Marriage and Relationships

[AbsintheFather]

I thought I’d try starting a thread where we can discuss marriage and relationships. I think a lot of us here have issues or are missing things in our RL existence and that’s why we play here. So if you've got a gripe, an issue or even something to brag about in your long-term relationship you can do it here.

We all know there’s a lot more to relationships than sex, especially after the first couple of years. This can be a place to vent or get advice on:

- Money and spending,
- Kids and Parenting,
- Communication and Lack of,
- Housekeeping and Responsibilities,
- In-Laws and Ex’s,
- Pet Peeves and things that drive you nuts,
- Loneliness, Boredom and Routine, and of course,
- Affection, Sex and Intimacy.

What are your issues at the moment? Maybe some of us can offer perspectives.



I can't live with you
But I can't live without you
I can't let you stay
Ooh but I can't live if you go away
I don't know just how it goes
All I know is I can't live with you

Yeah I'm having a hard time
I'm walking a fine line between hope and despair

Queen ~ I Can't Live With You

 

[AbsintheFather]

I’ll start a conversation –

Is your partner frugal or a spendthrift? Are you comfortable with their attitude and/or what do you do about it - if anything?

 

[AbsintheFather]

Ha, no responses or commentary. I think I'll stick to starting stupid picture threads

 

[GiggLeGasm]

My partner is not frugal.

Sorry - I couldn't type sooner.. Had to buzz over to JJill

Want to see what I bought?

*insert crazy picture thread post here*

 

[TwoShades]

looks like a found a new home.

 

[TwoShades]

I’ll start a conversation –

Is your partner frugal or a spendthrift? Are you comfortable with their attitude and/or what do you do about it - if anything?

My wife is has a serious shopping addiction. No outrages purchases... just an unnecessary 20 per day (or more) or at least $600 a month on things we don't need. On top of that a $500 to $700 a month smoking habit. And she doesn't work. It has caused unbelieveable financial damage not just to MY family, but to my inlaws as well. Sigh. The stories. The bullshit. I opened my own account and give her cash to buy food. She still syphons some food money to support her shopping habit. Good times.

 

[PeteHulbert37]

This could either be a really great thread, or a train wreck.

I'm in wait and see mode.

 

[VA_Boy]

HMMMM. My ex Father in Law told me the biggest fights I would have with his daughter were about sex and money. He was right! How about why we are here on Lit. Are you missing something in your RL relationship?

 

[GiggLeGasm]

come on, Ricky.. pop your cork.. I wanna see lol

my stories are a little different because we live 500 miles apart (give or take 50 miles). When we circle around to topics like "does it seem silly that he gets half the closet space if he's only here a third of the year" - lol.. I'll share

TwoS - I can only speak from my own experience, but my friends who shop like that are usually missing other things - even when money isn't an issue. Splitting the finances, while it fixes part of the problem, creates new ones. I guess it's about picking your battles and knowing what you need to have in order to keep going.

 

[RubenesqueAphrodite]

just saying. . I'll contribute when I get a moment. .
*insert applause and bated breath from those who value my opinion*
Lol

 

[suckonsimon]

HMMMM. My ex Father in Law told me the biggest fights I would have with his daughter were about sex and money. He was right! How about why we are here on Lit. Are you missing something in your RL relationship?

I came on here a year ago because at that time, and for a year before, my good woman was living with a psychological condition [an anxiety thing] which had a pretty severe impact upon her ability to find any pleasure at all with penetrative sex. Because she was unwell I / we just didn't know how to talk about the impact of this on me, a husband used to frequent sex which began good and grew in excellence over 35 years [so, yeah I acknowledge with immense gratitude that we have had it real good]. In terms of me being on lit we got no further than me speaking of finding ways online to take the loneliness out of solo sex and she preferred not to know the details, just to acknowledge I must meet a need.

I'm telling you all this because, joy oh joy, my good woman is making great progress out of this condition, with the help of a specialist and medication. Some of you will know from other threads that we have a ball of a time once more. Not so frequently - 3,4 times per month, with lots of non-penetrative intimacy between times, but flippin heck we're 60.

The thing is, for all I have had big questions of myself about flirting online with other women meanwhile, I do know for certain that a consequence for me of doing so over these months is that I am better than I have ever been at giving my wife suggestive conversation before, and affirming commentary during our new-found trysts. She's loving that.

So I am happy. Except that I do find lit addictive and frankly do need to find ways of coming on here less often and for shorter.

Thanks for reading.

Are we two unusual in continuing to have frequent sex, apart from this 18 months I spoke of, over 30+ years?

 

[MBFemale]

Ok...I'll throw my vent in...
I make way more than he does....but yet I only get $100 allowance each month!! Frustrating cause I'm not a big spender, although I have learned to value that money each month and save it for important things I want....I treat myself to Starbucks a couple times a month <----not important but a treat. It has caused a strain in our relationship...and he wants receipts to show where my money went!! It's MY DAMN money.

Plus the older I get, my sex drive has increased while his has went almost flat...

There is my vent of the day...I feel better

 

[lovetopleasewomen]

Ok...I'll throw my vent in...
I make way more than he does....but yet I only get $100 allowance each month!! Frustrating cause I'm not a big spender, although I have learned to value that money each month and save it for important things I want....I treat myself to Starbucks a couple times a month <----not important but a treat. It has caused a strain in our relationship...and he wants receipts to show where my money went!! It's MY DAMN money.

Plus the older I get, my sex drive has increased while his has went almost flat...

There is my vent of the day...I feel better

here's a hug and a fer ya!

My issues were my former wife had daddy issues in that she never knew him, only that her mom told her lies like he was abusive, so I ended up the recipient of her anger and mistrust.

 

[perkyT]

AbsintheDaddio!!

This is awesomeness!

Ummm. I don't have anything else to add because NotMyBF is great...I'm the one with commitment issues.

 

[perkyT]

Ok...I'll throw my vent in...
I make way more than he does....but yet I only get $100 allowance each month!! Frustrating cause I'm not a big spender, although I have learned to value that money each month and save it for important things I want....I treat myself to Starbucks a couple times a month <----not important but a treat. It has caused a strain in our relationship...and he wants receipts to show where my money went!! It's MY DAMN money.

Plus the older I get, my sex drive has increased while his has went almost flat...

There is my vent of the day...I feel better

MrytleBeachDaysLady...this is utter crap. I would have a discussion with SO about the budget...and quickly. It IS your $$$$.

 

[sunshinegirl05]

I’ll start a conversation –

Is your partner frugal or a spendthrift? Are you comfortable with their attitude and/or what do you do about it - if anything?

I don't work, and he does. So in his mind all of the money that comes into this house is HIS. It's HIS bank account, HIS money that buys things, HIS, HIS, HIS.

He has bought so many "toys" for himself, but he throws a fit and makes me feel guilty when I go out and buy a pair of shoes or even stuff for the kids. Heaven forbid we get into the schooling costs for me. *And that is why I now have student loans.* He started expecting me to pay him back for any costs that I incurred paying for classes and books. Now where was I going to do that?

I would not mind working, but his schedule does not allow for that kind of flexibility. I decided to go back to school, because it was something that I needed/wanted to do. I quit years ago because of him.

So I guess in answer to your question....he has no issues spending money on what he wants.....but he is a tightwad when it comes to anything else.

(He never fails to inform me of the fact that I will never get a job making as much money as he does, when I am done with my schooling. I told him once that if we lived in a big city, I bet I could find one that made as much or more....b/c in those big cities, admin. assistants could make good money......he didn't find any humor in it. lol)

 

[lovetopleasewomen]

I don't work, and he does. So in his mind all of the money that comes into this house is HIS. It's HIS bank account, HIS money that buys things, HIS, HIS, HIS.

He has bought so many "toys" for himself, but he throws a fit and makes me feel guilty when I go out and buy a pair of shoes or even stuff for the kids. Heaven forbid we get into the schooling costs for me. *And that is why I now have student loans.* He started expecting me to pay him back for any costs that I incurred paying for classes and books. Now where was I going to do that?

I would not mind working, but his schedule does not allow for that kind of flexibility. I decided to go back to school, because it was something that I needed/wanted to do. I quit years ago because of him.

So I guess in answer to your question....he has no issues spending money on what he wants.....but he is a tightwad when it comes to anything else.

(He never fails to inform me of the fact that I will never get a job making as much money as he does, when I am done with my schooling. I told him once that if we lived in a big city, I bet I could find one that made as much or more....b/c in those big cities, admin. assistants could make good money......he didn't find any humor in it. lol)

That's just wrong.

 

[suckonsimon]

I don't work, and he does. So in his mind all of the money that comes into this house is HIS. It's HIS bank account, HIS money that buys things, HIS, HIS, HIS.

He has bought so many "toys" for himself, but he throws a fit and makes me feel guilty when I go out and buy a pair of shoes or even stuff for the kids. Heaven forbid we get into the schooling costs for me. *And that is why I now have student loans.* He started expecting me to pay him back for any costs that I incurred paying for classes and books. Now where was I going to do that?

I would not mind working, but his schedule does not allow for that kind of flexibility. I decided to go back to school, because it was something that I needed/wanted to do. I quit years ago because of him.

So I guess in answer to your question....he has no issues spending money on what he wants.....but he is a tightwad when it comes to anything else.

(He never fails to inform me of the fact that I will never get a job making as much money as he does, when I am done with my schooling. I told him once that if we lived in a big city, I bet I could find one that made as much or more....b/c in those big cities, admin. assistants could make good money......he didn't find any humor in it. lol)

That's just wrong.

I seem to remember saying "and all that I have I share with you". A lot of guys seem to think the vows on their wedding day last a day, and then they work it out as suits them for the rest of their lives. That's the root of many woes as we are already seeing on this thread.

 

[lovetopleasewomen]

I seem to remember saying "and all that I have I share with you". A lot of guys seem to think the vows on their wedding day last a day, and then they work it out as suits them for the rest of their lives. That's the root of many woes as we are already seeing on this thread.

That can happen with the woman too. It did to me to an extent.

 

[suckonsimon]

That can happen with the woman too. It did to me to an extent.

Yeah mate, agreed. I read your piece above and felt gutted about how the angst of a previous generation can cause damage in their offspring.

 

[lovetopleasewomen]

Yeah mate, agreed. I read your piece above and felt gutted about how the angst of a previous generation can cause damage in their offspring.

It is a real problem and people don't even realize it was done to them and they're doing it to others.

 

[suckonsimon]

It is a real problem and people don't even realize it was done to them and they're doing it to others.

My own parents were bitterly separated and used the four of us as pawns in their battles. Both admitted and apologised for the damage done, years later in their old age. That has helped me. In my view two of my siblings have had real issues on account of this, and in the case of my brother it ended his first marriage and messed up his relationship with his son for years, now tentatively healing for my dear nephew who is mid 20s. Yeah, this thing is huge. I heard a saying just after I became a dad, and it woke me up to the potential damage I could do:

"They fuck you up, your mum and dad". I hope it is mostly not true, but I certainly have seen how it can be so true.

 

[MBFemale]

MrytleBeachDaysLady...this is utter crap. I would have a discussion with SO about the budget...and quickly. It IS your $$$$.

You should have set him straight long ago, what he wants is not remotely fair and you should not have to accept it.

Please don't think we haven't had this discussion numerous times. Don't get me wrong, we are not loaded....we have bills and what not. He has 2 sons and there are a lot of sports expenses for them, school stuff and lots that they "need". We got behind in bills last year, I got a new job down here and we climbed our way out. I couponed and still do to save as much as I can for us.
I have talked to him and it always ends up being that he says "you just want to spend more"....NO, I don't. I just don't see why I get crap and he controls every single penny.

AND RON, I agree...I need to set him straight on my increased sex drive

And for VA_Boy---why do I come here to Lit? It's my escape, the place where I can be totally myself. I enjoy it and have made lots of great friends here.

 

[MBFemale]

here's a hug and a fer ya!

My issues were my former wife had daddy issues in that she never knew him, only that her mom told her lies like he was abusive, so I ended up the recipient of her anger and mistrust.

Thanks Love
"Recipent of her anger"? Thankfully, I don't have that...and I am sorry that you did.

 

[MBFemale]

I don't work, and he does. So in his mind all of the money that comes into this house is HIS. It's HIS bank account, HIS money that buys things, HIS, HIS, HIS.

He has bought so many "toys" for himself, but he throws a fit and makes me feel guilty when I go out and buy a pair of shoes or even stuff for the kids. Heaven forbid we get into the schooling costs for me. *And that is why I now have student loans.* He started expecting me to pay him back for any costs that I incurred paying for classes and books. Now where was I going to do that?

I would not mind working, but his schedule does not allow for that kind of flexibility. I decided to go back to school, because it was something that I needed/wanted to do. I quit years ago because of him.

So I guess in answer to your question....he has no issues spending money on what he wants.....but he is a tightwad when it comes to anything else.

(He never fails to inform me of the fact that I will never get a job making as much money as he does, when I am done with my schooling. I told him once that if we lived in a big city, I bet I could find one that made as much or more....b/c in those big cities, admin. assistants could make good money......he didn't find any humor in it. lol)

Sunshine...you have to "pay him back"? From what? And, I get it....he will fork over money for "this and that" but I have to ask for the simplest things.