved. In the past, I was almost raped by my uncle. Let's just say that there's a certain sex position that I loathe because it reminded me of that dark moment. I never really told E about how I felt about it because he likes that position. I was trying to make him happy...but when he started to prefer to do it in that manner often, I started to resent it. Yesterday evening when it happened, I just started to cry. It was just so easy to start crying. And when he realized what was wrong, he stopped. I got up and started to leave. I didn't think I was capable of being close to someone. He thought it was his fault. I told him no, it was mine. After he tried to convince me to talk to him, I managed to tell him. It wasn't easy, but I told him. He listened and said that he won't do that to me again, and that no matter what baggage I carry with me, he will accept it and help me carry it. He told me that none of my past matters. He will be there.
I love this man, and because of him and our relationship, I will seek help. I had let one relationship with a good man go bad before, and I will not do it again. And of course, I'll do this for me, too.
I just want to thank everyone for being so kind and generous. I will miss joining in the discussions. Eilan, SweetErika, Mr. Kahuna, Scalywag, Sassygirl, I really enjoyed exchanging responses with you. For everyone who gave me advice, thank you. Take care.

Onlyerics

 

[bobsgirl]

I wish you only the best, sweetie. Good luck to you, and maybe one day you'll come back.

 

[sassy_girl1963]

I too wish you the very best although will miss your presence here, do underastand the need of going away and am happy to hear about your man standing with you - that to me is very, very special and not everyone has that.

 

[Eilan]

Take care of yourself. If/when you're up to coming back, we'll be here.

 

[Guest]

 

[silverwhisper]

be well, onlyerics. i've missed you and hope the therapy is helpful.

i hope when we seeyou again it will be in happier circumstances.

ed

 

[TBKahuna123]

I won't really say goodbye, because I'm sure you'll be back. I think you'll find that what you are going through is not unique, you are not alone, and it isn't by some fault of your own. You're doing the absolute right thing in going to therapy. They'll be able to help you deal with what you are feeling, what you've been hiding adn fighitng inwardly for so long.

I'm going to give you one more piece of advice, don't let this man slip away. His reaction to this situation the reponse he gave you, that says a lot about him and the love he has for you. Don't be afraid to talk to him about all this. This is the voice of experience talking here, we WANT to help you through this. It's far easier to get through all this when you have some support, and a partner who understands what you are going through is the best there is.

There's nothign to be afraid of anymore, dear. You telling him what was wrong was the hardest step, telling the person you love something that you are ashamed of. I hope after seeing his response that you realize two things: That he's there no matter what and that you don't need to be ashamed. Hey, that's what love is, right?

Take care of yourself and please, don't stay away too long. We'll miss you.