Need Help with Punishment List

[JosetteDuPrae]

was looking for help in the wrong place

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Oyyy...

 

[thelovingsadist]

Allow me to translate.

Oyyy...

[translation]If your dominant has given you an assignment to think of something yourself, then think of it yourself and don't ask strangers on a porn forum for help.[/translation]

Among other, not entirely polite thoughts.

Also, you seem to already know that humiliation would be a good punishment since you don't like it. So, don't ask questions you already know the answer to, either.

 

[CutieMouse]

Stand in the corner holding a penny to the wall with your nose, and repeat after me:

Generic requests begging others to do my homework, makes me look lazy and foolish.

Generic requests begging others to invent "punishments" that meet some unknown standard (his approval or yours) makes me look lazy and foolish.

Making said requests on a public forum, makes my dominant look lazy and foolish.

Therefore, because I (presumably) don't want to myself or my dominant to look lazy and foolish, from now on I will own my shit, act like an adult, and either follow the damn rules or deal with the consequences.

Start now; stop when he tells you to.

You're welcome.

 

[JosetteDuPrae]

My Dom encouraged me months ago to check out this site for any help that I might want to look to others for to help me better understand the journey that I was taking with him. He was apparently mistaken about the readers of these boards.

 

[kiwi_submissive]

My Dom encouraged me months ago to check out this site for any help that I might want to look to others for to help me better understand the journey that I was taking with him. He was apparently mistaken about the readers of these boards.

People are more than happy to answer serious questions and give advice in alot of things but punishments are something that is between you and your dom.

We could give advice for punishments that he doesn't have equipment or items for or things that are on your hard limit list so really giving punishment advice for someone that we don't know seems a bit silly.

Hell for me a punishment is been woken up at 7am for a week whereas for most people that would be perfectly normal and not a problem.

 

[thelovingsadist]

My Dom encouraged me months ago to check out this site for any help that I might want to look to others for to help me better understand the journey that I was taking with him. He was apparently mistaken about the readers of these boards.

Read CutieMouse's post and think about what it says.

This isn't about us not wanting to help you. It's about you not using the search button, not doing homework before asking a question, and not giving complete criteria when asking a question.

I know it's sometimes difficult to properly ask a question about something that is not yet fully understood. But it is impossible for us to answer it if you do not do so, as well.

Also, it's your assignment. Doing homework and looking for ideals is one thing, but in the end it is YOUR assignment. So you need to think about what is a punishment to YOU, and what will make HIM happy.

We don't know either of you, so we can not even begin to know what would please him or what would humiliate or otherwise punish you.

 

[KWAL]

Yeah I have to agree sounds like ya asked the wrong question the wrong way. I mean I could just blurt dumb shit like cut out your tongue or nipples or rip your fingernails. What good wuld that do? Maybe ask like I made a mistake of (let's say) speaking outta turn and must list my punishments. I have no idea how to start and what to include in such a task. Then we could say something like a good speking punishment may be along the line of cloths pins on tngue smaked off etc... r more realisticly something along the line of think of your infraction and real punishmentts. For you maybe talking dirty while beingg humiliated etc. But you have t think of it or let's say it like this. You have to make the journey. We can guide you maybe even give ya the map but you must take the steps. That probley plays into the point. Hope that helps

Ohh yeah your dominates never wrong cuz we are all perfect

 

[JosetteDuPrae]

If I knew what "complete criteria" was in this situation I wouldn't be asking for help. I would just inherently know everything apparently. I think I have been set up to fail on this one.

 

[thelovingsadist]

If I knew what "complete criteria" was in this situation I wouldn't be asking for help. I would just inherently know everything apparently. I think I have been set up to fail on this one.

You haven't been set up to fail. Your dom gave you an assignment, and he expects you to do it.

Think of it as comparable to writing an essay or book report for school, or a blog, or for fun or what have you. You don't know everything about the subject before you start, but the majority of your homework for the assignment consists of reading and studying. Not necessarily asking other people for ideals for the essay--but reading up on the subject in general, and doing a lot of thinking about it, in order to create your own ideals that you can then write out as the essay proper.

You have an assignment, and you seem like an intelligent person. So do a bit of searching, a bit of reading, and a lot of thinking. You will come up with something, but your dom will not be satisfied unless it is your something. It is meaningless if you use the ideas of someone else.

Take that as my official advice.

 

[JosetteDuPrae]

I spent a lot of time before I even posted on here. He would not want me as stressed as I am at this moment so I'm just going to stop.

 

[thelovingsadist]

I spent a lot of time before I even posted on here. He would not want me as stressed as I am at this moment so I'm just going to stop.

This isn't something you should stress over, love. Most of us here just like to tease and mess around, and some are just cranky before their fifth cup of coffee for the day. A few of us are mean and sadistic, too.

Go take a breather, have a drink and clear your head. Relax, and then think about things that you feel are a good enough punishment for what ever it was that you did. Only he and you know that, so it's a question only you can fully answer. So go de-stress and think about it for a while. You will come up with something, and I'm sure it will please him.

 

[Stella_Omega]

was looking for help in the wrong place

You were looking for help with the wrong thing.

I think you need to talk this issue over with your dom. This is going to be a test of your relationship with him, IMO. This will be where YOU learn whether or not you can be happy with his method of domination, whether or not you can work with him.

 

[CutieMouse]

OP, your join date is August of this year; your dominant told you "months ago" to check out this site for any help you might need, or to ask questions, etc.

It's mid-November, and the only post you have in this forum (outside of this thread) is the BDSM quiz/kink score thing... I'd argue you haven't exactly been utilizing one of the tools you've been given. It's difficult in the best of times to get personalized answers to generic questions; doubly so when one has no clue who or how the relationship on the other end works.

Personally, I refuse to be involved in relationships that involve "punishment". I'm a grown ass woman; if I screw something up, we talk. If he screws something up, we talk. My *genuine* response to your request, would be to refuse punishment and discuss the situation as adults, but I'm boring that way.

I wrote my initial acerbic response, because I was in a mildly generous mood. I often suspect dominants who offer these sorts of assignments, do so to simply throw their submissives to the wolves and watch the fireworks from afar.

If that *was* his intent, he's an ass (IMO). If it wasn't his intent, y'all have some talking to do.

 

[Primalex]

I often suspect dominants who offer these sorts of assignments, do so to simply throw their submissives to the wolves and watch the fireworks from afar.

Nah. It's actually very simple. If he sets the punishment, he can do something wrong. Guys do have some basic knowledge about women, like:"If you screw up, no nookie anymore." If he lets her choose her punishment, he knows it's something she will not freak out about AND he can then belittle the choice and slightly increase the level and look like the tough dominant guy. Win-Win.

(The use of "he" for the dominant is not just because of my archaic view of role models, but because female Doms don't do this game (as much or often, with my biased experiences). I guess they benefit from the "I'm a woman, I can have guys when I want them anyway" point of view, so they pick the punishment that pleases them. Or maybe they know that male subs would fail anyway with the task and don't bother.)

Oh, pointing someone here to this place? Makes you look like a true dom.

 

[JosetteDuPrae]

Yes I was trying to use this forum as a more "active" research forum which was a mistake. My initial post was clearly not articulate enough for this group. Looking for general ideas beyond the dozen or so that I was able to find on websites was not well received. Being called lazy after 4 hours of research certainly means there is a disconnect here for me. While I have not posted, mostly because I feel as though I've had little to offer in feedback, I have read several threads. My Dom and I just had a discussion and he was very apologetic that I had spent so much time and had gotten so stressed out on this matter. We re-defined once again what bedroom-only means for our relationship.

 

[Sir_Winston54]

Yes I was trying to use this forum as a more "active" research forum which was a mistake. My initial post was clearly not articulate enough for this group. Looking for general ideas beyond the dozen or so that I was able to find on websites was not well received. Being called lazy after 4 hours of research certainly means there is a disconnect here for me. While I have not posted, mostly because I feel as though I've had little to offer in feedback, I have read several threads. My Dom and I just had a discussion and he was very apologetic that I had spent so much time and had gotten so stressed out on this matter. We re-defined once again what bedroom-only means for our relationship.

It's good that this led to increased communication and understanding between you, so despite any humiliation you may have felt as a result of this thread, you do have that goodness to be thankful for.

As for the punishment aspect, which many of us find to be an issue, some of us find it a further issue that someone(s) will come in here and ask us to suggest a punishment for someone we don't know, which is an instant road to failure. If we don't know you, and we don't know your dom, how can we possibly suggest *appropriate* punishment? We have no clue as to your limits, nor his, nor your (plural) likes and dislikes and normal activities.

Good luck to you, and try not to give up on us. There is a wealth of experience here, people who have been involved for years and even decades in the BDSM culture, either individually and/or in more-or-less formal groups, who are willing - nay, eager! - to share that experience and whatever wisdom they have gained. And... believe it or not... those experienced folks are usually quit eager to hear of your experiences, which may be something new to them. After all: None of us has experienced everything, and something you may have learned or done may be quite new and delicious to us.

 

[galleri]

OP:
Don't take any of the above comments as negative. In all honesty they are being helpful and giving some great advice. Don't get all stressed over it, go sit and breathe and think. This is actually a bit easy (well.. to a point). Think about what would make you uncomfortable. Whatever makes you uncomfortable is something that someone's punishment should be. In the same sense I would think your Dom would know you well enough to know what he could place as a punishment. But I also see what he is doing here. Like many above said also..what could be a punishment for you may not be such a punishment for someone else
Good Luck. Don't take this research as something bad and stressful, but use it to learn more about yourself.

 

[Stella_Omega]

We re-defined once again what bedroom-only means for our relationship.

Bravo! And I am not being sarcastic. i think the discussion you two had was an optimal outcome from this episode.

 

[graceanne]

I wrote my initial acerbic response, because I was in a mildly generous mood. I often suspect dominants who offer these sorts of assignments, do so to simply throw their submissives to the wolves and watch the fireworks from afar.

If that *was* his intent, he's an ass (IMO). If it wasn't his intent, y'all have some talking to do.

That's how I see it. Anyone who's spent any amount of time on lit knows how this kind of thread is going to go. SW's oy was more likely a result of the fur he knew was about to fly.

We re-defined once again what bedroom-only means for our relationship.

Awesome. I'm glad something good came from a 'help me choose my punishment' thread.