Multiple partners

[spankableBelle]

i want to thank everyone that answered my questions about contracts, and something was brought up in one of the responses that brings me to another question. Multiple partners. And i had briefly heard before of serial monogamy. i am not interested in either of these for my own D/s relationship. i am not cut out for it, personality or emotionally wise. But there are many, as James says here in this comment, that are.

(This is only part of the response by James Blandings, the rest is not relevant to this question)

...This question raises an issue that I think often gets shortchanged in BDSM discussion on the Internet, and that is that there tends to be an assumption that all, or nearly all, people involved in BDSM are looking for long term committed relationships. This is simply not true. many people in the BDSM lifestyle prefer to have multiple partners, or enter into serial monogamy type situations in which they chnage partners at regular intervals. Obviously this is not for everyone, but it is well established wityhin BDSM. In these type of situations, a contract can take on greater importance.

my question is simply this...why? Why does one need or want multiple partners? This again is open to all...Dom/mes, switches, subs...

belle

 

[Ebonyfire]

Belle,


Not everyone is meant to go through life two by two. I like variety. And I do not feel the need to marry anyone.

In my opinion, the only (marginally) good reason to get married is to have children. That being said, I had one who turned out just fine without the benefit of clergy.

I enjoy the different layers of human entanglements. I like the ability and freedom to pursue the relationships that interest me.

Ebony <who lives her life on her own terms>

 

[spankableBelle]

Re: Re: Multiple partners

Belle,


Not everyone is meant to go through life two by two. I like variety. And I do not feel the need to marry anyone.

In my opinion, the only (marginally) good reason to get married is to have children. That being said, I had one who turned out just fine without the benefit of clergy.

I enjoy the different layers of human entanglements. I like the ability and freedom to pursue the relationships that interest me.

Ebony <who lives her life on her own terms>

~smile~ EB, You were one that i was truly hoping would answer. i am fascinated by the different relationships that You speak of having. i admire You. And You are correct that not everyone is meant for just one relationship at a time...and i was just interested to know others opinions of why they are or aren't...

But i thank You for Your thoughts...(You do know You're one of my crushes, right? <giggles>)

belle

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Multiple partners

~smile~ EB, You were one that i was truly hoping would answer. i am fascinated by the different relationships that You speak of having. i admire You. And You are correct that not everyone is meant for just one relationship at a time...and i was just interested to know others opinions of why they are or aren't...

But i thank You for Your thoughts...(You do know You're one of my crushes, right? <giggles>)

belle

You are a sweety.

Some I like, some I love, but not in a grabby, I must have you sort of way.

Eb

 

[Shadowsdream]

I am complex and enjoy feeding My complexities with the unique qualities that abound in human nature.

I have always been the most content owning several subs simutaneously. It is a huge responsibility and in My household it is paramount that the submissives have a good relationship of respect for each other. They need to understand that there is no competition and jealousy is not permitted. I would never take a second or a third sub without KNOWING that the present toy under My thumb was comfortable with My choice. I do not risk his emotional health to serve My selfishness nor would I deny Myself unnecessarily.

I will add a female sub to this home in a 24/7 dynamic relationship but she will be chosen to fit into the passion, laughter and pleasure that already abounds here. Both the fem sub and My male slave will be attracted to each other and enjoy a playful nature when I send them out alone to enjoy free time. I do not consider bring a fem sub into My home as a plaything for My male but as a genuine extension of My need to fullfill My Bi sexuallity if you will.

So I would say it can be a good thing or a bad thing. Depending on how much honesty and responsibility is in place.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Re: Re: Re: Multiple partners

~smile~ EB, You were one that i was truly hoping would answer. i am fascinated by the different relationships that You speak of having. i admire You. And You are correct that not everyone is meant for just one relationship at a time...and i was just interested to know others opinions of why they are or aren't...

But i thank You for Your thoughts...(You do know You're one of my crushes, right? <giggles>)

belle

There is also one other thing. I do have long term committed relatonships. They just are not monogamous.

Eb

 

[spankableBelle]

Shadowsdream and Ebony

i admire the both of You for Your complexities and for the straightforward way You approach this lifestyle...those that can hold multiple relationships with a firm hand and those that can be under that firm hand and share are blessed...i am simply not blessed in that way for myself...i need that one to one connection and not have to share with another sub that has similar needs...i have read on a site about sharing and jealousies and envy in multiple partner relationships...i am a jealous person...i have even been referred to as being nasty when i am jealous...it is my flaw...(shrugs)

i learn a tremendous amount though from You both and i do appreciate Your thoughts here on this topic...i am quite fascinated by it...


(imagine two of my crushes posting on my thread...<giggles> i am simply giddy now...)

 

[Dr. B Evil]

Leave it up to...

...Eb to make things clear with a subtle and effective answer!

Gotta love ya Eb!

 

[Ebonyfire]

I am complex and enjoy feeding My complexities with the unique qualities that abound in human nature.

I have always been the most content owning several subs simutaneously. It is a huge responsibility and in My household it is paramount that the submissives have a good relationship of respect for each other. They need to understand that there is no competition and jealousy is not permitted. I would never take a second or a third sub without KNOWING that the present toy under My thumb was comfortable with My choice. I do not risk his emotional health to serve My selfishness nor would I deny Myself unnecessarily.

I will add a female sub to this home in a 24/7 dynamic relationship but she will be chosen to fit into the passion, laughter and pleasure that already abounds here. Both the fem sub and My male slave will be attracted to each other and enjoy a playful nature when I send them out alone to enjoy free time. I do not consider bring a fem sub into My home as a plaything for My male but as a genuine extension of My need to fullfill My Bi sexuallity if you will.

So I would say it can be a good thing or a bad thing. Depending on how much honesty and responsibility is in place.

I know it can work.
In my case, I like to date, and go out with whomever I choose. I know that to secure the relationship with any 24/7 I collar, I may have to curb that behaviour in the beginning for the good the the D/s 24/7 dynamic. No problem.

My goal has always been to collar a sub for 24/7. When I find the one, I will do what is necesary to build the foundation necessary for his growth as a sub and the growth of the D/s relatonship. If I do not have time to date, so be it.

Eb

 

[SexyChele]

My thinking is that there is really very little difference between those involved in BDSM relationships and vanilla relationships. There are folks in 'nilla relationships that seek out multiple partners, or engage in serial monogamy - why not within BDSM? While I do think that in many respects there is more upfront honesty in BDSM, there isn't something that states that honesty must translate into a long term monogamous relationship.

Myself, I find it difficult to do multiple partners, period. BDSM or no. I like the security of being in a committed, monogamous relationship, but that is just me. I respect others who have variations on the theme.

I think it would be more difficult if one were involved in 24/7 and living together to do multiple partners, unless all parties are involved. But then, what do I know?

Why would some one want multiple partners? Why would some one involved in 'nilla relationships want multiple partners? Variation, excitement, fulfillment of things in different people, unable to be monogamous. There are thousands of reasons. And each can be used for multiple partners in BDSM, as well. Well, at least I think so.

 

[Richard49]

You might want to read this thread
http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=82602&perpage=20&pagenumber=1

 

[Daddyslilpet]

Belle,

In my relationship, it is just Master and I. We have discussed the fantasy of adding a third. In our discussions we have decided that right now in the place we are in in our relationship, it is better left as a fantasy. Neither of us wish to do anything to damage each other or our relationship as a whole. This is just how it works for us tho. I think each relationship is different, just as each person is.

~smiles~
dixi

 

[spankableBelle]

Thank you, chele...i always value your thoughts and opinions. ~smile~

 

[spankableBelle]

Belle,

In my relationship, it is just Master and I. We have discussed the fantasy of adding a third. In our discussions we have decided that right now in the place we are in in our relationship, it is better left as a fantasy. Neither of us wish to do anything to damage each other or our relationship as a whole. This is just how it works for us tho. I think each relationship is different, just as each person is.

~smiles~
dixi

Of course, dixi...and i agree totally...each person and each relationship is different and the needs of such are going to be as well...~smile~...

 

[spankableBelle]

You might want to read this thread
http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=82602&perpage=20&pagenumber=1

Thank You, Richard...i read that thread not too long ago one day when i was bored...

i don't think i'll ever get poly...i don't think i'll ever understand it at all...i've tried...i have a Dom friend that lives it and we have had many discussions on it and i am still baffled...

i don't judge anyone on it...and more power to people that can live it, successfully...i am a very open minded person and am curious about a great many things, and this is one...simply to understand, but not live...

Again, i thank You for suggesting the link...i did re-read it just now...~smile~

belle

 

[Desdemona]

I think the poly relationship is pretty interesting. I haven't always been particularly monogamous. However, since I'm a sub, I doubt that I'd be allowed to have more than one Dom/me. I don't see it working somehow... at least not in a committed relationship.

 

[Richard49]

You might want to read this thread
http://www.literotica.com/forum/showthread.php?s=&threadid=82602&perpage=20&pagenumber=1

The two of us that started that thread have both going through our own personal hells ... however ..... there is a lot of meat there that some here might want to bring over here to discuss from the BDSM stand point ........

At the moment I would be happy with someone I loved who loved me ...... but then ........

 

[Dr. B Evil]

True Des,...

...and especially within the Dom-Sub culture where trust is so important. Not that it isn't in relationships, but it seems to be a key ingredient in DS.

 

[Richard49]

Re: True Des,...

...and especially within the Dom-Sub culture where trust is so important. Not that it isn't in relationships, but it seems to be a key ingredient in DS.

it is the intensity of trust that makes life so difficult
when things do not turn out .......

 

[Desdemona]

The two of us that started that thread have both going through our own personal hells ... however ..... there is a lot of meat there that some here might want to bring over here to discuss from the BDSM stand point ........

At the moment I would be happy with someone I loved who loved me ...... but then ........

I've read part of that thread and will read more of it because I am interested.


Do hang in there Richard. I'm currently immersed in my personal hell too, but the good days seem to outnumber the bad ones lately. It gives me hope for better things in the future for all of us.

 

[Desdemona]

Re: Re: True Des,...

it is the intensity of trust that makes life so difficult
when things do not turn out .......

You just said a mouthful! It hurts worse than anything I ever imagined.

 

[Richard49]

Re: Re: Re: True Des,...

You just said a mouthful! It hurts worse than anything I ever imagined.

If you want to talk email me or yahoo im me oh ya .. i got ICQ also though am usually invisble there

 

[spankableBelle]

Re: Re: True Des,...

it is the intensity of trust that makes life so difficult
when things do not turn out .......

There couldn't be a more true statement...it's a true bitch...

 

[SexyChele]

Re: Re: True Des,...

it is the intensity of trust that makes life so difficult
when things do not turn out .......

I haven't gotten to know you very well, but the pain in your posts truly cut to the bone. I agree with others before me - this quote says a lot.

And I do hope that all eventually works out well for you. You seem like a decent man.

 

[Ebonyfire]

Resources

There are two wonderful books on the subject.

Polymory; The New Love Without Limits by Dr. Deborah M. Anapol

And The Ethical Slut; A Guide to infinite Sexual Possibilities by Dossie Easton & Catherine A. Liszt

They are great for anyone who is thinking about extending their sexual relationships or those who are curous about how it can work.

Enjoy!

Ebony