Men who are a sub switch - who decides when?

[SubNebGuy]

For the men (and their women) who are usually the dominant role, but occasionally switch to a submissive role...who decides when you're the sub?

My wife and I play a little BDSM...mostly role reversal really, with some spanking and light humiliation (sissification maybe?), strap ons and plugs... sometimes she's the sub, sometimes me...sometimes the sex is vanilla.

for anyone else in this boat...who decides in your coupling when the man gets to be the bitch?

I have to be 'in the mood' myself to want a dildo up the ass, and sometimes when i want it, she's not in the mood for that, though often she'll do it anyways because I want it (or more likely, I just get a plug and a handjob). other times, she's interested, but I'm not for whatever reason.

so is it usually a comprimise for you? is she the chooser, or him? or do you just say 'every saturday he's my bitch"?

 

[Shankara20]

For the men (and their women) who are usually the dominant role, but occasionally switch to a submissive role...who decides when you're the sub?

My wife and I play a little BDSM...mostly role reversal really, with some spanking and light humiliation (sissification maybe?), strap ons and plugs... sometimes she's the sub, sometimes me...sometimes the sex is vanilla.

for anyone else in this boat...who decides in your coupling when the man gets to be the bitch?

I have to be 'in the mood' myself to want a dildo up the ass, and sometimes when i want it, she's not in the mood for that, though often she'll do it anyways because I want it (or more likely, I just get a plug and a handjob). other times, she's interested, but I'm not for whatever reason.

so is it usually a comprimise for you? is she the chooser, or him? or do you just say 'every saturday he's my bitch"?

Great question. what worked for me when I was in a similar relationship was continuing discussion, negotiation and occasional compromise. There were times when I got it up the butt when I was not real hot for it, and there were times my butt went hungry. Ant there were times I was butt fucked silly. (which may explain a whole bunch of my posts all over Lit ) It sorta all worked out over the long run.

Some have worked out a variety of ways to communicate desire. One suggestion is to have a small hook someplace in the house. When you want to be topped you place a small key on the hook, if she picks it up, you're in business. Same works for her, if she wants to be topped she offers you the key. As you both talk more about it you might find your own fun way to work out who does what to whom when.

 

[FurryFury]

I try to make sure that if he wants it, he gets it. That's not always so easy to figure out though. If I'm just not feeling up to doing things though, I'm not and he won't push it. We tend to be very considerate to one another and each put the other one's needs and desires ahead of our own.

Fury

 

[Netzach]

I'll speak for flexible sub guys who get with me.

I decide.

 

[saw_man1]

I'll speak for flexible sub guys who get with me.

I decide.

I must confess that I thoroughly enjoy reading your posts.

 

[Netzach]

lol , and that one was especially non-profound.

 

[Temptress_lee]

For the men (and their women) who are usually the dominant role, but occasionally switch to a submissive role...who decides when you're the sub?

My wife and I play a little BDSM...mostly role reversal really, with some spanking and light humiliation (sissification maybe?), strap ons and plugs... sometimes she's the sub, sometimes me...sometimes the sex is vanilla.

for anyone else in this boat...who decides in your coupling when the man gets to be the bitch?

I have to be 'in the mood' myself to want a dildo up the ass, and sometimes when i want it, she's not in the mood for that, though often she'll do it anyways because I want it (or more likely, I just get a plug and a handjob). other times, she's interested, but I'm not for whatever reason.

so is it usually a comprimise for you? is she the chooser, or him? or do you just say 'every saturday he's my bitch"?

Well i'm not in a 24/7 dom/sub relationship. But if I was in one i'd probably come to a compromise. It's really important that you discuss limits, contracts and anything else beforehand. It all comes down to what the two of you agree to do about it. You could always alternate each month. One month your the sub, and then the next month after that contract expries. You make up a new one and you discuss what happens, when you become the Dom.

I can get turned on in either role. Naturally i'am very submissive, but deep down I have alot of sexual energy, and depending on the person i'm with I can take control just as easy if thats what me and my partner desire more at the time. I guess I like variety. And having a spicey sex life is kindof important to me ecpecially when the relationship becomes more serious.