Moral Standards

[Mustang Sally]

What are you moral standards regarding sex? How do you think they compare to society's general standards?

Who can you have sex with? ie. -
a) married sex only
b) serial monogamy
c) affairs outside marriage/relationship
d) casual sex

When is it ok to have sex? ie. -
a) first date
b) fifth date
c) after two months
d) after a year

Think about it. When do you start to feel things are out of control? When does your conscience (or whatever you want to call it) speak up?

Does society even HAVE sexual morals anymore?

 

[Willing and Unsure]

i couldnt really give an honest answer for any of those... my opinions change on an almost daily basis...

 

[Angel]

What are you moral standards regarding sex? How do you think they compare to society's general standards?
Think about it. When do you start to feel things are out of control? When does your conscience (or whatever you want to call it) speak up?

Does society even HAVE sexual morals anymore?

For ME personally :


Who can you have sex with? ie. -
b) serial monogamy
d) casual sex

Usually only in monogomous relationships. I'm not cut out for casual sex at all. I've done that once. I don't see anything wrong with it at all, I'm just not cut out to have sex with people like that.



When is it ok to have sex? ie. -

I don't think there is a time that can be defined as RIGHT. It just depends. I recently slept with someone on the third date - but I've known and been close to him for nine years. On the other hand I've dated someone for damn near a year and he never got close to getting in my pants.

 

[MinkSoul]

it all depends on....

Just how horny we are...

if someone's going to get hurt because of it, then, Thank you no...

if not then..... Tie me Down and Sit on My Face...

 

[R Nitelight]

1) Serial monogamy.
2) First date.

 

[ranajja]

Who can you have sex with? ie. -
a) married sex only
b) serial monogamy
c) affairs outside marriage/relationship
d) casual sex

They say hindsight is 20/20. I've had all of the above, except C. I never felt good after D. B left me feeling a little better, but never quite feeling right.

A has been mind-blowingly wonderful. All fun, no guilt, no regret, and gets better every time.

When is it ok to have sex? I don't mean to sound like a hypocrit, but see answer to first question.

 

[Laurel]

Does society even HAVE sexual morals anymore?

Did society EVER have sexual morals? Not so long ago, child & spousal abuse weren't ever discussed. Women & children had few rights, were seen and not heard. Divorces were fewer, but adultery was just as common (though more hush-hush). People have always been people - it's just now we're all willing to discuss our frailties.

 

[Bastet]

e. all of the above

 

[Renegade]

First Question: B)

Second Question: B)

 

[Mustang Sally]

Did society EVER have sexual morals? ... Divorces were fewer, but adultery was just as common (though more hush-hush). People have always been people - it's just now we're all willing to discuss our frailties.

Ok, this is interesting. Why were these things more hush-hush in the past? Was it because they were less acceptable than they are now? Or are you saying society just pretended to have sexual morals and now we've dropped the pretense?

It's certainly a good thing that we can be freer in sexual expression, that people talk about something that is such a basic part of the human condition. Is that all that's changed? We're just more open about it?

 

[Laurel]

Ok, this is interesting. Why were these things more hush-hush in the past? Was it because they were less acceptable than they are now? Or are you saying society just pretended to have sexual morals and now we've dropped the pretense?

I know many women in their sixties and seventies who stayed in loveless marriages because divorce was just not done. I know people who were beaten & abused as children but never reported it because it just wasn't the thing to do.

I do agree that since the Sexual Revolution people are more open about their sexuality than before. I'm sure that because society's more lax about promiscuity, more people are apt to be promiscuous. But I don't think it's because in the old days people were naturally more moral and today everyone's gone to hell. I think they just didn't want to risk getting caught, and kept their affairs and dalliances to themselves. If they'd had the opportunity to go wild sexually, many of them would.

I think people do need to have self-respect. It annoys me when I see people who act irresponsibly and get themselves hurt. But morals have to come from inside, not outside. You can't 'force' morality. Society doesn't 'make' you moral - you either are or you aren't, your choice.

It's certainly a good thing that we can be freer in sexual expression, that people talk about something that is such a basic part of the human condition. Is that all that's changed? We're just more open about it?

I think so. It's good that we're able to talk about things like abuse. It's good that we don't feel the need to stay in awful relationships for fear of being scorned by our family and friends. Some people I know get frustrated because of the lack of societal pressure to help enforce morals, but I think what people need to do is quit using 'society' as their moral compass and do what they feel is right.

I dunno. I'm rambling.

 

[unusuallyconfused]

What are you moral standards regarding sex? How do you think they compare to society's general standards?

Who can you have sex with? ie. -
a) married sex only
b) serial monogamy
c) affairs outside marriage/relationship
d) casual sex

B is the best answer, I have never been very good at casual sex, I can't do it without emotion and I can't get turned on if I dont care about him.

When is it ok to have sex? ie. -
a) first date
b) fifth date
c) after two months
d) after a year

B is the best answer, but unfortunately I had sex on the first date with my husband.

Think about it. When do you start to feel things are out of control? When does your conscience (or whatever you want to call it) speak up?

I had problems in my marriage and we are trying to work it out, I have seriously contemplated an affair and would of justified it by lack of attention........Even if he is guilty, I shouldn't consider that but I have. Right now I'm not, but if he dosn't meet my needs I know I will again. Its surely not moral at all. My conscience would really bother me, I have been faithful for eleven years. Yet I'm not disputing what I know my weakness' are.

Does society even HAVE sexual morals anymore? NO

 

[Mistress]

Who can you have sex with? ie. -
a) married sex only
b) serial monogamy
c) affairs outside marriage/relationship I as a person do feel this is right, but I can not lie about the fact that it has happened. I also have to admit that in this one instance, I do not feel guilty. There have been other times when I thought about sex with someone else, and felt completely guilty.
d) casual sex

When is it ok to have sex? ie. -
a) first date
b) fifth date
c) after two months
d) after a year
This question depends on the person and the circumstances. As well as how I feel at the time. I have had many one nighters, and I have had nights where they were shit out of luck cause I wasn't going to fuck them. There have been times when it wasn't even a date and it happened....

 

[Earthmuffin]

It's all a matter of perspective.

I am sure that my morals fit some faction of society's situational values. I am also equally positive that my morals don't fit just as many.

I personally concern myself with being able to look myself in the mirror in the morning. If along the way someone else gets bent out of shape I'll be happy to hear them out. It doesn't mean I'll change my mind, but I will listen. *shrug* Then again, I'm strange.

 

[WordSlinger]

Morals - Society vs. People

I'm going to agree with Laurel in part, but disagree in the whole. Yes, PEOPLE had affairs in the past, (not that you can put the blame soley on men, many of whom were sleeping with friend's wives) but SOCIETY still frowned upon the idea, just as SOCIETY frowned upon divorce. Today, PEOPLE frown upon affairs and divorce, but SOCIETY, if not supporting them, at least tolerates them. Most commonly you will hear the type of advice given Unusually Confused ... if you are not sexually satisfied, have an affair or leave or both. Both SOCIETY and PEOPLE are telling her that. Yet neither has any idea of who she and her husband are personally.
I am not trying to condemn PEOPLE, but i think SOCIETY needs to wake up. Look where we are and where we are going. Yes, we are more open, and being able to talk about our lives has benefited us. But it has resulted in a SOCIETY where PEOPLE are so focused on themselves, they forget about the greater good. How many single parent or split parent families do you know of? What kind of support do most of them give their children? How many parents are so afraid to touch their children that the children are running the household? How many parents are so busy dealing with their sexual frustration (an act aplauded by SOCIETY - "Go take care of yourself") that they are neglecting in some way their family and most importantly their children?
I am not exempt from these things, but i am still with my wife, whom i am drastically unhappy with. We have decided we will NOT get divorced. We will instead find SOME WAY to work out our problems.
I am both for and against casual sex (a long answer). I do not think secret affairs are proper, though if your partner is open to it, you may be okay. Both my wife and i had children before we were married; many of our problems come from dealing with those situations. And yes, we were using protection. Meet 2 of the 1%.

Slinger

 

[mars99]

I am not exempt from these things, but i am still with my wife, whom i am drastically unhappy with. We have decided we will NOT get divorced. We will instead find SOME WAY to work out our problems.

Slinger,

Kudos to you and your wife for trying to work things out, especially when there are children involved. I, and I know many others, was devestated by my parent's divorce and in a day where divorce is not only tolerated but almost planned for and expected, it's nice to hear a voice of morality shining through. Good luck!

 

[Andra_Jenny]

In a simpler time, when we had a lot less government here in the States, the mores and customs were what defined us and our ability to stay within those mores and custums defined for us what our support group would be in times of need (family, church, and community for those of you who are as stoopid as me).

In an age of government, we are now freed of mores and customs because the support group has now shifted to the government, so your support comes from obeyance of laws.

Hence, we no longer have morals, just what we do.

 

[unusuallyconfused]

Re: Morals - Society vs. People

Most commonly you will hear the type of advice given Unusually Confused ... if you are not sexually satisfied, have an affair or leave or both. Both SOCIETY and PEOPLE are telling her that. Yet neither has any idea of who she and her husband are personally.
needs

Slinger

I may ask for advice, but that dosn't mean I take it! I do not have the ability to be unfaithful by engaging in a random sexual affair. I am also able to support my family extremely well, I happen to be blessed in that regard. I am seeking counseling. I know whats best for my children, a two parent intact home. However, many issues are way too deep to be completely focused on here at lit, and in many ways there is no way to explain it.

As a severely abused child, I unfortunately made a lot of decisions that were not good for me. I still have managed to raise very secure and stable children so far. I think that a true interest in your children can make up for some areas that I have been lacking in before. So, I will make my own decision. I appreciate the advice because it brings many aspects for thoughtful consideration. It in no way means I accept it all.

 

[Vivid Blossom]

I used to think married sex only but I recently had an affair -- something I thought I would never do. I also had sex the first time I met him in real life -- something else I never thought I would do either -- although I had been talking to him online for six months. The thing is I don't feel guilty at all about it -- although I would have thought I would be. I still think my standards are stricter than society in general. I think that what happened was a special instance brought on by my love for the other party -- I know definitely that I could not do it casually.

 

[unusuallyconfused]

I used to think married sex only but I recently had an affair -- something I thought I would never do. I also had sex the first time I met him in real life -- something else I never thought I would do either -- although I had been talking to him online for six months. The thing is I don't feel guilty at all about it -- although I would have thought I would be. I still think my standards are stricter than society in general. I think that what happened was a special instance brought on by my love for the other party -- I know definitely that I could not do it casually.

Good luck to you Diana, I hope it works well with you.

 

[WordSlinger]

Clairification

I want to take a minute to clarify what i meant when i mentioned Unusually Confused:
I was not, in saying that America is falling apart, in any way implicating Unusually Confused as part of that. I have no idea who she is, or the relations between her husband and her family, thus i would not comment on those topics, much less insult her in that regard.
What i WAS saying was that i read a post of hers, about trouble she was having in her relationship. Most of the advice that i read in reply to that posting was that it was good for her to find her own satisfaction, rather than trying to work through any problems. I was merely commenting on the REPLIES i saw.
What i WAS NOT saying is that she will or won't take any specific action, or follows any advice given, nor was i commenting on how she used that advice.
One wouldst hope that to be readily evident in mine post, however, reading Confused's reply, i taketh it not. If One offended Thee, M'Lady, One dost most humbly appologize. Such wast not mine intent. One hopes thou doth understand and accepteth mine appology.

Slinger

 

[Logic]

Well i guess i never really thought about it, but have been married for a while and have not had sex outside the marriage. But then again i guess the right person would have to come along for that to happen and as far as i know the right person has not come along in RL anyway. I can't say that i haven't thought about it though.

 

[unusuallyconfused]

Re: Clairification

One hopes thou doth understand and accepteth mine appology.

Slinger [/B][/QUOTE]

I accept and I really wasn't offended. I just wanted to make it clear that I ask for advice, sort it out, then make the necessary decisions. I appreciate your heartfelt comments. I also was very moody the day I wrote that. Sorry, as well. I am very confused and going to counseling. I don't know that I can do much more than that.