Me a slave? Who knew?

[symbolicflame]

I took a "quiz" online this evening, and it showed that I was 100% Slave. I knew and always have known I have a lot submissive in me, but never really thought about slave. So I looked up some sites to see if I could get a clear definition of slave and what the difference that is from submissive. It seems that everything that I found had to do with submission and the submissive. I guess I am asking for a little help please. Anyone know of good sites or even your own experiences would help me to explore. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

 

[CutieMouse]

I took a "quiz" online this evening, and it showed that I was 100% Slave. I knew and always have known I have a lot submissive in me, but never really thought about slave. So I looked up some sites to see if I could get a clear definition of slave and what the difference that is from submissive. It seems that everything that I found had to do with submission and the submissive. I guess I am asking for a little help please. Anyone know of good sites or even your own experiences would help me to explore. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Online quizzes tend to be somewhat subjective.

Generally speaking (IMO) the difference between "submissive" and "slave" is both narrow, and huge. For myself, it boils down to the word "no". Submissives retain the right to say no; slaves kinda sorta don't.

 

[symbolicflame]

And that is what I thought it was too. The "ability" to say no. I have hard limits and I always thought that slaves did not. (could be wrong) That is why I am so confused!?

 

[CutieMouse]

And that is what I thought it was too. The "ability" to say no. I have hard limits and I always thought that slaves did not. (could be wrong) That is why I am so confused!?

Slaves can still have hard limits. So can submissives, dominants, tops, bottoms, and the lingerie fairy or anyone else who wants to. It's (again, IMO) a more subtle/ less black & white issue than that.

I've been told before that I have the perspective of a slave, but I never saw myself that way... Lately, I'm uncertain if I even qualify as D/s. EasternSun has a beautiful (long running) thread on slavery; it's a much better explanation of the concept than I could ever create.

 

[BrightlyGo]

i also hadn't thought about the distinction much - i guess 'slaves' get that lovely feeling of being owned and being a thing not a person. Relieved of the responsibilities and burdens of your own humanity, yet still valued by someone?

 

[CBM514]

In my mind subs and can have limits and their inlet opinions, etc...slaves are owned and used as seen fit and their preferences, etc. are not considered by their "owner"..I'm sure that is too narrow a definition though

 

[MeekMe]

(^_^) I've been exploring my submissive side as well. Reading all there is out there gets confusing. "Slave" and "submissive" get tossed around interchangeably all over the place. For me, I just can't be a "slave." Fortunately, I have someone to help me explore that I can trust. It's a great idea to post here, lots if people are really nice and helpful.

This is a little site I found that really helped. I feel it's good to know about personal safety when exploring your submissive side.


Also, use common sense when reading. A lot of jerkoffs will try to make you think you're only "this" if you do "that." Find what suits you, we're all different and our definitions are often different, too.

 

[KoPilot]

If S had the mind for it and we were compatible, I'd try out M/s in a heartbeat.

But yeah, the difference is pretty immense when you think about it.

It's not something you have to do full-time, though. You could conceivably do it on weekends or for an afternoon or something and do D/s the rest of the time.

 

[Lovetolisten]

That is in part the beauty and sometimes for newbies the confusion of BDSM. There is no black and white, right or wrong, this way or that. Whether the dynamic is D/s or M/s is up to the individuals, and the gray areas abound.

Usually a sub has more say, he/she has more input, more often allowed "free speech". A slave is owned, completely. No say, no personal freedoms.

I would never use a quiz to tell me whether I should be a sub or a slave. I may have a Dom I can sub for, but not be his slave. It depends on the individuals. I might allow it to let me explore the possibility, but not to say "Oh, I'm a slave!"

Best of luck with your exploration... enjoy

 

[symbolicflame]

Thank you all for your input, I have decided that until I get into a full relationship with a person, and upon reading everything I can get my hands, and research, and watch "Secretary" over and over and over......oh where was I? Yes, I will just be me and see where my heart and desires leads me.
Thank you all again!

 

[Stella_Omega]

In my mind subs and can have limits and their inlet opinions, etc...slaves are owned and used as seen fit and their preferences, etc. are not considered by their "owner"..I'm sure that is too narrow a definition though

I know a woman who has a submissive and owns a slave. That's exactly how their dynamic works.

OP, do read the essay linked to in my signature. a hell of a lot of people think that 'submissive' means 'woman who wants to be done unto' -- including people who make quizzes.

 

[Primalex]

I took a "quiz" online this evening, and it showed that I was 100% Slave.

Whew. You've been lucky. Imagine it would have shown that you are a zombie. That would have been a change in your social life.

 

[Stella_Omega]

Whew. You've been lucky. Imagine it would have shown that you are a zombie. That would have been a change in your social life.

Funniest thing you've said in months!

 

[Curious_in_Cali]

Find the labels and ideas that fit you best based on how you relate to them. No matter what you feel most comfortable with there will always be someone who will debate your interpretation, but that doesn't mean you are wrong either. The exploration itself will likely give you what you are looking for which is rarely as black and white as fitting into one label so neatly.

What matters most is that you find what feels right for you and find the language to express those needs and desires to a someone who will understand and click with it. If it is no fun, then odds are pretty good that someone is not doing something right. Well, unless unfun is your thing, then by all means, enjoy.

 

[unicorn64]

This is a very good thread. Makes me think . Actually then what is the difference between respectful vanilla and M/s or D/s. I use sir, ma'm a lot with lots of people. And am not their slave or submissive. I probably never will have a Dom or Master. But just in case there is a lot of good info at this forum.

 

[CutieMouse]

This is a very good thread. Makes me think . Actually then what is the difference between respectful vanilla and M/s or D/s. I use sir, ma'm a lot with lots of people. And am not their slave or submissive. I probably never will have a Dom or Master. But just in case there is a lot of good info at this forum.

M/s and D/s is a lot more than just good manners... that's the difference.

 

[AQuietGentleman]

.....

 

[Stella_Omega]

An interesting discussion. I have no deep thoughts of my own, but believe others may find the explanation at this link helpful.

http://fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com/...s-have-meaning-submissive-and-slave-explained

That is excellent and I'm adding it to my own resources links

 

[symbolicflame]

Been busy reading all evening! Thank you all!

 

[eastern sun]

An interesting discussion. I have no deep thoughts of my own, but believe others may find the explanation at this link helpful.

http://fortheloveofasub.tumblr.com/...s-have-meaning-submissive-and-slave-explained

That is excellent and I'm adding it to my own resources links

I agree. An excellent resource.

I think it's important that these words have definitions within the community that are relatively stable. Otherwise, it becomes very difficult to have conversations using them.

 

[Ahlam]

It's great that you're reading up on this. When terms like "sub" and "slave" are tossed around all over the place, it can certainly get confusing. When deciding whether or not to take on the role of a submissive or a slave, I think about and discuss how I will be valued by my Significant Other. Should my choice to submit to and to empower that person whenever I wish to be what is valued? Or would I prefer to defer all decision-making to that person and to be valued as personal property? Am I always to be obedient, or is He/She just super lucky this time?

It's important to discuss these things and make sure all expectations are crystal clear because, in my experience at least, it isn't uncommon for Dom/mmes to have different ideas about what it means to be a slave than I do. I always thought slavery was a mostly permanent decision. When I am a slave, I'm a slave all the time. I'm not just a slave for right now or today only. Once I had a Domme try to convince me to declare myself her slave in the middle of a scene. I responded by asking her whether she'd like to be in charge of all aspects of my life 24/7 (including inanities such as what I smear on my bagel), or she's simply happy to see me. It was a bit of a buzz kill!

 

[nodakgirl]

Experience as both....

I think many people have said it clearly that both terms can have many meanings. Before I became a slave, I had only been a submissive to the Doms I had played with. This was a fun way to explore various areas of BDSM and discover what my needs and wants were.

For the last year, I signed a contract and entered into a slave dynamic with an experienced Master.

I recommend for anyone thinking of exploring either type of relationship, that they spend time on the front end discussing needs. These types of relationships can be extremely rewarding and at times extremely draining....but (for me, at least) always intense.

Our rules and structure provide opportunity for us to connect in various way throughout our normal days. We look for ways in which we can feed each other's desires of control and giving of freedom. Sometimes our plans work out, and sometime we end up in fits of giggles because of the scenerios we've created.

In any case, have an open mind. If you are new, go to munches, sloshes, or other events. Talk to submissives and play with people who are experienced in the lifestyle. There is a fine line between a top that is educated and values your submission, vs. a control freak who wants to abuse and dominate you.

Hope this helps,

 

[SubMrs]

I don't think you want to get too carried away with labels. Each couple must define their relationship through trial and error. Nuance is critical. My husband has complete physical control over me. He has even been appointed my legal guardian. Still I don't not consider myself a slave. We have practiced marital fidelity for 26 years. We love one another deeply. We would each die for the other. He is very tender toward me. I know that I have emotional power over him which I must not abuse. I am submissive but I have neverr felt like a slave no matter how our relationship appears to others.

 

[zathras52003]

Now- do these definitions apply in the bedroom or full-time/IRL? Significant other rules the house- except when we are intimate. There she is submissive. Would a "slave" take it into real life- or could one also be a slave just in an intimate situation?

Perhaps the label only is important (as stated) to the couple [group] of people involved.

All things being equal, would love to get her to be a switch - I like submitting periodically but she REALLY doesn't like taking control.