Moths - Tell us about your flame and why...

[Esclava]

We've all heard the story of a moth so drawn to a flame that it is burned to death. We've all probably been one or the other in our own lives.

Please tell us about your time as a moth and the flame - you were so drawn to - that had the power to burn into your very soul. Give as many details as you care to as they may help someone else who is struggling with a flame they cannot extinguish.

I'll start this because my epiphany caught me so off guard. Here I was returning to BDSM after a 10+ year hiatus. I decided to visit an online community on the recommendation of a real life acquaintance who met his partner here. So, I lurked for about 3 mos before I actually got active in posting.

I got to know many people through their posting styles and literacy in those replies. I also came to find a soul sister and a couple of people that I trust.

Then, I met my flame. I had noticed his posts and how they intrigued me. Always on the cutting edge of witty repartee, he seemed to snag and reel me in. Each time we began a discourse, I knew I would not be victorious; but I could not prevent myself from flying straight into his trap - ensnared by his brilliant mind and rapier wit.

Even now, I only say things I believe will bring a smile to his face. If I ever said anything, seriously, confrontational to him, I would fully expect to look over my shoulder and see a physical attack at the ready. He is sadistic and takes great pleasure in causing pain - sometimes making me crazy with his caustic banter.

Yet, there is always a part of me that would serve him. But I cannot - I will never be able to feed the sadist that is in him - and it would kill me to displease him. But drawn to him, I am. I can't explain it, but I believe I always will be. If you haven't figured it out, my flame is the AngelicAssassin.

Thank you AA for constantly reminding me that living is only a part-time thing if you're not living on the edge...

Esclava

 

[Caitlynne]

**applaudes Escava for her courage**

I would have never had the courage to begin a thread like this, this is so brave.

And I'll add a little to AngelicAssassin's mystic. I agree completely with your description of his appeal and have had the same reactions. (Although I am too shy in many ways to do much more than smile and observe from a corner in a thread.)

I noticed that flame and like a moth was drawn to it a long time ago when the Chateau thread was beginning. I even pm'ed him to ask if he was interested in some interaction in that thread. Something I am not prone to doing, as I seldom originate a PM. I always answer mine, but I seldom originate one. I am one of those basically shy subs, very shy.

He politely and graciously declined, but I admit I was drawn then and still am. I read his contributions and smile often at his wit and charm and squirm a lot at the danger that is always there.

I'm not trying to turn this into an AA love fest, I honestly just had the same 'moth to flame' response. Funny in a way, and very interesting.

In any event, you are very brave to begin such a thread, I'd have never even thought of it, let alone do it.

~ Cait

 

[shy slave]

Cait is right you are brave to start such a thread.

I enjoy reading and working out AA and the convolutions of his mind (or at least trying to )but equally have found roscoe to be of a similiar nature. Francisco also fits into the persona of the type of person i enjoy reaading posts from and wonder about them as individuals.

Perhaps the appeal of people who are quite sadistic is because even in vanilla life people are often attracted to someone they cannot have.

Usually it is a person who appears to lead life on the edge.

After all if we have to choose between someone predictable and someone unpredictable then I personally would chose the unpredictable; simply because they can offer something others in my life cannot give me, nor can I give it to myself.

As to my moth to a flame ~
Earlier this year I met someone on a vanilla site we spoke several times a day and online each evening.
After about a month we finally met in r/t; I was immediately and very strongly attracted to him.
We had spoken of BDSM and he was willing to explore with me (or so he said). Our first meeting we spent all day together in the city had a meal and went to the cinema in the evening.
He gave me kiss on cheek goodbye and said he would ring me once he was home.
He did ring and we arranged to meet the following week. He never contacted me again.
I was crazy with concern that something had happened to him.
I spoke to his secretary at his work who said he was in a meeting but would tell him I called.
He never did.
I never knew why and still do not know why.
I did text him, email him and found myself outside his office (far too often when it was an hours drive away) although did not go in.
I was, in truth, a small step away from being obssessed by him.

My worry now is if he rang me right now i would probably go and meet him ~ right now.
Would I tell my Master? No absolutely not.
Would I exchange Master for him?
Probably not..
but the point is I still think in terms of 'probably.'

{{{HUGS}}} esclava

 

[RavenSpirit2k4]

Well, this isn't about AA, but rather someone else I met online. I haven't even spoken with him in about a week.

When we first met, he was perfect. I would have moved heaven and earth to take him as my sub, but I didn't (and still don't) have the money for us to meet. He's drop-frigging-dead gorgeous, lots of stamina, well-endowed and very passionate. Not to mention just plain horny, which as you may have noticed, I usually am too.

There were two other things about him that really got my motor running though: 1 - he made it clear how much he wanted me, not just any domme, and 2 - despite being passionate enough to take the initiative, he was still basically submissive.

Then... he seemed less sub when we talked. He just wanted to meet me for sex. Whereas before he said he'd sleep on the floor by my bed if there was nowhere else to sleep, it changed to he'd rather keep the apartment he lives in and go and back forth. He got a vanilla girlfriend, and from what he says, the only thing he really likes about her is her looks.

So he's not what he seemed at first. I'm probably better off without him. But if I were to suddenly acquire enough money so that we could be together, would I? Hell yes. I still want him very badly, even though he's not as sub as he was at first, nor does he say how much he wants me like he used to. And I can't help it. I know this wouldn't be a healthy relationship, but I also know good and well I'd do it all anyway. It's like sticking your hand in fire, knowing you'll be burned, but the urge to do it is irresistible - the moth and the flame.

Damn him, anyway.

 

[Shadowsdream]

My flame is the eyes of a man or a woman lost in the bliss of submission. It burns with an intensity so hot that I can feel the heat across a crowded room. I am drawn to it like a moth that will dance around the allure in appreciation of the danger of being trapped by its volatile nature.

Yet the flame is seldom so bright that it I feel the need to pursue it nor to be burnt by the passion of the moment.

Not quite what was asked but it was an irresistible moment.

 

[littlegirlslut]

I now know...

Five days ago I would not have had a clue what Escalva was talking about. Honestly when I first began reading it two days ago I was not sure, but thought I had a clue. However, after some searching internally and externally I know that I do know who my moth is and how strong that flame is. I suppose only time will tell if the flame ever goes out or if the moth flies too close. But this a magnatism I never thought I would know. The fire inside of me has also been lit and burns from deep within, hopefully just as strongly as the flame that brings me to him. When you are not looking for anything at all, the strongest desires are sometimes quenched. Cliched as it is, but only time will tell.

 

[littlegirlslut]

I now know...

my apologies for a crazy mouse... and being new.

 

[littlegirlslut]

I now know...

Triple post? Delete if you want.

 

[Kajira Callista]

My flame is the eyes of a man or a woman lost in the bliss of submission. It burns with an intensity so hot that I can feel the heat across a crowded room. I am drawn to it like a moth that will dance around the allure in appreciation of the danger of being trapped by its volatile nature.

Yet the flame is seldom so bright that it I feel the need to pursue it nor to be burnt by the passion of the moment.

Not quite what was asked but it was an irresistible moment.

reads post...looks at av...reads post....looks at av *pants like a puppy*

 

[Shadowsdream]

reads post...looks at av...reads post....looks at av *pants like a puppy*

~~grin~~ good morning puppy...now back to the regular programing

 

[FungiUg]

I can't say I have had something that quite fits into this category. I'm either lucky or unlucky (depending on view point) in that I don't get emotionally involved unless I decide to. There are certainly people on Lit I could get emotionally involved with, and those I have had crushes on. However, because of distance or other factors, I haven't chosen for it to go further.

I have had passionate flings, and I've certainly been passionately in love. But they are very much real world cases for me, rather than on-line. On-line is a great way for me to meet people and make friendships, but for more of an emotional commitment, I need the physical.

 

[shy slave]

My flame is the eyes of a man or a woman lost in the bliss of submission. It burns with an intensity so hot that I can feel the heat across a crowded room. I am drawn to it like a moth that will dance around the allure in appreciation of the danger of being trapped by its volatile nature.

Yet the flame is seldom so bright that it I feel the need to pursue it nor to be burnt by the passion of the moment.

Not quite what was asked but it was an irresistible moment.

irresistable moment ~ beautiful words, a painting in my mind

Thank you

 

[Esclava]

**applaudes Escava for her courage**

Cait is right you are brave to start such a thread.

Thank you Caitlynne and shy!

This thread was either bravery or insanity (I haven't decided which, yet). I started it in order to deal with a personal demon. AA is not the demon (ummmm…well,…let me rethink that…), but some of the emotions he forces me to deal with are, assuredly, at the top of my “demon” list. At his best, he is charming, cordial, and polite – a gentleman cut from the very finest cloth. At his VERY best, he is a minute, subcutaneous splinter – deep enough to register on your painful irritant meter, yet so small as to convey real, non-visual frustration. For me, Caitlynne, these are love/hate demons I battle when I have dialogue with AAssassin.

Surprisingly, at one time, the infamous Lancecastor(oil) was a flame for me. Everything, EveryThing, EVERYTHING he said rubbed me the wrong way and I could not resist the urge to bite him (no pun intended). Of course, I could do no damage to his thick-skinned, Domly a$$ - but it wasn't for lack of trying! Eventually, he became an unpleasant irritation and nothing more.

But the big difference between those two flames is what lies at the heart of my epiphany: I could never serve Lance - but I could (and, without a moment's hesitation, would) serve AAssassin. "I submit to and serve you, Sir", are not words that I use or take lightly. I've only ever uttered them twice in my life. Once for the former who treated me so badly and again for the current online.

The One I call Master online was a flame for me as well. I stalked him around that site until I made him engage me in conversation. I said something about him being Masterful and it began a conversation that took 4 weeks to become M/s and has now lasted more than 2 years. That is how I extinguished that flame in my life. But I cannot do the same with AAssassin...

What I desire to know now, is - how does one break the hold of a flame? If you have been able to extinguish a flame, please tell how you did it. And thank you for sharing.

Esclava

 

[Esclava]

My flame is the eyes of a man or a woman lost in the bliss of submission. It burns with an intensity so hot that I can feel the heat across a crowded room. I am drawn to it like a moth that will dance around the allure in appreciation of the danger of being trapped by its volatile nature.

Yet the flame is seldom so bright that it I feel the need to pursue it nor to be burnt by the passion of the moment.

Not quite what was asked but it was an irresistible moment.

Yes, a truly irresistible moment - thank you for a peek into the heart of your flame.

Esclava

 

[snowy ciara]

I don't really have people flames. But demons, I got the demons. I got demons that keep me up all night and seduce over and over again. Things that could ultimately destroy me. Again, not people, but there is just one thing that I would kill to get rid of. How do you deal with something horrible shadow part of your soul that's been part of you for years? How do you excise it without bleeding to death in a spiritual manner? Or rather, how do you embrace it, suck it back into your psyche and absorb it without becoming it?

 

[Esclava]

I can't say I have had something that quite fits into this category. I'm either lucky or unlucky (depending on view point) in that I don't get emotionally involved unless I decide to. There are certainly people on Lit I could get emotionally involved with, and those I have had crushes on. However, because of distance or other factors, I haven't chosen for it to go further.

I have had passionate flings, and I've certainly been passionately in love. But they are very much real world cases for me, rather than on-line. On-line is a great way for me to meet people and make friendships, but for more of an emotional commitment, I need the physical.

I understand, FungiUg. I just know that sometimes another person can call to something within you that perhaps even you don't realize is hidden.

Another part of my epiphany is that the very things, which draw me to "my" flames, are things that I must have in my life to be happy. Intelligence is one of those things; self-confidence enough to allow them a healthy respect for my intelligence; enjoyment of mental and verbal sparring that doesn't descend into hurtful tirades; and a strong, Dominant charisma that does not control my submission with agression - but with my desire to please.

That is why I cannot serve "a bully" (please, this is my own personal definition of Lance). There is a well of strength within me that cannot be handled by one who is not aware of their own inner strength.

A moth to a flame? Oh yes - I am. Perhaps soon I will meet One - such as I have described - and I will know the joy of loving submission in real life.

Esclava

 

[Esclava]

I don't really have people flames. But demons, I got the demons. I got demons that keep me up all night and seduce over and over again. Things that could ultimately destroy me. Again, not people, but there is just one thing that I would kill to get rid of. How do you deal with something horrible shadow part of your soul that's been part of you for years? How do you excise it without bleeding to death in a spiritual manner? Or rather, how do you embrace it, suck it back into your psyche and absorb it without becoming it?

I am tired, snowy...but I will be back tomorrow with a suggestion for you.

Esclava

 

[sincerely_helene]

Thank you Caitlynne and shy!

What I desire to know now, is - how does one break the hold of a flame? If you have been able to extinguish a flame, please tell how you did it. And thank you for sharing.

Esclava

Many may disagree with this logic, but the only full-proof method is prevention all together. Fly as far away from the source as possible.

Fully extinguished fires still leave behind unwanted wreckage.

 

[Caitlynne]

What I desire to know now, is - how does one break the hold of a flame? If you have been able to extinguish a flame, please tell how you did it. And thank you for sharing.

Esclava

My this has turned into a VERY good disucssion. I'm so tired tonight, and I need to get some sleep. I'll return to this question tomorrow. I do have some thoughts on this, but it is a long post and I'm almost brain dead tonight.

~ Cait

 

[sincerely_helene]

I deleted a double post just so that littlegirlslut wouldn't feel so bad about hers.

 

[snowy ciara]

I am tired, snowy...but I will be back tomorrow with a suggestion for you.

Esclava

NP.. I'm about to try to go to bed too.

 

[RJMasters]

Esclava,

I have sat here for almost three hours, contemplating this post and I honestly cannot wrap my mind around the magnitude of what you have done. You have certainly earned a measure of my respect by this thread.

If only you could have asked to reveal a fault in my character, I would have gladly dance. If only you would have asked of me to share my pain, I would have sung. Many would have been satisfied to hear and see a song and dance, but not you, and not this thread. No you have asked something far deeper, you have asked to reveal; that which makes us vulnerable, the thing or person we are helpless against, the consuming flame, which we cannot extinguish.

I am vexed by what you have done. Logic and reason lay whimpering in the corner of my mind, for they have no answers to explain what it is you have asked to share. So I will set aside my intellect and write with raw passion as is fitting when one speaks honestly of the flame, which consumes and devours me whole.

---------------------------------------------------
Love, which knows no bounds or shame.
Lust of equal measure and blame.
Decadence wrapped in a guise of innocence, haunting and teasing.
She is in every way stronger and smarter than me
She mocks me with her wit and scorns my wisdom.
She gloats upon my failures and then is broken.
She pushes me away only to then cry out in need.
Her claws are sharper than any I have seen or felt
She rips into my flesh, mind and heart and I let her feed.
As I lay bleeding, she licks my wounds as if they are her own.
She intoxicates me, mesmerizes me, and fills me with power
I pounce on her and wrestle her to the ground victorious at last; only to find her dissipate into mist before my very eyes.
She is my greatest strength and weakness
My mind cannot stop thinking of her
My eyes cannot turn away from her
My hands grip her in ways that makes her body and face burn with passion.
I am blinded by love and passion
I am blinded by anger and rage
I am blinded by needs and lusts
Her flame is no mere candle
but a forest fire within me out of control.
Once I could see from the light within,
Now I am drawn by this flame inside me….

My...“InnerDarkness”

(Rich BBQ is served)


(edited to change memorizes to mesmerizes. Geezzz I can be such a dumbshit sometimes...lol)

 

[catalina_francisco]

I have to say this question has been on my mind as I work away at these walls. Strange as it may seem, I have to say my flame is Francisco. Now that may seem soppy, (and it is in part), but the reality is no matter how frustrated, distressed, confused, scared, or hurt I ever get due to our connection I cannot resist being drawn back into his arms, his fantasies, his sadistic pleasures. It became more so after a late night discussion we had last night which touched on where his mind has been wandering...he had mentioned some of this a few weeks ago and though it scares the **** out of me I find my darker side also shares his darkest fantasies and like him toys with the idea of just how far we are prepared to go, and what the consequences may be. Seems even if I had a choice to say yes or no I would likely say yes and find the possible disastrous consequences as erotically and irresistably enticing as I do the positiveness of submitting to this dark level. I fear this is one flame I do not want to extinguish or even tone down a little no matter where it leads me.

Catalina

 

[Kajira Callista]

I don't really have people flames. But demons, I got the demons. I got demons that keep me up all night and seduce over and over again. Things that could ultimately destroy me. Again, not people, but there is just one thing that I would kill to get rid of. How do you deal with something horrible shadow part of your soul that's been part of you for years? How do you excise it without bleeding to death in a spiritual manner? Or rather, how do you embrace it, suck it back into your psyche and absorb it without becoming it?

If you really dont want it to be part of you... Bring it out of the shadows, look at it in the light. Know and accept you can not change that it has happened or is now part of you...stick you tongue out at it, turn your back and walk away from it.
Just KCs way of saying dont be afraid of what is already done or already is...good bad or otherwise all those things are what make you who you are. Dwelling on them will only leave you standing in one spot and never expanding, accepting them or allowing yourself to be done with them lets you continue to move forward.

 

[littlegirlslut]

I deleted a double post just so that littlegirlslut wouldn't feel so bad about hers.

Why thank you. I think I've now gotten the hang of the hitting the button only once.

Does anyone else have an inner flame, that really does not depend on the person, just the attitude of the person you are attracted to? That is the flame that I have to keep the most track of because it is the one that would let me slip into a bad situation and not be able to see it until it was too late. If you do have this flame how do you deal with it?