Lower the libido?

[M's girl]

I guess weare at opposite ends then. For us everything is damn near perfect, except this.
He is recovering, but some wounds only time and kindness can heal, and I want to be able to give him that.

I don't think we're at opposite ends that much. For us everything is also near damn perfect, except the other thing. The other thing is too much to explain and disclose here now, plus I don't want to (like you also said) tell because of privacy reasons. To me it's quite the same in that it's only a fragment of our relationship. A fragment that somehow seems to have a grand impact though...

Let's just say that your man's problems result in him having a lower sexdrive, and with my M it results in other, though sporadic, behaviour that is hard to swallow sometimes. It's like the same difference, at least, to me.

 

[emap]

I've not gone through this situation, at least not yet. I hope never but most likely eventually.

However I have gone through dry spells, well several, with no boyfriend or one nighters to turn to, I'm kinda picky.

What I found that helped me get through the periods of no hunky guy on top of me, was a vibrator. Well wasn't just a vibrator, it was a vibrator, a big set of really good batteries, my fingers, and some porn.

Now in your case, you can have all of that, and a guy to watch, I have done that for a couple guys and I so enjoyed it, course it also led to him on top of me, but in a pinch just him watching is probably good enough.

Oh almost forgot, there also was the optimism, I always figured I'd meet the right guy to take to bed tomorrow, most of the time it took months, but I always did eventually get a hunky guy on top of me.

 

[FaeryFire]

Thankyou for the suggestions. I guess I'm not being clear enough.

I don't need a theripist. Been there before for different reasons and I'm one of the people who can't be helped by it. Talking to someone who can't change the situation doesn't make it easier for me. I'm practical. I don't like to waste time talking about things that can't be fixed to people who can not fix them.

Considering all the other shit I've been through for him, lowering my sex drive I wouldn't consider drastic. I just want some peace from my own body's urges. I can get off, and he is more than happy to do that for me no matter what mood he is in, but I just keep wanting more. For now I'm coping fine.

I recognise that it's more emotional/mental than anything else. But I've paid close attention. My body is the trigger. If I'm not horney to begin with I don't want sex, and if I don't want it I'm not hurt when I don't get it. The physical side is the key. Remove the first step, and the rest disapear too.

We still have intamacy. We have everything except the sex. I've thought this through many times and this is the solution I'm most happy with. I know this healing period wont be forever, but I'd like to make it less painful if possible.

 

[FaeryFire]

emap, not helpful.
I have a vib, a willing boyfriend, porn.. you name it. I don't want it.

I just want to not want sex for a while. It's that simple.

 

[M's girl]

Thankyou for the suggestions. I guess I'm not being clear enough.

I don't need a theripist. Been there before for different reasons and I'm one of the people who can't be helped by it. Talking to someone who can't change the situation doesn't make it easier for me. I'm practical. I don't like to waste time talking about things that can't be fixed to people who can not fix them.

Considering all the other shit I've been through for him, lowering my sex drive I wouldn't consider drastic. I just want some peace from my own body's urges. I can get off, and he is more than happy to do that for me no matter what mood he is in, but I just keep wanting more. For now I'm coping fine.

I recognise that it's more emotional/mental than anything else. But I've paid close attention. My body is the trigger. If I'm not horney to begin with I don't want sex, and if I don't want it I'm not hurt when I don't get it. The physical side is the key. Remove the first step, and the rest disapear too.

We still have intamacy. We have everything except the sex. I've thought this through many times and this is the solution I'm most happy with. I know this healing period wont be forever, but I'd like to make it less painful if possible.

OK, that's clear. Then I would not know what you could do exept what has already been suggested. Be careful with taking medicine though. I wish you luck

 

[FaeryFire]

*hugs* thankyou for trying.

 

[M's girl]

I was thinkin if I should say this or not. I decided to do so. You are a human being with emotions and physical needs. You are not some doll you can switch on and off. And from what you tell us your boyfriend is pretty much attending to your physical needs, despite his state of mind. That is kinda rare, you know?

Maybe you want to change something that simply cannot be changed, unless drastic measures are taken.

The "I want to not want to" part is a state of mind only you can change... It sounds (to me) like "I wish I could change something in my body so I would never feel the need/urge to eat anymore (and not die as a result)"

Oh well... I'll stop....

 

[KravMaga]

emap, not helpful.
I have a vib, a willing boyfriend, porn.. you name it. I don't want it.

I just want to not want sex for a while. It's that simple.

Let's try it a different way. Sometimes when you are in the middle of something like this, it is difficult to be able to step back away from the situation and assess it objectively and without emotion i.e., difficult to see the forest through the trees. I was interested by your comment that you've been in therapy and it does not work for you. I think what has actually happened is that you have been in therapy and have not found the right therapist yet. You would benefit by therapy. There is nothing wrong with it. He needs therapy. The right therapist helps you to be able to step back and remove the blinders from your eyes. I felt the same way that you did. I felt that therapy did not work for me. Then I found the right therapist who was able to assist me in opening my eyes wide and seeing things for what they really were. There is nothing wrong with your libido. You just don't know how to handle what appears to be a large number of stressors in your life right now and you are fixing the blame on one aspect of your being.

What would be the down side of trying to find a different therapist?

 

[Cardinalduke]

A physical solution you seek? Fair enough. You can learn a fair amount about yourself by focusing on the physical side of sexual gratification.

This would be a great time to be overweight. I have never found anything more effective than dieting at naturally reducing libido. Do it gradually if you want the effect to be longer lasting. Generally creating healthy forms of stress is probably the best natural way to reduce libido. And that does involve taking into account the physical activities you do each day.

Men are satisfied by the release of orgasm. That lowers a man's libido throughout the refractory period. Would having more orgasms help you? It seems you have indicated it won't but I am not sure if you are truly focusing on frequency. You may have a physical drive that is more like a man's than you think! Sometimes if you get what you want and maybe a bit more than you want, you will reach a physical point of satiety. Since you have a willing partner whenever you want. Try reaching that satiety by going nuts for about a week or three. Screw him left, right and sideways as many times as your heart desires. Don't focus on deprivation! And don't stop until you get the signal that your body has had enough. If it can be solved physically, this should theoretically get you there imo. Think about that. Like you said, if you shut your physical drive off enough, you will also do a bit to shut your mental drive down. But you will drive yourself nuts if you deprive yourself of what you seek for too long.

I know of no healthy herb that reduces libido directly. Sorry for that.

Let me know what you think about this.

-Cardinal

 

[Dirty_dave25]

Just a thought, i have read through your thread (most of it) and can understand where you are at.

If you are looking to prevent these urges (hormones, desires ur body craving attention.... all this is caused by your bigest sexual oragan... the brain)

My suggestion would be to see a hypnotherapist. Hypnotherapy can help you re associate the things that make you feel so horny and replace them with things that will not.

There are many techniques, NLP being a good one. You can create associative anchor points to ur body. For example, if you feel horny and want more and more then the therapist can create a state in your mind where you don’t feel these urges and associate it with a part of your body like you palm of ur hand. So when ever your in that situation where your horny as hell you can rub the palm of ur hand the same way and it will trigger the state you were in at the therapist…. That state being a non horny one!!!

I don’t want to open ur situation up. But have you spoken to him about the sexual side of things. He might have some desires that hes afraid to tell you that really gets him going. Its opening that box is the problem.

I also wondered for a moment. I was in a relationship where I was like ur partner. But my issues was I loved her in a way and didn’t want to be with her and didn’t know how to end it. I still was the loving characture and pleased her in many ways. But didn’t give her what she really needed. Your situation did remind me of it but im sure its not the case. (I was also young and didn’t realise a dead relationship when it was staring me in the face! Lol)

I wish you all the best and I hope you find a way to deal with this on going situation.

D x

 

[emap]

faery I do really hate to say it, but there isn't another way around it. The only known chemical that lowers your libido and leaves you in a workable state, is Saltpeter. They feed it to the prisoners and hospital patients. There is a problem with it though, you get used to it rapidly and it doesn't work after a few months.

There is another chemical that does that, it's stronger, but it also has tons of side effects, they give it to the more deranged or hopeless pedophiles. The side effects include lactating, they give it to guys only by the way, tremendous weight gain, loss of mobility, loss of any sexual desires and a few others. It's also a court ordered prescription, only available to said pedophiles. basically your only option is Saltpeter and the vibrator, fingers, porn, and boyfriend, that is it.

See the thing about the human body, very little can be turned off safely, and the more you deny your body something it desires, the worse you feel, the worse you act, and the less people will stand being near you.

Trust me, because your boyfriend isn't feeling horny right now because of things that are happening in his life, there is no reason for you to the same. It also will most likely help him if you were to say climb into bed besides him spread yoru legs and start fingering yourself looking at him. Many times the best way to get someone over something, is to get them to not think about it actively. Whyever do you think shrinks start asking questions about your childhod, where you went to school and all sorts of other things that don't actually have a basis in your problem.

Also why they don't work for many, alot of people butt heads with their problem until they figure out how to fix it, make it go away or die. Not exactly a good idea, which seems to be what your doing and letting him do.

 

[FaeryFire]

emap - very helpful, thankyou. A straght to the point answer to the question I asked. That sucks really, and I find it hard to believe bacasue there is so much out there known to help the libido that there would be nothing to reverse the process. But then I guess most people whouldn't want to reverse it would they?

Dave - I never thought of that, and I'm not keen on people messing with my head, but it's an option I'll look into. Thankyou

Cardinalduke - interesting. It's a shame that I'm not alowed to diet at the moment then I'll remember that though. "Screw him left, right and sideways as many times as your heart desires." - this is really stupid advice to someone who's stated they want to lower their libido because they are not having sex.
Cumming for me isn't enough. It's not what it's about. As I stated, the hormones start me wanting orgasm physically it's after that when the emotional/mental stuff comes into play. I wish to get rid of the original desire, so that I can avoid the inevitable consequences.

Please people, let's get over the theripist thing. Some things do not work for everybody, or in every situation. There probly isn't any harm in seeing my 101st shrink but it's still not going to happen.

 

[RippedUp]

An elevated libido is a sign of good mental and physical health. So be happy about it.


I wouldn't take any drugs to lower it. Just live with it.

 

[silverwhisper]

RU, you obviously haven't read any of the comments in this thread. if you had, you would know that's a breathtakingly useless suggestion.

ed

 

[RippedUp]

RU, you obviously haven't read any of the comments in this thread. if you had, you would know that's a breathtakingly useless suggestion.

ed

Indeed.. Lazy me..

Would I get banned for that?

 

[silverwhisper]

no, although there probably exist forums out there somewhere whose moderators really are that fucked up. :>

ed

 

[RippedUp]

no, although there probably exist forums out there somewhere whose moderators really are that fucked up. :>

I'm one of those

j/k

 

[FaeryFire]

RU, you obviously haven't read any of the comments in this thread. if you had, you would know that's a breathtakingly useless suggestion.

ed

Did I ever tell you I love you? :roll eyes:

Well at least RU doesn't think I need a shrink like many others have suggested.

 

[silverwhisper]

hey, i figured you were sick to death of telling fully 1/3 of the respondents why their response doesn't help and that you've already explained this at least twice in this thread. :>

ed

 

[FaeryFire]

Are you sure you're not psychic?

 

[silverwhisper]

o, FF, i'm not psychic.

i just read the fucking comments in the thread before posting to make sure that what i have to say makes any fucking sense!

sorry, it's a pet peeve of mine. in any thread. :>

ed

 

[Undomiel]

Well being on the pill lowers my libido significantly. I find it kind of annoying.... But everyone is different.

 

[bouncingbetty]

See, I don't want to redirct my sexual energy. I want to stop it damn near completely.

We find ways to be intimate. He works his many wonders to satisfy me in other ways. We fight (play fighting, he's training me to use a sword), or play games. I write, or make things, but at the end of the day I still have the same needs and desires.

There are so many things to aid a person's libido, there has to be something that does the opposite...

No worries HM.

Whatever choice you make, the one thing you don't want to do is stop your desires or "sexual energy." As a middle aged woman, I can tell you nature will make changes to you, your hormonal levels, etc., all by itself. You need to enjoy the normalcy of sexual feelings, they could change naturally over time and if you do something to dampen your desires you may grow to resent the lost time (for the lack of a better word) and maybe resent your perfect guy. Personnally, I've always luved toys. They are marvelous and my hubby has gotten into using them on me. We've been happily married for 23 years.

 

[snowyflake]

i have a lot of sexual energy too. i have 'sex on the brain' waaay to much. i usually just keep it to myself as best i can though..... just try to keep it cool i guess. i wouldnt mind a little lowering of my libido, not too much though, lol.

 

[KravMaga]

emap - very helpful, thankyou. A straght to the point answer to the question I asked. That sucks really, and I find it hard to believe bacasue there is so much out there known to help the libido that there would be nothing to reverse the process. But then I guess most people whouldn't want to reverse it would they?

Dave - I never thought of that, and I'm not keen on people messing with my head, but it's an option I'll look into. Thankyou

Cardinalduke - interesting. It's a shame that I'm not alowed to diet at the moment then I'll remember that though. "Screw him left, right and sideways as many times as your heart desires." - this is really stupid advice to someone who's stated they want to lower their libido because they are not having sex.
Cumming for me isn't enough. It's not what it's about. As I stated, the hormones start me wanting orgasm physically it's after that when the emotional/mental stuff comes into play. I wish to get rid of the original desire, so that I can avoid the inevitable consequences.

Please people, let's get over the theripist thing. Some things do not work for everybody, or in every situation. There probly isn't any harm in seeing my 101st shrink but it's still not going to happen.

What was the therapist's diagnosis?
How many people have made the same diagnosis?
Have you ever been back to see one of these therapists after he/she gives you the diagnosis or recommendation that you don't like?
Have you ever taken any of their advice regarding changing your life or taking medications?