Michigan Lady?

[the_tom_cat]

Get ya thinking early this morning...

You are driving down the road in your car on a wild, stormy night, when you pass by a bus stop and you see three people waiting for the bus:




1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.




2. An old friend who once saved your life.




3. The perfect partner you have been dreaming about.




Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car?

Think before you continue reading.




This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first. Or you could takethe old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect mate again.




YOU WON'T BELIEVE THIS




The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer. He simply answered: 'I would give the car keys to my old friend and let him take the lady to the hospital. Iwould stay behind and wait for the bus with the partner of my dreams.'




Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations.




Never forget to 'Think Outside of the Box.'


HOWEVER....., The correct answer is to run the old lady over and put her out of her misery because Obama's health care won't pay for her, have sex with the perfect partner on the hood of the car, then drive off with the old friend for a few beers.




God, I just love happy endings!

 

[the_tom_cat]

Why do we love children?

Why do we love children?

1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents '

3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'

4) MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop? Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass.. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'

8) DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Father, and unto the Son, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)

10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'

NOW IF THIS DIDN'T BRIGHTEN YOUR DAY, GO BACK TO BED AND FORGET IT

 

[the_tom_cat]

Helpful hints for the ladies

or a gift suggestion for the men!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4S3C4AC908w

 

[the_tom_cat]

Know Your Czars!!!

Know your CZAR's



The Czar List

A big thank you to South Florida 912 for putting this together! Great Job!


OBAMA'S "CZARS

CZAR
Czar Position
Summary

Richard Holbrooke
Afghanistan Czar
Ultra liberal anti gun former Gov. of New Mexico . Pro Abortion and legal drug use.

Ed Montgomery


Auto recovery Czar
Black radical anti business activist. Affirmative Action and Job Preference for blacks. Univ of Maryland Business School Dean teaches US business has caused world poverty. ACORN board member. Communist DuBois Club member.

Jeffrey Crowley


AIDS Czar
Homosexual. A Gay Rights activist. Believes in Gay Marriage and Special Status, including free health care for gays.

Alan Bersin


Border Czar
former failed superintendent of San Diego . Ultra Liberal friend of Hilary Clinton. Served as Border Czar under Janet Reno - to keep borders open to illegal's

David J. Hayes
California Water Czar
Sr. Fellow of radical environmentalist group, "Progress Policy". No training or experience in water management.

Ron Bloom
Car Czar
Auto Union worker. Anti business & anti nuclear. Has worked hard to force US auto makers out of business. Sits on the Board of Chrysler which is now Auto Union owned. How did this happen?

Dennis Ross
Central Region Czar
Believes US policy has caused Mid East wars. Obama apologist to the world. Anti gun and pro abortion.

Lynn Rosenthal
Domestic Violence Czar
Director of the National Network to End Domestic Violence. Vicious anti male feminist. Supported male castration.

Gil Kerlikowske
Drug Czar
devoted lobbyist for every restrictive gun law proposal, Former Chief of Police in Liberal Seattle . Believes no American should own a firearm. Supports legalization of drugs





Carol Brower
Energy and Environment Czar
Political Radical Former head of EPA - known for anti-business activism. Strong anti-gun ownership. SOCIALIST on Commission for a Sustainable World Society, which calls for "global governance" and says rich countries must shrink their economies to address climate change.

Joshua DuBois
Faith Based Czar
Political Black activist-Degree in Black Nationalism-seek a separate black nation.. Anti gun ownership lobbyist.

Cameron Davis
Great Lakes Czar
Chicago radical anti business environmentalist. Blames George Bush for "Poisoning the water that minorities have to drink." No experience or training in w ater management. Former ACORN Board member

Van Jones
Green Jobs Czar
(since resigned). Black activist Member of American communist Party and San Francisco Communist Party who said Geo Bush caused the 911 attack and wanted Bush investigated by the World Court for war crimes. MARXIST, said whites are poisoning blacks, said transformation from "suicidal gray capitalism to econ-capitalism to the complete redistribution of wealth." Black activist with strong anti-white views.

Daniel Fried
Guantanamo Closure Czar
Rights activist for Foreign Terrorists. Believes America has caused the war on terrorism.

Nancy-Ann DeParle.
Health Czar
Former head of Medicare / Medicaid. Strong Health Care Rationing proponent. She is married to a reporter for The New York Times.

Vivek Kundra
Information Czar
born in New Delhi, India. Controls all public information, including labels and news releases. Monitors all private Internet emails.

Todd Stern
International Climate Czar
Anti business former White House chief of Staff- Strong supportrer of the Kyoto Accord. Pushing hard for Cap and Trade. Blames US business for Global warming.

Dennis Blair
Intelligence Czar
Ret Navy. Stopped US guided missile program as "provocative". Chair of ultra liberal "Council on Foreign Relations" which blames American organizations for regional wars.

George Mitchell
Mideast Peace Czar
Fmr. Sen from Maine Left wing radical. Has said Israel should be split up into "2 or 3 " smaller more manageable plots". Anti-nuclear anti-gun & pro homosexual

Kenneth Feinberg
Pay Czar
Chief of Staff to TED KENNEDY. Lawyer who got rich off the 911 victims payoffs.

Cass Sunstein
Regulatory Czar
Liberal activist judge believes free speech needs to be limited for the "common good". Rules against personal freedoms many times -like private gun ownership. Says animals should be able to sue people. Anti-hunting..


John Holdren
Science Czar
Fierce ideological environmentalist, Sierra Club, Anti business activist. Claims US business has caused world poverty. No Science training. OK to abort a child until the age of two. Thinks TREES should be able to sue humans.

Earl Devaney
Stimulus Accountability Czar
spent career trying to take guns away from American citizens. Believes in Open Borders to Mexico . Author of statement blaming US gun stores for drug war in Mexico .

J. Scott Gration
Sudan Czar
Native of Democratic Republic of Congo. Believes US does little to help Third World countries. Council of foreign relations, asking for higher US taxes to support United Nations

Herb Allison
TARP Czar
Fannie May CEO responsible for the US recession by using real estate mortgages to back up the US stock market. Caused millions of people to lose their life savings.

John Brennan
Terrorism Czar
Anti CIA activist. No training in diplomatic or gov. affairs. Believes Open Borders to Mexico and a dialog with terrorists and has suggested Obama disband US military

Aneesh Chopra
Technology Czar
No Technology training. Worked for the Advisory Board Company, a health care think tank for hospitals. Anti doctor activist. Supports Obama Health care Rationing and salaried doctors working exclusively for the Gov. health care plan

Adolfo Carrion Jr.
Urban Affairs Czar
Puerto Rican. Anti American activist and leftist group member in Latin America . Millionaire "slum lord" of the Bronx , NY. Owns many lavish homes and condos which he got from "sweetheart" deals with labor unions. Wants higher taxes to pay for minority housing and health care

Ashton Carter
Weapons Czar
Leftist. Wants all private weapons in US destroyed. Supports UN ban on firearms ownership in America . No Other "policy"

Gary Samore
WMD Policy Czar
Former US Communist. Wants US to destroy all WMD unilaterally as a show of good faith. Has no other "policy".

 

[the_tom_cat]

Xerox Is Doing Something Cool

XEROX IS DOING SOMETHING COOL

If you go to this web site, www.LetsSayThanks.com you can pick out a thank you card and Xerox will print it and it will be sent to a soldier that is currently serving in Iraq. You can't pick out who gets it, but it will go to a member of the armed services.

How AMAZING it would be if we could get everyone we know to send one!!! It is FREE and it only takes a second.

Wouldn't it be wonderful if the soldiers received a bunch of these? Whether you are for or against the war, our soldiers over there need to know we are behind them.

This takes just 10 seconds and it's a wonderful way to say thank you. Please take the time and please take the time to pass it on for others to do. We can never say enough thank you's.

Thanks for taking to time to support our military!

 

[the_tom_cat]

Next to sex, this is a good way to start the day..

Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly neologism contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternative meanings for common words.

The winners are:

1. Coffee (n.), the person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightgown.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle , olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the dignified and formal bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon , a Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), (back by popular demand): The belief that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent (n.), an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.
***********************************************************

The Washington Post's Style Invitational also asked readers to take any wordfrom the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.



The winners are:


1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.

2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.

4. Giraffiti : Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.

5. Sarchasm : The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

7. Hipatitis : Terminal coolness.

8. Osteopornosis : A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

9. Karmageddon : its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.

10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.

12. Dopeler effect : The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.

15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating.

And the pick of the literature:

16. Ignoranus : A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

 

[the_tom_cat]

Hey Green Weenies!!

Hey Green Weenies!!

Do a Google Search on this “emails faking global warming”

Most of you have not heard this story because you are not smart enough to understand NEWS BIAS.

CBS, ABCBS, NBCBS and thier ilk like NPR and MSPMS won’t discuss stories that do not fit the LIBERAL AGENDA…

Are you telling me the AlGores of the World have been LYING about Global Warming??

BTW, if you had an credibility you would do a bit of research on the MILLIONS OF DOLLARS AlGore has made on this Global Warming Hoax and the foolish “Carbon Credits”

How is that Prias running??

You should get these sites:

http://www.theweek.com/article/index/103222/Globalwarming_bombshell

http://www.transformetrics.com/forum/showthread.php?p=32200

http://www.giveittomeraw.com/xn/detail/1407416:Topic:1182378?xg_source..

http://www.politics.ie/.../118889-climategate-final-nail-coffin-anthropogenic-global-warming-15.html

greenenergyreporter.com/.../skeptic-rejoice-at-climate-research-unit-emails-global-warming-continues-apace/

http://www.aim.org/aim-column/media-ignore-climate-science-scandal/

answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20091123100109AAbIEhN

 

[the_tom_cat]

Dear Mr. Grim Reaper

Dear Mr. Grim Reaper,

So far this year you have taken away my favorite dancer and entertainer Michael Jackson, favorite actor Patrick Swayze, and favorite actress Farrah Fawcett.

Just so you know, my favorite politician is Barack Obama.

Thank you

 

[the_tom_cat]

This joke made me think of the Liberals here...

A professor at the University of North Carolina was giving a lecture on "Involuntary Muscular Contractions" to his first year medical students...

Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly.

He pointed to a young woman in the front row and asked, "Do you know what your ass hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?"

She replied, "Probably deer hunting with his buddies."

It took 45 minutes to restore order in the classroom.

 

[the_tom_cat]

Political Correctness Going Mad!!

Political Correctness Going Mad!!

What did we learn from the Ft Hood Terrorist? That political correctness in this country just cost American lives!! People were too scared to speak up about this Muslim nut bag because of fear of repercussions for being anti-Muslim

Now we have captured the man responsible for killing the 4 Blackwater Security agents that had their bodies burned, dragged through the streets and then hung for ridicule. The Navy Seals that caught this dirt bag gave him a bloody lip and now THEY are up for Court Martial????

How in the f*ck is the Pansy Ass running our Military????

No wonder we can’t seem to win a war… we got Liberals running our Military!!

Stop the INSANITY!!

Political Correctness is killing this country… Liberalism is destroying the once GREAT America!!!

http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,576646,00.html

 

[the_tom_cat]

Laugh with me!!

http://www.winthelotto.net/work_at_home.wmv

 

[the_tom_cat]

Blond Password

During a recent password audit at a company, it was found that a
blonde receptionist was using the following password:

"MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofySacramento"

When asked why she had such a long password, she said she
was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and
include at least one capital.

 

[the_tom_cat]

America – Do you KNOW see why Democrats are wrong for America?

America – Do you KNOW see why Democrats are wrong for America?

Our President, Barack Hussein Oblahblahblah is playing politics with American lives. When President George Bush was the Commander in Chief you KNEW he was protecting America and did not care what people thought, he was going to win this war for America.

Oblahblahblah is sending some troops, not all the general asked for, because Oblahblahblah is trying to satisfy kooky Liberals and clear thinking Americans at the same time.

He sets a pull out date in the same paragraph he discusses sending more troops! Bet that made the soldiers feel real comfortable. So the mission is now NOT TO WIN the war, but Odufus’s mission is now to get them home before the next election. Have you ever heard the Clown President discuss VICTORY???

Politics…

You elected a Clown for President expect him to do Clown Things…

He is destroying our economy, ruining our industries, about to tax the American People to Death, and all the time pull his muscles patting himself on the back…While he tours the World, promotes the hoax of Global Warming, and apologizes to the World for America being such an evil country.

He bows to foreign leaders and makes this ONCE great Nation look like the laughing stock of the world.

In the meantime, Iran is about to get nuclear weapons, we are disarming Europe and Al-Qaida is laughing at us for being so weak…

Democrat Leaders are always weak, both mentally and in protecting our Nation. What did you expect??? A liberal is a liberal….

Thank God the elections of 2010 are just months away and already Democrats are announcing the fact they will not seek re-election. Funny, the Tea Parties told them the same thing…

 

[the_tom_cat]

Tiger Woods

Apparently the police asked Tiger’s wife how many times she hit him.

She said “I don’t know exactly, but put me down for a 5.”

Tiger Woods is so rich that he owns lots of expensive cars. Now he has a hole-in-one.


What’s the difference between a car and a golf ball?

Tiger can drive a ball 400 yards.

What was Elin doing out at 2.30 in the morning?

Clubbing

Why did Tiger crash into a fire hydrant AND a tree?

He couldn’t decide between a wood and an iron.

Why did Phil Mickelson call Elin yesterday?

To pick up some tips on how to beat Tiger.

What is the penalty for getting it in the wrong hole?

Ask Tiger, he knows.

Whats the difference between a golf ball and a caddy?

Tiger can drive a golf ball.

Nike wants to drop their endorsement due to accuracy problems.

Apparently, Tiger’s spraying his balls everywhere.

It turns out that fixing Tiger’s game and fixing his marriage both require the same thing:

better control over his putz.

What will the headline be if they prove it is domestic violence?

TIGER’S WIFE MAKES THE CUT

Given Tiger’s racial heritage can we call this a Black Thai affair?

Tiger just changed his nickname but still kept it in the cat family.

Cheetah.

Elin Woods has a twin sister named Josephine. Know how to tell them apart?

Elin is the one holding the bent 5 iron.

First words spoken to the paramedics by Tiger:

Who are you? And what are all these trees doing in my living room?

What does Tiger have in common with a baby seal?

They’ve both been clubbed by a Norwegian

 

[the_tom_cat]

O

A guy traveling through Mexico on vacation lost his wallet and all of his identification. Cutting his trip short, he attempted to make his way home but was stopped by the U.S. Customs Agent at the border.

"May I see your identification, please?" asked the agent.
"I'm sorry, but I lost my wallet," replied the guy.
"Sure buddy, I hear that every day. No ID, no entry," said the agent.


"But I can prove I'm an American!" he exclaimed. "I have a picture of Ronald Reagan tattooed on one side of my butt and George Bush on the other." "This I gotta see," replied the agent. With that, the guy dropped his pants and showed the agent his behind.


"By golly, you're right!" exclaimed the agent. "Have a safe trip back to Chicago ." "Thanks!" he said. "But how did you know I was from Chicago ?"

The agent replied, "I recognized Obama in the middle."

 

[the_tom_cat]

Hey Liberals - try to understand this...

Hey Liberals - try to understand this... Dopehagen's Global Warming Conference has 140 private jets and 2000 limos being used.... Don't ya love the way they practice what they preach??? You dopes...

 

[the_tom_cat]

Why Did Jesus Fold the Napkin?

Why Did Jesus Fold the Napkin?

This is one I can honestly say I have never seen circulating in the e-mails so; I'll start it, if it touches you and you want to forward it.

Why did Jesus fold the linen burial cloth after His resurrection? I never noticed this....

The Gospel of John (20:7) tells us that the napkin, which was placed over the face of Jesus, was not just thrown aside like the grave clothes.

The Bible takes an entire verse to tell us that the napkin was neatly folded, and was placed at the head of that stony coffin.

Early Sunday morning, while it was still dark, Mary Magdalene came to the tomb and found that the stone had been rolled away from the entrance.

She ran and found Simon Peter and the other disciple, the one whom Jesus loved. She said, 'They have taken the Lord's body out of the tomb, and I don't know where they have put him!'

Peter and the other disciple ran to the tomb to see. The other disciple out ran Peter and got there first. He stopped and looked in and saw the linen cloth lying there, but he didn't go in.

Then Simon Peter arrived and went inside. He also noticed the linen wrappings lying there, while the cloth that had covered Jesus' head was folded up and lying to the side.

Was that important? Absolutely!
Is it really significant? Yes!

In order to understand the significance of the folded napkin, you have to understand a little bit about Hebrew tradition of that day.
The folded napkin had to do with the Master and Servant, and every
Jewish boy knew this tradition.

When the servant set the dinner table for the master, he made sure that it was exactly the way the master wanted it.

The table was furnished perfectly, and then the servant would wait, just out of sight, until the master had finished eating, and the servant would not dare touch that table, until the master was finished..

Now if the master were done eating, he would rise from the table, wipe his fingers, his mouth, and clean his beard, and would wad up that napkin and toss it onto the table.

The servant would then know to clear the table. For in those days, the wadded napkin meant, "I'm finished.."

But if the master got up from the table, and folded his napkin, and laid it beside his plate, the servant would not dare touch the table, because..........

The folded napkin meant,
"I'm coming back!"

 

[the_tom_cat]

Pope and Nancy Pelosi

The Pope The Pope and Nancy Pelosi are on the same stage infront of a huge crowd.

The Pope leans towards Mrs. Pelosi and says, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand I can make every person in this crowd go wild with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display, like that of your followers, but go deep into their hearts and they'll forever speak of this day and rejoice!"

Pelosi replied, "I seriously doubt that. With one little wave of your hand? Show me."

So the Pope slapped her.

 

[the_tom_cat]

Tiger Woods Holiday Poem

Tiger Woods Holiday Poem


Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house

Tiger Woods he came flying, chased by his spouse.

She wielded a nine iron and wasn't too merry,

Because a bimbo’s phone number she found on his Blackberry.

He’d been cheating on poor little Elin,

And as each day went by another whore came out squealing.

He’d been on Holly, on Jaimee, on Rachel, on Cori,

On Joselyn and Kalika, TMZ had the story.

From the top of the world to above the fold,

Tiger’s ever more sorted tale, it was told.

With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex,

And when he wasn't hosing them, he sent them hot texts.

He crashed his Caddy, but didn't call OnStar,

Yet he played “spank me daddy” with a swanky old porn star.

He’s been naughty, so with Santa he hasn't a chance,

Except the big lump of coal that matches the lump in his pants.

But despite all his crying and begging and pleading,

Tiger’s wife went right out, bought a new home in Sweden ..

And I heard her exclaim as she packed up the Escalade,

If you're going to get laid, then I’m going to get paid.

Now she’s not pouting, in fact she’s of good cheer,

Because her prenup made Christmas come early this year.

 

[the_tom_cat]

Dogs

Three dogs are sitting in the waiting room at the vet's when they strike up a conversation
The black Lab turns to the chocolate Lab and says, 'So why are you here?'
The brown Lab replies, 'I'm a pisser. I piss on everything....the sofa, the curtains, the cat, the kids.
But the final straw was last night when I pissed in the middle of my owner's bed.'
The black Lab says , 'So what is the vet going to do?'
'Gonna cut my nuts off,' comes the reply from the chocolate Lab. 'They reckon it'll calm me down.'
The black Lab then turns to the yellow lab and asks, Why are you here?'
The yellow Lab says , 'I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees, I dig just for the
hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owners couch.'
'So what are they going to do to you?' the black Lab inquires .
'Looks like I'm losing my nuts too', the dejected yellow Lab says.
The yellow Lab then turns to the black Lab and asks, 'Why are you here?'
'I'm a humper,' the black Lab says .. 'I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fence posts, whatever. I want to hump everything I see.
Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just
couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away'
The yellow and chocolate Labs exchange a sad glance and say , 'So, nuts off for you too, huh?'
The black Lab says ....'No, I'm here to get my nails clipped

 

[the_tom_cat]

Moron Democrats

Moron Democrats

Obama, the BIGGEST liar we have ever had as President, does not have an “open and honest” administration.

This farce of a health care bill was not online for 1 week as he lied to us it would be.

Obama lied when he said you could watch on C-Span as the bills are created.

Obama lied because of all the back room deals to BUY VOTES from senators, the same way they buy votes from dumb ass Democrats.

Who you going to vote for Santa Claus or Scrooge?

Dumb ass Americans with their hands out for EVERYTHING keep voting for Santa, and are too stupid to understand that THEIR taxes are what are going to be taken to pay for all the goodies!

Finally all the hoopla over this bill being passed today is BULL SHIT!. This bill will NEVER go to conference because then they have to have PUBLIC MEETINGS.

Weak knee LIBERALS AND DEMOCRATS are too scared to face the public right now. THERE WILL BE NO PUBLIC MEETINGS ON THIS FARCE OF A BILL.

Obama and his ilk, Harry Ried and Nance Pelosi are going to have MORE back room meetings and write a BRAND NEW BILL you will not get too see online for 7 days…

You watch….

It is totally amazing to me the FOOLS that voted for OBAMA… fools!!

You SHOULD HAVE seen this crap coming but you were too stupid and too ignorant and now YOU are responsible for this nation suffering the way we are…

YOU are responsible for the SOCIALIST’S who are destroying our country.

They destroyed our banking system and our mortgage system via LEGISLATION forcing NON-CREDIT WORTHY people to get home loans. FORCING…

The same way they are now trying to FORCE you to buy HEALTH INSURANCE…

FORCE!! THIS IS NOT AMERICA ANYMORE DUMBASSES!!

We are being run by a TYRANNICAL GOVERNMENT YOU ELECTED…

Fools…

 

[the_tom_cat]

Thank You Obama!!

Thank You Obama!!

We just got attacked by our foreign enemy Al-Qaeda and what did we do?

We treated the Islamic Terrorist like he stole a pack of cigarettes from Wal-Mart.

We gave him his Miranda Rights and he asked for a lawyer.

ATTENTION DUMB ASS DEMOCRATS -- WE ARE FIGHTING A WAR WITH A FOREIGN ENEMY THAT WANTS EVERY AMERICAN DEAD

ISLAMIC TERRORISTS – WORDS OUR MUSLIM PRESIDENT CAN NOT UTTER

Now, instead of being able to find out who the other Islamic Terrorists are that trained with this killer, we get to wait to get attacked again.

Guess what else – Janet Napolitano our Homeland Security chief that OBLAHBLAHBLABH picked says the system worked!!!

The system worked? Because they sent someone to stupid to ignite the bomb correctly it worked??

This guy took enough explosives on the plane to kill 260+ people in the air, and who knows how many of us in the Detroit area would of died when pieces of the plane came down on our homes???

The system worked?? The TERRORISTS own father went into the US Embassy to report they lost contact with him and they fear he is about to attack the USA.

The system worked?

They forgot to add him to the TERROR WATCH LIST so he could not board a plane to the USA.

The system worked??

Obama’s Administration gave this Terrorist a Visa to come to the USA that Great Britain and other countries denied!!

Don’t ya feel great that the Democrats are keeping us safe now?

Wonder how much this trial is going to cost the USA? How come the hypocrites in the Democrat Party are not bitching about this money?????

I need to add that they woke our Moron President up from his sleep to tell him that the Liberals in Europe gave him the Nobel Peace Prize for doing nothing, but we get attacked by Al-Qaeda and they wait 3 hours too tell the Pretend President…

What a group of clowns we have in power…

 

[the_tom_cat]

Why Democrats in our Court System is destroying this Nation…

Why Democrats in our Court System is destroying this Nation…

** As you read this - hopefully you are shocked as I am, that sexual predators to the courts are less a danger then a child being spanked… I am NOT KIDDING!!! **
LAW OFFICE OF
AARON T. SPECK
20619 ECORSE ROAD
TAYLOR, MICHIGAN 48180
Phone: (313) 381-9000
Fax: (313) 381-9055

December 30, 2009

TO: PASTORS OF FUNDAMENTAL CHRISTIAN CHURCHES
RE: PARENTS RIGHT TO “SPANK” THREATENED IN MICHIGAN

Dear Fellow Believers in Christ:

As a Christian attorney practicing in Michigan for the last 23 years, I have had the privilege of representing hundreds of Fellow Believers and Fundamental Churches. Today I write to you as a brother in Christ on a very urgent matter threatening our Christian liberties in Court next Wednesday. A Christian father is facing contempt of court, incarceration, and loss of his parental rights for using “spanking” as a form of discipline for his child - a form of discipline allowed by both Michigan law and as a matter of biblical doctrine.

A hearing has been set in the Wayne County Circuit Court on Wednesday, January 6, 2010 at 9:00 am. The hearing will be conducted by Judge Arthur Lombard, in Room 1913 of the Coleman A. Young Municipal Building located at Two Woodward Avenue, Detroit, Michigan 48226.

THIS LETTER IS WRITTEN TO ENCOURAGE YOUR ATTENDANCE AND MEMBERS OF YOUR CONGREGATION AT THIS VERY IMPORTANT HEARING.

The father had temporary custody of his 11 year old son this past summer, after the boy was molested by his maternal grandfather on two occasions while in his mother’s care. (Interestingly, the mother had moved her father into the home between the two incidents.). The mother failed to disclose the sexual abuse to the father or the child’s long time Christian therapist, or even take steps to remove her father out of her residence and away from her son. In August the Court was called upon to decide if the son would remain in his father’s care after the summer, or return to his mother’s home. I argued on behalf of my client that his son should remain in his care as the mother failed to
protect the child from a known predator - her own father living in her home. In order to appear in a better position at the time of the hearing on August 28, the mother conveniently removed her father from the home one day earlier on August 27th, despite having all summer to do so.

To everyone’s surprise, the Court inquired during the hearing on whether “spanking” was
used by the parties. Both parties said they used spanking as a means of discipline, with the father testifying that he only did so on 1 or 2 occasions per month, and in the privacy of a separate room so as not to embarrass the child in front of others. The Court then shocked everyone by finding the mother’s conduct in not reporting the known sexual abuse by her own father to the child’s therapist and the child’s father as “understanding”, while finding the son’s father’s spanking to be “abusive” and possibly related to the child’s need for therapy. The Court ordered the child back to his mother and entered an order that the child’s father not use “corporal punishment” in the future, under the
threat of loss of his parental rights.

When the matter was subsequently review by the child’s therapist over the last several
months this fall, the therapist has now formally recommended that the parties use “spanking” to address the child’s behavioral issues. The recommendation was made even though the therapist was aware of the court order. In accordance with that recommendation the father has administered corporal punishment. The mother now wants the father’s parenting time suspended and supervised, the therapist removed from treating the child, and a finding that the father be held in contempt of court and possibly incarcerated.

It is time for Christians to rally around this most important matter and attend this Court
hearing. Our Christian liberty to discipline our children according to the dictates of the Bible is at stake in this case. I urge you to attend this court hearing with members of your church.

God Bless,
Aaron Speck

 

[the_tom_cat]

Retiring

You can retire to Phoenix , Arizona where......

1. You are willing to park 3 blocks away because you found shade.

2. You've experienced condensation on your butt from the hot water in the toilet bowl.

3. You can drive for 4 hours in one direction and never leave town.

4. You have over 100 recipes for Mexican food.

5. You know that "dry heat" is comparable to what hits you in the face when you open your oven door.

6. The 4 seasons are: tolerable, hot, really hot, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME??!!


You can retire to California where...

1. You make over $250,000 and you still can't afford to buy a house.

2. The fastest part of your commute is going down your driveway.

3. You know how to eat an artichoke.

4. You drive your rented Mercedes to your neighborhood block party.

5. When someone asks you how far something is, you tell them how long it will take to get there rather than how many miles away it is.

6. The 4 seasons are: Fire, Flood, Mud, and Drought.


You can retire to New York City where...

1. You say "the city" and expect everyone to know you mean Manhattan ....

2. You can get into a four-hour argument about how to get from Columbus Circle to Battery Park, but can't find Wisconsin on a map.

3. You think Central Park is "nature."

4. You believe that being able to swear at people in their own language makes you multi-lingual.

5. You've worn out a car horn. ( Ed note: if you have a car)
You can retire to Maine where...

1. You only have four spices: salt, pepper, ketchup, and Tabasco .

2. Halloween costumes fit over parkas.

3. You have more than one recipe for moose.

4. Sexy lingerie is anything flannel with less than eight buttons.

5. The four seasons are: winter, still winter, almost winter, and construction.


You can retire to the Deep South where...

1. You can rent a movie and buy bait in the same store.

2. "Y'all" is singular and "all y'all" is plural.

3. "He needed killin'" is a valid defense.

4. Everyone has 2 first names: Billy Bob, Jimmy Bob, Mary Sue, Betty Jean, Mary Beth, etc.

5. Everything is either "in yonder," "over yonder" or "out yonder." It's important to know the difference, too.


You can retire to Colorado where...

1. You carry your $3,000 mountain bike atop your $500 car .

2. You tell your husband to pick up Granola on his way home and so he stops at the day care center.

3. A pass does not involve a football or dating.

4. The top of your head is bald, but you still have a pony tail.


You can retire to the Midwest where...

1. You've never met any celebrities, but the mayor knows your name.

2. Your idea of a traffic jam is ten cars waiting to pass a tractor.

3. You have had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" on the same day.

4. You end sentences with a preposition: "Where's my coat at? "

5. When asked how your trip was to any exotic place, you say, "It was different!"


AND You can retire to Florida where..

1. You eat dinner at 3:15 in the afternoon.

2. All purchases include a coupon of some kind -- even houses and cars.

3. Everyone can recommend an excellent dermatologist.

4. Road construction never ends anywhere in the state.

5. Cars in front of you often appear to be driven by headless people.



OR stay where you are and just be happy that you have retired and still alive.

 

[the_tom_cat]

Scary stuff!!

I am one American who is not fond of Democrats running Congress and the White House.

They ALWAYS attack the military budget and reduce our military strength.

I want the War on Islam STEPPED UP! -- NOT SLOWED DOWN!

Check out how easy it would be too take a plane out of the sky!

http://www.winthelotto.net/explosives.wmv