Masochism and Chronic Pain

[Catsandtats]

Hello! How many people here have chronic pain but also enjoy masochism?

For me, my chronic pain is significant to severe, and a lot of my life has had to center around controlling or coping with unrelenting physical pain.

That said, I also love being hurt during sex. I think there's a big aspect of control - if I want it to stop, I can make it stop. It's also mentally empowering - that I know I can take pretty significant pain both physically and mentally.

I've read that people who have chronic pain and also enjoy sexual pain do better with mental control around pain in general, since they see pain not only as a bad thing, but as something more nuanced. (I did have to laugh when my physical therapist said to me very seriously, 'no one likes pain!')

I think it is hard for my partner though, who has to see me at my worst pain struggling really badly, but then also wanting significant pain during sexy times.

Just wanted to see if there were others in the same boat!

(Want to read my real sex stories of masochism? Here you go! https://www.literotica.com/stories/memberpage.php?uid=5220048&page=submissions )

 

[Hot1967]

Same boat

I have Multiple Sclerosis and arthritis. I am a submissive and find that pain received during sex actually helps me cope with the other pain. It's hard for people to wrap their heads around that it's two very different worlds of hurt.

 

[Ginlover]

Pain pathways are not well understood and are pretty crude. Therefore the brain often only focuses on one pain at a time. The result is if you can distract your brain with a new or different ‘pain’ the original chronic pain disappears for a short while. Think about pinched between thumb and fore finger when you have a headache, briefly you stop feeling the headache and feel the pinch on your hand instead. Add in lots of sex related hormones and body responses and it’s not surprising some people with chronic pain discover masochistic sex is cathartic and pain relieving from their regular chronic pain.

 

[Catsandtats]

Pain pathways are not well understood and are pretty crude. Therefore the brain often only focuses on one pain at a time. The result is if you can distract your brain with a new or different ‘pain’ the original chronic pain disappears for a short while.

Yes, this is gate theory of pain! Which is so interesting to me.

Funnily enough, I learned about this very young - Highlights magazine had a story about a woman who left her window open and was cold (but needed to leave the window open for her pet parrot which had gone flying), and gave herself significantly more and more pain (clothespin on the toe, block of ice on the knee, etc) to distract herself from the cold. Maybe whoever wrote that story was a secret masochist??

I think for my situation that's part of what's tough. I actually got my scalp tattooed, but my chronic pain was severe enough that even that pretty extreme pain was less than what I was living with, and my body felt the chronic pain first and then needles in my scalp second.

But yes, put me in ENOUGH temporary pain and I mostly forget the chronic, which makes it easier to get sex stuff going.

That said, it was a huge shock to find out I can orgasm from temporary pain alone now. I feel like I've probably been in pain long enough in my life that my brain pathways are all kinds of fucked.

It also makes it weird when I'm telling the doctors I have way too much pain sometimes and I'm just sitting there casually, and they really don't get it. I want to be like, do you want to know what I do for FUN to escape this shit??

 

[Catsandtats]

I’m not a masochist, but I love sexual pain.

....

I can also EXPRESS my pain with an EEEK! Or tears. My chronic pain? I’m stoic. I simply live with it.

First, I hate to burst your bubble, but if you love sexual pain I think you might be a masochist.

Second, that's an interesting idea about being able to verbalize the pain, I hadn't really thought of that. Although, thinking about it now, I'm stoic in both cases usually, but I get pretty loud when things get going. I'm think on this more!

 

[Catsandtats]

I've gone to a pain specialist, multiple rounds of spinal injections, etc. My main doctors all get it, I've been with them for long periods of time, so they get it and are respectful. I think there's a sense of hands tied though. I tend to avoid most drugs so when I went in saying - it's time to give me serious drugs, they did so without hesitation. But it's more I want something to make it STOP, but I don't think there's an easy answer there.

One of the things that did help a lot (in addition to yoga, mediation, PT, etc) was a program called Breathworks. It's created by a woman with severe chronic pain, and I did the 10 day course. She starts the program by saying basically - 'it's possible to have a very good life, even with severe chronic pain.' so I remind myself of that a lot. Also the book 'How to live well with chronic pain' was super helpful.

But for a temporary break, getting fucked on a bed of spikes was pretty fucking fantastic.

 

[Catsandtats]

Aww, thanks friend. You too!!

I guess sometimes I feel like if they REALLY actually UNDERSTOOD what I was dealing with, they would be able to help. I know they are doing what they can though, and sometimes bodies just hurt. It's just hard to remember that sometimes.

I actually have taught yoga for chronic pain classes for a long time, although not lately since my pain isn't controlled enough right now to teach, and I went down this path because how SEEN you can feel when you know someone else REALLY gets it. That's why the two resources I listed above were so helpful, I knew they actually knew.

 

[Justplatonic]

Aww, thanks friend. You too!!

I guess sometimes I feel like if they REALLY actually UNDERSTOOD what I was dealing with, they would be able to help. I know they are doing what they can though, and sometimes bodies just hurt. It's just hard to remember that sometimes.

I actually have taught yoga for chronic pain classes for a long time, although not lately since my pain isn't controlled enough right now to teach, and I went down this path because how SEEN you can feel when you know someone else REALLY gets it. That's why the two resources I listed above were so helpful, I knew they actually knew.

On chronic pain
I'm new here, but thought I'd through my hat in the ring. I'm in my fifties. About 20 months ago I woke up one day struck with serious inflammatory pain in my back, and knees. Days later, it affected my fingers and toes. I didn't know what was going on.

I have to admit with the general sentiment here and agree. At my worst back then, I was still very eager to have any sexual activity if granted. I knew there'd be hell to pay the next day, but in the heat of the moment who gives a...

Although through a meticulous process of trial and error (lots of research too) of my lifestyle, and diet (I won't bore you with the details unless I'm asked), about three to four weeks later I was pain free. The inflammation receded. Its been about ten months since, and I feel like a new man.

I know everyone is different, and it may not be as easy for other people to do the same, but it can be possible if your willing to change. I feel more capable now (for my lady), so the sacrifices I've made have been completely worth it.

Cheers, and please keep safe.