Mental Illness

[Wild_Honey_66]

Does anyone know of resources I could look into, or support systems for spouse's of alcoholics? I've looked into attending Al-anon meetings here but due to COVID, nothing is being held in person. I can't talk to friends about what I'm going through because no one understands what it's like to live with an alcoholic. As much as I appreciate their support, I need something/someone that knows what I'm going through. Thanks, and hope you're all doing well

I do. I know what it's like.

Message if you wish.

 

[sally_sparrow]

I do. I know what it's like.

Message if you wish.

I sent you a PM Wild, thank you

 

[jaF0]

At least some/many of you are still looking for solutions or ways to deal.


There are those of us who no longer care and have given up. We don't even see in the sense of illness anymore. It just is.

 

[sally_sparrow]

At least some/many of you are still looking for solutions or ways to deal.


There are those of us who no longer care and have given up. We don't even see in the sense of illness anymore. It just is.

I'm sorry you feel that way. I've come close to feeling like that, but also feel now that I deserve better. I've come to realize I've been living with a total stranger for a while now and have been gaslighted for years. I miss my old self and want her back so I'm working at that. I can't help someone who doesn't want it, so it's time to help myself.

 

[jaF0]

When you get told every single day of your life what a worthless piece of shit you are, eventually it sinks in and you just stop caring about anybody or anything.

You don't even have a pet because you simply can't trust yourself to take care of it.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Therapy makes a world of difference.

And possibly considering whether the relationship you're in is something that will improve or continue to disintegrate in the future.

I got out of mine because:

--it was already bad and getting worse
--he wasn't interested in changing (and honestly, I'm not sure he was able to change)
--i realized that I couldn't stay and protect my children. Like, we weren't safe in any way. And the longer we stayed, the more baggage we were all acquiring. (This would have been true even if I had been childless, but it would have been harder to fight for just myself than to fight for myself and my kids. Who knows how long it would have taken me to get out, or if I would have.)

It took me a lot of years to come to the conclusion that leaving was the right thing to do. 'Staying for the sake of the children' in my case would have meant continued exposure to harmful behavior. Really bad stuff. It's not the right decision for everyone, but it was for us.

 

[sally_sparrow]

Therapy makes a world of difference.

And possibly considering whether the relationship you're in is something that will improve or continue to disintegrate in the future.

I got out of mine because:

--it was already bad and getting worse
--he wasn't interested in changing (and honestly, I'm not sure he was able to change)
--i realized that I couldn't stay and protect my children. Like, we weren't safe in any way. And the longer we stayed, the more baggage we were all acquiring. (This would have been true even if I had been childless, but it would have been harder to fight for just myself than to fight for myself and my kids. Who knows how long it would have taken me to get out, or if I would have.)

It took me a lot of years to come to the conclusion that leaving was the right thing to do. 'Staying for the sake of the children' in my case would have meant continued exposure to harmful behavior. Really bad stuff. It's not the right decision for everyone, but it was for us.

I really appreciate your candor and ideas. I think therapy is a good first step. Do you think finding someone that specializes in substance abuse would be of benefit even if it isn't directly for me? Thank you.

When you get told every single day of your life what a worthless piece of shit you are, eventually it sinks in and you just stop caring about anybody or anything.

You don't even have a pet because you simply can't trust yourself to take care of it.

I'm really sad that this is where you are. I'm sorry that's happened to you for so long.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

I really appreciate your candor and ideas. I think therapy is a good first step. Do you think finding someone that specializes in substance abuse would be of benefit even if it isn't directly for me? Thank you.


I'm really sad that this is where you are. I'm sorry that's happened to you for so long.

NO. Focus on yourself first. Priorities!

If you've been in your relationship for very long at all, you're probably already dealing with depression, anxiety, etc., so you'll be addressing that in therapy, plus you'll likely be developing some skills to help you resolve your situation and move forward. That's going to take a lot of emotional energy ('spoons'). You can't help anybody else until after you've helped yourself. You've got to put on your oxygen mask and get your own ducks in a row before helping somebody else with theirs, otherwise, you're going to both go down together.

Besides, any therapist worth their salt will have been educated regarding addictive behaviors and will be able to help you deal with an alcoholic partner.

 

[sally_sparrow]

NO. Focus on yourself first. Priorities!

If you've been in your relationship for very long at all, you're probably already dealing with depression, anxiety, etc., so you'll be addressing that in therapy, plus you'll likely be developing some skills to help you resolve your situation and move forward. That's going to take a lot of emotional energy ('spoons'). You can't help anybody else until after you've helped yourself. You've got to put on your oxygen mask and get your own ducks in a row before helping somebody else with theirs, otherwise, you're going to both go down together.

Besides, any therapist worth their salt will have been educated regarding addictive behaviors and will be able to help you deal with an alcoholic partner.

Damn, you're good. Thanks WH

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

Damn, you're good. Thanks WH

Happy to help when I can. I'm not so good as much as I am experienced. Just a little further down the road than you are, that's all.

 

[Wild_Honey_66]

At least some/many of you are still looking for solutions or ways to deal.


There are those of us who no longer care and have given up. We don't even see in the sense of illness anymore. It just is.

When you get told every single day of your life what a worthless piece of shit you are, eventually it sinks in and you just stop caring about anybody or anything.

You don't even have a pet because you simply can't trust yourself to take care of it.

The fact that you're posting here, being open about your situation, is proof that there's still a speck of hope somewhere inside of you. Determine within yourself to hang on to that. Start talking to yourself as though you were someone you thought highly of. Consider looking for a therapist and trying out some meds to help manage your depression. Each small thing you do will carry you forward just a wee bit.

And we are here for you, too.

 

[jaF0]

I no longer think clearly and have significant trouble with simple tasks like adding or subtracting two digit numbers.

 

[MeekMe]

I no longer think clearly and have significant trouble with simple tasks like adding or subtracting two digit numbers.

Take a deep breath. On average it takes about 6 deep breaths to feel calm. Did you breath? I hope you did. I also hope you reach out to someone nearby to help you through your struggle.

 

[Chewbacca79]

Bad fucking MH day yesterday.
New day today.

 

[sally_sparrow]

I no longer think clearly and have significant trouble with simple tasks like adding or subtracting two digit numbers.

I hope you are feeling a little better this morning

Bad fucking MH day yesterday.
New day today.

Here's to a much better day for you!

 

[Chewbacca79]

I hope you are feeling a little better this morning


Here's to a much better day for you!

Thank you

 

[jaF0]

There are few things of which I'm certain. One is that the future will not be better than the past.

 

[FurryFury]

I feel every year and every day are better than the past. Perhaps because my childhood was so violent and now I'm able to do what I want more with fewer people that matter at all judging.

 

[Beth87]

This is a lovely update. One im happy to relate to too. I finally cut contact with my abusers and ive been abuse free for 4 months now

 

[Bramblethorn]

Congrats to you both!

 

[jaF0]

What kind of a sick, twisted mind comes up with a dream like that?

 

[sally_sparrow]

Good morning everyone. I wanted to check in to see how others are doing here. I've recently started seeing a therapist and am working into... a LOT more than I thought was going on... I'm actually being referred to a psychiatrist... It's a little scary to me. It makes me feel like I am broken... but, I'm trying to accept help from the outside, rather than do what I always do and "fix it myself" or deny that anything is happening. I hope you're all doing well.

Hugs

 

[Replicant2018]

Good morning everyone. I wanted to check in to see how others are doing here. I've recently started seeing a therapist and am working into... a LOT more than I thought was going on... I'm actually being referred to a psychiatrist... It's a little scary to me. It makes me feel like I am broken... but, I'm trying to accept help from the outside, rather than do what I always do and "fix it myself" or deny that anything is happening. I hope you're all doing well.

Hugs

Glad to hear. I’m seeing a therapist also due to being quarantined for last 9 months as well as not being a December person (family deaths, other past bad incidents).
Working through them myself. All the best.

 

[MeekMe]

Good morning everyone. I wanted to check in to see how others are doing here. I've recently started seeing a therapist and am working into... a LOT more than I thought was going on... I'm actually being referred to a psychiatrist... It's a little scary to me. It makes me feel like I am broken... but, I'm trying to accept help from the outside, rather than do what I always do and "fix it myself" or deny that anything is happening. I hope you're all doing well.

Hugs

That broken feeling is hard to shake. I’ve been there. Don’t stop going, pretty much everyone could benefit from some therapy at some point in their lives. A psychiatrist is specialized like seeing a dermatologist or a podiatrist, no harm going to an expert in specialized medicine.

 

[jaF0]

If ever there was quackery .....