Michigan Lady?

[the_tom_cat]

A smiling firefighter...

FireFighter

 

[the_tom_cat]

If I were a monkey...

http://www.winthelotto.net/monkeys.wmv

 

[the_tom_cat]

Stress of the White House

Being the President of the United States takes it’s toll on a person as well as on the wife.

The daily pressures and decisions advances aging for all of them resulting in grey hairs and wrinkles, it’s a fact that being in this position doubles the aging factor of anyone involved.

We have seen this aging factor in the past and will continue to see it in the future as there is no way to prevent it from happening.

I have just discovered a new picture that shows what Mr and Mrs. Obama will look like in the next several years.

http://winthelotto.net/future_Obama.jpg

 

[the_tom_cat]

Our first Obama Gate…

Our first Obama Gate…

http://www.google.com/hostednews/ap/article/ALeqM5hR-c9qK-DfN8zbpd-kWamzFIZU-wD98RF20G3

I say our first, because we are talking a Chicago political hack that came out of ACORN. The MOST corrupt election fraud organization ever created in the USA, and Americans keep turning a blind eye.

I love the fact that we point fingers at IRAN and say “Election fraud!!” yet right now we have a ANOTHER Democrat stealing another election in Minnesota and people just whistle and sing lah lah lah…
So let’s talk about Obama and his hypocrisy. He co-sponsored a bill to stop an Inspector general from being fired unfairly. Oblahblahblah put into LAW a rule that states there MUST be a 30 day cooling off, or warning period before an Inspector General can be fired.

I just realized some of you reading this are Democrats and do not even know what an Inspector General is. These people investigate government run agencies. Thus if they come across corruption, they are NOT SUPPOSED to be fired for bringing it to light.

Now what happens if an Inspector finds FRAUD in a government agency that involves a friend of Obama? YOU IMMEDIATELY FIRE HIM!!!
Sweet… Ya got to love this hypocrite fool that ½ this country elected…

How ya liking your hope and change America? Things getting better or worse?

Ans: FAR WORSE – OUR NATION HAS NEVER BEEN RUN BY MORE OF AN INEPT PERSON IN OUR HISTORY AND THIS TAX AND SPEND LIBERAL MENTALITY IS DESTROYING THE USA…

You will get it eventually… Either with your brain or right through your wallet….

 

[the_tom_cat]

I love this bumper sticker!!!!


http://www.winthelotto.net/fucking_stupid.jpg

 

[the_tom_cat]

President Pantywaist

Tom Cat: What I love about this following BRITISH BLOGGER is that Liberals are so interested how other country’s view us, as if it is more important how fellow Americans view what is happening. Like a foreign national has better insight. Remember Liberal thinking is not logical, it is just elitist.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Barack Obama and the CIA: why does President Pantywaist hate America so badly?
Posted By: Gerald Warner at Apr 24, 2009 at 18:41:00 [General]

If al-Qaeda, the Taliban and the rest of the Looney Tunes brigade want to kick America to death, they had better move in quickly and grab a piece of the action before Barack Obama finishes the job himself. Never in the history of the United States has a president worked so actively against the interests of his own people - not even Jimmy Carter.
Obama's problem is that he does not know who the enemy is. To him, the enemy does not squat in caves in Waziristan, clutching automatic weapons and reciting the more militant verses from the Koran: instead, it sits around at tea parties in Kentucky quoting from the US Constitution. Obama is not at war with terrorists, but with his Republican fellow citizens. He has never abandoned the campaign trail.
That is why he opened Pandora's Box by publishing the Justice Department's legal opinions on waterboarding and other hardline interrogation techniques. He cynically subordinated the national interest to his partisan desire to embarrass the Republicans. Then he had to rush to Langley, Virginia to try to reassure a demoralised CIA that had just discovered the President of the United States was an even more formidable foe than al-Qaeda.
"Don't be discouraged by what's happened the last few weeks," he told intelligence officers. Is he kidding? Thanks to him, al-Qaeda knows the private interrogation techniques available to the US intelligence agencies and can train its operatives to withstand them - or would do so, if they had not already been outlawed.
So, next time a senior al-Qaeda hood is captured, all the CIA can do is ask him nicely if he would care to reveal when a major population centre is due to be hit by a terror spectacular, or which American city is about to be irradiated by a dirty bomb. Your view of this situation will be dictated by one simple criterion: whether or not you watched the people jumping from the twin towers.
Obama promised his CIA audience that nobody would be prosecuted for past actions. That has already been contradicted by leftist groups with a revanchist ambition to put Republicans, headed if possible by Condoleezza Rice, in the dock. Talk about playing party politics with national security. Martin Scheinin, the United Nations special investigator for human rights, claims that senior figures, including former vice president Dick Cheney, could face prosecution overseas. Ponder that - once you have got over the difficulty of locating the United Nations and human rights within the same dimension.
President Pantywaist Obama should have thought twice before sitting down to play poker with Dick Cheney. The former vice president believes documents have been selectively published and that releasing more will prove how effective the interrogation techniques were. Under Dubya's administration, there was no further atrocity on American soil after 9/11.
President Pantywaist's recent world tour, cosying up to all the bad guys, excited the ambitions of America's enemies. Here, they realised, is a sucker they can really take to the cleaners. His only enemies are fellow Americans. Which prompts the question: why does President Pantywaist hate America so badly?

 

[the_tom_cat]

Common name

You ever wonder why all the missing kids are all named Amber??

Just seems so strange to me...

 

[the_tom_cat]

Aliens!!

The year is 1947

Some of you will recall that on July 8, 1947 , a little over 60
years ago, witnesses claim that an unidentified flying object (UFO) with
five aliens aboard crashed onto a sheep and mule ranch just outside
Roswell , New Mexico . This is a well known incident that many say has
long been covered up by the U.S. Air Force and other federal agencies
and organizations.

However, what you may NOT know is that in the month of April
1948, nine months after that historic day, the following people were
born:

Albert A. Gore, Jr.
Hillary Rodham
John F. Kerry
William J. Clinton
Howard Dean
Nancy Pelosi
Dianne Feinstein
Charles E. Schumer
Barbara Boxer

See what happens when aliens breed with sheep and jackasses?

I certainly hope this bit of information clears up a lot of
things for you. It did for me. Like why they all support the bill to
help illegal aliens...


http://www.winthelotto.net/frisbee.jpg

 

[the_tom_cat]

"Survivor, Texas Style."

Due to the popularity of the "Survivor" shows, Texas is planning to do one entitled, "Survivor, Texas Style."

The contestants will all start in Dallas , then drive to Waco , Austin , San Antonio , over to Houston and down to Brownsville . They will then proceed up to Del Rio , El Paso , Midland , Odessa , Lubbock and Amarillo . From there they will go on to Abilene , Fort Worth and finally back to Dallas .

Each will be driving a pink Volvo with bumper stickers that read: "I'm Gay," "I Love the Dixie Chicks," "Boycott Beef," "I Voted for Obama," "George Strait Sucks," "Hillary in 2012" and "I'm here to confiscate your guns."

The first one to make it back to Dallas alive wins.

 

[the_tom_cat]

Sad

Ed McMahon died this week. He was a great entertainer, but
prior to his stage accomplishments he was a distinguished Marine Corps
fighter pilot in WWII earning six Air Medals and attaining the rank of Colonel.
He was discharged in 1946 and was later promoted to the rank of
Brigadier General in the CA Air National Guard.



Farrah Fawcett died this week after a long career in Hollywood
as an actress. After she was diagnosed with cancer, she became an
activist for cancer treatment and devoted her last remaining years
encouraging people to seek treatment. She documented her plight on film and used it
to encourage others to stay positive and upbeat despite their diagnosis and
suffering.





Michael Jackson died this week. He was perhaps one of the
greatest singers of modern time. He will also be remembered for his eccentric
lifestyle that included sleeping with a chimpanzee, living in a carnival-like
atmosphere at Neverland, his fascination with Peter Pan, and his numerous
masks and costumes. He also admitted to finding pleasure sleeping with
young boys and paying out millions of dollars in settlements to the families
of these boys despite being acquitted by a court on one allegation of sexual
molestation.




QUESTION - Which of the above did the House of Representatives
declare a moment of silence for today?



(Hint - It wasn't the first two.)


QUESTION 2 - Which of the above's family received a personal note
of condolence from President Obama?



(Hint - It wasn't the first two.)



SAD

 

[the_tom_cat]

Fifty Years of Math 1959 - 2009 (in the USA )

Fifty Years of Math 1959 - 2009 (in the USA )

Last week I purchased a burger at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my $2 and I was digging for my change when I pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. While he tried to explain the transaction to her, she stood there and cried. Why do I tell you this? Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:

1. Teaching Math In 1950s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ?

2. Teaching Math In 1960s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?

3.. Teaching Math In 1970s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of productio n is $80. Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Math In 1980s

A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.

5. Teaching Math In 1990s

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it's ok. )

6. Teaching Math In 2009

Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El costo de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho.

 

[the_tom_cat]

Blonde mortician

Blonde mortician


A man who just died is delivered to a local mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit.
The female blonde mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed.
She points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing.

The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit.
She gives the Blonde mortician a blank check and says, 'I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing.'

The woman returns the next day for the wake.

To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him
perfectly.

She says to the mortician, 'Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?'

To her astonishment, the blonde mortician presents her with the blank check.

'There's no charge,' she says.

'No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!' she says.

'Honestly, ma'am,' the blonde says, 'it cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice. . . . . . . ...

So I just switched the heads.'


(BET YOU DIDN'T SEE THAT ONE COMING!!!)

 

[the_tom_cat]

Wisdom from the Tom Cat

Gentle Thoughts for Today -



Birds of a feather flock together . . . .and then crap on your car.

A penny saved is a government oversight.

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.

The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement .

He who hesitates is probably right.

Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.'

If you think there is good in everybody, you
Haven't met everybody.


If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's really in trouble.

There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs...'

Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

The older we get, the fewer things seem worth waiting in line for.

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me, I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the roads weren't paved.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, think of Algebra.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such a nice change from being young. Ah, being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.

Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth . . .. . . . . . AMEN!

 

[the_tom_cat]

Roller Skating Babies!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_PHnRIn74Ag&feature=channel

 

[the_tom_cat]

How to get back at that annnoying person next to you...

What to do in a flight or subway when you have an annoying passenger sitting next to you ....



1. Remove your laptop from the briefcase;

2. Open the laptop slowly and carefully:

3. Turn it on, as well as the sound;

4. Make sure that the passenger next to you is looking;

5. Access the Internet;

6. Close your eyes for a few moments, open again and look up to heaven:

7. Take a deep breath and open the site:

http://www.myit-media.de/the_end.html

8. Observe the facial expression of the passenger seating next to you.

 

[the_tom_cat]

Near Perfect

Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of Cleveland, Ohio …

“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me. It is the most-requested column I've ever written.”
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick.. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. It's OK to get angry with God. He can take it.

9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.

10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

11. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

12. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

13. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it.

15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don't worry; God never blinks.

16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

17. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.

18. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

19. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.

20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

23. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

24. The most important sex organ is the brain.

25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words “In five years, will this matter?”

27. Always choose life.

28. Forgive everyone everything.

29. What other people think of you is none of your business.

30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

32. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.

33. Believe in miracles.

34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn't do.

35. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.

37. Your children get only one childhood.

38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.

42. The best is yet to come.

43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

44. Yield.

45. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a “gift.”

 

[the_tom_cat]

Pastor's Wife Letter

Pastor's Wife's Letter


How's this for apocalyptic literature? This was written by a pastor's wife in biblical prose as a commentary of current events. It is Brilliant.
~~~~~~~~~~

And it came to pass in the Age of Insanity that the people of the land called America , having lost their morals, their initiative, and their will to defend their liberties, chose as their Supreme Leader that person known as "The One".

He emerged from the vapors with a message that had no meaning; but He hypnotized the people telling them, "I am sent to save you. My lack of experience, my questionable ethics, my monstrous ego, and my association with evil doers are of no consequence. For I shall save you with Hope and Change.

Go, therefore, and proclaim throughout the land that he who preceded me is evil, that he has defiled the nation, and that all he has built must be destroyed." And the people rejoiced, for even though they knew not what "The One" would do, he had promised that it was good; and they believed.
And "The One" said "We live in the greatest country in the world. Help me change everything about it!"

And the people said, "Hallelujah! Change is good!"
Then He said, "We are going to tax the rich fat-cats." And the people said "Sock it to them!"

"And redistribute their wealth."
And the people said, "Show us the money!"

And then He said, "Redistribution of wealth is good for everybody."
And Joe the plumber asked, "Are you kidding me? You're going to steal my money and give it to the deadbeats??" And "The One" ridiculed and taunted him, and Joe's personal records were hacked and publicized.

One lone reporter asked, "Isn't that Marxist policy?"
And she was banished from the kingdom!

Then a citizen asked, "With no foreign relations experience and having zero military experience or knowledge, how will you deal with radical terrorists?"
And "The One" said, "Simple. I shall sit with them and talk with them and show them how nice we really are; and they will forget that they ever wanted to kill us all!"

And the people said, "Hallelujah!! We are safe at last, and we can beat our weapons into free cars for the people!"
Then "The One" said, "I shall give 95% of you lower taxes."

And one, lone voice said, "But 40% of us don't pay ANY taxes."
So "The One" said, "Then I shall give you some of the taxes the fat-cats pay!"
And the people said, "Hallelujah!! Show us the money!"

Then "The One" said, "I shall tax your Capital Gains when you sell your homes!"
And the people yawned and the slumping housing market collapsed.

And He said, "I shall mandate employer- funded health care for EVERY worker and raise the minimum wage. And I shall give every person unlimited healthcare and medicine and transportation to the clinics."
And the people said, "Give me some of that!"

Then he said, "I shall penalize employers who ship jobs overseas."
And the people said, "Where's my rebate check?"

Then "The One" said, "I shall bankrupt the coal industry and electricity rates will skyrocket!"
And the people said, "Coal is dirty, coal is evil, no more coal! But we don't care for that part about higher electric rates."

So "The One" said, "Not to worry. If your rebate isn't enough to cover your expenses, we shall bail you out. Just sign up with ACORN and your troubles are over!"

Then He said, "Illegal immigrants feel scorned and slighted. Let's grant them amnesty, Social Security, free education, free lunches, free medical care, bi-lingual signs and guaranteed housing..."
And the people said, "Hallelujah!!" And they made him King!

And so it came to pass that employers, facing spiraling costs and ever-higher taxes, raised their prices and laid off workers. Others simply gave up and went out of business and the economy sank like unto a rock dropped from a cliff. The banking industry was destroyed. Manufacturing slowed to a crawl. And more of the people were without a means of support.

Then "The One" said, "I am the "The One" - The Messiah - and I'm here to save you! We shall just print more money so everyone will have enough!"

But our foreign trading partners said unto Him, "Wait a minute. Your dollar is not worth a pile of camel dung! You will have to pay more..."

And the people said, "Wait a minute. That is unfair!!"

And the world said, "Neither are these other idiotic programs you have embraced. Lo, you have become a Socialist state and a second-rate power. Now you shall play by our rules!"

And the people cried out, "Alas, alas!! What have we done?"

But yea verily, it was too late. The people set upon "The One" and spat upon him and stoned him, and his name was dung. And the once mighty nation was no more; and the once proud people were without sustenance or shelter or hope. And the Change "The One" had given them was as like unto a poison that had destroyed them and like a whirlwind that consumed all that they had built.

And the people beat their chests in despair and cried out in anguish, "Give us back our nation and our pride and our hope!!" But it was too late, and their homeland was no more.

You may think this is a fairy tale, but it's not.

It's happening RIGHT NOW !!!

 

[the_tom_cat]

WintheLotto.net

Tuesday is the day I make the weekly newsletter so I am sorry I will not have the time today to flirt, post, and harass my friends here...

Best day to join btw!!

 

[the_tom_cat]

Best Come Back of the Year

If you have ever testified in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman.
He was being cross examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer's credibility...

Q: 'Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?'

A: 'No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.'

Q: 'Officer -- who provided this description?'

A: 'The officer who responded to the scene.'

Q: 'A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?'

A: 'Yes, sir. With my life.'

Q: 'With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?'

A: 'Yes sir, we do!'

Q: 'And do you have a locker in the room?'

A: 'Yes sir, I do.'

Q: 'And do you have a lock on your locker?'

A: 'Yes sir.'

Q: 'Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with the same officers?'

A: 'You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.'

The courtroom EXPLODED with laughter, and a prompt recess was called. The officer on the stand has been nominated for this year's 'Best Comeback' line -- and we think he'll win.

 

[the_tom_cat]

Citizen or Occupant? American by birth or Spirit?

Citizen or Occupant? American by birth or Spirit?

Liberals go bonkers when I tell them they are not Patriots, “non-Americans”. I think many of our ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS are more American in Spirit then people born here and defiled by our “lack of education system”.

Our country’s Founding Fathers laid down a guide of how to keep this country running FREE and to keep it FREE. If you live here and you do not like the frame work of the ORIGINAL AMERICANS, then you ARE a non-American. You are fighting this frame work and trying to take it down to make it something you like.

Well, guess what? You are in America, there are still FREE SPIRITED AMERICANS that desire very lil government, very little taxation, and think people should and can prosper on the sweat of their brow, and NO MAN should be a ward of the State.

So you non- American’s LEARN the history of this country. Drink from the cup of FREEDOM that our Founding Fathers drank from, and start seeking to be a free-man and not a slave to a socialist regime.

 

[the_tom_cat]

Cash for Clunkers

CASH FOR CLUNKERS:

A vehicle at 15 mpg and 12,000 miles per year uses 800 gallons a year of gasoline.

A vehicle at 25 mpg and 12,000 miles per year uses 480 gallons a year.

So, the average clunker transaction will reduce US gasoline consumption by 320 gallons per year.

They claim 700,000 vehicles – so that's 224 million gallons / year.

That equates to a bit over 5 million barrels of oil.

5 million barrels of oil is about ¼ of one day's US consumption.

A nd, 5 million barrels of oil costs about $350 million dollars at $75/bbl.

So, we all contributed to spending $3 billion to save $350 million.

How good a deal was that???

They'll probably do a great job with health care though!!

 

[the_tom_cat]

Butch Obama

John was in the fertilized egg business.He had several hundred
young layers (hens), called ‘pullets,’and ten roosters to
fertilize the eggs.He kept records, and any rooster not performing
went into the soup pot and was replaced.

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and
attached them to his roosters. Each bell had a different tone,
so he could tell from a distance, which rooster was performing.
Now, he could sit on the porch And fill out an efficiency report
by just listening to the bells.

John’s favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but
this morning he noticed old Butch’s bell hadn’t rung at all! When
he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy
chasing pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the
roosters coming, could run for cover. To John’s amazement, old
Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn’t ring. He’d sneak up
on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew
County Fair and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.
The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell
Piece Prize but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a
politician could figure out how to win two of the most highly
coveted awards on our planet by being the best at sneaking up on
the populace and screwing them when they weren’t paying attention.

Vote carefully next year, the bells are not always audible.

 

[the_tom_cat]

He said - she said...

He said . . . I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.
She said . . . You wear pants don't you?


He said . ..... Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart!

He said ... What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?
She said . .......Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said . ..... Why don't you tell me when you have an orgasm?
She said . . ... I would but you're never there.

He said . ..... Why don't women blink during foreplay?
She said . . They don't have time

He said . How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
She said . . We don't know; it has never happened.

He said . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and Good- looking?
She said . . . They already have boyfriends.

He said . . Why are married women heavier than single women?
She said . . . Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

 

[the_tom_cat]

Check out how many collect welfare compared to work...

From the L. A. Times
1. 40% of all workers in L. A. County ( L. A. County has 10.2 million people)are working for cash and not paying taxes This is because they are predominantly illegal immigrants working without a green card.
2. 95% of warrants for murder in Los Angeles are for illegal aliens.
3. 75% of people on the most wanted list in Los Angeles are illegal aliens.
4. Over 2/3 of all births in Los Angeles County are to illegal alien Mexicans on Medi-Cal, whose births were paid for by taxpayers.
5. Nearly 35% of all inmates in California detention centers are Mexican nationals here illegally.
6. Over 300,000 illegal aliens in Los Angeles County are living in garages.
7. The FBI reports half of all gang members in Los Angeles are most likely illegal aliens from south of the border.
8 Nearly 60% of all occupants of HUD properties are illegal.
9. 21 radio stations in L. A. are Spanish speaking.
10.. In L. A. County 5.1 million people speak English, 3.9 million speak Spanish.
(There are 10.2 million people in L. A. County . )

(All 10 of the above facts were published in the Los Angeles Times)

Less than 2% of illegal aliens are picking our crops, but 29% are on welfare. Over 70% of the United States ‘ annual population growth(and over 90% of California , Florida , and New York ) results from immigration. 29% of inmates in federal prisons are illegal aliens .

We are fools for letting this continue

The Democratic Party supports and desires MORE illegals so they can stay in power in government…

Now you see why I call people idiots who vote Democrat??

That and their desire to abort every black child is amazing to me… Blacks keep pressing the D lever…

Like watching Dumb and Dumber every single election day…

 

[the_tom_cat]

Hell Explained By Chemistry Student

HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, is why we now have the pleasure

of enjoying it as well:


Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle 's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle 's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over! The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct.......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+