Mental Illness

[sally_sparrow]

Glad to hear. I’m seeing a therapist also due to being quarantined for last 9 months as well as not being a December person (family deaths, other past bad incidents).
Working through them myself. All the best.

I'm glad it's helping!

That broken feeling is hard to shake. I’ve been there. Don’t stop going, pretty much everyone could benefit from some therapy at some point in their lives. A psychiatrist is specialized like seeing a dermatologist or a podiatrist, no harm going to an expert in specialized medicine.

That is a very good way of thinking about it, thank you for that perspective

 

[jaF0]

I don't want to remember anything.

I don't want to remember anything.

I don't want to remember anything.

I don't want to remember anything.

I don't want to remember anything.

 

[Bramblethorn]

Good morning everyone. I wanted to check in to see how others are doing here. I've recently started seeing a therapist and am working into... a LOT more than I thought was going on... I'm actually being referred to a psychiatrist... It's a little scary to me. It makes me feel like I am broken... but, I'm trying to accept help from the outside, rather than do what I always do and "fix it myself" or deny that anything is happening. I hope you're all doing well.

Hugs

Heya! I'm doing fairly well, by 2020 standards?

I'm a bit of a hermit so staying at home for ~ 9 months wasn't as big a deal for me as it is for others. I already had a home office set up, I'm used to remote working, give me my partner and my cats and an internet connection and I'll manage.

I'm not at peak performance - I've found my attention and executive function are very poor this year, because I've narrowed my focus to the things that absolutely have to get done and a lot of lower-priority stuff has fallen by the wayside. Not ideal but it's what I need to do to get by, and my boss and I have the kind of relationship where I can just talk openly about that stuff and he completely understands.

I've been putting a fair bit of energy into looking after my own staff and that's felt fulfilling - being able to help others seems to make it easier to deal with my own stuff.

Really ready for a break though. One more work day and then I'm off for two weeks.

Hope it all goes well for you. Asking for that kind of help is a challenge but when you find the right counsellor it's really worth it.

 

[jennstar]

Hi everyone. Chiming in as someone diagnosed BiPolar 2 with hypomania and GAD (general anxiety disorder) and SAD (social anxiety disorder) and a long list of Nasty panic attacks, I appreciate this thread.

I wish people would speak more openly about their mental illnesses. As for how it affects my sexuality, its obvious from extremes to hyper-sexuality to how I dress to compulsive behaviors and sometimes risky behaviors.

I am currently pregnant and will be a single mom.

Anyway, sharing honestly. There it is.

 

[CelestialCrystal_Goddess]

Delete...

 

[sally_sparrow]

I am struggling hard . My anxiety is through the roof. I lost count of how many panic attacks I've had in the last 48 hours. My chest hurts from trying to breathe through the panic. My eyes burn from crying so hard. I am so incredibly grateful of the support I've already received from others here and in my real life. Everything that I know and love is turned upside down right now. Not really sure why I'm on Lit at the moment lol. I was reaching out earlier to a few supportive friends (whom I am so so so happy to have in my life ), and saw someone recently posted here, and thought I'd be open about where I'm at. You're not alone. I'm not alone. Maybe I need reassurance that I am not the only one struggling, because it is so isolating.

 

[Stillrandy]

Sally, you are not the only one. I have felt very low last couple of days, like I have hit a wall and am surrounded by panic. All I really want to do right now is rest and be on my own without a lot of interactions. I think it will pass, but right now I have stepped back into the pit that I swore I would never enter again. We need to take care of ourselves right now.

 

[peekingone]

I am struggling hard . My anxiety is through the roof. I lost count of how many panic attacks I've had in the last 48 hours. My chest hurts from trying to breathe through the panic. My eyes burn from crying so hard. I am so incredibly grateful of the support I've already received from others here and in my real life. Everything that I know and love is turned upside down right now. Not really sure why I'm on Lit at the moment lol. I was reaching out earlier to a few supportive friends (whom I am so so so happy to have in my life ), and saw someone recently posted here, and thought I'd be open about where I'm at. You're not alone. I'm not alone. Maybe I need reassurance that I am not the only one struggling, because it is so isolating.

We all go through hard times. Take it one step at a time and try not to beat yourself up over it. Remember you are NOT alone. Staying quiet is ok at times, but in the end communication does help.

 

[jaF0]

"If I Go Away"

Somewhere on that long lonely road
We all stand lone
Looking for clues
From our different views

In the dark I've called out your name
It echoes in vain
Over again
In an empty room


If I go away
What would still remain of me?
The ghost within your eyes
The whisper in your sighs
You see
Believe
And I'm always there

Staring down a long empty hall
Pictures on walls
All with your name
But it's not the same

Searching for the chord I can't hear
Been searching for years
It's somewhere inside
But it's well disguised

If I go away
What would still remain of me?
The ghost within your eyes
The whisper in your sighs
You see
Believe
And I'm always there

Someday I'll take a chance
You find them where you can
They tend to slip away
Those doors to yesterday

Forever is a long time they say
Maybe some day
I'll meet you there
If you've time to spare
Tell me then
Where I can go
Where they won't know
Who I have been
Can we start again

If I go away
What would still remain of me?
The ghost within your eyes
The whisper in your sighs
You see
Believe
And I'm always there


-- Savatage -- 'Streets' (1991)

 

[sally_sparrow]

Just checking in I've had a rough last few months, but I think I'm on the upswing. Over the last few weeks I have had this book come up in conversation at random times. A few times in my professional work, with friends, and then I read about it in another book that I am reading. It's about how trauma can hold on in the body and cause physical problems and how it can reshape the body and the brain. It's been extremely validating and helpful in my journey of personal growth. I'm sharing it here in case anyone else could benefit from it. It also has with a work book if you want to do journaling as you read.

https://www.amazon.com/Body-Keeps-Score-Healing-Trauma/dp/0143127748

 

[jaF0]

For many of us, there is no 'upswing'. Things are the way they always will be. And it royally pisses us off when people try to 'help'. Because most of them have no fucking idea what they're talking about or how insulting their attempts to cheer us up really are.

 

[sally_sparrow]

For many of us, there is no 'upswing'. Things are the way they always will be. And it royally pisses us off when people try to 'help'. Because most of them have no fucking idea what they're talking about or how insulting their attempts to cheer us up really are.

I understand. I'm not saying I'm an expert. I'm just sharing what has helped me find peace, in an effort to help someone else if they think it's beneficial. Upswing doesn't mean that I'm happy, it just means I'm starting to identify the root of my issues and I have along way to go. I guess I worded it poorly, but my objective was not to offend anyone. I'm here for support just like everyone else.

 

[jaF0]

The root of my issues is that I still wake up in the morning. Once that stops ......


Most days the only reason I get out of bed is to let the mattress relax a bit.

Fuck this world.

 

[WizardSoDirty]

For many of us, there is no 'upswing'. Things are the way they always will be. And it royally pisses us off when people try to 'help'. Because most of them have no fucking idea what they're talking about or how insulting their attempts to cheer us up really are.

I'm pretty sure if I can get most prople to listen long enough they would be so horpelessly depressed nany would never attempt to climb out.
I actually have to be carefull at times not to do that, lol

The only way I survive my own self is to simply not think about most of it and luckily, aparently I'm wrong about a lot of it somehow butwhen I'm describing "whatever" my reasoning seems flawless.

It's something I actually can be pleased to be wrong about. I feel better about the Future of the human race when that happens.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

I understand. I'm not saying I'm an expert. I'm just sharing what has helped me find peace, in an effort to help someone else if they think it's beneficial. Upswing doesn't mean that I'm happy, it just means I'm starting to identify the root of my issues and I have along way to go. I guess I worded it poorly, but my objective was not to offend anyone. I'm here for support just like everyone else.

Thanks for the book suggestion, sally. You did not word it poorly. Books, podcasts and other resources are tools. If you’re building a house with your hands and someone gives you a hammer, it doesn’t mean that the house will now be easy to build. It means, “Hey, here’s a thing that might be useful for building the fucking house.”

I’m always interested in finding tools to make things easier. Two big ones I’ve found recently are the “Happiness Lab” podcast (science-based research on increasing happiness from an engaging Yale prof), and “Self-Compassion,” a book by a UT-Austin professor. Turns out that, over and over, the science supports self-compassion for having a life that doesn’t suck.

 

[jaF0]

The only way I survive my own self is to simply not think about most of it

If you’re building a house with your hands and someone gives you a hammer, it doesn’t mean that the house will now be easy to build. It means, “Hey, here’s a thing that might be useful for building the fucking house.”

The only way I survive my own self sometimes is to simply grab a hammer and bash nails into boards.

 

[DeepGreenEyes]

The only way I survive my own self sometimes is to simply grab a hammer and bash nails into boards.

Hammer therapy. If it works for you, then Yahtzee.

 

[Bramblethorn]

The only way I survive my own self sometimes is to simply grab a hammer and bash nails into boards.

I like leatherworking because it's sewing that I can do with a hammer.

 

[MichaelStJohn]

Doms with mental illness?

I know I'm coming to this thread late (51 pages...) so this may have already been discussed, but I wanted to hear general thoughts on what it means to both be sexually dominant and to suffer from mental illness (anxiety/depression).

 

[MeekMe]

There’s a kind of shame that comes from having to ask someone to watch you more closely for a period of time because you can’t be trusted to…

I’m not sure how to feel about it. I want to hide this information because on one hand I don’t want them to watch me. On the other hand I know I need to be watched and I hate myself for it.

 

[IrisAlthea]

Meeks, however you feel about it, please ask them if you haven’t already.

 

[MeekMe]

Meeks, however you feel about it, please ask them if you haven’t already.

I asked. It’s for the most part past. Mostly. It’s more manageable now. Thank you.

 

[JamieJ424]

Definitely me. I have suffered with depression, less so anxiety, and self esteem issues as well as anger issues. Being on the spectrum doesn’t help. I do and have done a lot of processing to map my emotional life and clarify my own feelings when, as is often the case for me, they are powerful but hard to define.

I think there’s a generalized misconception about dominants and submissives. The only difference between them is a dominant wants to be in control and make the important decisions for both parties, and a submissive wants to relinquish that control.

That’s it. Dominants are not calmer, stronger, smarter, more together or by default ‘better’ in any sense than someone who identifies as submissive.

Dominants can suffer from mental and emotional problems, and submissives can be rock solid and well adjusted neurotypicals.

I know I'm coming to this thread late (51 pages...) so this may have already been discussed, but I wanted to hear general thoughts on what it means to both be sexually dominant and to suffer from mental illness (anxiety/depression).

 

[JamieJ424]

Very self aware of you to know you needed help. And brave of you to ask for it.

I can’t remember where I read this, but someone said something to the effect of, ‘we don’t stigmatize holding the door for someone with a broken leg or taking care of someone with pneumonia while they recover, but people with mental health issues don’t get the same consideration or care, and are more often told to suck it up by people who lack understanding of mental illness and empathy for those suffering.’

Sometimes the worst offenders are ourselves, putting pressure on ourselves to be better and do better, when we simply can’t.

So...well done.

There’s a kind of shame that comes from having to ask someone to watch you more closely for a period of time because you can’t be trusted to…

I’m not sure how to feel about it. I want to hide this information because on one hand I don’t want them to watch me. On the other hand I know I need to be watched and I hate myself for it.

 

[Goldenfinger]

Yes there is something wrong with me, but it feels so right!