My story...what do you think?

[English Lady]

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=71456


Well folks the above link is for my latest story "when a woman's watched" and I would really be thankful for any feedback on it.

I really enjoyed writing this particular story and I am interested to see if my own excitement enhances or detracts from the finished result.

Awaiting the verdict with fingers crossed!!!!

 

[PaulX35]

Hmmm

M'Lady,

Just read through your story, too quickly as I have business out of town. I love stories with dirty language, and I'm glad to see a woman enjoying that too.

Will give you more detailed comment later, but my train trip will be good with your story downloaded in my laptop

Paul

 

[BigTexan]

EnglishLady,

As I always say, what follows is just my opinion.

First impressions: This was a wonderful story that was very erotic. Fast paced and interesting, it held my attention and, yes I admit, excited me.

There were a couple of glaring errors.


Not having sex for a week certainly takes its toll on a young couple. I am as randy as a bitch in heat and my husband, well his tongue is so far into my throat and is hands plastered on my breasts so I think it is fair comment to say he's pretty horny too.


This paragraph is a change in tense from the one before it and the ones after. It is written in present tense. It also has a typo (my throat and is hands s/b my throat and his hands)


Suddenly I remember where we are.

This is another tense change.

There are more tense problems throughout the story. I would say that this is the stories most prominent error. It does distract the reader and detracts from the story.

In one sentence you also used "you're" when you meant "your" but this is a picky gripe.

The dialog was excellent. It really gave me a good feeling for who the characters were and it was consistant throughout the story.

The story itself was erotic and the description you included was perfect, not too much, not too little. That is a fine line to walk, but you did it marvelously.

Overall a good job. On future stories you should watch for tense problems but, other than that, you did an excellent job here.

I hope this helps. Keep writing, you are very good.

BigTexan

 

[English Lady]

Paul x35. well thank you for reading through my story, I am glad you enjoyed it. I love playing around with dirty language, it is so very erotic, to me anyway!

 

[English Lady]

Big Texan, Thankyou for reading my story and giving me such thorough feedback.


I see what you mean about the tense, I do seem to have a problem with that, so if anyone has any tips on how to keep myself in the same tense,I'd be greatful!


Considering how bad my spelling and grammar is without a spell checker I am quite impressed that only a few typos and spelling errors got through!

I am so glad you enjoyed my story, I have found your comments very positive and helpful. Thanks alot!

 

[PaulX35]

A few more thoughts

M'Lady,

I already gave you my first impressions. Not only was this story tickling my special liking for stories with dirty language, I found it well conceived, nicely worked out and full of speed. It was a pleasure to read it, and it was exciting to read, which is maybe the most important combined compliment for erotica.

After the flowers, now the nit-picking

The man from Texas already pointed at inconsistency of tense, which is an important thing, as it may leave the reader disturbed at times. In lots of parts you show you can handle present tense well. Not the easiest to write in, but you're good at it.

Your spell-checker doesn't pick up punctuation errors, especially comma's; some work to do there as well.

Genitives are not always accurate either. It's "Robert's something", not "Roberts".

All in all, not really a lot to comment on in a negative way, mylady. Well done!

Looking forward to your next story

Paul

 

[English Lady]

Paulx35

well i am so glad to hear you found my story exciting!


yes I am really going to have to work on that tense thing, what I think it is,is actually my local dialect, for example I would say

"I was stood" whereas proper english is "I was standing"

so I'll have to get someone to look over my others for those kind of inconsistancies because I just don't pick up on them.

Right, I will look out for the comma's too. I was told at school I was "trigger happy" with my punctuation. I think I get a bit carried away!

I think alot of those negatives I can put right with just a little more time taken in proof reading and editing my final piece.

Thankyou so much for your time and indepth feedback. It is MUCH appreiciated!

 

[ozraven]

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=71456


Well folks the above link is for my latest story "when a woman's watched" and I would really be thankful for any feedback on it.

I really enjoyed writing this particular story and I am interested to see if my own excitement enhances or detracts from the finished result.

Awaiting the verdict with fingers crossed!!!!

I'm not qualified to give critical advice........so

I'll just say that was a great story, well told, and the blood went, as you would hope, straight to my cock.

 

[NolaGuy]

English Lady,

Very sexy! Just the kind of story that gets me horny. Now, I'm left with a hard cock to take care of myself.

NolaGuy

 

[KingDingaling]

hot story

 

[emesangels]

Good story, and I rated it a 4 and basically the same comments as the rest - some grammar errors and some tense changes. But you do write very well - you have a handle on the language of the written word.

Seemed all your comments were from men - so thought I'd pass a women's view on - happy reading and writing everyone

 

[English Lady]

ozraven...glad you found me story a turn on!.

nolaguy well if it got you horny my story did what it was meant to!

kingdingaling thank you I am glad you thought so!

emesangel, thanks for the ladies point of view and the vote!

 

[ladyphoenix]

English ladies and erotic stories...

Dear Lady,
I judge a story on several factors, including creativity with the topic, structural stuff and how well they arouse me. But the best judge of whether (in my lowly opinion) a story is great is how quickly I forget to look at the specifics and get lost in the tale and its passion.
You started out a bit weak but I think others have covered the minor stuff; after three paragraphs I was so into the story I forgot to look for misspellings and cared more about the action. Brava.

Greatly recommendable.

best,
ladyp

 

[English Lady]

ladyphoenix Well I feel really proud now, knowing that I managed to pull you into my story and that you enjoyed it. I really thank you for your feedback!