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Temple of the Heart
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happy2bhubby said:
Dear "happy2bhubby"
It appears that there are quite a few men out there that
some how have come to accept their cuckold state. I am curious what is the internal weather report for you on this?
You can see that the understanding of the word is evolving. Here is a historical and updated definition of the word from a web site entitled:
The Cuckold's and Cuckolder's Guide
http://adultcommunitiesonline.com/ourhotwives/cuckoldguide/#1
What Is A Cuckold?
The word "cuckold" probably comes from the practice of the cuckoo bird. The female cuckoo mates with an alpha-male, who then moves on to encounters with other females. The female then returns to her mate, and the two of them raise the babies which resulted from mom's "night on the town."
Traditionally, a (human) cuckold was the object of scorn and derision; when it was discovered that a man's wife had found fulfillment in another man's bed, she was an adulteress and he was her cuckold. It was often said that he "left with his tail between another man's legs."
The dictionary defines a cuckold as "a man with an unfaithful wife."
In the context of alternative lifestyles, the cuckold occupies a position somewhere between the traditional definition and that of "swingers." The difference with the first definition is that today's cuckold is both aware of his wife's "infidelity" and is sexually excited by it; the difference with the second definition is that "swingers" are mutually involved, or at least approach the sex bed as equals, which is not the case with a cuckold.
In plain English, a cuckold is a man who stands by and accepts his wife's infidelity, being sexually excited by her actions. He may have normal sexual relations with his wife part of the time, or he may accept that his wife has chosen another man to replace him completely in her sexual bed.
happy2bhubby
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Re: "Affair as Sacred Sin" ?
Yes and I am not making light of your personal feelings, relationship, marriage or post. I appreciate this forum and all of the posts.
The truth
When Rhyanna tells me the truth, it lets me know she still loves me. It is not always easy for her to tell me, no matter haw much I claim to support or enjoy her escapades. She often sites that she is finished and doesn't want any more to do with them and is honestly offended and hurt if I do not go allong with that So often I will back off completely and do my utmost best to let us live the standard, but quality, married life.
This has happened at least twice this year, but , it has only lasted for about two weeks and then she will be back online trying desperately to get one or more of them to bed with her. It is at this point that she becomes quite embarrased about it, if I confront her, and it works best if I tell her that it would still be ok for her to have a special friend, and not for me to come off like I am spying and how erotic it is for me.
The arrousal may come from anchient instinctual responces to the challeng by another male, and what I do is just let that drive me to want her more than anthing.
Much more to say but alas I must go to work
Temple of the Heart said:
Yes and I am not making light of your personal feelings, relationship, marriage or post. I appreciate this forum and all of the posts.
The truth
When Rhyanna tells me the truth, it lets me know she still loves me. It is not always easy for her to tell me, no matter haw much I claim to support or enjoy her escapades. She often sites that she is finished and doesn't want any more to do with them and is honestly offended and hurt if I do not go allong with that So often I will back off completely and do my utmost best to let us live the standard, but quality, married life.
This has happened at least twice this year, but , it has only lasted for about two weeks and then she will be back online trying desperately to get one or more of them to bed with her. It is at this point that she becomes quite embarrased about it, if I confront her, and it works best if I tell her that it would still be ok for her to have a special friend, and not for me to come off like I am spying and how erotic it is for me.
The arrousal may come from anchient instinctual responces to the challeng by another male, and what I do is just let that drive me to want her more than anthing.
Much more to say but alas I must go to work
Temple,
That was a very thoughtful post. May I ask if your husband admitted the cyberaffair or did you discover it and out him? Once the secret was out, did your relationship heal immediately?
I realize my being distracted with the thoughts of having a lover have detracted from being in the here and now with my relationship with my husband. I know this is unfair.
My husband realizes that I'm insatiable. He wants me to be happy. In fantasy/role play we toy with the thought of him watching me with another man ... I simply can't handle that. I don't think I could have him witness me straying. I think part of my hang up is that this is typically deemed "slutty" and is socially unacceptable. Something like that would be my secret and mine alone ... but then there's that whole thing about guilt and honesty....
That was a very thoughtful post. May I ask if your husband admitted the cyberaffair or did you discover it and out him? Once the secret was out, did your relationship heal immediately?
I realize my being distracted with the thoughts of having a lover have detracted from being in the here and now with my relationship with my husband. I know this is unfair.
My husband realizes that I'm insatiable. He wants me to be happy. In fantasy/role play we toy with the thought of him watching me with another man ... I simply can't handle that. I don't think I could have him witness me straying. I think part of my hang up is that this is typically deemed "slutty" and is socially unacceptable. Something like that would be my secret and mine alone ... but then there's that whole thing about guilt and honesty....
MrMikelobe1952
Closet Exhibitionist
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_pebbles said:
Has something occurred?
Pebbles, just a thought here. If your husband is with you when you are with another; then it would seem to me to be a joint event rather than you straying (so to speak) on your own. If he is part of it (willingly) then would there still be a problem in your eyes? If you want to make it fair, then find a couple so he can have fun too!
Temple of the Heart
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flyrv9 said:
Pebbles - I heartily agree with this advice. Temple
Read my poetry at:
http://english.literotica.com:81/stories/memberpage.php?uid=452936
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Temple of the Heart
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_pebbles said:
Pebbles - you are asking some very good questions here.
In my opinion secret sexual energy exchanges
whether virtual – or on the phone or in the
flesh – will harm an existing relationship.
After his involuntary "outing" the healing was not immediate.
It required a lot of communication and a powerful
commitment on his part to honesty - one that I had to
sense as a true and strong commitment based on
his insight - not my coercion.
This last was pivotal for a return of trust.
His honesty allowed me to reconstruct my
image / understanding of the past
and to recalibrate or recalculate what impact
the cyber affair had on our own day to day
relationship interactions - which had started to deteriorate.
If a man or woman creates an intimate secret
separate world – with another - whether it is
“fantasy” or not – it is CREATING A RELATIONSHIP...
a hidden "being of togetherness" that has
real force, energy and substance.
It can change the life of every one involved.
I sensed an invisible shift in the natural balance
of power in my relationship and I as "partner in the dark" did not know why.
So I do not think that there is such a thing as what you are wishing for :
"Something like that would be my secret and mine alone ... but then there's that whole thing about guilt and honesty.... "
because of the powerful effects of dishonesty and guilt.
For us it created confusion and upset. I was pissed off at him
and not able to put my finger on why or what
was causing it. It made me feel out of control
of my own feelings. That sucks.
I was going around with the question in my mind:
what is wrong with me – why am I “out of control”?
This is not your greatest esteem builder...
What do you think?
Temple
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Temple,
I think that you are very fortunate that you and your husband both worked at regaining trust and honesty within your relationship. A discovered breach (even though some may discount it as "just cyber") could have ended your marriage.
I know my personal desires are extremely selfish. My only choice at maintaining honesty within my marriage would be to admit that I'd want to experience another man ... assume that my husband would want to watch ... and then try to personally set it straight in my mind that what I want, who I am, is still a beautiful and loving woman.
Temple - how long have you been married? Do you have children? I sometimes think I wouldn't feel quite so guilty if I didn't have a child. I realize these are personal questions. Feel free to PM.
I think that you are very fortunate that you and your husband both worked at regaining trust and honesty within your relationship. A discovered breach (even though some may discount it as "just cyber") could have ended your marriage.
I know my personal desires are extremely selfish. My only choice at maintaining honesty within my marriage would be to admit that I'd want to experience another man ... assume that my husband would want to watch ... and then try to personally set it straight in my mind that what I want, who I am, is still a beautiful and loving woman.
Temple - how long have you been married? Do you have children? I sometimes think I wouldn't feel quite so guilty if I didn't have a child. I realize these are personal questions. Feel free to PM.
Temple of the Heart
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"just cyber"
Pebbles,
I do not think that your desires are
"extremely selfish". I do think that your idea of
including him "to watch" or otherwise participate
is a good idea. It will require freeing yourself
from some of the conventional conditioning
of what makes a "good woman".
This is not so easy but can be powerfully liberating.
This is one womans opinion and to be clear
about my situation, he and I are not officially husband and wife.
We have been in our relationship for about 3 years.
We live together - have for the last 2 years - and
plan to marry in the summer. We are fully committed
to each other in a loving relationship. We are a couple
for ourselves, family and our community, as such we
plan and co-create our life together. We each have
children by previous marriages.
What do you call this arrangement?
We often say we are married - for convenience sake.
It eliminates the need to say the above paragraph, saving about 60 words.
No intent to deceive - but since the topic is "honesty"
I'm feeling compelled to walk my talk.
The process of "regaining trust and honesty within our relationship...
after a discovered breach", is the same
as if we were married.
Temple
_pebbles said:
Pebbles,
I do not think that your desires are
"extremely selfish". I do think that your idea of
including him "to watch" or otherwise participate
is a good idea. It will require freeing yourself
from some of the conventional conditioning
of what makes a "good woman".
This is not so easy but can be powerfully liberating.
This is one womans opinion and to be clear
about my situation, he and I are not officially husband and wife.
We have been in our relationship for about 3 years.
We live together - have for the last 2 years - and
plan to marry in the summer. We are fully committed
to each other in a loving relationship. We are a couple
for ourselves, family and our community, as such we
plan and co-create our life together. We each have
children by previous marriages.
What do you call this arrangement?
We often say we are married - for convenience sake.
It eliminates the need to say the above paragraph, saving about 60 words.
No intent to deceive - but since the topic is "honesty"
I'm feeling compelled to walk my talk.
The process of "regaining trust and honesty within our relationship...
after a discovered breach", is the same
as if we were married.
Temple
happy2bhubby
Literotica Guru
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This just shows you how basic guys like me think (and there may be a lot)
Temple: your analization and commitment are irrefuteable. Your credintials and credibility in your relationship are sound. Your rights and desires are true and reasonable. You should not be expected to enjoy or appreciate your husbands affair.
But here is what really matters: How would he feel if you had a cyber or real or otherwise intimate male friend.?
Peeples: Would you prefer to exclude your husband entirely from your extramarital affairs? And would you be hurt if he was inclined to have another?
I ask thes questions because I am in need of the female perspective.
Rhyanna and I dated for 2 1/2 years before we were married. I had several girlfriends at that time and she was very jealous. I did not hide my other friends from her and made it clear that I was looking for a wife and that at that time I would be true forever.
One time I sent her with one of my girlfriends on a girls trip to the beach and while she was gone I went on a date with another. This too I did not keep a secret. Though we were not married, she was hurt and furrious and accused me of cheating. She is to this day still angry.
Now, (for the last year) she has enjoyed the company of at least 8 men whom she found online screened and then dated. She says she is looking for just one special one and said that she would tell me everything for safety and the fact that I love her. She has made it abundantly clear that she does NOT want me to do the same
The only thing now is that she prefers to keep her "other" relationships her personal business and accuses me of prying into her business. Occasionally she has told me to go get what I want elswhere, but if I make any move in that direction she panics and askes for me to give her their email so she can tell them off.
I have NEVER EVEN wanted to "tell off" any of her friends. But I have sent friendly greetings in an attempt to be at least a part of the equation. This too has infuriated Rhyanna.
So, now still loveing her and NOT wanting anyone else I have determined in my heart that I will love her sith all my might. And to do that I feel is to understand her as much as possible.
I would like at this point to find a friend (female) online that will present herself as a companion for me, and that she would be willing to let me give Rhyanna an email address. Rhyanna may do nothing or write and speak her mind, in either case it will help her to consider my perdicament.
Tough stuff, but if I am able to hang in there with her, and be happy, it should be inspiration to her and others to NOT hang their marriage out to dry.
Divorce is a cop out and not what makes for charracter building and child rearing and nation building and anything else, if you ask me.
Thank you ladies and everyone else for sharing.
Temple: your analization and commitment are irrefuteable. Your credintials and credibility in your relationship are sound. Your rights and desires are true and reasonable. You should not be expected to enjoy or appreciate your husbands affair.
But here is what really matters: How would he feel if you had a cyber or real or otherwise intimate male friend.?
Peeples: Would you prefer to exclude your husband entirely from your extramarital affairs? And would you be hurt if he was inclined to have another?
I ask thes questions because I am in need of the female perspective.
Rhyanna and I dated for 2 1/2 years before we were married. I had several girlfriends at that time and she was very jealous. I did not hide my other friends from her and made it clear that I was looking for a wife and that at that time I would be true forever.
One time I sent her with one of my girlfriends on a girls trip to the beach and while she was gone I went on a date with another. This too I did not keep a secret. Though we were not married, she was hurt and furrious and accused me of cheating. She is to this day still angry.
Now, (for the last year) she has enjoyed the company of at least 8 men whom she found online screened and then dated. She says she is looking for just one special one and said that she would tell me everything for safety and the fact that I love her. She has made it abundantly clear that she does NOT want me to do the same
The only thing now is that she prefers to keep her "other" relationships her personal business and accuses me of prying into her business. Occasionally she has told me to go get what I want elswhere, but if I make any move in that direction she panics and askes for me to give her their email so she can tell them off.
I have NEVER EVEN wanted to "tell off" any of her friends. But I have sent friendly greetings in an attempt to be at least a part of the equation. This too has infuriated Rhyanna.
So, now still loveing her and NOT wanting anyone else I have determined in my heart that I will love her sith all my might. And to do that I feel is to understand her as much as possible.
I would like at this point to find a friend (female) online that will present herself as a companion for me, and that she would be willing to let me give Rhyanna an email address. Rhyanna may do nothing or write and speak her mind, in either case it will help her to consider my perdicament.
Tough stuff, but if I am able to hang in there with her, and be happy, it should be inspiration to her and others to NOT hang their marriage out to dry.
Divorce is a cop out and not what makes for charracter building and child rearing and nation building and anything else, if you ask me.
Thank you ladies and everyone else for sharing.
pa34lifesaver
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Married
This poster is married.
This poster is married. Agreed, I found this thread very insightful and informative, I would love to hear updates from many people here, and I could add my own! So, have there been any major changes in your situation, _pebbles? Were you still searching for more fulfillment elsewhere?
No real update to provide. I was excited about something I thought might have turned out to be what I was looking for ... but it didn't pan out. I don't suppose many men want to get involved with a married woman. Otherwise, I'm enjoying the admiring eyes of landscapers/construction guys on my daily run 
where is your daily run so i can be one of those admiring eyes?_pebbles said:No real update to provide. I was excited about something I thought might have turned out to be what I was looking for ... but it didn't pan out. I don't suppose many men want to get involved with a married woman. Otherwise, I'm enjoying the admiring eyes of landscapers/construction guys on my daily run
voir
Literotica Guru
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Well, I'm surprised I hadn't found this thread before. I've been happily married for 12 years now, surfed Lit for a few months now and I definitely have not told my wife. She has a subtly different attitude toward porn than I do - and for me, that's what Lit is all about. I can't help enjoying the ameteur porn - pics, anectodes and stories.
We watch a fair amount of porn together, and have a great sex life. I guess I consider looking at internet porn the same as watching it, or for that matter thinking dirty thoughts about people I walk past in a crowd. For me it's just prure erotic joy with no intention behind it. My wife caught me once looking at regular porn sites and got really upset by it, though, which is why I don't tell her about Lit. I think it's more of an insecurity issue for her than anything else. She assumes that I literally want these people if I'm not sitting next to her looking at/reading about them. To me it's all the same - and I know Lit's made me more horny for her when we get home at the end of the day.
Anyone else encounter this? I'd be interested to know what others think.
We watch a fair amount of porn together, and have a great sex life. I guess I consider looking at internet porn the same as watching it, or for that matter thinking dirty thoughts about people I walk past in a crowd. For me it's just prure erotic joy with no intention behind it. My wife caught me once looking at regular porn sites and got really upset by it, though, which is why I don't tell her about Lit. I think it's more of an insecurity issue for her than anything else. She assumes that I literally want these people if I'm not sitting next to her looking at/reading about them. To me it's all the same - and I know Lit's made me more horny for her when we get home at the end of the day.
Anyone else encounter this? I'd be interested to know what others think.
puno
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_pebbles said:No real update to provide. I was excited about something I thought might have turned out to be what I was looking for ... but it didn't pan out. I don't suppose many men want to get involved with a married woman. Otherwise, I'm enjoying the admiring eyes of landscapers/construction guys on my daily run
I always thought that many women don't want to get involved with married men. Actually when me and the mrs were out and about we found that married people were always the better choice, the secure ones tended not to encroach on your personal life. The insecure ones and several single ones seemed to want more from the relationships than good times and sex.
We had young kids then and it wasn't great thing to have people try to take away from our family. Not sure if you have talked to your husband but maybe you should ask if he would mind if you both brought a third in. Sometimes another couple will become the icebreaker, that's what happen in our case.
voir said:
I think Lit makes everyone more horny ... but then horny folks tend to gather here. So it's all one big self-fueling hornfest.
I've watched porn with hubby, too. I have decided that some things in my life will remain private and separate from him.
Well said, _pebbles, this is a home for those of us who seem to never stop being horny!
Also, interesting what you noted about how some things in your life will remain private and separate from your husband. I kinda came to the same conclusion, after confessing to my wife last summer about the porn DVD's I own and posting/reading sites like Lit and adultdvdtalk.com. She wasn't upset and I wanted to share it with her, but she pretty much just waved it away. I sent her links to great articles here and posts, she would never read them. And the porn, well, again, she has zero interest in watching any of it. I then decided not to share the fact that I own several sex toys which I use privately for my own personal pleasure. I guess I just figure she'd not be much interested in incorporating this into our sex life, so I concluded that these aspects will remain private and separate from her, sad to say.
Also, interesting what you noted about how some things in your life will remain private and separate from your husband. I kinda came to the same conclusion, after confessing to my wife last summer about the porn DVD's I own and posting/reading sites like Lit and adultdvdtalk.com. She wasn't upset and I wanted to share it with her, but she pretty much just waved it away. I sent her links to great articles here and posts, she would never read them. And the porn, well, again, she has zero interest in watching any of it. I then decided not to share the fact that I own several sex toys which I use privately for my own personal pleasure. I guess I just figure she'd not be much interested in incorporating this into our sex life, so I concluded that these aspects will remain private and separate from her, sad to say.
voir
Literotica Guru
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Yeah, I sort of think of this as an interest I don't share with my wife rather than something to be hidden. It's just a rare thing - we're the type who are always together (even worked together for about half the time we've known each other) and we actually are best friends. After her previous reaction to image-only sites I'm a little wary of bringing it up. Maybe Lit will just be my guilty little pleasure (in so many ways..)
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