What do you think of my first story?

[kitcat456]

I just posted my first story here and I am curious what the Lit community thinks of it. I have posted it on reddit and fetlife before but I feel like the standards of what makes a story good are higher here.

https://literotica.com/s/cumming-and-crying-at-the-same-time

You can check it out here its 100% true

 

[MacGuffinn]

And?

 

[LoneMilf]

I read it and found it .. 'meh'.
The 'ahaha' comments in particular were a bit distracting - kept taking me out of the moment.
I don't share your kink, so I refrained from scoring it.

 

[Broncanus]

It was alright. Like the above, the laughing and "lol" comments took the immersion away.

 

[sexywriterfla]

I just posted my first story here and I am curious what the Lit community thinks of it. I have posted it on reddit and fetlife before but I feel like the standards of what makes a story good are higher here.

https://literotica.com/s/cumming-and-crying-at-the-same-time

You can check it out here its 100% true

It reads more like a casual sex/fantasy conversation than an actual erotic story. Not bad for a first effort but I'd also make sure you clean up the typos and grammar issues, and eliminate the "ahaha" stuff. It's unnecessary and yes, distracting. Also take away that fully capitalized words because they're unnecessary. I understand your emphasizing but your writing should do that for you not typing a word in all caps. Hope this helps!

 

[Andreas_Kreuz]

Yes, I know what you are talking about. I have had a sub who also came while crying after some bdsm torture. She found it liberating.
However for a dom, this does need some reflecting upon. You cant just keep on going without checking, that the crying is not a sign, that she is beyond her limits. Many doms will be so unsettled, that they abort the session.
Of course you could play out the scene a lot more:
Your previous experiences as a sub? How did you meet, what kind of person was he? What were the things he had so meticulously planned? How did that feel to you? At what point did you decide to have sex with him?
Slapping someone in the face can be a bad trigger, and it takes me some courage to slap a sub for the first time. How was it for you?
You approved to be treated like a slut. Have you been acting slutty beforehand to give him this idea? How does it feel to answer, yes I am a slut and want to be treated as such.
Etc etc.
Basically you can take every sentence and turn that into a paragraph.

And then in the next story how does one pursue this fetish? I believe not all doms can go on when the sub starts crying.
All in all quite ok as a first story. Better sweet and short to gather feedback.

 

[Mr_PT]

I just posted my first story here and I am curious what the Lit community thinks of it. I have posted it on reddit and fetlife before but I feel like the standards of what makes a story good are higher here.

https://literotica.com/s/cumming-and-crying-at-the-same-time

You can check it out here its 100% true

Nice story

 

[Mr_PT]

I just posted my first story here and I am curious what the Lit community thinks of it. I have posted it on reddit and fetlife before but I feel like the standards of what makes a story good are higher here.

https://literotica.com/s/cumming-and-crying-at-the-same-time

You can check it out here its 100% true

I like the story. You should make it into an audio.