Question about pain

[firmbutgentle]

My main character submits very deeply to her dom, but pain is not a big part of what they do. She doesn't enjoy it for its own sake. She likes the humiliation/degradation of being spanked, and the idea of offering her endurance to her dom, of working for him in that way. But her pain threshold isn't very high so she mostly doesn't end up being marked or feeling significant after-effects. This is in line with most of my personal experience.

I’m considering introducing a new character who is much more of a traditional masochist. I’ve known folks like that, who got off on pain, and talked to them about it, but as is often the case, when I try to start actually writing that character, I’m finding I don’t understand it as well as I thought I did.

So, for people who are into pain (or their doms), I have a few questions that I’d appreciate your thoughts on.

• How much of the enjoyment is physical vs emotional? (Clarification: not asking about emotional pain, but the emotional aspects of physical pain -- sacrifice/endurance/degradation/etc)
• Do you enjoy hurting yourself or only when it’s in the context of domination?
• Do you also enjoy the after effects (ie, discomfort sitting)?
• Is physical after-care important to you, or is it more about the comforting/emotional side?
• Did you have to convince your dom to hurt you? Or did your dom convince you?
• Do you worry about “going too far”? Does your dom?

This may be a character I simply shouldn’t try to write, but I think my main character’s interaction with this person would be worthwhile. Thank you for your time and thoughts.

 

[MissMandy86]

Mental pain is better .. lasts longer

 

[firmbutgentle]

Mental pain is better .. lasts longer

I feel the same way, hence my questions.

 

[BiBunny]

My main character submits very deeply to her dom, but pain is not a big part of what they do. She doesn't enjoy it for its own sake. She likes the humiliation/degradation of being spanked, and the idea of offering her endurance to her dom, of working for him in that way. But her pain threshold isn't very high so she mostly doesn't end up being marked or feeling significant after-effects. This is in line with most of my personal experience.

I’m considering introducing a new character who is much more of a traditional masochist. I’ve known folks like that, who got off on pain, and talked to them about it, but as is often the case, when I try to start actually writing that character, I’m finding I don’t understand it as well as I thought I did.

So, for people who are into pain (or their doms), I have a few questions that I’d appreciate your thoughts on.

• How much of the enjoyment is physical vs emotional? Do you enjoy hurting yourself or only when it’s in the context of domination?
• Do you also enjoy the after effects (ie, discomfort sitting)?
• Is physical after-care important to you, or is it more about the comforting/emotional side?
• Did you have to convince your dom to hurt you? Or did your dom convince you?
• Do you worry about “going too far”? Does your dom?

This may be a character I simply shouldn’t try to write, but I think my main character’s interaction with this person would be worthwhile. Thank you for your time and thoughts.

I used to be a pretty heavy masochist. I say "used to be" because I wasn't given much of a choice in the matter. If I was going to play with my former dom, I was going to be required to endure it. Nowadays, things are different because Daddy is not near the sadist my ex was, and I have some physical problems that interfere with my enjoyment of, say, spanking, for example. (I have inflammatory arthritis in my spine and sacroiliac joints.) But I do still enjoy pain from time to time, just not to the degree that I once had to.

I have always enjoyed the physical aspect. When I was severely mentally ill, I enjoyed emotional masochism, too, but in (heavily medicated) retrospect, that was mostly just a form of self-harm that just so happened to involve another person. I will occasionally hurt myself (in the kinky sense, not the self-harm sense) alone, like wearing nipple clamps while I use my vibe or whatever, so it's not limited only to D/s scenarios for me.

Yes, I enjoy the aftereffects. I like being uncomfortable sitting or seeing bite marks on various parts of my body or whatever.

Aftercare in general is pretty important now. It was non-existent with my (psychopathic) ex. I would drop pretty hard a day or two later nearly every time we played. Daddy gives me aftercare now, both the physical and emotional kind, so that rarely happens anymore. If it does, I just ask for attention, and that always helps.

I did not have to convince my ex to hurt me. Every session with him was like he was seeing just how much I'd let him get away with. With Daddy, it's not nearly so balls to the wall all the time. It's usually a little playful spanking, some nipple torment, and that's about it. At one time, I would've been bored by this, but now I'm just grateful I don't have to get pushed to the limit every time my clothes come off. I guess with Daddy, it was more that we mutually agreed he would hurt me, rather than either of us trying to convince each other.

I don't worry about going too far because I've already gone too far way too many times. (I lived, bitch. )

I'm not sure if Daddy worries about it or not. I should ask one day.

I hope that was at least a little helpful. I mentioned the shit with my ex, not for sympathy, but for perspective, I guess. My circumstances are way different than they used to be.

 

[firmbutgentle]

I used to be a pretty heavy masochist. I say "used to be" because I wasn't given much of a choice in the matter. If I was going to play with my former dom, I was going to be required to endure it. Nowadays, things are different because Daddy is not near the sadist my ex was, and I have some physical problems that interfere with my enjoyment of, say, spanking, for example. (I have inflammatory arthritis in my spine and sacroiliac joints.) But I do still enjoy pain from time to time, just not to the degree that I once had to.

I have always enjoyed the physical aspect. When I was severely mentally ill, I enjoyed emotional masochism, too, but in (heavily medicated) retrospect, that was mostly just a form of self-harm that just so happened to involve another person. I will occasionally hurt myself (in the kinky sense, not the self-harm sense) alone, like wearing nipple clamps while I use my vibe or whatever, so it's not limited only to D/s scenarios for me.

Yes, I enjoy the aftereffects. I like being uncomfortable sitting or seeing bite marks on various parts of my body or whatever.

Aftercare in general is pretty important now. It was non-existent with my (psychopathic) ex. I would drop pretty hard a day or two later nearly every time we played. Daddy gives me aftercare now, both the physical and emotional kind, so that rarely happens anymore. If it does, I just ask for attention, and that always helps.

I did not have to convince my ex to hurt me. Every session with him was like he was seeing just how much I'd let him get away with. With Daddy, it's not nearly so balls to the wall all the time. It's usually a little playful spanking, some nipple torment, and that's about it. At one time, I would've been bored by this, but now I'm just grateful I don't have to get pushed to the limit every time my clothes come off. I guess with Daddy, it was more that we mutually agreed he would hurt me, rather than either of us trying to convince each other.

I don't worry about going too far because I've already gone too far way too many times. (I lived, bitch. )

I'm not sure if Daddy worries about it or not. I should ask one day.

I hope that was at least a little helpful. I mentioned the shit with my ex, not for sympathy, but for perspective, I guess. My circumstances are way different than they used to be.

Very helpful, thank you.

Also, I edited the original post -- I wasn't asking about enjoyment of emotional pain because as you say, that's unhealthy. I meant the emotional enjoyment of physical pain, ie, disliking the pain but liking the idea of enduring it, or that it's punishment, etc.

 

[Kumquatqueen]

How long is a piece of string?

Some people like certain types of pain (while hating others). Some of those people will find the intensity of some kinds of pain sends them I to a headspace where they can't think of anything else, or anything at all, just accepting it. This may overlap with subspace. Pride in bieng able to take it, pleasing your dominant, enjoying lack of agency from being in bondage, may all play a part.

Some people find those types of pain arousing, or that they are in such a heightened state that any sexual touch has a huge effect on them. This can overlap with emotions - the humiliation or embarrassment of having your arse out, etc.

Some people get proud of marks they end up with. Depending on the kind of pain inflicted and where, there may or may not be any, but some people really like the look and the feeling afterwards of a scarlet spanked bottom, or a very bruised bottom, or lines or marks from a crop/cane/pinwheel/whatever. The feeling up to a few days later from bruises etc may be an aim of the bottom or top (and dom/sub if getting into that dynamic too)

Hurting yourself tends to just not work very well beyond embarrassment, though I'm sure someone does it, somewhere. I know a dom in his 80s who told his subs to do it so he didn't have to wear himself out.

Personally I love bruises and marks and how it feels for a day or two, and also inflicting them on someone who appreciates them ('like' isnt the right word, during the scene...), but hitting someone and playing with them to the point they are coming and begging for more is fantastic.

But thinking of what to do with someone, what's safe, what will get them off, is hard work - there's always a shortage of tops/dominants compared to people wanting such attention.

Yes, if I'm topping/domming, I worry about going too far and I think most do, because by the time someone is in the headspace of coming and screaming more, more, they aren't actually feeling the full effects and are in no state to make an informed judgement.

aftercare - physical is important, you may be really lightheaded, any blood needs dealing with, someone may be stiff and wobbly, but generally a drink, snack, warmth and TLC for a bit suffice. Sometimes the top needs it too, being reassured that it really was OK despite the bottom screaming no, no, crying, bruising, etc. Or if the bottom has to say something like "sorry, I forgot to mention I sometimes fall unconscious during an intense orgasm, seriously don't panic, I'm fine..."

I've never started from the point of a dom/sub with no pain involved. It's much more like being in a club or party and someone asks what you like, you admit what types of pain you like, they offer to have at, bit of chat,you get a friend to watch, and if it works you might get into more Dom/sub and relationship stuff from there. But that's just me and a circle of kinky reprobates. I hear there's this internet thing people use now to find partners (which can lead to lots of bad stuff if you don't meet in public to play...)

 

[Wonderer67]

I’ll preface this by saying I’m male and I think your looking for a females perspective.

I don’t know if I’m a masochist per se, but there are times when I need a heavy duty spanking. My wife is a bit reluctant to spank me as hard as I’d like, but we find a very happy medium.

I did visit a doninatrix many years ago, and my objective of the session was to push my pain threshold. I was determined to not say the safe word and I did not. She spanked the ever living hell out of me, but did give me a few check ins. (She was excellent!)

I also had a girlfriend/domme in my past, who introduced me to BDSM. She was an excellent spanker. Very heavy handed, but also very loving.

For me the physical pain is good. I need it somwewhere in my soul. Don’t need it every day or even every week, but maybe every 3-4 weeks…

I have combat related ptsd and pain is a huge thing for me to ground to. Emotional pain in spanking doesn’t work, I need it physical. I enjoy emotional pain in other ways, such as humiliating experiences.

I do not enjoy hurting myself at all.

After affects: yes, I wear my bruised bottom like a Badge of honor. I like the feeling of it for many days after. I wish my wife would spank me harder, but she really doesn’t enjoy inflicting pain.

I’m all about aftercare and cuddling afterwards. It’s physical touching, but also emotional, being held, feeling loved etc. my wife is an excellent after care giver!

The only time I worried about going too far is when I saw that pro domme, long ago. I asked her how that compared to other spankings and she said it was a heavy to very heavy spanking I took. She said it was in the top 15-20%. I feel like I coulda taken more.

My wife is very careful not to go too far. It’s fine. I know she cares about me and it makes her uncomfortable to go much further.

 

[lisaharlot]

My main character submits very deeply to her dom, but pain is not a big part of what they do. She doesn't enjoy it for its own sake. She likes the humiliation/degradation of being spanked, and the idea of offering her endurance to her dom, of working for him in that way. But her pain threshold isn't very high so she mostly doesn't end up being marked or feeling significant after-effects. This is in line with most of my personal experience.

I’m considering introducing a new character who is much more of a traditional masochist. I’ve known folks like that, who got off on pain, and talked to them about it, but as is often the case, when I try to start actually writing that character, I’m finding I don’t understand it as well as I thought I did.

So, for people who are into pain (or their doms), I have a few questions that I’d appreciate your thoughts on.

• How much of the enjoyment is physical vs emotional? (Clarification: not asking about emotional pain, but the emotional aspects of physical pain -- sacrifice/endurance/degradation/etc)
• Do you enjoy hurting yourself or only when it’s in the context of domination?
• Do you also enjoy the after effects (ie, discomfort sitting)?
• Is physical after-care important to you, or is it more about the comforting/emotional side?
• Did you have to convince your dom to hurt you? Or did your dom convince you?
• Do you worry about “going too far”? Does your dom?

This may be a character I simply shouldn’t try to write, but I think my main character’s interaction with this person would be worthwhile. Thank you for your time and thoughts.

Wow, great questions. It’s physical, emotional and mental. Here goes…

You need your brain releasing all those feel good hormones before pain gets introduced for full enjoyment. Get all the good stuff flowing and then the pain feels REALLY good. Spank me cold and I’ll react like anyone else.

I do use pain as part of my self love and care, but I work up to it. It’s not self spanking, more like clothes pins or tapping myself with a stiff bristle curling brush.

The li getting pain is Devine! (To a point).

After care is important and I want cuddle but honestly I want to give

My main character submits very deeply to her dom, but pain is not a big part of what they do. She doesn't enjoy it for its own sake. She likes the humiliation/degradation of being spanked, and the idea of offering her endurance to her dom, of working for him in that way. But her pain threshold isn't very high so she mostly doesn't end up being marked or feeling significant after-effects. This is in line with most of my personal experience.

I’m considering introducing a new character who is much more of a traditional masochist. I’ve known folks like that, who got off on pain, and talked to them about it, but as is often the case, when I try to start actually writing that character, I’m finding I don’t understand it as well as I thought I did.

So, for people who are into pain (or their doms), I have a few questions that I’d appreciate your thoughts on.

• How much of the enjoyment is physical vs emotional? (Clarification: not asking about emotional pain, but the emotional aspects of physical pain -- sacrifice/endurance/degradation/etc)
• Do you enjoy hurting yourself or only when it’s in the context of domination?
• Do you also enjoy the after effects (ie, discomfort sitting)?
• Is physical after-care important to you, or is it more about the comforting/emotional side?
• Did you have to convince your dom to hurt you? Or did your dom convince you?
• Do you worry about “going too far”? Does your dom?

This may be a character I simply shouldn’t try to write, but I think my main character’s interaction with this person would be worthwhile. Thank you for your time and thoughts.

wow, really great questions. Here’s my perspective….

- it’s physical, emotional and mental. If you smack my tits cold it’s not going to be enjoyable. If all those feel good hormones are pumping, I’m feeling close to my top, I’m aroused… then you smack my tits, it’s wonderful!

-yes! Pain is part of self love but I work up to it. I mostly do clothes pins on myself but I’ll get adventurous sometimes too.
-the better I feel about the person who did it, the more enjoyable the lingering pain is. Sometimes it can be difficult if I have to sit a long time or I’m going exercise but I generally like the afterglow.

-some aftercare you just need to do. Ice packs, I don’t like it when the skin breaks, if that happens it needs to be cared for. If I’ve had a really good time i want to keep pleasing after the pain play is done.

-if they’re not into it, it’s not going to be much fun. However, I’m going to give them all the positive feedback I can and lay it on pretty thick if I feel apprehension.

-safe sane and consensual are the keys here. I want everything working when we’re done playing. I only let people I trust and love hurt me.

Good luck with your story

 

[lisaharlot]

Wow, great questions. It’s physical, emotional and mental. Here goes…

You need your brain releasing all those feel good hormones before pain gets introduced for full enjoyment. Get all the good stuff flowing and then the pain feels REALLY good. Spank me cold and I’ll react like anyone else.

I do use pain as part of my self love and care, but I work up to it. It’s not self spanking, more like clothes pins or tapping myself with a stiff bristle curling brush.

The li getting pain is Devine! (To a point).

After care is important and I want cuddle but honestly I want to give

wow, really great questions. Here’s my perspective….

- it’s physical, emotional and mental. If you smack my tits cold it’s not going to be enjoyable. If all those feel good hormones are pumping, I’m feeling close to my top, I’m aroused… then you smack my tits, it’s wonderful!

-yes! Pain is part of self love but I work up to it. I mostly do clothes pins on myself but I’ll get adventurous sometimes too.
-the better I feel about the person who did it, the more enjoyable the lingering pain is. Sometimes it can be difficult if I have to sit a long time or I’m going exercise but I generally like the afterglow.

-some aftercare you just need to do. Ice packs, I don’t like it when the skin breaks, if that happens it needs to be cared for. If I’ve had a really good time i want to keep pleasing after the pain play is done.

-if they’re not into it, it’s not going to be much fun. However, I’m going to give them all the positive feedback I can and lay it on pretty thick if I feel apprehension.

-safe sane and consensual are the keys here. I want everything working when we’re done playing. I only let people I trust and love hurt me.

Good luck with your story

Whoops, looks like I commented twice, I didn’t think my first one posted

 

[firmbutgentle]

Whoops, looks like I commented twice, I didn’t think my first one posted

Thank you for your comments (and for not abandoning them when you thought they were lost)! I appreciate the perspective and yes, the necessity of love and trust is part of what I'm trying to write about -- both for my main character and the one I'm introducing. She makes her first appearance in my most recent story (Introductions and Exposures), but mostly just as a conduit for the story. This thread makes me feel good about the way I'm starting to develop her as a character in her own right.

 

[firmbutgentle]

I’ll preface this by saying I’m male and I think your looking for a females perspective.

I was because that's how I write, given who I am, but that was me being parochial. Your post was thoughtful and I appreciate it very much.

I have combat related ptsd and pain is a huge thing for me to ground to.

This in particular was a lot to think about. I'm sorry you are suffering from that but glad this and your marriage are helping with it.

 

[Athalia]

So, for people who are into pain (or their doms), I have a few questions that I’d appreciate your thoughts on.

• How much of the enjoyment is physical vs emotional? (Clarification: not asking about emotional pain, but the emotional aspects of physical pain -- sacrifice/endurance/degradation/etc)
• Do you enjoy hurting yourself or only when it’s in the context of domination?
• Do you also enjoy the after effects (ie, discomfort sitting)?
• Is physical after-care important to you, or is it more about the comforting/emotional side?
• Did you have to convince your dom to hurt you? Or did your dom convince you?
• Do you worry about “going too far”? Does your dom?

Pretty much everything I can say about the subject has been told in this story:


https://www.literotica.com/s/the-path-of-pain

I should add that my own experience didn't extend quite as far as the main character's did, but I considered hers as a logical extension of mine. That way, I allowed the character to go a little bit farther than I would have gone.

Also note that it was purely an exercise in masochism. There was no dom/submissive element. That, too, was a part of my actual experience.

The strange thing was that I originally submitted this story in the BDSM category, but Laurel put it into Fetish instead. I guess that was because there was no BDS, but only M.

 

[firmbutgentle]

I should add that my own experience didn't extend quite as far as the main character's did, but I considered hers as a logical extension of mine. That way, I allowed the character to go a little bit farther than I would have gone.

Thank you for sharing that -- great perspective and a really well-written story. Did the "little bit farther" include climaxing as a result of the pain, or is that part of your actual experience?

Thanks again -- I'll check out your other stuff.

 

[Athalia]

Thank you for sharing that -- great perspective and a really well-written story. Did the "little bit farther" include climaxing as a result of the pain, or is that part of your actual experience?

Thanks again -- I'll check out your other stuff.

That part about my labia and breasts, yes. Personal experience. The part about the clit, no (but I thought about it). The setting was a sort of truth-or-dare game with a lesbian lover of mine. We both chickened out before we got to that part. It was one of the few times when I actually scared myself.

 

[2ServeWoman]

My main character submits very deeply to her dom, but pain is not a big part of what they do. She doesn't enjoy it for its own sake. She likes the humiliation/degradation of being spanked, and the idea of offering her endurance to her dom, of working for him in that way. But her pain threshold isn't very high so she mostly doesn't end up being marked or feeling significant after-effects. This is in line with most of my personal experience.

I’m considering introducing a new character who is much more of a traditional masochist. I’ve known folks like that, who got off on pain, and talked to them about it, but as is often the case, when I try to start actually writing that character, I’m finding I don’t understand it as well as I thought I did.

So, for people who are into pain (or their doms), I have a few questions that I’d appreciate your thoughts on.

• How much of the enjoyment is physical vs emotional? (Clarification: not asking about emotional pain, but the emotional aspects of physical pain -- sacrifice/endurance/degradation/etc)
• Do you enjoy hurting yourself or only when it’s in the context of domination?
• Do you also enjoy the after effects (ie, discomfort sitting)?
• Is physical after-care important to you, or is it more about the comforting/emotional side?
• Did you have to convince your dom to hurt you? Or did your dom convince you?
• Do you worry about “going too far”? Does your dom?

This may be a character I simply shouldn’t try to write, but I think my main character’s interaction with this person would be worthwhile. Thank you for your time and thoughts.

Once endorphins are released it alters the entire dynamic!

 

[Goldenfinger]

I would not say I was into pain. I do like it when my wife bites and pinches my nipples. Sometimes you can get lost in the moment then you wake up the next day and look around on the ground because you’re sure your nipples were ripped off. Thank god for bag balm.

 

[2ServeWoman]

Truly love intense nipple pain - it’s like when squeezing them it pushes blood to my throbbing dick! Jap clovers reset every 5 minutes for an hour makes em tender to a T-shirt touching them mmmmmmmm hurts so good!

 

[LittleSwitchy]

Truly love intense nipple pain - it’s like when squeezing them it pushes blood to my throbbing dick! Jap clovers reset every 5 minutes for an hour makes em tender to a T-shirt touching them mmmmmmmm hurts so good!

I think lotta people don’t get the fun with clamps.
I like to start a lady off with clothes pins. They are cheap and if someone finds them easily played off. The clover clamps have a bit more bite to them. Especially if the chain is pulled. The rush they feel when the clamps are removed. Hehe. That’s when I like to lightly tease them. Ice cube, lightly blow on her nipple, feather. All work well.

P.S.: You’re name reminds me of on old Outer Limits show. I think it was Outer Limits. The show was called To Serve Man.
Aliens came down in spaceships. Acting like they trying to help us. Ends up To serve man is a cookbook.

 

[2ServeWoman]

I think lotta people don’t get the fun with clamps.
I like to start a lady off with clothes pins. They are cheap and if someone finds them easily played off. The clover clamps have a bit more bite to them. Especially if the chain is pulled. The rush they feel when the clamps are removed. Hehe. That’s when I like to lightly tease them. Ice cube, lightly blow on her nipple, feather. All work well.

P.S.: You’re name reminds me of on old Outer Limits show. I think it was Outer Limits. The show was called To Serve Man.
Aliens came down in spaceships. Acting like they trying to help us. Ends up To serve man is a cookbook.

Yup it WAS. Cookbook! Aren’t we aging ourselves?

 

[LittleSwitchy]

Yup it WAS. Cookbook! Aren’t we aging ourselves?

Shhh. It’s not we old. We have more life experience.

 

[2ServeWoman]

E

Shhh. It’s not we old. We have more life experienceed

Um hmmmm!

 

[EdwardsOtherSide]

An element of pain in sex is the desire to feel alive.
Numb is dead.
Even an "unpleasant" feeling is still feeling when you are hungry to feel alive.

But like most addictions, it is easy to start chasing increasingly extreme sensation in pursuit of that "first hit" feeling.

(I mean, a little sting does spice things up though.)

 

[2ServeWoman]

String, leather laces, clothespins, nipple clamps & eventually pierced nipples like mine (swoon) I’ve developed a craving for more pain after that! Mmmmmm hurts soooooo good honest! Many a time I ask a woman to hurt me & to pinch, twist my wanton nipples!

 

[2ServeWoman]

Awesome story - reminds me of my late Domme who attached me to rings in a door frame OR on a weight bench THEN applied clothespins in all this tender fleshy parts - inner thighs, upper arms & of course my wanton nipples!

 

[2ServeWoman]

Now this sounds like it was a lot of fun. I have only had them attached to my nipples. But they were left on long enough to cause that good feeling pain the next day just as a reminder of the fun from the night before !!

She always had a little mean twist after removing them, she grasp the red marks like a roadmap just to enjoy my wincing, moaning & watching my pain filled face expressions - I so relish those intense aches so well carried out right to my limits & giving an added twap of her finger upon my super tender nipples! She also would hang 7#’s from my nipple clamps - that always hurt, sooooooooo good! My dick always betrayed me drooling & throbbing before her - she’d use that drool making me lick & suck it from her fingers!