cubbies
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2008
- Posts
- 2,405
Happy hanukkah, kwanzaa, nothing (for the atheists) and festivus for the rest of us.
Earlier this year, in March, I had a moment of clarity and realized that I have an alcohol issue. I only posted when fully cranked. I have read my posts the day after a blackout bender and, not only did I not remember what was posted, I realized what an idiot I had become. Needless to say, I haven't posted since March because I became sober.
I was what we call a functioning alcoholic. A weekend warrior. I never missed work and never had financial issues related to alcohol abuse. I was in a vicious circle of anxiety. I drank because I was anxious. The drink relieved the anxiety, yet I became more anxious until the next drink. I never understood "needing a drink". What I realized is alcohol IS the cause of my anxiety. It is actually the physical feeling of withdrawal.
When I became sober, the anxiety was gone. A doctor told me the anxiety was actually withdrawal and, while he didn't go as far to call me an alcoholic, he said I was addicted to alcohol. This made sense. In my college days I used to do coke and I would always get these horrible feelings of anxiety and doom when there was no more coke. In hindsight I now know that I was addicted to coke and those were symptoms of withdrawal.
I became sober on my own. No rehab nor any AA. I went cold turkey and went through a week of withdrawal hell. When the physical addiction was kicked, I got back into fitness. I lost 30 pounds, did some cardio and hit the weights. I look and felt better than I did when I was in the Corps. I handled pressure situations in life and at work with a calm demeanor and rarely lost my temper. I was a changed man.
Sooooo, why am I posting tonight? Well, like I said, I only posted when fully crocked. I fell of the wagon. I feel high. I feel good. I've missed drinking...tomorrow will be hell.
Earlier this year, in March, I had a moment of clarity and realized that I have an alcohol issue. I only posted when fully cranked. I have read my posts the day after a blackout bender and, not only did I not remember what was posted, I realized what an idiot I had become. Needless to say, I haven't posted since March because I became sober.
I was what we call a functioning alcoholic. A weekend warrior. I never missed work and never had financial issues related to alcohol abuse. I was in a vicious circle of anxiety. I drank because I was anxious. The drink relieved the anxiety, yet I became more anxious until the next drink. I never understood "needing a drink". What I realized is alcohol IS the cause of my anxiety. It is actually the physical feeling of withdrawal.
When I became sober, the anxiety was gone. A doctor told me the anxiety was actually withdrawal and, while he didn't go as far to call me an alcoholic, he said I was addicted to alcohol. This made sense. In my college days I used to do coke and I would always get these horrible feelings of anxiety and doom when there was no more coke. In hindsight I now know that I was addicted to coke and those were symptoms of withdrawal.
I became sober on my own. No rehab nor any AA. I went cold turkey and went through a week of withdrawal hell. When the physical addiction was kicked, I got back into fitness. I lost 30 pounds, did some cardio and hit the weights. I look and felt better than I did when I was in the Corps. I handled pressure situations in life and at work with a calm demeanor and rarely lost my temper. I was a changed man.
Sooooo, why am I posting tonight? Well, like I said, I only posted when fully crocked. I fell of the wagon. I feel high. I feel good. I've missed drinking...tomorrow will be hell.
