More divorce help

[celiaKitten]

The plan was actually to not get lawyers, we were supposed to work the details out ourselves. The more we talk the more I think that's not possible.

After watching my brother deal with his rather vindictive exwife for three years post-divorce ... all I can say is: get a lawyer, sweetheart. You'll be thankful for the mess you don't have later.

 

[Randy]

Sounds like you got a bruised male ego on your hands. Might be time to 'put him down'.

Civil divorce. lol. Kinda of like tolerant Islamic extremist.

Like I said put him down.

Randy

 

[penguindance]

 

[happyguy1000]

$2,000?

Are you going to be able to do that? Let me know. I will help how I can.

 

[Randy]

$2000 retainer will be gone before the ink is dry on the check. Have him bill you hourly.

My best attorney was a woman.

Called herself 'Mike'.

Randy

 

[penguindance]

 

[Randy]

Welcome to the real world, run by Lawyers,Guns and Money.
Kiss and hug your kids.
Randy

 

[penguindance]

 

[Monazwx]

$2000 retainer, damn, that's messed up.
If you decide to hire 'em, do most of your prep work beforehand.
Is there a way to get your prospective-ex to pay for it (or part of it) in the settlement?

Happyguy1000 has a one year anniversary!!!

 

[The Heretic]

A nasty lawyer may not be what you need or want. As someone else said, don't go for retribution, go for justice. A good lawyer will know the difference, and know how to get either should you want it. A good lawyer will also suggest justice over retribution even though it will earn him less money.

If a lawyer wanted a $2K retainer regardless of my circumstances, I would find another lawyer, one a little less greedy and a little more level headed.

 

[Chuckus]

The plan was actually to not get lawyers, we were supposed to work the details out ourselves. The more we talk the more I think that's not possible.

Get a lawyer, especially with children involved. Do it now. The longer you wait the harder it's going to be. Also as a piece of advice ~ be careful what you say to him ~ it's none of his business what your "plan" is or what you intend on doing, it could come back and bite you (that is he could take it and run with it).

Stick to your guns and don't let him bully you. Go find a lawyer and get the legal paperwork going and if he wants to talk to you (after you get your lawyer) give him your lawyer's number and tell him any communication to you is thru the lawyer.

Maybe others have better advice, but that's my .02 cents worth.

 

[Guest]

 

[penguindance]

 

[Shaq]

You may want to try a mediator...while what happens isn't legally binding it does bring another person in to facillate the matter and they are cheaper than lawyers...

 

[Chantal Marchon]

I worked for a divorce lawyer for a while and there are somethings you should know- lawyers can request the husband or wife to pay for the divorce or part of the fees if either one makes an excessive amount of money.

Some states have provisions for support for the wife while the divorce is proceeding.

Most lawyers don't expect all of the money up front.

How the child support is paid needs to be in very clear terms- via court clerk, via pay check deduction, etc.

You should be taking all tax exemptions if the children live with you. That should be in the decree.

If you decide not to keep the house and sell it, make sure there is a quit claim deed on file and that spouse has no title to the equity. If there is a second mortgage he can be held responsible for 50% even if there is a quit claim deed.

Make sure you have your own bank account now if there are any joint accounts make sure that you have your share transferred out immediately.

Cancel any joint credit cards immediately. He could run them up and not pay them even if the divorce decree says he must and you could get stuck with them.


Remember- it is human nature for someone to accuse someone else of what they are secretly doing or wishing they could do.- so all that sleeping around stuff is some massive insecurity or something he is possibly planning or doing.

And remeber that your private life is yours- you won't be married anymore. you owe him no explanations and no comments on what you do. Make sure that when your kids are old enough (if they aren't) that they don't discuss you with daddy.

And babysitters aren't that expensive.

If this divorce puts you in a real financial bind, look for help. There are private and government agencies that can be a minor miracle when you are desperate. The Salvation Army is great for utilities and stuff. Don't be ashamed to ask for help if you need it. Its better than letting your kids or yourself go hungry.

It sounds like he is trying some abuse and manipulation tatics. Degrading you, making you feel insecure, trying to make you think you really need him and can't go it alone.-- whatta chump!

 

[Guest]

 

[penguindance]

 

[Chuckus]

Child care expenses MUST be figured into child support. That will increase support. Child care expenses are BOTH your responsibilities. They add it into support to avoid non payment.

Income witholding is the ONLY way to go!! Then he cant say that he had other things come up. Its taken out each payday and he never has his hands on it. Meaning, he adjusts to it easier and doesnt have to "come" up with the money.

I think most states take it right out of the check, but if not, add that into your decree.

I used to go through clerk of court, and all they did was keep records of it. Thats all they did. They didnt go after him for me.

I would check into your state. I go through Child support Collection through Iowa State. They track him down, they take it out of his check, they go to court. I had to pay something like $5 for their service. I dont have to deal with him, and they make sure he pays. If he doesnt, they have a warrant issued and stuff. Check into it. They mgiht be able to set up support for you before the dvorice even happens.

They can not give legal advice or help with visitation, but they wilol collect.

The "income withholding" on paychecks is a great way to go, IF the person has a legit job and is not getting paid under the table. It works at my business, the employee doesn't even see the money ~ it is taken out of the check and shown as a deduction. (By the way I am in NC). Surely whereever you live they have a similar type scenario. Talk it thru with a lawyer and get the paperwork going, get the legal seperation underway.......your lawyer will start the wheel's a turning.

I was in a different type scenario, NO kids and my divorce was actually quite easy from a legal standpoint. I have many friends who are in the legal profession and thus I did my own legal work whilst she had a lawyer.........Long story but let me just say that I can see where if children are involved a lawyer would be a smart thing to do. Get your own lawyer...........I have seen people who have gotten one lawyer to represent both sides and that doesn't benefit anyone..........

Good Luck to you. Keep us posted and we'll chip in our .02 cents anytime. If you need to vent or whatever, we are here for you.

 

[Guest]

 

[Chuckus]

Oh yes, and once there is a legal seperation, you can collect support.
You might have to be legally seperated for 3-6 months before the divorice.

Now Chuckus, anout the under table thing. My ex is a carpenter I know alot about that.

After 90 days of no payment, and no job, an arrest warrant is issued. They have to get a job that pays support.

Support begins once the ink is dry on the paperwork.

Yes after specified time periods with no pay and no job, an arrest warrant is issued...........the time period specified varies from state to state, city to city, etc.............this one guy whom is an acquitance of ours is a deadbeat dad...........constantly changes jobs and stuff, trying to beat the system ~ it caught up with him finally and he went to jail for 90 days........yet after he came out he still didn't learn his lesson (or so it appears) and the judge may be throwing him in for a while longer this time up at "the plate". I hope that sorry SOB gets the MAX. I, mean, to be upset with the Divorce is one thing but to NOT take care of your children financially is another entirely........he's a slimeball 100% and deserves to rot in jail, IMHO.

Good luck.

 

[Azwed]

Dont try to be nice, take whats legally yours. Dont try to screw him over or you will regret it later.
I will say this however. Make sure you have his support drawn from his check. I didnt at first and he [aid only when he felt like it. Make sure you include babysitting in your expenses.

Yes, do this for sure.

My mom had to take my dad to court and eventually put him in jail so that he would pay alimony and child support for my sister. Even now he only pays enough to not make it worth taking him to court.

 

[Ishmael]

A suggestion

An experienced and well refered para-legal can turn that $2000 into $300 in a heart beat.

They know the procedures and all the proper filings. They also provide check-lists of things that you should be doing.

This gets the process started. Should your soon to be ex decide to retain an attorney and attempt to really squeeze you, you still have the option of retaining attorney to represent you. Further, in many states once the paperwork is filed the court can order him to pay part or all of the retainer for your attorney, even before you select an attorney. However, the para-legal will know these issues as well.

It's an alternative.

Ishmael

 

[Chuckus]

Re: A suggestion

An experienced and well refered para-legal can turn that $2000 into $300 in a heart beat.

They know the procedures and all the proper filings. They also provide check-lists of things that you should be doing.

This gets the process started. Should your soon to be ex decide to retain an attorney and attempt to really squeeze you, you still have the option of retaining attorney to represent you. Further, in many states once the paperwork is filed the court can order him to pay part or all of the retainer for your attorney, even before you select an attorney. However, the para-legal will know these issues as well.

It's an alternative.

Ishmael

Good suggestion Ishmael. Very good indeed.

I would also like to say that you should be firm and direct about what is "yours" and what is "his", take what is yours......but don't gouge anyone, in the end it will only come back to bite you. Also I would recommend that you not try and "be friends or friendly" with him, that doesn't mean you can't be civil and/or cordial but you must stand your ground, be firm and direct.

Document everything, even the slightest thing.