loved and lost

[ibelong2MasterD]

First off i would like to start out by saying that i enjoy reading through these forums daily and truly enjoy all the wisdom and true caring that i see here through advice and kind words...I have never been one for words, but as i venture into this extremely dark point in my life i too seek the kindness of understanding strangers who probably know more about me and what makes me tick then someone i've known most of my life.
Until i took this name i had never known or acknowledged the true nature of me as a submissive...i met this man, he was not an overt Dom just a man...we clicked...well to make an extremely long story short, our true D/s personalities were fairly obvious in a short time. It was natural, who we were, there was never a question. Things spiraled from there, we began exploring, learning together. It was truly a beautiful thing. there was trust, love and devotion between us. But as in life, things dont always work out the way we want them...sometimes love is not enough. and he's released me, and i feel lost and completely alone. Having never experienced this before, i feel used, discarded so worthless in his eyes. I'm not sure that anyone can have words or a magic cure to help me out of this place. Everything seems to be spinning out of control. i submitted out of love...and i lost big time....i dont know where to start to pick up the peices or if i even can.

Pardon my ramblings, i needed to put these feelings down somewhere in order to see them myself....ty all for listening

 

[Kajira Callista]

First off i would like to start out by saying that i enjoy reading through these forums daily and truly enjoy all the wisdom and true caring that i see here through advice and kind words...I have never been one for words, but as i venture into this extremely dark point in my life i too seek the kindness of understanding strangers who probably know more about me and what makes me tick then someone i've known most of my life.
Until i took this name i had never known or acknowledged the true nature of me as a submissive...i met this man, he was not an overt Dom just a man...we clicked...well to make an extremely long story short, our true D/s personalities were fairly obvious in a short time. It was natural, who we were, there was never a question. Things spiraled from there, we began exploring, learning together. It was truly a beautiful thing. there was trust, love and devotion between us. But as in life, things dont always work out the way we want them...sometimes love is not enough. and he's released me, and i feel lost and completely alone. Having never experienced this before, i feel used, discarded so worthless in his eyes. I'm not sure that anyone can have words or a magic cure to help me out of this place. Everything seems to be spinning out of control. i submitted out of love...and i lost big time....i dont know where to start to pick up the peices or if i even can.

Pardon my ramblings, i needed to put these feelings down somewhere in order to see them myself....ty all for listening

There are no words to fix what you feel, and what you are feeling is normal. Best i can do is offer a *hug* and to let you know that many here have felt the same pain you feel now.

 

[A Desert Rose]

Like callista said, nothing anyone can say will make you feel less of the heartaches you are feeling.

Life is short and far too glorious to allow these feelings to overtake you.

Allow yourself time to grieve and time to heal. But be sure to find the time to be happy that you have this day and the previous ones. You have the control over this. You can let yourself fall into depression and grief or you can stay above it.

You will have bad days and nights. Embrace those and allow yourself to feel bad. But then grab sight of the good things and move toward them.

Grief can become paralyzing. Don't fall into that trap.

You have too much to offer to let grief lock it away.

 

[FungiUg]

The interesting thing is that cycle of grief happens to us all. It's not limited to submissives, but a natural part of your human emotional centre dealing with loss.

Go with it, feel, grieve, and your life will become more self-contained until you reach the point where you no longer feel like one pure ache.

It takes time, and patience, and care for yourself.

Most of us have been through it at one stage or another, so have no fear that others don't understand where you are coming. We understand all too well.

 

[InnerDarkness]

I can understand your feelings completely. I felt so...lost....ruined...unable to cope when it happened to me. I had seen myself so completely through his lens that I lost sight of myself through my own.

I agree with the others...grieve....allow yourself to mourn your loss, because that is what it is...a loss...but then be sure to work towards rebuilding who you are.

Seems impossible now perhaps, but it will happen.

 

[Phoenix Stone]

One good thing -- you discovered something about yourself you needed to know. That is a gift.

Also, losing the first of anything is always extra hard.

Hugs and

ps

 

[catalina_francisco]

It may sound trite, but you will move beyond this when your heart and mind are ready and a new phase of your life will begin. For now you need time to grieve, indulge your sense of loss, and allow the healing to begin. Pamper you, give yourself the love you need, make a list of the qualities you like about you (or if this is too hard, ask a trusted friend to make a list for you about what they see as your best points and qualities), and when you are feeling a little stronger, perhaps a plan of where you want to go from here. It is hard work but worth the effort. Take care.

Catalina