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LIT CAMS (200 Free Tokens)ADULT TOYSVOD MOVIES

Michigan Lady?

Dang...

I do not watch much tv cept for the Detroit Red Wings...

One of my lotto customers just mentioned this story that I knew nothing about..

Mr Luong has been charged with four counts of capital murder as the police efforts to retrieve bodies from the Intracoastal waterway continues.

The missing youngsters range in age from a few months to three years.

Its been alleged that the accused has a drug habit and had argued with his wife, Ngoc Phan, before taking the children.

According to family members and the police, Mr Luong's girlfriend who lives nearby was a factor in the couple's argument.

Authorities believe Luong drove to the Dauphin Island bridge over the Intracoastal Waterway on Monday, stopped at the highest part of the structure and threw the children over the side.

Mr Luong and his wife reported the children missing the same day and he initially said he had given the kids to his girlfriend and that she had failed to return them.

However, the story did not add up and he later changed his account.

The missing and presumed dead were four-month-old Danny Luong; one-year-old Lindsey Luong; two-year-old Hannah Luong; and there-year-old Ryan Phan.

Mr Luong who is originally from Vietnam, is scheduled to appear in court on Thursday.

--------------------------------

Satan is alive and well and still patrolling the earth...
 
Yeach...

First day off of my 3 day weekend and Thursday morning the dentist ruins it by calling my voice mail too tell me I have an appt this morning I knew nuffin about...

Crap!!

I HATE going to the dentist... Well ok, cept for the HOT lil chicks that help em out...

:)

Last time though, the 2 I like the most, neither one of em was working...

Have to ask about that today... :)
 
Cowboy Boots

Did you hear about the Texas Teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his cowboy boots? He asked for help and she could see why.

Even with her pulling and him pushing, the little boots still didn't want to go on. Finally, when the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat.

She almost cried when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet."

She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on - this time on the right feet.

He then announced, "These aren't my boots."

She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. And, once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off his little feet. No sooner they got the boots off and he said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear 'em."

Now she didn't know if she should laugh or cry. But, she mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. Helping him into his coat, she asked, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said,

"I stuffed 'em in the toes of my boots."

Her trial starts next month.
 
Pocket Tazer

Last weekend I saw something at the Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 22nd anniversary, and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Taser. The consequences of the Taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse effects on her assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!

Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home. I loaded two triple-A batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing! I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time, I'd get the blue arch of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. Awesome!!!

Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to wife what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right?!!!

There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, Taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water.

Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5 inches long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference -- pretty cute, really -- and loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries, thinking to myself, "No possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.....

I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as if to say, "Don't do it, master," reasoning that a one-second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad.... I decided to give myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION!!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, and then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs. The cat was standing over me making meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a Taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap yourself. You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor. A three-second burst would be considered conservative.

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up, and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. How did they get up there???

My triceps, right thigh, were still burning and twitching. My face felt as if it had been shot up with Novocain and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.

Still in shock
 
Working out side...

Two days ago, I had to work outside for my shift at the prison... Was cold with the wind blowing so hard, but I knew yesterday was going to be REAL cold...

Whole way driving into work I am praying that I am not assigned to work the Prison Yard again...

Lucky for me -- got to work inside a housing unit...

Was it, and is it, cold or what???

How does someone even survive out doors in this kind of weather???
 
Morning Tom.

Glad you didn't have to be outside yesterday.

Some people love it that cold, even colder yet! Hard to believe, but true!
 
Guess what....

I was out side yesterday!!! Glad it was my Friday.... Those are the days I feel I am underpaid... :)

----------------------------------------------------------

Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to
feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems.


One day Bill didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured
maybe he had a cold or something. But after Bill hadn't shown up
for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they
ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Bill lived, so he was
unable to find out what had happened to him.

A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill,
but one day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold! --there sat
Bill! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then
he said, "For crying out loud Bill, what in the world happened to you?"

Bill replied, "I have been in jail."

"Jail?" cried Sam. "What in the world for?"

"Well," Bill said, "you know Sue, that cute little blonde
waitress at the coffee shop where I sometime go?"

"Yeah," said Sam, "I remember her. What about her?"

"Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89
years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pled 'guilty'


"The damn judge gave me 30 days for perjury."
 
Life math

This is a strictly mathematical viewpoint...it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%?
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%?
We have all been to those meetings where someone wants
you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these
questions:
If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then: H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

And,
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But ,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while Hard Work
and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's
the Bullshit and Ass Kissing that will put you over the top.
 
Anyone reading these??

Am I wasting my time posting??


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Two gay men decide to have a baby. They mix their sperms together and then have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated.
When the baby is born, they rush to the hospital.

One dozen babies are in the ward eleven of whom are crying and screaming. Over in the corner, one baby is smiling serenely.

A nurse c omes by, and to the delight of the two gays she points out the happy child as theirs.

'Isn't it wonderful?' one gay says to the other. 'All these unhappy babies...and yet our baby is so happy. This just proves our love for one another.'

The nurse says ' Oh sure, he's happy now, but just watch what happens when we pull the thermometer out of his ass'!
 
Health Advice

Love this Doctor

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it . . Don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.


Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is a lso a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.


Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!


Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.


Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!


Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! . . . . ; Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?


Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.


Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!


Q: Is swimming good for your figure?

A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.



Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
"Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one h and - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO, What a Ride!"

AND . . . . .

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION:

Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you
 
Well here is a new one for the 3 of us...

A redneck was stopped by a game warden in Central Mississippi
recently with two ice chests full of fish.
He was leavin' a cove well-known for its fishing.
The game warden asked the man, 'Do you have a license
to catch those fish?' 'Naw, sir', replied the redneck. 'I ain't
got none of them there licenses. You must understand, these
here are my pet fish.'
'Pet fish?'
'Yeah. Every night, I take these here fish down to the lake
and let 'em swim 'round for awhile. Then, when I whistle,
they jump right back into these here ice chests and I take 'em
home.'
'That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that.'
The redneck looked at the warden for a moment and then said,
'It's the truth Mr. Government Man. I'll show ya. It really works.'
'O. K.', said the warden. 'I've g ot to see this!'
The redneck poured the fish into the lake and stood and waited.
After several minutes, the warden says, 'Well?'
'Well, what?', says the redneck.
The warden says, 'When are you going to call them back?'
'Call who back?'
'The FISH', replied the warden!
'What fish?', replied the redneck.
...

Moral of the story: We may not be as smart as some city slickers,
but we ain't as dumb as some government employees.

You can say what you want about the South, but you never hear of anyone retiring and moving north.
 
Lil ideas...

Amazingly Simple Home Remedies

1. If You're Choking On An Ice Cube, Simply Pour A Cup Of Boiling Water Down Your Throat. Presto! The Blockage Will Instantly Remove Itself.

2. Avoid Cutting Yourself When Slicing Vegetables By Getting Someone Else To Hold The Vegetables While You Chop.

3. Avoid Arguments With The Females About Lifting The Toilet Seat - Use The Sink.

4. For High Blood Pressure Sufferers ~ Simply Cut Yourself And Bleed For A Few Minutes, Thus Reducing The Pressure On Your Veins. Remember To Use A Timer.

5. A Mouse Trap Placed On Top Of Your Alarm Clock Will Prevent You From Rolling Over And Going Back To Sleep After You Hit The Snooze Button.

6. If You Have A Bad Cough, Take A Large Dose Of Laxatives. Then You'll Be Afraid To Cough.

7. You Only Need Two Tools In Life - Wd-40 And Duct Tape. If It Doesn't Move And Should, Use The Wd-40. If It Shouldn't Move And Does, Use The Duct Tape.

8. Remember - Everyone Seems Normal Until You Get To Know Them.

9. If You Can't Fix It With A Hammer, You've Got An Electrical Problem.

Daily Thought: Some People Are Like Slinkies - Not Really Good For Anything, But They Bring A Smile To Your Face When Pushed Down The Stairs.
 
Republican or a DemoRAT?

I was traveling between Phoenix and Ajo the other day south of Gila Bend when a tire blew out. Checking my spare, I found that it too, was flat. My only option was to flag down a passing motorist and get a ride to the next town.

The first vehicle to stop was an old man in a van. He yelled out the window,

"Need a lift?"

"Yes, I sure do," I replied.

"You a Republican or Democrat," asked the old man.

"Republican," I replied.

"Well, you can just go to fly a kite," yelled the old man as he sped off.

Another guy stopped, rolled down the window, and asked me the same question.

Again, I gave the same answer, "Republican." The driver gave me the finger and drove off.

I though it over and decided that maybe I should change my strategy, since this area seemed to be overly political and there appeared to be few Republicans.

The next car to stop was a red convertible driven by a beautiful blonde. She smiled seductively and asked if I was a Republican or Democrat.

"Democrat!", I shouted.

"Hop in!" replied the blonde.

Driving down the road, I couldn't help but stare at the gorgeous woman in the seat next to me, the wind blowing through her hair, perfect breasts, and a short skirt that continued to ride higher and higher up her thighs.

Finally, I yelled, "Please stop the car." She immediately slammed on the brakes and as soon as the car stopped, I jumped out.

"What's the matter?", she asked.

"I can't take it anymore," I replied.

"I've only been a Democrat for five minutes and already I want to screw somebody."
 
The Italian Secret of a Long Marriage

The Italian Secret of a Long Marriage"


At Saint Mary's Catholic Church they have a weekly husband's marriage seminar. At the session
last week, the Priest asked Luigi, who was approaching his 50th wedding anniversary, to take
a few minutes and share some insight into how he had managed to stay married to the same
woman all these years.

Luigi replied to the assembled husbands, "Wella, I've a-tried to treat-a her nizza, spend da money
on her, but besta of all is that I tooka her to Italy for the 25th anniversary!"

The Priest responded, "Luigi, you are an amazing inspiration to all the husbands here! Please
tell us what you are planning for your wife for your 50th anniversary."

Luigi proudly replied, "I'm agonna go get her."
 
Old Ironsides

LITTLE KNOWN NAVAL HISTORY...

The U.S.S. Constitution (Old Ironsides), as a combat vessel, carried 48,600 gallons of fresh water for her crew of 475 officers and men. This was sufficient to last six months of sustained operations at sea. She carried no evaporators (i.e. fresh water distillers!).

However, let it be noted that according to her ship's log, "On July 27, 1798, the U.S.S. Constitution sailed from Boston with a full complement of 475 officers and men, 48,600 gallons of fresh water, 7,400 cannon shot, 11,600 pounds of black powder and 79,400 gallons of rum."

Her mission: "To destroy and harass English shipping."

Making Jamaica on 6 October, she took on 826 pounds of flour and 68,300 gallons of rum.

Then she headed for the Azores , arriving there 12 November. She provisioned with 550 pounds of beef and 64,300 gallons of Portuguese wine.

On 18 November, she set sail for England . In the ensuing days she defeated five British men-of-war and captured and scuttled 12 English merchant ships, salvaging only the rum aboard each.

By 26 January, her powder and shot were exhausted. Nevertheless, although unarmed she made a night raid up the Firth of Clyde in Scotland . Her landing party captured a whisky distillery and transferred 40,000 gallons of single malt Scotch aboard by dawn. Then she headed home.

The U.S.S. Constitution arrived in Boston on 20 February, 1799, with no cannon shot, no food, no powder, no rum, no wine, no whisky, and 38,600 gallons of water.



GO NAVY!!!
 
Sayings

1. What is the best thing about dating a homeless woman?

You can drop her off anywhere.



2. What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.



3. What should a woman say to a man she's just had sex with?

Whatever she wants. He's sleeping.



4. Where does virgin wool come from?

Ugly sheep.



5. How do you spot the blind man at a nudist colony?

It isn't hard.



6. How can you make your wife mad while making love?

Call her from your cell phone.



7. What does the Polish bride get that's long and hard on her

wedding night?

His last name.



8. What's the down side to a threesome?

You'll likely disappoint two women instead of just one.



9 How do you know you're really ugly?

Dogs close their eyes when they're humping your leg.



10. Why are hurricanes named after women?

Because they arrive wet and wild, then leave with your

house and car.



11. What's the similarity between a hurricane and a Louisiana divorce?

Somebody's gonna' lose a trailer
 
Takes courage to face truth...

Another GREAT example...



Can you face the truth?



Takes courage...



MILITARY DEATHS FOR TWENTY-SIX YEARS

Here are some rather eye-opening facts: Since the start of the war on
terror
in Iraq and Afghanistan, the sacrifice has been enormous. In the time
period from the invasion of Iraq in March 2003 through now, we have lost
over 3000 military personnel to enemy action and accidents. As tragic
as the
loss of any member of the US Armed Forces is, consider the following
statistics:

The annual fatalities of military members while actively serving in the
armed forces from 1980 through 2006:

1980 ......... 2,392
1981 ..........2,380
1984 ..........1,999
1988 ..........1,819
1989 ..........1,636
1990 ..........1,508
1991 ..........1,787
1992 ..........1,293
----------------------------------------------------
1993 ..........1,213
1994 ..........1,075
1995 ..........2,465
1996 .........2,318 8 Clinton years @13,417 deaths
1997 ............817
1998 ..........2,252
1999 ..........1,984
-------------------------------------------------
2000 ..........1,983
2001........... 890
2002 ..........1,007 7 BUSH years @ 9,016 deaths
2003 ..........1,410
2004 ..........1,887
2005 ......... . 919
2006............ 920
------------------------------------------------------------

If you are confused when you look at these figures...so was I.

Do these figures mean that the loss from the two latest conflicts in the
Middle East are LESS than the loss of military personnel during Mr.
Clinton's presidency; when America wasn't even involved in a war?
And, I
was even more confused; when I read that in 1980, during the reign of
President (Nobel Peace Prize) Jimmy Carter, there were 2,392 US military
fatalities.

These figures indicate that many of our media and politicians will pick
and
choose. They present only those 'facts' which support their
agenda-driven
reporting. Why do so many of them march in lock-step to twist the
truth?
Where do so many of them get their marching orders for their agendas?

Our mainstream print and TV media, and many politicians like to slant;
that
these brave men and women, who are losing their lives in Iraq, are
mostly
minorities. Wrong AGAIN --- just one more media lie. The latest
census of
Americans shows the following distribution of American citizens, by
race:

European descent (White) .... 69.12%
Hispanic .................... 12.5%
Black........................ 12.3%
Asian ....................... 3.7%
Native American ............. 1.0%
Other ........................ 2.6%

Now .. here are the fatalities by race over the past three years in
Iraqi
Freedom:

European descent (white) ..... 74.31%
Hispanic ..................... 10.74%
Black ........................ 9.67%
Asian ......................... 1. 81 %
Native American ............... 1.09%
Other ........................ .33%


These statistics are published by Congressional Research Service, and
they
may be confirmed by anyone at:

http://www.fas.org/sgp/crs/natsec/RL32492.pdf

(Attached report)


Now ask yourself these two questions:

1. 'Why does the mainstream print and TV media never provide statistics
like
these?'

2. 'Why does the mainstream media hate the web as much as they do?'

You do the math. These figures don't lie ... but, media liars figure
...
and they sway public opinion.
 
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