My neighbour, Kelly the Crackwhore

[XCal]

Hi MG!

I only just found this thread and am enjoying it tons. I'm looking forward to reading more about your colourful neighbour.

Nice to see you again!

 

[kkceohcs]

hehehe

THis is fantastic..

Thanks for sharing.. but still holding my breath for the rest..

for your table
KK

 

[montrealgirl]

Hi MG!

I only just found this thread and am enjoying it tons. I'm looking forward to reading more about your colourful neighbour.

Nice to see you again!

I'm so happy you found my thread...I am more than happy to share my stories with someone, so Lit is the perfect forum...although my workmates have also started to crush on KtCW and demand daily updates

Please bookmark so you don't miss one crack-filled moment!

 

[montrealgirl]

hehehe

THis is fantastic..

Thanks for sharing.. but still holding my breath for the rest..

for your table
KK

Such a delight to see that KtCW is bringing so many people together...nice to meet you KK...

I actually had a dream about Kelly on Tuesday night. The dream was that she was moving to a beach in Ontario. In the dream I was happy to have her gone from such close proximity to me and all my treasured possessions, but I was also a bit sad because I knew I was going to miss stalking her. It was bittersweet.

Have no fear though - there are no real signs of her leaving any time soon.

 

[Sulk]

I can not believe this exercise in snobbery is still running.

 

[MrFantasyMan]

I can not believe this exercise in snobbery is still running.

no accounting for taste...or lack thereof...

 

[Sulk]

no accounting for taste...or lack thereof...

Quite.

 

[montrealgirl]

Quite.

Hi Sulk,

I'm sorry that you do not find the humour/entertainment value in my anecdotes as some of the thread followers do. I do appreciate that we all have different senses of humour, and for some, my stories and people's responses to them may seem extremely inappropriate. I figure an adult-themed porn site where just about every subject is discussed, would be a safe venue to write candidly.

I am not trying to be a snob, but to share some of the experiences I am having with my neighbour, which have in fact become a troubling reality in my life. Waking up to strange men banging on my door and having cops come to my building (getting to that part in future stories) is a tad stressful for me, so sharing my stories in a humorous over-the-top way helps to relax and destress as I've talked to my landlord and there is nothing they can do to evict her (although they would like to).

I do understand your point of view, but there are clearly some who would like me to continue. Please feel free to put this thread and/or myself on your ignore list. I'm also willing to discuss this further if you would like to PM me.

MG

 

[adutihl]

Does Kelly know Web?

I told her while she was in a drunken/stoned stupor that I planned on posting a dark blurry photo of her back on my crackwhore thread. She drooled. I took this as a sign of agreement.

I finally figured out it what was about this statement that was nagging at the back of my brain -- you've discussed this with her? She knows about literotica? She knows she has fans? (well, fans who want to keep a hygenic distance, but still, I guess, fans) She knows what a "crackwhore thread" could possibly be?

(Homework assignment for the ambitious among you: try to find a way to drop the phrase "crackwhore thread" into a conversation at some point during the next 24 hours )

AduT

 

[mcopado]

Nice to see you againg mcopado...didn't think you were keeping up with KtCW. This weekend I'll post Part Four and some great new visual stimuli!

I wait with baited breath for every installment...jumoing over here the minute my User's cp turns bright blue...

 

[ima6uldv8]

This is priceless! I've just discovered this jewel and look forward to reading it all soon.

 

[it_matters]

Please don't tell me you have a mattress sitting on your living room floor.

ooo, look at that! I get to visit Lit while my spinach is cooking! and YES I said spinach

No, the futon got peed on by the cats, so now I don't even have that...

 

[it_matters]

I can not believe this exercise in snobbery is still running.

he he he. I assume you meant that in all earnestness - as we know it is Important to be Earnest - but the choice of words was indeed choice. What makes KtCW all the more enjoyable is that she is in fact a metaphor for our Inner Selves, Sulk. I don't believe MG even has a neighbor. Kelly is our sad, unwatered desert flower of our selves. I am laughing at the futon I no longer have in the middle of my living room floor, and hoping that I beat this heroin addiction once and for all.

 

[lostinjapan]

there are clearly some who would like me to continue.

I've been following this thread since the beginning (and from the counter on the pictures there are a lot more of us lurkers).

Your thread is refreshingly funny and witty and I love reading the updates and the comments (like mrtnmoon's "what makes a crackwhore a crackwhore" comment).

Please ignore the few people that should just move on if they don't like your posts. Hey, I don't like the incest or beastiality threads but I don't tell the posters in their I think they are sick fucks. I hate the gaming threads (like, post a word that starts with T), but don't tell people in there to stop wasting their time.

So please continue and know that some of us GET your humour and really enjoy it mostly because it is so non-PC. It doesn't make us snobs (which was implied), but just shows the variety of tastes that can be found on Lit.

Now, what was this about cops coming to your building? Please stop procrastinating and write Part Four already!

 

[shell seeker2]

This is so fabulous and funny to read after a shitty day. Thanks for the entertainment.

 

[montrealgirl]

She knows she has fans? (well, fans who want to keep a hygenic distance, but still, I guess, fans)

Now that shite is funny!

(Homework assignment for the ambitious among you: try to find a way to drop the phrase "crackwhore thread" into a conversation at some point during the next 24 hours )

Any success, anyone?

 

[montrealgirl]

I wait with baited breath for every installment...jumoing over here the minute my User's cp turns bright blue...

Well, its blue now, but not an update...although it is coming later today - guaranteed! Time to get this thread up to speed...

 

[montrealgirl]

This is priceless! I've just discovered this jewel and look forward to reading it all soon.

Love seeing new faces....glad you enjoy...and a jewel no less...fantastic!

 

[montrealgirl]

No, the futon got peed on by the cats, so now I don't even have that...

Sure. Blame it on the cats.

 

[montrealgirl]

This is so fabulous and funny to read after a shitty day. Thanks for the entertainment.

Glad you see the entertainment value and it persumably made you laugh and smile.

Sorry to hear you had a shitty day.

Hope your weekend is better

 

[montrealgirl]

I've been following this thread since the beginning (and from the counter on the pictures there are a lot more of us lurkers).

Your thread is refreshingly funny and witty and I love reading the updates and the comments (like mrtnmoon's "what makes a crackwhore a crackwhore" comment).

Please ignore the few people that should just move on if they don't like your posts. Hey, I don't like the incest or beastiality threads but I don't tell the posters in their I think they are sick fucks. I hate the gaming threads (like, post a word that starts with T), but don't tell people in there to stop wasting their time.

So please continue and know that some of us GET your humour and really enjoy it mostly because it is so non-PC. It doesn't make us snobs (which was implied), but just shows the variety of tastes that can be found on Lit.

Now, what was this about cops coming to your building? Please stop procrastinating and write Part Four already!

No worries LIJ, I'll keep story-telling as long as people are reading.

Hey, and a a little controversy sure kick-started this thread into high gear. It brought out the regular readers, and as a result, the thread stayed on the first page all day, so it attracted new readers too! I may have to create an alter-ego to come in and post weekly; tell me and everyone else how we have no taste

The cops....right - time to get to it!

 

[wildfyre]

No worries LIJ, I'll keep story-telling as long as people are reading.

Hey, and a a little controversy sure kick-started this thread into high gear. It brought out the regular readers, and as a result, the thread stayed on the first page all day, so it attracted new readers too! I may have to create an alter-ego to come in and post weekly; tell me and everyone else how we have no taste

The cops....right - time to get to it!

Ppfffttttt--you dont need an alt MG--I can come in and play s advocate and tell everyone that they are tasteless and snobbish---though I suppose I should go around to everyone on your thread and taste them so I can truly say everyone is tasteless!!

 

[montrealgirl]

New Years Eve with KtCW: Part Four

Dec 31, 2005

My sister and I have a great day shopping, relaxing and most notably talking about John and his encounter with Kelly the previous evening. We make jokes until our sides hurt. Although I have seen the slew of men who come and go from her apartment, I am actually a little shocked that this 40-something year old woman tried to have sex with John's 19 year old friends. We giggle about what is sure to be some classic photos John had downloaded to my computer.

6:00 pm: I get a call from John wondering how he and the boys can order a pizza. I tell him where I keep all the take-out menus. He is a tad frazzled when there are 14 different addresses for Dominos. I tell him which one is closest to my house.

He also tells me about how great the day was and how excited they were to ride a city bus and metro (subway). This makes me smile as I realize just how easy-to-please these guys are; and here they had spent the night before with a CW! He tells me they bought tickets to go to a party at the Musée Just Pour Rire; A three floored, multi DJ, 4500 person New Years extravaganza. We hang up after I wish him and the boys a great New Years Eve. I hope that have a good time, but am happy knowing that regardless, they have already had a fantastic Montreal experience.

January 1, 2006

I leave Mom's house to commence the 7-hour drive back home by myself. Around 1pm I call John and wake him up. I tell him to call me when he is less groggy.

2:00pm: John calls. They are on the road and he assures me my apartment is in perfect condition. I ask about New Year's Eve. He says they had a GREAT time and he has a bunch of stories to tell me; stories he plans on telling me later that evening when he is home.

"Just get home, and check on the photos I've downloaded to your desktop. Then call me."

We hang up and I continue the most monotonous drive (if you have never driven between Montreal and Toronto, I really encourage you to keep it that way. It is 5 hours of the most dull scenary. I've done this drive about 4 times a year for the past 12 and it kills me every time.)

I get home and after 4 trips of unpacking the car, finally collapse in front of my computer. I look at the photos in a folder labelled, "CRACKWHORE". The first time around, I am shocked. The second time I'm laughing. By the third I can't wait to speak to John and find out the circumstances behind them. However I get an invite and instead go out for the evening. I return home after midnight and go straight to bed. No updates from John.

January 2nd, 2006

I wake up and stumble into my living room. It looks as though a tornado has whizzed through as I didn't unpack my bags the night before. New presents are everywhere and its time to find space for all my new loot. I am a super neat freak (a tad obsessive compulsive) and start a cleaning rampage that last from 8:30am to 6:00pm. I'm out of control. John calls twice but I ignore his calls; I am on a mission.

4:00pm: There is a knock on my door. I look through the peephole and see a pair of squinty glazed eyes staring back on me. My stomach jumps as I recognize those eyes covered in blue eyeliner and pink eyeshadow. They can only belong to one person, and that person is knocking on my door: Kelly the Crackwhore. I presume that she must be calling because she thinks the boys are still visiting. I imagine that she will quite disappointed when I open the door.

I take a deep breath, and open the door with a grin plastered on my face. As I'm opening it, I'm thinking back to the photos I have already seen and start thinking, "damn, wish I'd talked to John so I knew what this is going to be all about..."

 

[it_matters]

Sure. Blame it on the cats.

ok - I inadvertently left the door unlatched: the big one pushed its way in, invited the little one, and the door swung shut on the both of them. itwas the cats' pee, but my latch.

but we digress. I see there is a new installment waaay down the thread that needs to be checked out!

 

[montrealgirl]

Ppfffttttt--you dont need an alt MG--I can come in and play s advocate and tell everyone that they are tasteless and snobbish---though I suppose I should go around to everyone on your thread and taste them so I can truly say everyone is tasteless!!

Sometimes I feel like you and I have so much in common that I think you would make the best s advocate I could possibly ask for. I should tell you in advance however that I get easily turned on when someone is calling me names.

I'm surprised people didn't get in line for that test taste.

But then again, on this thread your competition is Kelly.