need help

allblues

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Sep 23, 2005
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my wife previously was into light bondage. see was always the sub. i really do not know how to bring this back into her life i know she misses it any tips on what i should do or how i should act would be greatly appritiated
 
the obvious answer is tell her how you feel. if you dont want to talk ut would rather have your actions speak fro themselves, pin her down to the bed next time your having sex. you say she misses it so whats stopping you from reintroducing it?
 
myinnerslut said:
the obvious answer is tell her how you feel. if you dont want to talk ut would rather have your actions speak fro themselves, pin her down to the bed next time your having sex. you say she misses it so whats stopping you from reintroducing it?

I totally agree with mis
 
CutieMouse said:
I read the question as he wants to introduce dominance/submission into the relationship for her, but doesnt' have the knowledge/resources to go about doing so; therefore letting actions speak for themselves might be a bit tricky. ;)

The BDSM Library thread has a section on Dominance that might be of help; I'll see if there are any other old threads worth bumping.
See Cutie, that's why you have so much respect on this board- I scanned the OP whereas you actually read and comprehended it properly :eek: BTW interesting threads you've bumped :)
 
allblues said:
my wife previously was into light bondage. see was always the sub. i really do not know how to bring this back into her life i know she misses it any tips on what i should do or how i should act would be greatly appritiated
Dominance and submission is very subjective as to what works and what doesn't for different people. So the real crux of the issue is that you and your wife need to talk in depth/detail about how to make this work for you both.

As a suggestion for how to do that, grab a BDSM check-list (I think there's several in the library here, or the one at bondage.com is okay) and write out the definitions of each of the items. Then go through every single one by yourselves and say whether it would work/not work for you. Then get back together and discuss the results.

That's a good place to start because it gives you a lot of possibiliites (it's always easier to start with something than nothing) for what will work, but it also covers off limits and things that you shouldn't do.

From there, you can always ask more detailed questions and continue to read up. Oh, and of course you should start doing some of it. And remember, neither of you will get things right instantly. So make it clear that you are experimenting together, and that it's just as important to find the things that don't work as the things you do, so you can focus down on making it all work well for the both of you. Unconditional love and care and attention for each other is part of that (for the successes and the failures.)

Remember: dominants (the part you will be playing) also have limits. Everyone does. So that's okay. Don't be afraid to say "no". She will respect you for that. It's not all about her (or you). It's about the two of you together, in synergy. So focus on the things that work for you both.

Good luck!
~~~~~~~~~

Actually I'll add another couple of bits here.

Firstly, what you should do initially should be fun, for the both of you. That will help you both ease in to it. Sex and bondage are cool for that. And no shortage of bondage threads, but a good how-to book can help there as well (Amazon has a few.)

Secondly, you need to look at your own motivation. Oddly, the motivation for a dominant and submissive can be quite similar, the difference is in how they express it. What does that mean? It means it's okay to want to pleasure and do special stuff for your partner even if you are a Dominant. It's okay to enjoy the glow and love that comes from that. It's okay to treat the person you love. You don't have to be mean and nasty, unless that is what you both enjoy.

So keep that in mind as you explore.
 
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