UtilityCurve
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jan 16, 2018
- Posts
- 3,903
100% this. It is no one's responsibility to police someone else's marriage. Yes, there is some theoretical red line that can be crossed, but it seems rare as most extramarital sex is entirely understandable.I do understand the ethical considerations of being with a married man, but I feel as though the way they are thought of is often overblown or unbalanced. I have had sex with several married men. Not one of them was an innocent rube being led astray or a man in a weakened state being taken advantage of - those guys do exist but I wouldn't have sex with them in that context. The guys I have been with were making their own conscious decision about their commitments (not mine) to their wife.
Moreover I have always been clear with them that I am not interested in coaxing them into a long-term relationship. It will be sex and intimacy and fun, perhaps on an ongoing basis, but I have a husband and no intention of leaving him. In my view there is no home wrecker dynamic here. If that guy leaves his wife it isn't for me, because I've already told him that isn't going to happen. It will be because of other factors in his marriage. His tryst with me may have surfaced those factors but I am not the cause.
The practical reality is that people cheat for all sorts of reasons. That doesn't make it right but it isn't up to me to judge a man's reasoning - which is sometimes quite understandable even if he is simply choosing the least bad option for him. Those who make this into absolutes and black and white are living in a world of naïveté. If I think he is just a lizard or a rube or a man in weakened state I will steer clear....in much the same way as I would with a single man who is likely to be a jerk or even a decent guy who is just not well suited to a casual sexual relationship. But in my experience most guys don't fit any of this easy stereotypes and more often than not I send him back to his wife with a smile on his face and happy memories.
Being a guy, I think men stray more, only because it seems more women give up on sex in their marriages. Not saying they might not have good (health, both physical or mental) reasons, but while it's supposed to be "in sickness and in health," your partner's "forsaking all others" bit creates a duty to seek treatment and not just quit on him/her.
I have more complicated feelings about "getting things (s)he won't give at home" (again, it SEEMS this is more a female affliction).
In my marriage, I did without, though my wife explicitly told me on our honeymoon that "just because I won't, doesn't mean you should do without, so if you get opportunities, take them; I want you to be happy, always." (The unspoken part was "but if you CAN get it at home, it is inexcusable to get takeout [takeaway for those of you in the UK].")