More than voices?

[Cheyenne]

Is Lit more than "just voices" to you? Does the person behind the post matter, or just the words on the page? Not to bump up threads that no one wants to read, I copied below a portion of my post to a different thread:

I don't think Lit is a place of "just voices." I think Lit is the whole person, voices, faces, demographics and all. People being too inventive with the truth, people with "that attitude," DO hurt others, even if they don't intend to.

Someone PM'd a good example to me last night. I have no idea who the person is, and it doesn't matter. A woman went to meet a man she had been talking to online and discovered he was 20 years older than he had portrayed himself. Harmless fun for him, devastating for her. My bet is when he first gave his age to her, he had no intention of anything more than a quick interaction online. It wouldn't matter if he made himself 20 years younger, right? But friendships here at Lit have a way of getting to be much more than people ever intended in the first place. Ask Lavender, Mischka and Never if they ever thought 2 months ago even in their wildest dreams that the 3 of them would be sharing their real lives in Texas now, having moved Never cross country without ever having met her first. Ask BlondeBeauty and
The Nitelight if they ever expected to find each other at Lit and how this place has affected their real lives. Or Siren and Wolfie, or Creamylady and Skibum, etc. etc. Couples who are married or on their way to being married after having met here. I doubt they ever set out to find someone here to fall in love with, but they did. Based on those "voices" AND the faces, demographices, etc. they found here to go with the voices.

 

[MissTaken]

For me, the posters are all very real people. And even if I don't post with them directly or pm them, I feel as though I know many of them personally.

For others, there appears to be some who view lit posters as game pieces. And those "others" seem prone to random and not so random assaults on character and crass remarks.

However, that is unfortunately, one of the drawbacks of the internet.....

 

[Marxist]

The people I don't like in Lit. I probably wouldn't like in real life. The people I like I might or might not. Good writing can disguise a sick mind. John Wayne Gacy had excellent penmanship.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Is Lit more than "just voices" to you? Does the person behind the post matter, or just the words on the page?

Oh the people matter definitely - probably why I take most posts too seriously (duckman is helping me in that area ).

A woman went to meet a man she had been talking to online and discovered he was 20 years older than he had portrayed himself. Harmless fun for him, devastating for her.

I have never really understood why people do that.

Sure I understand the motivations, but I don't understand all of the rationale. When you are dishonest with someone in the short term, whether it be online or in real life, you are limiting yourself; either sooner or later the people you lie to are going to discover the truth, or you are going to have to keep them at an arms distance so they don't find out the truth. Either way, whether you never get to know them, and they you, or they find out the truth and drop you because you lied to them, your relationship with them is nowhere near what it might have been.

I guess some people just prefer it that way - less risk, some of the rewards without the higher risks of a real and deeper relationship.

I like to tell people pretty much what my likes and dislikes, my views, my goals, my ideals, my limitations are up front. In the long run they are going to find this stuff out anyway, and it saves us both some long term hurt.

I try to act like I expect to meet the person in real life - because it does happen; I have met hundreds of people that I knew online. The motorcycle mailing lists I subscribe to are full of people I have met at various rallies and rides. Some of the people are like I imagined, some are not - but mostly they portray the same personality online as they appear to be in real life, they just are not always what I expect; they are more, and rarely less.

There is a side to people that you can't see online, and there is a side to many people that you don't see in real life, but comes out online (I am an example of that). It is great to know people both ways.

 

[MissTaken]

STG is the real McCoy...

STG you are awesome!

Just wanted to take an opportunity to say so.





Yes. We are all real people with real feelings. As human beings, we all also have the propensity to have a bad day or make an insensitive remark. We are all just real people.


Damn...I feel like listening to Peter, Paul and Mary !

 

[*bratcat*]

 

[lillend]

Not really sure I should reply to this one since I'm so new here. I do not know anyone here yet, I do however see the people here as being real. One of the reasons I am here is that the people here seemed so "real". The emotion and honesty on this board gives a definate sense of community. For me right now being a part of this community of people is more like peeking in a window, but it is very fascinating. I am sure there are some people here that are not being who they really are, but I feel that is a minority, and perhaps the ones that are pretending to be other than what they are, are just showing us a face of what they wish they could be.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Re: Re: More than voices?

This can happen...and sometimes even tho the betrayal is hard to deal with at first...once you realize that the age difference doesn't make a difference, you form a very real and lasting bond.

It is not the age difference, or whatever a person lies about that gets to me - it is that they lied when they thought I would never find out. Or almost as bad - sometimes worse, that they lied (either directly or indirectly or by intentional omission), intending to tell me later after they had roped me in with all their positive traits.

Whichever, it is the deciet that I hate - not the fact that they are something else. If a person is 50 instead of 30 I could deal with that, but I could not really deal with the fact that they lied about it when they thought I would never find out. How could I trust them again?

I can understand a person not wanting to volunteer/share everything up front to a stranger - especially intimate details, but to intentionally lie - no, big turn off for me. I could probably only forgive them if they came out and told me about it as soon as possible, but lying is also a sign of imaturity.

It seems that running a background check on someone before you meet them is getting to be a requirement. If they lied about their age, maybe they lied about not being a serial killer.

 

[Shy Tall Guy]

Re: STG is the real McCoy...

STG you are awesome!

Just wanted to take an opportunity to say so.

Thanks, coming from one of the very real people on Lit that is a high compliment indeed.

 

[*bratcat*]

Re: Re: Re: More than voices?

 

[cymbidia]

At Lit, as in my everyday life, i take people as they are, as they choose to present themselves. Perhaps i'm a little naive in this, perhaps not. It is, however, the way i choose to relate to the people who brush into my life.

I believe people are who they say they are.
I believe people will not lie or pretend about important personal attributes, given my propensity to be accepting and open-minded toward new acquaintances.

Some people have lied to me in my life but not many.
So i continue to believe people, about themselves.

Lit (and the online places i've been a resident of besides Lit) has never been "just voices" to me. Almost everyone here has, after a while and to a greater or lesser extent, been a distinct and very real individual person in my mind's eye. Therefore, i cannot disregard my obligation to be what i consider a good member of this society (notwithstanding a day here and there of screeching FUCK from the rooftops) because everyone here is real and everyone is over on the other side of my screen with their own life's worries and troubles and joy (just like me). No one here is a cartoon character to me except if that's the role they've chosen for themselves, (i.e., KinKy).

Not "just voices", no.
And i hope that i am not, either, to others.

 

[Cheyenne]

I knew I couldn't be the only one here who thought this way. Thank you, all.

 

[ToddHwrd]

I knew I couldn't be the only one here who thought this way. Thank you, all.

Trust me Cheyenne even from a person who is fairly new around here, I know that there are many faces behind those names and that they are very real people.

For the most part everyone I have posted with or PM'd with has been really nice. Lit has become very important to me. Thanks to everyone.

Todd