Mate Poaching

[Guest]

In North America, 62 percent of men and 40 percent of women say they've attempted to entice another's mate for a short-term fling. Some 47 percent of men and 32 percent of women say they've succumbed to such attempts. The more sexual equality in a culture, the closer women come to matching men in the number of poaching attempts.

full article at :

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/index.php?term=pto-3428.html&fromMod=popular

I should post this article as a story in Loving Wives, and watch the trolls go ape shit.

If you write stories with plots like this, your stories are not unrealistic.

 

[Tom Collins]

"One of the key ways that poaching seems to happen," says Schmitt, "is that you get two people together who are open to talking about their sexual feelings. It's a slippery slope."

*snickers*

Should've thought about what he was saying.

 

[Zeb_Carter]

I could go on about the decadence of the American people but I'm not one of those right wing nuts.

I could go on about how the American way of life is becoming more and more liberal in it's thinking but I'm not one of those left wing nuts.

I will just say that it's about time that the population of America is coming of age and throwing off the repression of the radical religious nuts who have told us throughout our life that the expression of ourselves sexually is taboo and should only take place in the bedroom with your spouse in the dark with the lights off and under the covers.

Of course that doesn't go for them.

 

[mismused]

delete

 

[rgraham666]

I'd love to hear the opinions of those who 'poach' when they're 'poached'.

I suspect we'd hear a lot of hypocrisy.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I'd love to hear the opinions of those who 'poach' when they're 'poached'.

I suspect we'd hear a lot of hypocrisy.

Yes, using the term "Poaching" implies a lot of judgemental baggage.

 

[oggbashan]

The word "say" makes me doubt.

It sounds like playground bragging - "I've done it with ..." "So have I"...

How accurate is the information obtained? Did some of the respondents LIE?

Og

 

[CeriseNoire]

Yes, using the term "Poaching" implies a lot of judgemental baggage.

And takes all responsibility away from the poachee.

 

[3113]

It's "natural" for females to seek out the finest possible. In nature, the female with the bestest by whatever criteria she uses, and has oodles of young-uns is the most faithful. The ones with the leastest seek out EPCs (extra pair copulations). Works that way all the way from the tiniest bugs too.

It's often a matter of what the female thinks is best for the species, too. On a recent program about Cuttlefish, they talked about how the giant cuttlefish males will fight to get a female to accept them (it's all up to her whether she takes their sperm or not--or even uses it as they hand her a sac and she stores it away).

The interesting thing was, that while the big guys were getting all nasty on each other with their tentacles, the small guys were camouflaging themselves (cuttlefish being masters of disguise, after all). Small guys who didn't stand a chance against the big guys, dressed up in drag.

Yep. They disguised themselves as girls. While the big men fought, these little guys walked right in and said "hello" to the lady...and DNA tests of the lady's offspring showed, she picked the master of disguise, the little guy with the brains and talent, over the big brutes.

Because, afterall, that's what's best for the kids. A cuttlefish survives by way of disguise. It's a tasty dish for any larger predator and if it hopes to survive, it's gotta hide. So the moms, wanting what was best for their kids...picked the dads who were so good at hiding themselves, even other cuttlefish were fooled

 

[Jenny_Jackson]

The interesting thing was, that while the big guys were getting all nasty on each other with their tentacles, the small guys were camouflaging themselves (cuttlefish being masters of disguise, after all). Small guys who didn't stand a chance against the big guys, dressed up in drag.

Because, afterall, that's what's best for the kids. A cuttlefish survives by way of disguise. It's a tasty dish for any larger predator and if it hopes to survive, it's gotta hide. So the moms, wanting what was best for their kids...picked the dads who were so good at hiding themselves, even other cuttlefish were fooled

3 watches NOVA on PBS

 

[Zeb_Carter]

3 watches NOVA on PBS

. .

 

[Stella_Omega]

It's often a matter of what the female thinks is best for the species, too. On a recent program about Cuttlefish, they talked about how the giant cuttlefish males will fight to get a female to accept them (it's all up to her whether she takes their sperm or not--or even uses it as they hand her a sac and she stores it away).

The interesting thing was, that while the big guys were getting all nasty on each other with their tentacles, the small guys were camouflaging themselves (cuttlefish being masters of disguise, after all). Small guys who didn't stand a chance against the big guys, dressed up in drag.

Yep. They disguised themselves as girls. While the big men fought, these little guys walked right in and said "hello" to the lady...and DNA tests of the lady's offspring showed, she picked the master of disguise, the little guy with the brains and talent, over the big brutes.

Because, afterall, that's what's best for the kids. A cuttlefish survives by way of disguise. It's a tasty dish for any larger predator and if it hopes to survive, it's gotta hide. So the moms, wanting what was best for their kids...picked the dads who were so good at hiding themselves, even other cuttlefish were fooled

This illustrates the real meaning of "the survival of the fittest"
We think that means the "most fit" in the sense of the biggest toughest brute. What it means it the organism that is best suited for its environment- the one that iis mall enough to fit into the little hole in the rock, the one that isn't too heavy for the understructure to support it.

 

[Tom Collins]

This illustrates the real meaning of "the survival of the fittest"
We think that means the "most fit" in the sense of the biggest toughest brute. What it means it the organism that is best suited for its environment- the one that iis mall enough to fit into the little hole in the rock, the one that isn't too heavy for the understructure to support it.

The one that's smart enough to put on nylons and mascara to get a little booty.

 

[cloudy]

I poached my SO. I'll freely admit it.

But - if he hadn't wanted to be "poached," I wouldn't have been able to.

(I'm only halfway kidding - we were friends first, and really didn't develop a romantic relationship until after he and his live-in had parted ways)

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

I usually try not to "poach" someone's mate. They taste better with fava beans and a nice Chianti. J/k

But, seriously, I usually don't chase people who have promised their mates exclusivity. There was one exception, however. And I'm still with her. There are times when one's heart, right or wrong, doesn't always follow the rules. The question is usually what to do about that. Normally, I try to avoid adultery, but I committed it in that one case and it hasn't turned out so bad.

If she weren't going to leave him, anyway, however, I wouldn't have done it. I had to be sure that she was tired of him, and she was. Everyone has their limit of what they can stomach from a mate. That's a personal thing, and I try not to judge.

 

[elsol]

The word "say" makes me doubt.

It sounds like playground bragging - "I've done it with ..." "So have I"...

How accurate is the information obtained? Did some of the respondents LIE?

Og

I'm of the opinion some men will always lie and say "Yes... I have."

And some men, no matter how much you promise them that no one will ever know, will lie and say "No, I have not."

They balance each other out.

 

[rgraham666]

There are times when one's heart, right or wrong, doesn't always follow the rules.

I know that one too well. Sigh.

 

[SEVERUSMAX]

I know that one too well. Sigh.

Same here.

 

[Stella_Omega]

I've fucked people who had SOs. I wouldn't go out of my way to do so, but if they want to, and if I happen to want them- I feel very strongly that their relationship is their responsibility. All the same, I'd never try to poach them away from their wife or husband, that is truly against my rules. Nor have I ever allowed anyone to try to pull me away from my own primary relationship.
I've been used as an escape hatch- one woman 'accidentally" let it slip that she and I had gone beyond the point, and her wife kicked her out. I wasn't real happy about it, because I don't like to be anybody's blunt instrument- and since I had made it clear that I wasn't going to be her primary in any way.... but it was pretty obvious pretty fast that she had her eye on someone else entirely, who had scruples I don't have, and would NOT step in and be used. Once she was free of her marriage off she went with her new lover. And yes, she cheated on and left that woman too....

 

[jomar]

I've fucked people who had SOs. I wouldn't go out of my way to do so, but if they want to, and if I happen to want them- I feel very strongly that their relationship is their responsibility. All the same, I'd never try to poach them away from their wife or husband, that is truly against my rules. Nor have I ever allowed anyone to try to pull me away from my own primary relationship.
I've been used as an escape hatch- one woman 'accidentally" let it slip that she and I had gone beyond the point, and her wife kicked her out. I wasn't real happy about it, because I don't like to be anybody's blunt instrument- and since I had made it clear that I wasn't going to be her primary in any way.... but it was pretty obvious pretty fast that she had her eye on someone else entirely, who had scruples I don't have, and would NOT step in and be used. Once she was free of her marriage off she went with her new lover. And yes, she cheated on and left that woman too....

Cheating for cheatings sake, sex addicts, and open relationships aside (which I assume yours is Stella), I've found that most people who get poached, and a lot of poachers for that matter, are not satisfied in their primary relationship so are vulnerable.

ETA: And this might sound odd, but I view the infidelity more as a symptom of a problem rather than the main problem - though it's a serious issue if the couple wants to stay together.

 

[TheeGoatPig]

I have never done it, probably never will, and have realized that I wouldn't know how to even if I wanted to.

 

[yevkassem72]

Now and then. Mainly when the woman was very dissatisfied. And I wasn't exactly faithful myself, nor was my wife. Now that we're separate, who knows what will happen?

 

[mismused]

delete

 

[cloudy]

Do we think we're really making our own choice when we're only making a portion of our choice?

I think this is probably truer than most realize.

Research has shown that symmetry is one of the biggest attractions, yet who consciously looks for that?

I think it's most likely a mixture of both our own personal tastes/history/whatever and what our genetic memory says that we need.

 

[yevkassem72]

I think this is probably truer than most realize.

Research has shown that symmetry is one of the biggest attractions, yet who consciously looks for that?

I think it's most likely a mixture of both our own personal tastes/history/whatever and what our genetic memory says that we need.

C'est la vie.