Men

[CelestialBody]

 

[Guest]

Because you're one of those caring, nice, and forgiving souls?
I'm sorry, CB.

 

[Rubyfruit]

I hate to say it, but if you want as much as you give, you almost have to date women. Sure, there are *some* men out there who are incredibly giving, but it's not generally in their nature to be as giving as women are.

This is why girlfriends are so important. Never give up your girlfriends for a man.

Feel better, CB.

 

[Guest]

This is why girlfriends are so important. Never give up your girlfriends for a man.

Amen!

 

[OUTSIDER]

Maybe it's just my age here but I'd just walk away, if your not happy don't waste time trying to change someone because I can tell you nine times out of ten you will not change them, better to move on and find someone who suit's you better or if you can't then maybe you should just learn put up with them

 

[ksmybuttons]

Any partner won't do..

I am sorry you are hurting.

Life is short. Find the right partner. If yours won't pay the kind of attention you want, then find one who will. They are out there.

And I agree, Ruby. Never give up your friends, whether they be man or woman. If the expectation is there that you will, again, it is not the right partner.

Possessive, jealous partners = a waste of time. In my experience they just don't have enough self esteem. If they can't love themselves or feel sure of themselves in a relationship, then they can't give me what I need, either.

 

[April]

Yep. I can certainly sympathize there. I have a habit of picking men who don't have a lot of time for me. It sucks.

 

[Ishmael]

Changes

"Or maybe more aptly, "Why CB should be shot." Beacause she's stupid enough to be seeing someone who never seems to have time with her. Who forgets when he's made plans with her, who she has to ask at times, to actually pay attention. He likes to cuddle, but ever get the feeling that anyone or just about anything would do? Stupid, Stupid me. Why do I do this?"

CB,

Change yourself. Find a "life coach" and work with him/her. So often we end up with the same type of partners. At first we're so happy, and then the same cycle repeats itself. You can't change the person that you've already selected. In that observation 'Outsider' is dead on.

If you want to change the type of partner that you're with, you have to first change yourself. You attracted them and were attracted by them. It is a two way street.

Ishmael

 

[Andreina]

I have a habit of picking men who see me as an "easy shag" and just ignore me the rest of the time of our oh-so-meaningful "relationship".

CB, if you are not happy just draw the consequences - you are way too good for that prick.

Halo

 

[Bigdog]

Just because your guy is living up to the male stereotype doesn't mean you should put up with bad behavior. Are you better off with him or without him? If it is the former, you need to sit down and talk to him about how you feel (and don't sugar-coat it, be blunt). If it is the latter, it is time to cut this fish loose and try again. You have a well-stocked pond to fish in, and some damn fine bait.

 

[CelestialBody]

 

[ksmybuttons]

Cut the string and fly!

He is pulling your string and you are letting him. If he is your first lover than realize that it is just the first. Try on a few for fit. You probably will find one that is more to your liking. I did. I found many that were more to my liking than the first. Just like shoes.

If you stick with him, it will just always be the same. Broken hearts mend if you want them to...

You are the pilot, now. You just need to decide where you want to fly.

 

[Calamity Jane]

He's just of the mindset to say, well, what's happened has happened. I'm sorry, but that's it. And yes, for anyone else that would be perfectly acceptable.

He gave me the option of sleeping at his place tonight or seeing him for lunch tomorrow. I don't know what the hell happened, but I was so upset I opted for lunch, and now I'm thinking that I don't even want to see him then. I feel sick to my stomach.

An apology means nothing if the person makes no effort to change the behavior. I would venture a guess that he's not taking you seriously when you tell him that something is bothering you. That's a BIG problem if it continues as the relationship progresses.

If you don't want to meet him for lunch tomorrow, don't. Tell him something came up, and you'll let him know when you can reschedule. Take some time for yourself to decide what you want from the relationship, or if you even want the relationship.

Good Luck darlin.

 

[Dhalgren]

I’ve watched your relationship with B evolve over time.

It never sounded like this before.

Sometimes relationships cool off..only to get hot again.

And sometimes we put so much credence in a relationship just because it’s our first..we forget that it might not be a relationship that will last forever.

Sometimes it’s just a beautiful learning experience, you know?

I do know..by reading your posts..that you are an amazing woman, CB.

Whatever happens.. do wish you the best.

 

[Jesus]

After A While

After a while you learn
The subtle difference between
Holding a hand
And chaining a soul
And you learn that love doesn’t
Mean leaning
And company doesn’t always
Mean security.
And you begin to learn
That kisses aren’t contracts and
Presents aren’t promises
And you begin to accept your
Defeats
With your head up and your
Eyes ahead
With the grace of a woman
Not the grief of a child
And you learn
To build all your roads on today
Because tomorrows ground is
Too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of
Falling down in midflight.
After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns
If you get much
So you plant your own garden
And decorate your own soul

 

[Texan]

Hey Jesus, plagiarism isn't cool regardless to what you call yourself. That poem was written by Veronica Shoffstall in 1971.

Post it, but let everyone know who wrote it. Imagine me, telling you how to be ethical...

 

[April]

An apology means nothing if the person makes no effort to change the behavior. I would venture a guess that he's not taking you seriously when you tell him that something is bothering you. That's a BIG problem if it continues as the relationship progresses.

Absolutely! I'm in that situation myself. And it makes it next to impossible to go to that person with my problems and worries. Most of them are ignored. Don't accept this under any circumstances!

 

[zantac666]

Just don't put all men in the same boat it's full as it is.

I'm not like that i like to cuddle and cook for my lady take care of her when she is sick if you called at 2 in the morning and wanted me to come over i'd be half way there before you could hang up.

But there are a lot of good men out there.

Good luck.

 

[Azwed]

You need to confront him about what is going on. Tell him how you feel and what you don't like, but don't tell him how to fix it. He has to figure that out on his own.

Me and my gf were going through something similar to this before she left for France. She thought that I was not showing enough interest in her and such. I kind of felt like she was being a little too possesive and I needed some time to myself. I had been spending the night with her just about every night for a couple of weeks and was starting to get a little burned out.

We live about an hour away so its not like I can just walk over and see her whenever. Late at night when she just out of the blue tells me to come over or asks if she can come over here I will say no. I just want some time to myself for a while. since she has been in France for the past few days that feeling has gone away.

When she gets a little too possessive I just need to remember that although I am not her first lover, I am her third, this is her first health, normal relationship. All the rest of her bf's have been either abusive in one form or another or just plain losers.

If B continues to be an ass about this and won't at least try to make it right after you confront him then drop his ass faster then a ValueJet. I am just saying you should remember the fire that was there before and give him the chance to help himself. If he screws that up then he does not deserve somone as special as the Starlet.

 

[CelestialBody]

 

[Guest]

Um, no CB, you weren't acting on self-preservation or whatever you want to call it. What you were doing, what you ALWAYS do, is acting like a spoiled little brat who didn't get what she wanted. A mature individual, crying or not, would have confronted him, told him what was the matter, and let him KNOW how you felt regardless of whether or not you were crying, laughing or screaming.

But no, you had to soak in your self pity and make a big, dramatic production. He'll get tired of it. I know a lot of us are.

 

[CelestialBody]

 

[LukkyKnight]

...I haven't ever slept with anyone else. I've never cared this much for anyone before. He is my first and only lover, and the only person worth mentiong that I've dated-but I don't know what to do with him...

You haven't done anything "to" him. You have to continue doing what you have, being yourself. If the first love is hard to let go of and hard to hang on to, then you need time and space to sort out your perspective. You can either work as a couple at growing closer, or let it cool between you.

Best of luck, either way. Life is never easy, but the rest is unknown.

 

[Dixon Carter Lee]

I hate to say it, but if you want as much as you give, you almost have to date women. Sure, there are *some* men out there who are incredibly giving, but it's not generally in their nature to be as giving as women are.

This is why girlfriends are so important. Never give up your girlfriends for a man.

Feel better, CB.

Worst advice I ever heard.

 

[CelestialBody]