Molested: What should I do?

[tbs230]

I'm fairly new at talking about this, but after reading a couple of posts, I thouhgt I would try and see...well, idk

About two years ago I "discovered" for lack of a better word...that I was molested as a child...I don't remember everything...I barely remember my childhood...but anyway it was with a family member who was unwilling himself...but as children we had older cousins who could make us do pretty much anything they wanted...

My question is...now that I "remember", what I am supposed to do...I see these people everyday of my life...I told my mother and a cousin, but they both seem to be in bigger denial than I am...

I'm still a virgin, although I've given oral...I was worried that maybe this is the reason why I seem put off with it and won't let anyone give me oral...it's just weird...

I know there are all kinds of help out there and my school is really good about helping people...but where does my situation fit in? It isn't rape, so...idk...

 

[HandFan]

First I want to give you a big hug of support and understanding since I've been where you are right now. I'd had some pretty ugly molestation fastbacks hit me years after they had happened and didn't know what to do about it.

You say that the offenders are still in your life, well the hard part now is deciding how you really feel about what has happened. Are you ready to take this to an authority figure and deal with the consequeses of what will happen when you do tell someone who may report this to the police? I'm not implying that you shouldn't tell anyone, you need to for your own health and sanity, but that when you do, your life is going to change a lot, along with all of those involved...are you strong enough to face what will come when you tell someone what has happened? I would guess that you are still young since you are saying that you are still in school? When I told someone about what had happened, I went to the school counsellor, and she helped me through it as well as got me the extra help I needed from an organization that deals with just this sort of problem.

I won't go into gory detail here, but if you want to know about how the legal system worked on my case, pm me with questions. My door is open.

 

[steelady]

I would definitely sit down and talk to a therapist now that's it's come back to you. Some people bury things so deep and when they come to (so to speak) everything in their life falls apart. You're 20 years old according to your birthdate in your profile. Don't let this take you down for the rest of your life. I don't think speaking to your family is going to help you, especially if they're in denial. You need to heal and move on so you're able to have sex, make love, and have a family of your own someday. I don't think being on a porn board is going to be of much help. It might make things worse. I would do a google search and try to look into forums of people who are survivors of rape, incest, and molestation. Not only that, but definitely sit down and talk to a therapist.

Peace.

 

[bisexplicit]

A step could be visiting RAINN, it's an informative and helpful website which, for one, gives the number for an incest survivors line.

I urge you to get help in some form or another.

 

[tbs230]

This Board

Aside from freaking out when I finally did talk about it to anyone...I think I've dealt with it ok...it's not something that people can just converse about...

I am able to feel all the sexual feelings that a "normal" (I put this in qoutes, cuz really, what is normal?) person has...I get aroused, I feel pleasure...it's more like the emotional part of my life...whether sexual or not...just shuts down for long periods of time...

I would like a therapist, but people around me always look at me weird when I mention this...and I don't think I could go out and find one for myself...Therapy in my family means weakness...but I've realized this past year that I need to get some kind of help...idk, I guess I just thought that a forum that's this open about things would understand...

I don't really know what I'm looking for...

 

[Guest]

 

[Quoll]

Sweety, if you feel better posting here then you do it, you will find that there are many people here who have been in your situation or similar.
I do think you should look for some sort of counselling, this is not for your family it is for you, hell don't tell them if it bothers you.
You could also post on How do you help someone get over being abused they are a very caring and understanding group of people.
Take care

 

[silverwhisper]

tbs: first, you have my sympathies. i've got a hug for you if you want one.

second, i don't know anything about your circumstances. if you cannot see a therapist, is your family religious? a member of the clergy might be able to give you some perspective on things. if that option is also not available, find one person in your life that you can talk about this with face to face, someone on whom you can depend. sometimes, just talking can help.

and of course, you can always continue posting here, but it's not like that was really a question, i hope. :>

ed

 

[PredatorSmile]

I don't know what to say. I feel really angry that some people would hurt a little boy or girl in this manner. It's really difficult for victims, especially boys, to come forward. Seek help, friend. What was done to you is wrong. If you to a college or something, surely there must be counselors around. find one. they will be able to help you more than i can.

 

[tbs230]

I'm trying

A step could be visiting RAINN, it's an informative and helpful website which, for one, gives the number for an incest survivors line.

I urge you to get help in some form or another.

First things first...thank you...I haven't felt this...motivated?...to do anything before in my life...

Okay...so I've taken that first step...I've called and spoken to someone who gave me all kinds of information...I still don't know what I'm going to do with it...but after opening up to a whole forum, and receiving the support I have...I've been able to...idk, I've cried, and then I wrote it all down...and writng it out makes it sooo real, but oddly it has helped...to know that complete strangers care more than people I though would be there for me always is a little sad, but it's more than I ever though I would get...

lol, I'm officially devoted to this site...once again thank you to everyone who's offered support and advice...it's been so long since I've gotten support, it feels nice...really nice

 

[Guest]

 

[silverwhisper]

tbs: from the stories i've heard, charges of incest go over very, very badly when the subject is broached to family members and it's got nothing to do w/ the validity of the statement. please try not to judge your family too harshly for this.

ed

 

[TBKahuna123]

Therapy in my family means weakness...

Not an uncommon attitude, but one that is totally screwed up. Therapy has it's uses and right now I can't think of a better use than your situation. Look we all need someone to talk to at times. For some it's a spouse, for some it's a priest, for others it's a therapist. It all depends on the type of problem as to which you choose, but just talking about it is what's important. In your situation a therapist is your best option because they know what you are feeling and how to sort through those feelings. Don't let your family's predjudices, or even yours for that matter, cloud your decision to seek help. It's not weakness to ask for help to deal with emotional trauma, anymore than it is to go to the hospital after being in an accident.

Congrats on taking that first step and making that call. That's a pretty amazing step to take in so short a time. Take the info they've given and use it. If you don't think you can find a therapist on your own, ask for help from the counselors at your school. You said they are great about helping people, I'm sure they can hook you up with the right person.

Also remember, you are NOT the first person this has happened to. Even as you describe your situation I can think back to friends that have had similar experiences. What ever you do, don't let guilt cloud your desire for healing. That's the biggest reason most people don't get help, fear and misplaced guilt.

Good luck to you, and keep up your line of thinking here. You show a strength and courage just in make that first call. Hold on to that strength and it will carry you through.

 

[bisexplicit]

First things first...thank you...I haven't felt this...motivated?...to do anything before in my life...

Okay...so I've taken that first step...I've called and spoken to someone who gave me all kinds of information...I still don't know what I'm going to do with it...but after opening up to a whole forum, and receiving the support I have...I've been able to...idk, I've cried, and then I wrote it all down...and writng it out makes it sooo real, but oddly it has helped...to know that complete strangers care more than people I though would be there for me always is a little sad, but it's more than I ever though I would get...

lol, I'm officially devoted to this site...once again thank you to everyone who's offered support and advice...it's been so long since I've gotten support, it feels nice...really nice

Congratulations for doing that. It takes a lot of courage to do what you've done so far. *hugs* Keep us updated, and feel free to talk whenever you need to.

 

[Guest]

More support, if needed. I've been there.

 

[tbs230]

A couple of days

It's been a couple of days...and after the nite of making that call and breaking down, I've been in a very good mood...two of my friends came by Friday nite and kept me company...

Just that simple step and the kindness of these two guys in my life has kept me from the usual slow slide into depression...THANK YOU to everyone who helped me take that step!!!

I sound so cheery that I'm afraid that it will end abruptly...that would suck...

 

[wyckdwench]

It's been a couple of days...and after the nite of making that call and breaking down, I've been in a very good mood...two of my friends came by Friday nite and kept me company...

Just that simple step and the kindness of these two guys in my life has kept me from the usual slow slide into depression...THANK YOU to everyone who helped me take that step!!!

I sound so cheery that I'm afraid that it will end abruptly...that would suck...

I have to agree with everything that everyone told you. If you find writing is helpful there is a book out there called "The Courage to Heal" that comes with a workbook as well. Amazon.com carries both new and used version of the book. Any way I have found the book amazingly helpful in combination with therapy.

Reading the book gave me strength knowing that I was not crazy and not alone. There are many other women in the same position out there. Its nice to know that there are others out there. Here is a link for a great group on yahoo also : http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/theSRP/

I'm here if you need to chat also. I am on and off most every day. Just leave me a PM and I'll get back to you.

Hang in there! You are not alone.

 

[Quoll]

It's been a couple of days...and after the nite of making that call and breaking down, I've been in a very good mood...two of my friends came by Friday nite and kept me company...

Just that simple step and the kindness of these two guys in my life has kept me from the usual slow slide into depression...THANK YOU to everyone who helped me take that step!!!

I sound so cheery that I'm afraid that it will end abruptly...that would suck...

It's good to have some of that weight lifted off your shoulders, good on YOU for taking that step.

You mentioned in your earlier post that you were unsure as to how you feel, or react to sex now, I would like to suggest that when you feel you are able, you might get some insight from reading the "Pondering Serious Thoughts" thread that is linked in my sig. Be warned that it may bring back memories that will be unpleasant, so if you do decide to read, do so at your own pace and when you feel ready.
Either way you have taken a huge step, be very proud of yourself.

 

[wyckdwench]

It's good to have some of that weight lifted off your shoulders, good on YOU for taking that step.

Either way you have taken a huge step, be very proud of yourself.

I agree. I'm so sorry I didn't say that as well myself. Keep up the good work darling. Stick with it and keep your friends around you.

 

[tbs230]

Posting here so people can be aware of my background

Ummm...well guys, I finally set up an appointment to see a counselor...after talking about doing it for months (while secretly procrastinating), I am going in the morning at 9am...I think I'm going to throw up...

 

[bobsgirl]

Ummm...well guys, I finally set up an appointment to see a counselor...after talking about doing it for months (while secretly procrastinating), I am going in the morning at 9am...I think I'm going to throw up...

{{{tbs230}}}

No, sweety, you aren't going to throw up. But I understand the butterflies. I've been exactly where you are, and one of the smartest things I've ever done is ask for help.

PM me if you feel like it.

And be sure to report back. Congratulations for taking the first giant step.

 

[13thFallenAngel]

Ummm...well guys, I finally set up an appointment to see a counselor...after talking about doing it for months (while secretly procrastinating), I am going in the morning at 9am...I think I'm going to throw up...

Don't feel so bad, I'm trying to get myself off the computer chair so I finally set up an appointment with the school psyc. (yay for the procrastination!)

 

[onlyerics]

Ummm...well guys, I finally set up an appointment to see a counselor...after talking about doing it for months (while secretly procrastinating), I am going in the morning at 9am...I think I'm going to throw up...

Tbs30, I think it's wonderful that you made this decision, and I hope it went well today. Let us know how you are doing.

 

[tbs230]

Ok, so I didn't throw up, but I couldn't sleep at all last night, almost didn't show up. But I did, and honestly, it was nothing like I thought it would be, but everything I imagined...does that make sense? Emotionally, I was totally unprepared. I told this lady EVERYTHING, in 45 minutes, I managed to tell her my whole life story (although I didn't look at her once while talking). I've never had someone listen to me completely before, it was definitely weird. But at the same time, I've gotten so much prep for that session, I kind of knew what to expect. It's just different when you actually get there I guess. I set an appointment to see her again, and I might actually go...we'll see.

P.S. My mom has been completely supportive, it's kind of shocking, very new experience for me...hmmm, maybe I'll talk about that at the next session...

 

[privyjo]

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