Master in public?

[Little_Kitten]

I just wanted to ask something briefly.
Is it safe to call someone Master in public? Around people who aren't even in the lifestyle? What risks does that include?

Well I hope to get some nice input n stuff

 

[Penalt]

It depends on how open you want to be about your lifestyle to complete strangers. I've known people who look like Ward and June Cleaver. I knew a couple where the woman in the relationship wore cuffs, collar and leash in public. If you want to be public about your relationship expect complete strangers to ask if you are okay, in trouble, etc.

Basically its a case not of how safe it is legally, because it is, as long as its consensual. Its a question of how much do is it concern you that people know about your enjoyment of BDSM?

Now with all that said, calling someone Master in public will probably do no more than raise an eyebrow or get someone to check their hearing.

 

[Little_Kitten]

Thank you for your insightful response

Well I just really want to be open about my bdsm relationship when it's gonna happen. I tend not to care about what people think of me, unless they are people im gonna see everyday like at school or work and stuff. Im more concerned about people who think thy know better and report bdsm-ers for abuse n stuff... I mean I've read some pretty horrific stories about what the authority can do.

Is anyone here open about their relationship in public, and if so, can some of you share some experiences, both good and bad

Thank you.

 

[RJMasters]

Grinz at Penalt and agrees

Will add that I think it matters most is the motivation in your own heart and mind and that also of your master's.

My opinion is that to do it as a means to say look at us sceams a need for attention or a need to prove something. Perhaps in some contexts that might be ok too but is certainly not the motivation I would be approving of or look kindly at.

If however it is something which is natural and your master doesn't mind it then I think you should enjoy your relationship the way you two want to.

I know many have said they often select alternative names of respect for a public settings because they do not wish to force their lifestyle onto others and of course there is also the children factor, and I have respect for those who choose to do this. I think however if your not trying to make a specticle out of it or if your not calling to him from across the store to get his attention, I think there is room to do this.

This last comment may come a bit out of left field but its taken from a reference from the book of Peter from the bible.

Peter chapter 2 verses 3 through 6

3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4 Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Heck if its in the bible how bad can it be eh? In the last verse "and do not give way to fear" has signifigance in that it shows that for many women, calling a man of flesh and blood "master" can be a very fearful proposition. Many don't and won't because they are afraid to. The fact that you do call your master, "Master" is a beautiful thing and shows that you are not afraid to be who you are towards the man in your life. Not many have the courage, nor the devotion to not only say it, but live up to its meaning.

The whole idea of beauty being quiet and gentle also speaks of the motivation or context in which is was done in a public venue. Doing it to call attention would in my mind go against the nature of such a princple.

Regardless, it is something that is outside the "norm" and being such you would fool yourself if you think that it will find welcome or acceptance in society. Some places where indiviuality is encouraged, embraced, and accepted you may find it more accepted or tolerated.

That's my input, hope you got your 2 cents worth out of it.

 

[Betticus]

I just wanted to ask something briefly.
Is it safe to call someone Master in public? Around people who aren't even in the lifestyle? What risks does that include?

Well I hope to get some nice input n stuff

In this case it's not your relationship that is the problem, it is the vast capacity of our fellow human beings to be complete assholes.

The worst I've gotten from people are glares and muttered comments when a girl would call me daddy but that only happened two or three times.

 

[BeachGurl2]

You've gotten some really good responses here. Ultimately, it's about your relationship and how you want to define it. I've never been in a relationship where I called him a specific name in public. I don't know that I personally would be comfortable with Master in public. I would be more inclined to come up with names that we agreed on for public use - we know what they are about but others don't need to. And in that context, it wouldn't matter if you were in a situation with your co-workers or strangers, because on the two of you would know what the names meant. However, if you both are comfortable using Master in public, then go for it. What difference does it make anyway?

 

[chris9]

The name you call someone is also something you get used to. I know that for me calling someone by one name in private and by another when others are around would get incredibly confusing. I think of people by one name. I talk of people by one name. If I use a nickname for someone that's sort of special to me and them and not used by the world (like I have one for my sister she doesn't want everybody to use), I manage to say her real name when talking about her to others. If I call her while others are around I use the nickname, though. It does feel weird for both of us to be using each other's real name when talking to one another, no matter who's around.

I can imagine this happening to me when a future mate wants to be called Master or whatever privately. I might be able to learn, but I do believe this is something very difficult.

 

[Evil_Geoff]

Like others here, my janey and I are "out" about our relationship with our friends and family. They don't need to know details, but janey addresses me as "Sir" in public, vanilla settings, including with our families. She also addresses me by name from time to time with family and friends, and I am quite fine with that. After all, I've lived with my name all my life, everyone knows me by my name, and very few people (relatively speaking) know about my involvement in BDSM, know that janey's relationship to me is a M/s relationship, and most people don't have any reason to know what our relationship is.

"Master" is reserved for our private time, and special occassions, though it may become more common once her permanent collaring takes place.

Like RJ said, that level of submission can be a fearful place to go. But it can also be a glorious one. And RJ's quote from Peter is quite the answer for the curious or the negative.

 

[myinnerslut]

if your uncomfortable with "master", but still want to call him something, you could try "sir". while it may still get you a few eyebrow raises, it is also considered polite and good mannered to many, so it shouldt raise issues

 

[Netzach]

I think I'd be more afraid of people thinking I was some kind of fundamentalist than I would be afraid of people thinking I was some kind of freak, but YMMV.

 

[Little_Kitten]

Thank you all for very good responses... And Netzach, I'm not quite sure i know what you mean. Care to explain?

Anyway, it's not that id feel uncomfortable calling Master, but I just wanna know about the risks and such... I wanna show full submission to my Master and calling him it in public will show just that imo. I'm not afraid of peoples opinions but their actions, thats all, and I do know there are parts in the world where bdsm is illegal... But if people's opinions are the only things to fear i dont care. I wont let those close-minded people stop me from doing what I want..

 

[lil_slave_rose]

I just wanted to ask something briefly.
Is it safe to call someone Master in public? Around people who aren't even in the lifestyle? What risks does that include?

Well I hope to get some nice input n stuff

i'm not sure what 'risks' would be involved with calling Him 'Master' in public, except maybe a few strange looks or looks of disgust. when Master and i were out to eat one night, i called Him Daddy, yea, i got some weird looks, but i didn't care. i Call Him Master all the time too, except around my friends, family, and my kids. i guess i never really thought about it. He is Master to me, always and that's just what i call Him, always. around my kids, i call Him by His name and it sounds so strange coming from my mouth..

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Thank you for your insightful response

Well I just really want to be open about my bdsm relationship when it's gonna happen. I tend not to care about what people think of me, unless they are people im gonna see everyday like at school or work and stuff. Im more concerned about people who think thy know better and report bdsm-ers for abuse n stuff... I mean I've read some pretty horrific stories about what the authority can do.

Is anyone here open about their relationship in public, and if so, can some of you share some experiences, both good and bad

Thank you.

i'm not sure what 'horror stories' you've read, but i'm not sure what the authorities can do to two consenting adults that are involved in BDSM. it's not illegal, as long as both are consenting, atleast that's my understanding? as far as what others think, who cares *smiles* they don't have to live my life so they can stay out of it. i don't mind the looks i get when calling Him 'Daddy' or 'Master' i laugh them off because if they only knew the love those two words had behind them....ya know?

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Is anyone here open about their relationship in public, and if so, can some of you share some experiences, both good and bad Thank you.

just wanted to add a 'story' about the times we went out in public. out to eat especially, the waitress would come to the table, He'd order for Him, and then she'd look at me, and He would be like, 'and she'll have x,y,z' and the waitress would then look at me again and ask something else and He'd answer for me again. LOL it was kind of funny to see her reaction to the way He just answered and ordered for me. i liked it that way, as i'm not good at making decisions and if He didn't order for me, we'd be there forever looking at the menu *grins* of course i gave my input on what i liked and such but He usually made the decision on what i was getting to eat.

people's reactions were just funny to me in general. especially the time we were in Denny's and i was in my 'princess' role and continued to call Him Daddy. no, it wasn't to 'show off' it was because that's who He was to me at the time and calling Him by His name, just doesn't feel right to me. if you and He are willing to 'share' your lifestyle with strangers, then it's a great thing. if you don't mind the looks (and you will get them) then go for it....

 

[catalina_francisco]

I think you need to look at this from the POV of others, including a future Master, before deciding what you would feel comfortable with calling him in public and seeing it as your right. For one thing, unless you have been told he wishes to be your Master, it is not polite or a sign of submission to call anyone as such. Secondly, as has been mentioned by RJ, you need to think about others around you and involving them in your lifestyle choices without their consent, because that is exactly what you are doing if you speak loud enough for them to hear you refer to him as Master....remember, public means just that, public, and comfortable for everyone not just you.

Now if you are wanting to talk submission, you need to look at how your desire and perceived right to call him Master in public and anywhere may reflect on him both personally and professionally without really proving a thing in terms of how submissive someone is. I know for us, as relaxed as we are about who and what we are, he is not going to be overjoyed if I refer to him as Master at a business dinner (especially in a country where it might have a better chance of being understood for its meaning than some of the US), nor does he want me using it around certain family and friends who could make things unpleasant if they wanted to. I in no way see my submission as reliant on calling him Master in front of anyone else, nor do I see it submissive to risk his career he has taken a long time and hard work to build so we can enjoy the lifestyle and peace of mind we now do.

I guess for us actions overall speak far louder than a title shared in public, especially with the idea it might cause a sensation of some type...'Master' rolls off the tongue (and keyboards) of many subs, both in RL and cyber land, far more easily than they manage to submit to their owners wishes and commands. Submission is not about what you want as much as it is about doing what your Dominant wants and expects...for many that means the D/s is carried out privately far more often than publicly, and that privacy is what is respected and looked for more so than trying to see if you can shock someone at the local mall, or show your submission by including others in on your 'secret life'....LOL, there are just some things I am not in a hurry for anyone else to share or know about except him...it doesn't make me any less submissive, just more conscious of how my behaviour could impact on others, as well as our lives if we went around shouting it from the rooftops to gauge the reaction. Despite that, my black leather collar is worn constantly.

Legally, it is not so simple as some have indicated, at least not in all countries. Laws vary as do the attitudes and behaviour of those in positions of authority and with the ability to make your life difficult at the very least. I know when I was still living in Oz, despite it being a country which has a huge farming and agricultural element, to be found with a whip in your car could mean a trip to the police station, possibly more. Add to that the number of cases in the last few years which have raised the question of consent, particularly in this lifestyle, not to mention the many new laws in both US and UK which are centered around violent sexual behaviour under the terms of the law....IOW, nothing to do with if you like it and consent to it, but what the law now says is OK or not OK for you to do in the privacy of your bedroom/home. There have also been a long history of raids carried out on clubs etc., which are/were part of the BDSM lifestyle because the acts engaged in were illegal and no amount of protesting it was all consensual helps save your arse. It is amazing how they can categorise things into neat squares to make what you do consensually an illegal act. Perhaps you need to first find a Master and see how he feels about it and what his concernes and risks might be before deciding or it might be the end of a beautiful relationship before it even barely began.

Catalina

 

[Bandit58]

We are not overtly "out" to all and sundry. I wear His collar but it looks like a nice piece of jewellery. Our friends know we are in a D/s relationship but I don't call Him Master in front of them, although I will throw in the occasional "Sir" (a recent development - in the last couple of months).

"Master" is reserved for at home, during play. We see no need to advertise the type of relationship we are in. There are little things that will happen in public that no one would be able to pick up on - to them it would just look like I am a loving and attentive spouse.

 

[Xelebes]

For Xrist saek, be frome this Middel tyme and calle him Mister!

 

[CutieMouse]

Now if you are wanting to talk submission, you need to look at how your desire and perceived right to call him Master in public and anywhere may reflect on him both personally and professionally without really proving a thing in terms of how submissive I am. I know for us, as relaxed as we are about who and what we are, he is not going to be overjoyed if I refer to him as Master at a business dinner (especially in a country where it might have a better chance of being understood for its meaning than some of the US), nor does he want me using it around certain family and friends who could make things unpleasant if they wanted to. I in no way see my submission as reliant on calling him Master in front of anyone else, nor do I see it submissive to risk his career he has taken a long time and hard work to build so we can enjoy the lifestyle and peace of mind we now do.

Catalina

What she said.

I once knew a gentleman, who was always quite private about his private Life, and in certain circles, using any endearment (Sir, Darling, Sweetheart... shoot, even his full name rather than the shortened version he is best known by) would not have been appreciated, at all. Likewise, in those same circles, I was called by my first name, rather than any endearments he used in private, to protect my professional and personal interests.

 

[Netzach]

Thank you all for very good responses... And Netzach, I'm not quite sure i know what you mean. Care to explain?

Anyway, it's not that id feel uncomfortable calling Master, but I just wanna know about the risks and such... I wanna show full submission to my Master and calling him it in public will show just that imo. I'm not afraid of peoples opinions but their actions, thats all, and I do know there are parts in the world where bdsm is illegal... But if people's opinions are the only things to fear i dont care. I wont let those close-minded people stop me from doing what I want..

I guess I can't really grok passing my perversions off as "Biblical" or something so that they feel more justified. Of course, as a female Dominant, this doesn't fly - I guess the analogy would be if I made M call me Mistress in public but then passed it off as him being just pussywhipped or something with a wink, when I think it's more for me to own it, that this is what I do.

If I were to go that route. I feel fine owning it at home and I feel perfectly respected called by my first name. I just don't get the idea that somehow it's important to find social instances that *might* look like my D/s to sanction it.

 

[callinectes]

I hate to sound dense, but I have never understood how calling him Master, Daddy (which we use in private) or KingDaddyBigDick makes me more submissive than calling him by his given name does. It's just a word. My obedience is what defines my submissiveness.

Similarly, for all he cares, I can call him Willie Wonka if it turns me on..as long as I am doing whatever it was he wants me to do at the time.

 

[Little_Kitten]

I think you need to look at this from the POV of others, including a future Master, before deciding what you would feel comfortable with calling him in public and seeing it as your right. For one thing, unless you have been told he wishes to be your Master, it is not polite or a sign of submission to call anyone as such. Secondly, as has been mentioned by RJ, you need to think about others around you and involving them in your lifestyle choices without their consent, because that is exactly what you are doing if you speak loud enough for them to hear you refer to him as Master....remember, public means just that, public, and comfortable for everyone not just you.

Well just a little silly question here; Aren't vanilla people basically forcing their relationship on us who aren't really interested in it either?

*Everything else*

Well I did state in my intro-thread that i do in fact have a guy(we started off as a simple vanilla online relationship, but not we are much more and he means the world to me). Well, As time when by we did both confess our desires and stuff, so now we're both trying to learn as much as we can and talk about how we want stuff to go... And since both both want him called Master, and even thought about doing it in public, I'm just concerned that it's not such a good idea because of the law. I wish people around us weren't so close-minded, I mean why would a little word like "Master" hurt so much?
And of course, I would be more aware of what I call him if I'm with people im gonna see again, either from school and/or work... I don't want our careers or social reputation hurt because of something that people cant accept for whatever reasons they have.

I hate to sound dense, but I have never understood how calling him Master, Daddy (which we use in private) or KingDaddyBigDick makes me more submissive than calling him by his given name does. It's just a word. My obedience is what defines my submissiveness.

Similarly, for all he cares, I can call him Willie Wonka if it turns me on..as long as I am doing whatever it was he wants me to do at the time.

I didn't mean to sound as if calling someone a name would make anyone more submissive than anyone else. if you understood it that way, I am sorry.
But calling someone master or Daddy or whatever might just be more fulfilling for other people.... And that's just it...
I would find it fulfilling to call my guy Master in public or at home or wherever, if it was possible. Just my way to show him that I do try hard to overcome any fears and stuff to fulfill him.

Hm.. This is turning out to become quite messy >_<

 

[lil_slave_rose]

We are not overtly "out" to all and sundry. I wear His collar but it looks like a nice piece of jewellery. Our friends know we are in a D/s relationship but I don't call Him Master in front of them, although I will throw in the occasional "Sir" (a recent development - in the last couple of months).

"Master" is reserved for at home, during play. We see no need to advertise the type of relationship we are in. There are little things that will happen in public that no one would be able to pick up on - to them it would just look like I am a loving and attentive spouse.

me calling my Sir 'Master' in public has nothing to do with 'advertising the type of relationship we are in' it's who He is to me, and while i don't shout it off the rooftops or through the store we're in for that matter, i do refer to Him as Master or Sir in public situations because it's what i call Him, and hearing His name come out of my mouth just is foreign to me. although i do call Him by His name around family and most of our friends.

 

[catalina_francisco]

Well just a little silly question here; Aren't vanilla people basically forcing their relationship on us who aren't really interested in it either?

Not in my eyes....they don't do anything I don't do in my relationship or in public, I just am lucky enough to include more privately but they don't have to be included or made to be in a position to explain my sexual and relationship choices to their children. Add to that their relationship choice is sanctioned by the community as a whole as normal/acceptable/ safe/understood. I still don't understand why speaking in public and calling your Dominant Sir or Master need be heard by anyone else unless you want it to be, and why would you? I can do it without anyone else hearing, especially in crowded places like shops, malls, restaurants, bars, and even on public transport but when it comes down to it there is rarely an unavoidable reason you need to address anyone by a title in public if you are speaking to each other...it is not a life and death situation. Even when we are with people who know and are accepting of our relationship, my use of Master or Amo is never spoken loudly enough for them to hear it, but then I speak softly no matter what I am saying or to whom so I have that advantage. Basically if you feel it is necessary and is going to make you feel you are proving how submissive you are, then be prepared to live with the consequences.

As for the mentioning you already had someone in your intro thread...I have much to do so don't memorise everyone's personal lives when they first post and go on the post they make in a thread which in this one you referred to possible future BDSM relationships and wanting to be prepared. No biggee.

Catalina

 

[catalina_francisco]

me calling my Sir 'Master' in public has nothing to do with 'advertising the type of relationship we are in' it's who He is to me, and while i don't shout it off the rooftops or through the store we're in for that matter, i do refer to Him as Master or Sir in public situations because it's what i call Him, and hearing His name come out of my mouth just is foreign to me. although i do call Him by His name around family and most of our friends.

Ah, there was a time I was unable to speak his name (LOL, it created a problem during our marriage ceremony because I hadn't practiced it and had to get him to help me there and then to get my tongue around his middle name as well), but we got past that problem of only calling him Master simply because he insisted and made clear he was not willing to accept the risks in particular settings and as my Master should not be expected to. It took a while but we have to live and eat in the real world outside our own private bubble so it was a vital lesson to learn quickly.

Catalina

 

[lil_slave_rose]

Ah, there was a time I was unable to speak his name (LOL, it created a problem during our marriage ceremony because I hadn't practiced it and had to get him to help me there and then to get my tongue around his middle name as well), but we got past that problem of only calling him Master simply because he insisted and made clear he was not willing to accept the risks in particular settings and as my Master should not be expected to. It took a while but we have to live and eat in the real world outside our own private bubble so it was a vital lesson to learn quickly.

Catalina

hehe..well i was just talking to Him about this, and though i do call Him Master most of the time, it's funny how His name can come out of my mouth when "Master" would not be appropriate. so i don't have a problem calling Him by His name, really, it's just normally it's "Master" or "Sir' or "dear" or "love" LOL very rarely do i call Him by His name, sometimes to our friends online He is just "P"