Mothes, Fathers...some rearing advice please!

[aaron697]

Here is the skinny:

Just moved out two year old daughter to a "big girl bed". What is the best way to get her to sleep without being too soft, or too firm?

I love laying in bed with her, but it is hard to get out without waking her....and it could be a bad habit to wean her from.

Laying on the floor, is that a comprimise until she falls asleep. It is easier to slip out as she drifts off. But, if she nabs me, she wants me to return to the floor. Then, its like starting over, the last 20 minutes are a wash and the reset button has been hit.

I hate to be firm, and make bedtime a trauma- getting angry when she comes out....over and over, and over......

Somebody, anybody....some advice on what has worked for you....

*mercy me*

A

 

[Guru]

 

[Spinaroonie]

Two words: Stuffed Animals.

Give her a bear or something as a special gift so she can cuddle that instead.

 

[aaron697]

Two words: Stuffed Animals.

Give her a bear or something as a special gift so she can cuddle that instead.

She has a favorite blanket and doggie....

Or did you mean to say beer......

Thanks for the beginnings of some advice. Spin....I love your Av's, they are among my most favorite to see.

A

 

[Rubyfruit]

Routine, routine, routine.

Whatever you decide, stick with it for a while.

Frankly, I'm of the "pull it off quick" school.

Sleep is something that kids need to learn to do on their own, much like cleaning their own butt after taking a shit.

We do a bedtime routine and then that's it. It's sleep time.

 

[amelia]

i don't have kids...i have a degree in child development

i think the way you are handling it is great for the transistion time..

you could also explain to her before bedtime that you are going to read three stories and sit with her until (a certain song ends if you play a CD or you can say 10 minutes..or whatever you want the limit to be) then stick with it. make sure you give her a drink and let her potty before she gets in bed (b/c those are the best excuses to get up) and then...be a little firm..and consistent...if she comes out of her room remind her that it's bedtime and send her right back in there...

but talking to her way before bedtime is the most important part..and then reminding her several times...kids like to know what to expect.


hope that helps.

 

[Spinaroonie]

She has a favorite blanket and doggie....

Or did you mean to say beer......

Thanks for the beginnings of some advice. Spin....I love your Av's, they are among my most favorite to see.

A

Well.. that's all I can think of...

I think my grandmother once tried to give me whisky to put me to sleep.. that might explain the avs!

 

[aaron697]

So

You had a Fu-Manchu at age 4?

 

[Spinaroonie]

Re: So

You had a Fu-Manchu at age 4?

That's how I recall it.

I believe it's next to my noble peace prize

 

[aaron697]

Amelia, Ruby

I think your right....

Routine, explainine and patience....

Just frustrating, the crib routine was easy....too easy. A little rocking, some books, and set her in her crib with her comfor items.....*zonk* sound asleep.

A new routine, she is probably a bit baffled....time, time.....

So many gracious thanks!

A

 

[Rubyfruit]

This routine is easy too (mind shift), it's just different.

 

[aaron697]

Ah huh

I think you right Miss Fruit.

A

 

[Weird Harold]

Somebody, anybody....some advice on what has worked for you....

Was the move to a "big girl bed" her idea or yours? That can make a big difference in how well she adjusts.

With both daughters and granddaughters, it was presented as a "reward" for growing up. All that was really required for them to adapt was tucking them in and "checking under the bed for monsters."

In my case, a literal check and/or conversation with a monster under the bed -- not as a means to scare them into staying in bed, but as a way of acknowledging their fears by poking fun at them.

Do whatever it takes to calm her fears of a new situation but don't cater to her fears so she becomes dependent on your presence.

Setup a "bedtime ritual" -- Get ready for bed; use the potty, glass of water by the bedside (positioned "just so" so it's easy to find without knocking it over,) Doggie cuddled in close, Favorite blanket spread and tucked in, a kiss and lights out. (get things wrong every so often after the routine is set, so she can "correct" you and demonstarte she knows the routine.)

 

[Bindii]

Routine, routine, routine.

Whatever you decide, stick with it for a while.

Frankly, I'm of the "pull it off quick" school.

Sleep is something that kids need to learn to do on their own, much like cleaning their own butt after taking a shit.

We do a bedtime routine and then that's it. It's sleep time.

I'm with Ruby on this one.

Both of my kids learnt early that bed time was just that bed time! And after watching all of my friends struggle for years trying to get their kids to bed I'm so glad that I didn't draw the experience out.

 

[SINthysist]

Ours is almost four...

Tell me if you find something that works and we may try it!




Soon enough she'll be 13 and have little or no use for you, so enjoy it!

 

[ScarlettRose]

Decide what works for you, stick to it, and do not! let guilt creep into the equation.

 

[hornylady]

Yes - been through it with 2 already, and number 3 will be there soon, and I can only agree with what has already been said...set a routine, be firm and fair, and stick to it. We also had a safety gate on the bedroom door, and number 1 used to fall asleep at the gate for the first couple of nights, but once she realised that we weren't going to give in, she decided to make use of her nice comfy bed.

If she does cry and you need to go back and resettle her, don't turn the light on or pick her up and cuddle her, and if possible don't make too much eye contact. Just lie her back down, cover her up and leave the room, and try leaving her a bit longer each time before you go back to her.

I have a wonderful book called 'Toddler Taming' by Christopher Green - he's very dry and funny and not patronising at all, and sleep is one of the things he covers - I've found it invaluable as a point of reference.

Good luck

 

[Calamity Jane]

Routine, routine, routine.

We have bath, brush teth, brush hair, put on jammies, read 2 stories per kid, and either let them watch a 30 minute cartoon while they're laying quietly in bed, or listen to 30 minutes of music. It doesn't always work, but when it does, it's wonderful. One thing to remember, it takes awhile to form a habit. So be firm and consistent. Don't let her wear you down into the routine she thinks you should have.

As far as laying down with them, I'll occasionally do that, though not all that often anymore. I put a rocking chair into the bedroom, and we read stories in that, then they get in bed, and I sit in the chair until they're almost asleep.

Another thing to remember. Don't wait til she's totally asleep to get up. If you do, you may get her thinking that she can only fall asleep if mommy or daddy is there. So, when she wakes up in the middle of the night, she's going to come looking for you to crawl back in bed with her until she's asleep. It took me almost 4 years to get the oldest to stop crawling in bed with us in the middle of the night. Leave when she's almost asleep, and tell her you know she'll be fine. This is when you need to be firm. She's out of reasons to get up, so she needs to figure out how to get to sleep on her own.

And, I know it sounds rotten, but have you considered putting a baby gate in her doorway? I had to with mine (after she ripped her door off the hinges) and I promise she'd only cry for about 5 minutes before she crawled back into bed and fell asleep.

 

[Hotred911]

I have to agree with much of what has already been said. The baby gate thing helped us. We also have a routine where he gets his bath, a nice little massage, brushes his teeth, and then we sit on/by his bed with him and talk about how his day went. He also has to have his blanket, puppy, and pacifier (we're still trying to break that habit). We also leave a sippy cup of water near his bed. He does on occasion still get up with his excuses (bug bites are his favorite), but we kiss his owie, and put him back in bed. Hope this made a little sense...and I hope you find something that works for you.

 

[ksmybuttons]

Each child is different, each family is different. We have fell into using Attachment Parenting (didn't know that was what it was called to begin with, but it is always nice to have justification for your practice ) and have had a family bed. We have never given him a bedtime, he has a self imposed one of 830-900 which has worked for him and us. It is his temperment to get tired and want to sleep. Some nights he falls asleep with me in our bed, and, as my husband's work takes him out in the evenings, he carries our son into his own bed when he gets home. If he has a nighmare, he knows he can always come into bed with us.

I guess I have never understood why there is a need for a child to have to cry themselves to sleep or have to feel terror about being alone when they are not ready. I guess it is a thing of personal style and what works for you.

Temperment of the child is a major factor and I don't want my child to be frightened or hurt by me not being available to him.

He never used his crib: it was quite pretty but that was it's main function. We got him his own bed and, when he wanted to, he began sleeping in it.

He is a gentle soul and is very happy. This has worked for us.

 

[Bob_Bytchin]

Like Ruby said....routine. In order for kids to get used to something, there has to be a routine. If you have a routine of giving a child a bath, helping the child put on PJ's, helping the child pick up his/her room, reading them a book/talking for a bit, and then shutting off the light as you walk out, they will get used to this routine. Substituting your own routine of course.

In the mean time, try laying next to the bed, not putting all your weight on the bed. Rub the child's back, or pat the child's back until they fall asleep. As you slowly back away, make the patting and rubbing lighter and lighter.

 

[intrigued]

Hello aaron,

I think amelia hit the nail on the head. I can only add two thoughts. Starting about an hour before bedtime, begin to tone her evening down a bit. No rough housing or terribly stimulating activities because then she will just get pumped and want more and more and it will be harder to calm her.
Also, don't make the routine too stiff, lets face it, life happens and we all need to be able to flow through change as best we can.

Thanks for sharing this, I now get to add 'Daddy' to my most impressive image of you.

 

[brokenbrainwave]

as the father of two boys, one very very clingy to boot, the missus and I pretty much did it like Ruby suggested. "This is the way its going to be, you get one story and lights out". It took about 2 months of scooting the youngest back to his room and he finally figured it out. Kids are tougher than some people give them credit for.

 

[svenmn]

Reading the question I thought how did we do this?

I have 2 daughters that now are 10 and 12 that would never go to bed.
We started out by reading together about 45 minutes before bedtime in their rooms. No moives or music for the oldest when we started had one of those sound machines that did ocean waves babbling brook running in background while we read. At end of book or chapter we would stop. The youngest does not care for sound machine so we just read.
I feel this has added benefit both are now very avid readers, both read even on 10 minute trip to school and always have books with to read. Both read on avgerage 1 to 1 1/2 hours a night oldest now has to be told to turn out light or she would stay up reading all night
I also found that when either sitting in chair or laying next to them in bed that by controlling my breathing by taking slow relaxed breath if they thought I dozed off they would too.
been awhile since having to do this.

 

[aaron697]

Re: Ah huh

I think your right Miss Fruit.

A