Men- explain yourselves

[kendo1]

You've got a good point there Svenska.
Flirting with the wife does tend to lead to other things, come to think about it.

 

[CharleyH]

I have a personal thread up here at lit, though I haven't posted on it in a few months. I still occasionally get pm's though, that I can only guess are cuz of that thread.
Which leads me to my question:
why do I keep getting contacted by married men? Why do all these men tell me they love their wives but just want "a little more"? Why do all these men expect me to jump at the chance to fuck someone who's married????

which leads me to other questions:
Why do people cheat? Why don't they just leave if they're so unhappy in their relationship? Isn't it hard to lie? To sneak away? How does one live with oneself?

Discuss.

Women are simply less afraid of what they want and a hell of a lot more tactful
when married. Cheating indicates the end of a relationship, though. Period. Ask alternately, why do people ignore what they know when a partner cheats? Who wants to be alone? It is easier to cheat then to really hurt via divorce, for some? Divorce = I do not love you. Cheating = I am (gag) bored?

 

[kendo1]

'Gagging' might relieve the boredom.


Don't whip me, don't whip me! The whip's in the cupboard.

 

[CharleyH]

'Gagging' might relieve the boredom.


Don't whip me, don't whip me! The whip's in the cupboard.

Well if I had my hand wrapped around ... Yes, one need never questions LOL You don't deserve a whip ... yet!

 

[lucky-E-leven]

I think plenty of people cheat because it thrills them.

I think more people cheat to fill the needs their S.O. cannot or will not fill. I know it seems to jostle the foundation of what most people view as sacred, but the more I think about it the more I believe some folks are capable of loving more than one person completely. Why punish yourself and your S.O. by leaving a good thing? Perfection is a very well crafted illusion, therefore it's a bit absurd to believe all of our needs can and will be met by one person. For some, the needs that are not filled by their S.O. are not that imperative. For others, they are. Who am I to judge?

I know a man, an old family friend, that loved his wife more than I'd ever seen a man love a woman. He also had a mistress. He never told his wife of the other woman. She was paralyzed from just beneath her breasts down to her toes (after they were married). I don't really think she would have been angry with her husband if he'd told her or forced him out of her life. He didn't keep the secret from her simply to be secretive either. He did it to protect her from her own guilt and self-loathing that she could no longer fulfill his needs in their marriage bed. His relationship with the other woman began as purely physical, but he was just the type of guy that loved more as intimacy grew. He was better to both of those women than many other husbands I've known. And for the record, his mistress was faithful only to him. Even though he could not give her his name and a full-time relationship, she loved him and felt her most important needs were filled. Go figure.

What if we're not meant to limit ourselves to just one love? I've never heard of two loves being identical. If that were the case, there would be no need to ever leave. I don't think the reasons for cheating are ever simple or always sinister.

~lucky

 

[CharleyH]

I think plenty of people cheat because it thrills them.

I think more people cheat to fill the needs their S.O. cannot or will not fill. I know it seems to jostle the foundation of what most people view as sacred, but the more I think about it the more I believe some folks are capable of loving more than one person completely. Why punish yourself and your S.O. by leaving a good thing? Perfection is a very well crafted illusion, therefore it's a bit absurd to believe all of our needs can and will be met by one person. For some, the needs that are not filled by their S.O. are not that imperative. For others, they are. Who am I to judge?

I know a man, an old family friend, that loved his wife more than I'd ever seen a man love a woman. He also had a mistress. He never told his wife of the other woman. She was paralyzed from just beneath her breasts down to her toes (after they were married). I don't really think she would have been angry with her husband if he'd told her or forced him out of her life. He didn't keep the secret from her simply to be secretive either. He did it to protect her from her own guilt and self-loathing that she could no longer fulfill his needs in their marriage bed. His relationship with the other woman began as purely physical, but he was just the type of guy that loved more as intimacy grew. He was better to both of those women than many other husbands I've known. And for the record, his mistress was faithful only to him. Even though he could not give her his name and a full-time relationship, she loved him and felt her most important needs were filled. Go figure.

What if we're not meant to limit ourselves to just one love? I've never heard of two loves being identical. If that were the case, there would be no need to ever leave. I don't think the reasons for cheating are ever simple or always sinister.

~lucky

Dommes are different

 

[Guest]

I think more people cheat to fill the needs their S.O. cannot or will not fill.
...
I don't think the reasons for cheating are ever simple or always sinister.

The first sentence I quote stood out for me and made me think immediately that it's a big mistake or illusion for anyone to believe their mate can or will fill all their needs. That's not to make an excuse for sexual infidelity in itself, but then I also know that the next sentence quoted here is also true.

You're a smart gal, Lucky.

Perdita

 

[kendo1]

I've heard people say that the sex they had outwith their relationship wasn't as good. SO's have their uses. Maybe not frequently enough, but they know what to do.


It beats breaking a new one in.

Ken

 

[Guest]

It beats breaking a new one in.

Crikey, what an attitude. Reminds me of a bloke I knew who said he decided to get married finally cos he was tired of hussling for it.

Perdita

 

[kendo1]

I wasn't serious.

We had friends around for dinner recently, and this was one of the topics discussed because there were so many marital split ups happening.
The majority of them were lawyers, funnily enough.

Ken

 

[Guest]

I wasn't serious.

Good to know. Obviously I don't know you well. Thanks, P.

 

[rgraham666]

I will reiterate yet again.

Relationships, real ones, supportive and loving, are just too fucking rare to jeopardise by cheating.

Maybe you can love more than one. But I'll bet that if your SO decides to follow that impulse, talked about or not, you'll be hurt beyond measure.

Grrrr. I can't understand my species at all.

 

[Boxlicker101]

I think the main reason men cheat on their wives is quite simple. Sex is fun. And, because it is fun, and a woman is easily available or gives the appearance of being easily available, and because he thinks his SO won't find out about it, he cheats.

I don't know if women cheat the same way or for the same reason, but they have just as many opportunities.

 

[kendo1]

It takes two to Tango.

 

[CharleyH]

Ken

What is your point?

 

[kendo1]

My point was that it is difficult to have an affair on your own.
There must be another person to have an affair with, male or female.

 

[Rattlesnake1775]

Explain

Why do men cheat? Because they can. Why do women cheat? Same reason. There are people in this world who do not do wrong. They drive the speed limit, they pay their taxes, all that good stuff. And they don't cheat on their spouses. I've known a couple of those people in my life, most notably my parents.

But I do not believe it is natural for man ( the human race ) to be monogamous. Women are designed by evolution to be attractive to men. So yes, we are tempted on a daily basis. Love will take you so far, after that obsession will help. Societal rules provide more incentive not to stray. In my particular case, the uniform military code of justice prohibits infidelity. But it is still rampant inside the american military. Why?

Again, because we can. Sex is available, and people take it, because they enjoy it. What is better then busting your nut? What is better than an illicit nut? I'm guessing here, having never cheated on my wife. But I've stood at that precipice and looked down. Due to our particular circumstance there was a eighteen month period we had to live apart, and I came dangerously close.

But lets come back to here. This is literotica. A website dedicated to sex in all its forms (with the exception of underage and bestiality, or any other participants that could not legally give consent). Yes, the people on this site are more focused on sex then the average member of the human race. And therefore a bit more likely to proposition you for sex. The internet helps in this.

So don't judge us all by the freaks that PM you on here. And as stated before, women do it, too. It takes two to tango. Why would a woman be involved with a married man?

 

[sophia jane]

Why would a woman be involved with a married man?

That's an excellent question, and one I'm not willing to answer in depth on the forum, tho I can answer it a bit.

For me, I think it sort of evolved. I had just separated from my husband and was in a particularly difficult and vulnerable place, had just found lit and realized how many like minded people there were out there (which was very liberating) and I met a man online and we just clicked. And through conversations that started out very innocent, feelings happened.
And in my selfishness I decided to let them happen.

I'm not judging anyone really with my questions. I guess the thing that surprises me most is how many men will openly admit to being married and proposition me for a strictly sexual relationship.
And to be honest, sometimes it bothers me on an emotional level. I'd really like to be more than that to someone. I hate to think that I'm not worthy or capable of a real relationship, but am merely someone's a "little on the side." Course that could just be my loneliness talking.

 

[BlackSnake]

<<rattling chains>>

How this happens. Cheating.

Does the guy or girl decide: "Hey, I think I'll cheat on my sponse. Wow! That's a really good idea, because blah blah blah blah blah!"

I don't think so.

I think that two people meet and they connect. It's about how they feel about each other at that moment.

It's what I really believe.

Now, when they get home. The reality of the real life hits them. They forget about their chance encounter for a short period of time.

Trouble. Any hassle at home, which is usual. I have no real reason to complain about anything, but there is always something. All the sweet tea is gone, and more is not being made at the moment. It doesn't matter what it is, but it is not as perfect as the chance encounter.

The chance encounter becomes the living fantasy. Always perfectly hot and passionate.

Real life with a sponse and a family is not so perfect. It takes hard work to substain it, and like the saying goes, anything worth having is worth working for.

I really don't know why this simple point is being missed...

 

[BlackSnake]

That's an excellent question, and one I'm not willing to answer in depth on the forum, tho I can answer it a bit.

For me, I think it sort of evolved. I had just separated from my husband and was in a particularly difficult and vulnerable place, had just found lit and realized how many like minded people there were out there (which was very liberating) and I met a man online and we just clicked. And through conversations that started out very innocent, feelings happened.
And in my selfishness I decided to let them happen.

I'm not judging anyone really with my questions. I guess the thing that surprises me most is how many men will openly admit to being married and proposition me for a strictly sexual relationship.
And to be honest, sometimes it bothers me on an emotional level. I'd really like to be more than that to someone. I hate to think that I'm not worthy or capable of a real relationship, but am merely someone's a "little on the side." Course that could just be my loneliness talking.

You are for more than that. It is the only thing that a married man can offer, else he'd be a divorced man. I believe it's called sex without responsiblity.

Besides, people talk crap until they are faced with a situation. I've actually rolled my eyes listening to a woman declare that she would not a sex with a married man. Yes, I had sex with her not even an hour later.

Just becareful with your feelings, sweetheart. rose: * 12)

 

[Norajane]

<<rattling chains>>

How this happens. Cheating.

Does the guy or girl decide: "Hey, I think I'll cheat on my sponse. Wow! That's a really good idea, because blah blah blah blah blah!"

I don't think so.

I think that two people meet and they connect. It's about how they feel about each other at that moment.

It's what I really believe.

Now, when they get home. The reality of the real life hits them. They forget about their chance encounter for a short period of time.

Trouble. Any hassle at home, which is usual. I have no real reason to complain about anything, but there is always something. All the sweet tea is gone, and more is not being made at the moment. It doesn't matter what it is, but it is not as perfect as the chance encounter.

The chance encounter becomes the living fantasy. Always perfectly hot and passionate.

Real life with a sponse and a family is not so perfect. It takes hard work to substain it, and like the saying goes, anything worth having is worth working for.

I really don't know why this simple point is being missed...

I understand this. I really, really do. However, millions upon millions of people never cheat, despite temptations and connections and fantasies. They somehow manage to stay true their vows and to the person they are connected with.

It really is possible to meet a new person, make a connection, and actually not fuck them. And in a monogomous relationship, you do it out of respect for your spouse and yourself, if for no other reason. If you're not capable of it, don't get married.

 

[BlackSnake]

I understand this. I really, really do. However, millions upon millions of people never cheat, despite temptations and connections and fantasies. They somehow manage to stay true their vows and to the person they are connected with.

It really is possible to meet a new person, make a connection, and actually not fuck them. And in a monogomous relationship, you do it out of respect for your spouse and yourself, if for no other reason. If you're not capable of it, don't get married.

I think I mentioned before, but I ramble, so I may have been misunderstood.

I don't think that people who are thinking about their sponse at the time will choose to cheat.

Really, even if I'm farely sure that I can get lucky, I'd call my wife and head home if you get me talking about her.

I think some people don't cheat because they think about their sponse before anything happens.

 

[BlackSnake]

What I don't like is hearing someone talk badly about their sponse when I am with them.

I'm thinking that if you say this about the person you pledged to love for the rest of your life, what in the heck are you going to say about me?

 

[Norajane]

I think I mentioned before, but I ramble, so I may have been misunderstood.

I don't think that people who are thinking about their sponse at the time will choose to cheat.

Really, even if I'm farely sure that I can get lucky, I'd call my wife and head home if you get me talking about her.

I think some people don't cheat because they think about their sponse before anything happens.

I agree that some people don't cheat because they're thinking of their spouses right then. Others will call their wives, wish them good night, and make their way to their new friend's hotel room.

 

[carsonshepherd]

I understand this. I really, really do. However, millions upon millions of people never cheat, despite temptations and connections and fantasies. They somehow manage to stay true their vows and to the person they are connected with.

It really is possible to meet a new person, make a connection, and actually not fuck them.

But aren't you still cheating? If you make the connection when you're attached?

I'm just saying. When it comes to cheating I will never take the moral high ground. I've cheated before and, while I've not been sexually unfaithful to my current SO, the chances are probably good I'll do it again one day.